Say No To More Whining!

                I don’t know about you, but it seems there is less for us to do during the winter and the whining seems to increase. Maybe it’s because we spent too much money over the holidays and don’t have the extra funds, maybe we’re all just tired of the Texas weather that is beautiful one day and frigid the next. No matter the reason here are a few truths about whining and how to make it stop.

Truth #1) Whining is a learned behavior that occurs because it works

                We are creatures of habit no matter our age. And the tools we use the most are the ones and that we have learned and know will work most of the time. Your kiddo isn’t whining to annoy you, they’re whining because you’ve taught them it is a successful method of getting what they want. So the first step to ending whining in your household is to not let it work! Stop giving in. Let them know you won’t respond to whining and then follow through. These steps may seem small and practically insignificant but if you can manage it you’ll cut back dramatically on this annoying behavior.

Truth #2) Whining is a lack of a more positive means of getting our attention or their needs met

                Our kids want us to see them. They want to be the center of our world and sometimes they don’t care whether your focus is positive or negative they’re all about it. This is tricky because whining seems to trigger just that – our attention. To truly stomp out whining, like any bad behavior, we must replace it with a better way. And this doesn’t occur in the moment. You must set the stage for expected behavior beforehand. Let them know you will not respond to whining (after all we don’t negotiate with terrorists even tiny, adorable ones that make your heart glow 88% of the time). Let them know they are old enough that you expect good communication and model this behavior yourself. Let them know that sometimes they will be disappointed by the outcome of their requests and give them tools to manage those emotions.

Truth #3) Whining occurs most when children are feeling ignored or unacknowledged

                Most whining can be nipped in the bud with the right kind of attention. We as parents never mean for our children to feel ignored, but there are so many pulls on our attentions and our time it is easy to let some things slip. Taking time to positively connect with your child in a meaningful way can lessen whining exponentially. If whining is a big problem in your home looking at how much quality time you spend with other members of your home might be eye opening.

Truth #4) Whining won’t end overnight

                This is a negative and almost symbiotic habitual relationship pattern between you both. It will take practice for you to ignore your child’s whining and not respond in a way that fulfills their attention seeking. It will take practice and reminders from you for your child to begin expressing what they want or need in a more positive way. And it takes lots of opportunities to practice for our children to come to terms with life’s disappointments (big or small) and learn to manage their emotions and expectations in a healthy way.

                Whining doesn’t have to be a regular part of parenting. We have the power to show our children a better way! You’ve got this Warrior parents! We’re here to help you with this and other parenting hurdles. Just let us know. And don't worry Texas won't keep us in wild weather forever 

#RaiseAWarrior 

Instructor Spotlight: Mr. Stephen

 

Mr. Stephen IS AWESOME! 

He’s been a student of ours since he was 16 and has crushed some amazing goals and made a real difference in our community!

He is a Full Instructor here at Warrior’s Way who served as a local police officer and is now back with us and fighting hard to help you Raise A Warrior!

 

Mr. Stephen strives to teach our Little Warriors:

"To have good character and be caring people."

 

The kiddos love Mr. Stephen because:

He is high energy all the time

He is a kind friend to everyone he meets

He is passionate for the martial arts and loves sharing that fire with our students

He loves adding powerful striking like headbutts, knees and elbows to anything he can

 

A few of Mr. Stephen’s favorite things:

     Mr. Stephen is a surprisingly big Disney nerd. His favorite one is Tarzan and with a soundtrack by Phil Collins it’s no surprise. Mr. Stephen loves working out and improving his skills. When he isn’t working out or training to an awesome rock playlist, he can be found spending time with friends, taking his dogs to the park, or curling up for naps on the couch with his new puppy. His favorite movie is Tombstone, he has some super cool warrior and animal-based tattoos, loves Chick fil A, is usually hungry, and his favorite animal is a wolf.

A little bit more about Mr. Stephen:

     Mr. Stephen’s hero is Tuhon Harley. He says that Tuhon “has always been there to teach me not only how to become a great martial artist, but also a good man. He has qualities that I strive to be like every day.” We know that Mr. Stephen will excel and be a leader for good no matter what role he is in, and we are so grateful to have him back on our team helping raise Warriors once more!

Mr. Stephen we are so grateful to have you back on the mat helping Raise Warriors!!! Warrior's Way is capable of making a powerful difference because of our hardworking team!

  

#RaiseAWarrior 

Teaching Your Child Flexibility And Avoiding Melt Downs

 

    A day is a funny thing. It can be so hit or miss. I mean we parent’s know how it works, but the smaller members of our family really have a hard time coping with those kinds of unexpected or disappointing changes. Even the smallest derailment or delay can cause the most epic of meltdowns when plans or the day go awry. And I get it. Disappointment is hard no matter how old you are. But their response to these changes isn’t necessarily them misbehaving or acting out. The ability to emotionally regulate and think flexibly are skills that must be cultivated and developed. And it’s one of those life skills that is so essential just for day to day life. Because as much as we would like to, we can’t just spend every day acting out in frustration and be successful long term.

    So here are some ways to help your child practice cognitive flexibility and emotional regulation so they can improve their ability to adapt their behavior and thinking to the roadblocks that come when there is a disconnect between our expectations and reality.

Use a physical example (especially for the younger kiddos)

    Nature is full of examples of how you have to be soft and flexible to be resilient. Start this conversation using a flexible branch in the wind versus a dry and brittle twig or something as simple as a cooked vs uncooked spaghetti noodle. For those older kiddos share examples of where inflexible thinking resulted in harm or bad outcomes. Just peek in any history book, life is full of examples of fixed thinking and inflexibility making life difficult for countless of people.

Give them room to practice

    There are so many controlled opportunities we can give our kiddos to practice managing their emotions and actions in the face of roadblocks. I for one am a big fan of not letting kiddos win board or card games. Life won’t be so kind to them and it’s our job to raise kids who are more resilient and made of stronger stuff.

Teach Empathy

    Teach your kiddo to understand another’s perspective. Focus on raising a child who’s capable of looking beyond themselves and consider another’s feelings and perspective. This is an excellent form of cognitive and emotional flexibility. And day to day life offers plenty of opportunities to point this out and practice. Every conflict can be a learning opportunity if you give them opportunity to hear and consider how they made the other person thing and feel.

Use Frontloading

    Frontloading is a way of preparing your child ahead of time for something that is going to happen. This can be as simple as a little heads up or the lowdown on what they should expect and what is expected of them. Of course you can’t always due this thanks to life’s randomness, but it can alleviate a lot of meltdowns and discomfort if done properly. Plus every time you engage in the process of talking and thinking out a situation before entering it you are also giving your child the tools to self sooth when they’re om a sticky or new uncomfortable situation.

******Pssst Pro-parent tip: Frontloading is also extremely useful for warnings and countdowns. Telling your kiddo “Hey we have to leave in 10 minutes, you should get ready to turn off your game” gives them the grace to mentally begin transitioning before the next task and is 110% more successful then walking in and saying “Shut off your game, we have to leave now.” Trust me on this one.

    So there you have it. Some ways to help your kiddos face frustration and improve their coping skills. Of course it’s not a complete list but helping your kiddo develop the tools to handle life’s ups and down is better for you and for them. You’ve got this! Happy Parenting Warriors.

  #RaiseAWarrior 

 

The Gold In Intrinsic Motivation

     We were talking about respect in classes, and we challenged the kiddos to figure out why the golden rule is called that. They decided that gold is both precious and rare. In today’s day and age respect (like many other countless priceless characteristics and morals) feels as precious and rare as gold. Now as parents, we want our children’s life to be rich. Rich in character, rich in happiness, rich in joy. But wishing isn’t enough to make it so. All our encouragement isn’t enough to get our children to seek after and chase these precious and finer things. Especially considering today’s world that is over saturated and overly relies on external rewards, prizes, and displays of outward success. To wish better for our children we must show them a better way. We need to teach our children to celebrate doing good for the sake of doing good. That doing good in and of itself feels good. And that the sense of accomplishment, and joy in giving is rewarding just for what it is. So today we’re going to delve into a path of intrinsic motivation and growth mindsets. Why it’s important and ways to help foster and encourage it in your child.

Intrinsic motivation must come from inside you. It is a desire to grow, explore and master not for recognition, gain, or others, but simply because you enjoy it. Intrinsic motivation encourages us to have a growth mindset and be cognitively hardy. It is a trait that encourages our kids to

·         Do good because it feels good

·         Have a sense of pride in their efforts

·         Be able to get back up when knocked down

·         Believe in themselves and their abilities

What parent doesn’t want that for their child? So here are ways to foster and reinforce this in your home.

Change Your Families View Of Failure And Mistakes

                Too often we get stuck on seeing failure or mistakes as the end all be all. But in reality we should view it as a beginning or springboard from which we can grow. We should teach our children to view challenges and the emotions associated with them (fear, frustration, fatigue, disappointment, etc) as an opportunity to become a better, stronger person. This change helps us view challenges and stress not as something to survive, but an environment in which we can thrive in and become more. This stems from within our homes. So be the family who resets, does do-overs, and isn’t afraid to give it another go. Mistakes are a chance to reflect, refocus, and restart. And being able to learn and laugh at your own mistakes is a priceless life skill that will help our children in countless areas of their life. 

Be The Family Who Recognizes Effort And The Process

                We all want the prize, to win, to be recognized. It’s a natural goal and a common focus of today. So be the family who swims against this mindset. Your child’s hard work and effort (if it truly is their best) should be recognized. It is so much more important than the outcome. Because a bad outcome can be overcome with more hard work and genuine effort. Mastering that process of work is a skill set and it will help your child achieve anything they set their heart and mind to.

                This is especially important because young children’s thinking is so concrete. If we tell them “they’re so smart” or “so good at math” (which naturally we want to tell our children) they will believe it is just how things are. Then when something comes along that doesn’t come as easily and challenges this core belief of who they are (smart and good at math) they will give up with minimal to no effort. However, if we consistently recognize their effort and work, they will believe that is the secret to getting good at anything and will be far more likely to try when faced with a challenge.

Be A Family Who Focuses on Goal Setting (Big or Small)

                Goal setting is something we don’t naturally have, and some people never master it. I don’t know what it is to live your life with such reckless abandon, but I know my kiddos won’t ever have to find that out. So, give your child opportunities to set goals. Help them break those big goals, into smaller actionable time stamped steps, and then let the try. Don’t be accountable for their homework after a certain age. Grades are important in High School, it’s true, but the focus in the elementary years should be more on learning to go through the process of focusing, setting goals, and accomplishing them. Building that skill from wherever you are right now, will help you miles in the teenage years.

Be A Family Who Celebrates Success

                We want to celebrate our kids. It’s natural to take on pride as their accomplishments reflect our own efforts. But let your child guide the narrative. Get into the habit of asking them what they’re most proud of before sharing your two cents. That internal dialogue and reflection on what makes them feel good and what they consider success helps them become more independent and able to do things that make them proud rather than the common nomenclature of doing everything in their power to make their parents proud.

Be A Family Who Stays Grateful

                Sometimes our effort and work aren’t enough to make up for a rough patch or life dealing us a few curve balls. In those instances, an attitude of gratitude and being able to see the silver linings in any given situation makes all the difference between getting through with hope and giving into despair. So, make this a foundational element of your home. Practice it as much as you can for it truly will help your child persevere and find joy in the hardest of times.

                That's it! Little gold nuggets of wisdom to help you cultivate some truly precious skills in your household. You’ve got this Warrior parents. And we’ve got your back.

 #RaiseAWarrior 

Building Sound Relationships In Your Home

            If we think about the family as a unit, we can see that it is an ever-growing thing that needs to be capable of evolving and growing as our family does. In the beginning our children aren’t active participants but rather dependent ones. They need our unconditional love, trust, and care. As they grow our relationships need to build upon that initial foundation of trust and love and mature into a secure partnership. Then as we move beyond that stage and age even further the roles reverse, and we begin to depend on the children who once needed us. It’s a beautiful circle of life that happens all around us as time passes on. There are, however, ways to make it gracefully and successfully through each of these stages. So today we wanted to address some of the things you should constantly be doing with your family to strengthen yourself as a unit no matter the age or stage you’re going through.

Check In Frequently

            For us adults, change is slow in coming; but our children seem to literally change from one week to the next. One moment they’re obsessed with paw patrol and then it’s suddenly all about superheroes. Because our kiddos are constantly learning and growing it is essential that we prioritize one on one time with them. It’s important to have that connection, that ever-evolving knowledge of their individual ‘love map’ or what is important and the highlight of their life at any given moment.

Create Shared Memories

            The wonder of childhood is brief but there is so much magic and joy in it. The way our children are learning and interacting with the world is priceless. So, take advantage of those little things. Carve out time to regularly create moments of magic and memories. It doesn’t matter how big or small those moments are, they matter. I remember losing my teeth or having them pulled was exciting, but none as special as the time my mom convinced me to let her tie it to a door and slam it shut. That one was a lost tooth I’ll never forget. I also remember my first date vividly. It was with my dad, so he could teach me how a guy should act on a date. And I’ve measured every single date since then up to our Hastings get to know you trip and Red Lobster dinner.

The Importance of Tradition

            Each family is unique and quirky. This is a good thing! Nurture that togetherness and shared traditions now so its easier to maintain these habits of connectivity as your family grows. So eat dessert before dinner once a month. Be the family that feeds the ducks regularly, walks together after meals, or goes overboard on all the holidays. Be the family who is obsessed with board games, or puzzles, or Star Wars. Send family Christmas cards at a time other than Christmas. The world truly is your oyster and those traditions, those quirky and nerdy little things that make your family yours are the things your children will get to hold onto forever. I remember every Wednesday we used to do B.F.D. or breakfast for dinner. It was the best thing ever. We would hype it up and chant and spend all day excited to share that simple meal together. As we grew up and moved out it eventually stopped, but it’s one of those odd traditions I plan on carrying it on in our own family unit.

Freely Communicate

            We’ve shared how it’s important to connect with the individual members of our family. And that knowledge of them is so important, but we also must allow others to love us. So be a family who is open. Be the kind of family who isn’t afraid to communicate, even when it’s difficult. Be the family who openly shares fondness, gratitude, and admiration with each other regularly, while still also being the family who isn’t afraid of healthily managed conflict. Arguing and disagreeing aren’t innately a sign of weakness. In fact, it is a natural component of all relationships, but there are good, better, and best ways to handle them of course. So be the family who makes communication a priority. Be the family who constantly strives to create an atmosphere where each person feels safe and securely enough to speak honestly Being the kind of family who bottles up emotions and handles them alone is tempting, but it only hurts you all in the long run. So, lead by example and be the kind of family who is open no matter what, for good or for bad. 

    So there you have it! Four steps to a greater, more meaningful, and deeper connections with your loved ones. After all our family is priceless and the best thing we can give and invest in is sharing our time together.

 #RaiseAWarrior 

Caught Red Handed: What Your Kiddos Should Catch You Doing

 

    

    We’ve said it before, and we’ll probably say it again. For better or worse your children are always watching and learning from you. They imitate what they see, and what you do means so much more than what you say. So here are things you should let your kiddos catch you doing. It’s these kinds of seemingly little things that become our legacy. They’re the things that have the power to become big when it comes to shaping how our children remember us and the kind of people they will become. So here are some things we should all try to be caught doing a little bit more in our day-to-day life.

They SHOULD catch you loving others

Be it a spouse, your friends, your parents, or your children themselves, the way we love others matters. Being able to love people the way they need to be loved and even more importantly allowing others to love and connect with us is so pivotal.  We’ve all heard the adage girls marry a man like their father, and the same goes for the opposite. I remember laughing and saying it wouldn’t be true and yet here we are. So knowing that how could we not prioritize actively demonstrating love and receiving love. If our example becomes the foundation for our children’s understanding of healthy relationships and how to connect with others, then it should be at the forefront of who I am and what I do. It doesn’t have to be big, huge rom com worthy declaration, but there are dozens of ways each day that you can shower people with love. The love you pour into others should show in your thoughts, in your words, and in your deeds. And that kind of example has priceless power. It may be a small action today, but it has the power to show our children what sort of relationships they should seek out themselves.

They SHOULD catch you working hard and doing chores

                Parenting and family is a team effort. When we are off work, we are not off duty, only wearing a different kind of hat. It is important that our children understand that and catch us working and working hard. Sure, we all hate chores, some more than others. It is easy after a long workday to try to put that off on someone else or claim it’s not your responsibility or can wait. But it so important that your kids see your willingness to help no matter the task and to understand that everyone has a part to do. That kind of ethic and expectation that we are a team where everyone chips in and that you must work hard are priceless. So teach your children what the value of working hard really looks like, even when it isn’t our favorite.

They SHOULD catch you apologizing

                Let’s be honest, no one enjoys being wrong. It is our natural reaction to try to rationalize our actions and make them seem smaller. Raising a Warrior, however, rarely involves taking the easy way out. One of the biggest differences between the good and the bad is the ability to take responsibility for our actions and shortcomings and try to make right our wrongs. Our kiddos will not learn this responsible vulnerability that is so necessary for good relationships if we can’t own up to and seek forgiveness for our own failures. So, don’t be afraid to let your kids catch you being wrong and apologizing, even if it’s to them.

So, there you have it parents, more parenting wisdom from your Warrior team. Now go get caught red handed leading by example. You’ve got this!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Life Lesson: Replacing Blue Thoughts With True Ones

     We all know the negative power of our inner critic. It's been that one imaginary friend that we can't quite manage to ever rid ourselves of. So when you see your child berating themselves over something small or being exceptionally hard on themselves here is a quick way to help them correct it before their inner critic becomes this giant of a creature that they have to work against for the rest of their lives. And who knows, this little tip might just help you as well. 

Recognizing The B.L.U.E. Thoughts

    The first step towards fixing any problem or habit is recognizing when it occurs. This little acronym can help us recognize when we are being down on ourselves and truly begin changing how we think. Shifting that mindset is the first step in building improved mental and emotional strength. So check in frequently with your little and ask them if they're feeling a little blue or down on themselves. Blue thoughts are ones where we:

• Blame ourselves - Taking responsibility is important for many aspects of life, but there also has to be a process where we learn from it and move on. Ruminating our mistakes over and over again helps no one, least of all ourselves or our child. So if your child is stuck in a rut and blaming themselves for all they've done wrong or failed give them a gentle nudge in the right direction and don't let them dwell there.
• Look for bad news - Have you ever heard that when you start to focus on the negative it becomes all you see? Bad things happen. It's a fact of life. But one bad moment or spot of trouble can easily ruin our whole day if you let it become the focus. So give your child a moment to acknowledge the bad, but then help them refocus on making the next part of their day as awesome as possible. If you both get stuck focusing on the bad a day can quickly spiral from bad to worse.
• Unhappily guess - We all know we can't predict the future, but when we start to think the worst could happen it quickly becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. So help your child flip the script! They don't know what will happen any more than we do. If your child is guessing ahead and focusing on all the possible negative outcomes give them a hand. Take a moment to acknowledge their concerns, give them a plan if (heaven forbid) it should happen. and focus on the thins that remain in their control.
• Exaggerate the negative - Not everything about the day or event has been a complete disaster. Even on the worst of days a spot of good or a smile can be found. To allow your child to exaggerate the negative is to let them feel worse. Don't let your child turn a mole hill into a mountain. For every negative thing or event they bring up counter with a more positive one to help them see that little bit of silver lining that is there if we look for it.

Replacing B.L.U.E. Thoughts With True Ones

    Once we acknowledge the Blue thoughts in our child the goal is to replace it with a more positive true thought. This is difficult in the beginning, but good consistent practice helps build new habits! One of the best things you can do is to hear your child's negative thought out and then ask "What would you say to a friend who had this problem?" The truth is we are much kinder to a friend than we are ourselves and taking the time to find ways to kindly replace our negative thought with a more realistic one can inspire us to take positive action. So whether you're 5, 95 or somewhere in between make sure you speak to yourself like you would a friend and remember that a more positive mindset leads to more positive action. And positive action is what this life's journey is all about. You've got this Warrior parents! 

#RaiseAWarrior 

Instructor Spotlight: Mr. Jaeden

 

Mr. Jaeden is AWESOME! 

He has been training with us since he was younger and achieved his Junior Black Belt end of 2018. Now he is on the mat helping pass on the lessons that have made him the outstanding leader and friend he is today.

Mr. Jaeden strives to teach our Little Warriors:

"To always try to do what is right."

The kiddos love Mr. Jaeden because:

      In him they find a kindred spirit. Mr. Jaeden is quiet around those that don't know him well, but he is a fiercely loyal friend. He truly wants to help his students come out of their shell a little and grow in confidence as they make friends and talk to people. We love seeing him accomplish this goal and improve himself while doing it.

A few of Mr. Jaeden's favorite things:

     In addition to martial arts Mr. Jaeden enjoys drawing whatever catches his interest, hanging out with his friends, and is learning how to skateboard with Mr. Ashton! He's nearly got his Ollie down. He loves the show Rick and Morty and hopes to one day meet some of his favorite music artists like Eminem, NF, and Migos.

A little bit more about Mr. Jaeden:

     Mr. Jaeden is very patient and a great big brother. His reps at home help him work with the kiddos on complex material even when they're struggling. His favorite martial arts material would have to be anything involving stickwork or locks. He is a stellar athlete who plays soccer and basketball for fun and on his school team. We love seeing his confidence grow both on and off the mat as he continues to grow and improve himself in all these ways.

Mr. Jaeden you are consistently kind leader on the mat. Thank you for being such a great example and helping us out in summer and beyond!

Newest Junior Black Belt looking tough

Always got a smile for the things and people he loves

#RaiseAWarrior 

Stoicism 101 And Better Parenting

     This new year we've really been focused on looking to history to help us lead better lives today. Parenting is no different. Most of our knee jerk responses and learned parenting behaviors come from those who raised us. Some of it is good, some is great, and some is definitely less than. It is up to us to consciously improve upon the framework we've been taught. One such method that can help you improve is an ideal that is stoic in nature. And while stoicism, like all things, has its limitations, it can help you be a better parent. So here it is - stoicism 101...

    Stoicism is a philosophy based on focusing your energy and well-being on the things which are in your control. We know innately that some things are beyond our control, that no one is in complete control over their lives and that bad things happen to good people. You can attempt to influence things with your efforts, but nothing is guaranteed.  

    This ties in because as a parent one of the hardest thing for us is anxiety for our children and their futures. No matter the age of our child (because those feelings don't just magically go away when they're an adult) we are anxious for the future and want what is best for them. We want so many things for them. I mean what parent doesn't want our children to be healthy, AND happy, AND successful, AND stable. There has to come a point however, where we realize that ultimately all of those things are outside of our control. Sure we will have opinions on things like who they hang out with, who they marry, what careers they pursue. We can give advice and guide, but it is ultimately up to our children what they do with the information we give and the decisions they make. That is on them. 

    This isn't to say we give up our high hopes for their future. I mean once a parent always a parent right? There is nothing in this world that will ever stop us from wishing the best for our child. But knowing your limitations is so important and helps us focus our energy in more positive manners. Unconditionally, absolutely, positively love your children and express that love all the time now that is something you have control over. Always be there when your child needs you. That is within your power. And when you can't control the situation or outcome give support, push a little and nag a little if you have to, but recognize that ultimately whatever happens, well it happens. And it isn't on us.

    The freedom of this principle is that is allows us to let go of our desired specific outcomes, and instead focus our time and attention on overall happiness and on changing what is within our realm of control. The freedom in knowing that if we've done all we can as a parent, we should be content. It gives us a place of tranquility and peace to operate from and it makes us so much happier short term and long term. So be a stoic parent in training. Letting go of the things you want outside of your control will be a work in progress, but it is definitely a worthwhile one. You've got this. 

#RaiseAWarrior 

Learning From The Greats - Epictetus on Parenting

     We want what's best for our children. It's one of the things that led you to us in the first place. But often being the best for our child isn't about merely what we can give them, but also what we can be for them. So this one's for the parents who feel less than stellar sometimes and some advice from another great historical philosopher to aid you on your parenting journey. Most famous stoics like Seneca and Marcus Aurelius were born from wealth and power. There's was a life of privilege. The stoic Epictetus, however is unique because he was born a slave. I love the idea of his words ringing true across time, because it goes to show that our parenting style is not predetermined by how we were raised or the situation we, like Epictetus, were born into. And so here is a Stoic's advice on becoming a better parent.

Epictetus' Advice - Don't Wing It

"Progress is not achieved by luck or accident, but by working on yourself daily.” 

    Epictetus was born into a hard life and he had to overcome many challenges to survive the pages of time and history to where we can know him and write of him. That didn't happen by accident. Epictetus was a motivated and determined individual. He worked diligently to overcome his circumstances and like him, we must be hardworking in improving our weaknesses if we want to be stronger. So stop wishing you were more patient, stop hoping you yell less and make an action plan to help build new habits. You won't always succeed but only through daily efforts do we actually start to see some growth.

Epictetus' Advice - Start With Your Reaction

"It's not what happens, but how you react to it that matters."

    Our children are constantly asking us in a million little ways "Do you see me?" and "Am I important?" Our initial reactions to our child's triumphs and failures answer that questions whether it's via body language or spoken. So take a moment to breathe. There is always a time for you to step back, take a long breath and recenter. This allows us to parent from a more even place and helps us achieve our goals of being a better, more patient and kinder parent.

Epictetus' Advice - Fake It Till You Make It

"Don't explain your philosophy. Embody it." 

    You won't always feel more patient, more kind, or like a good parent. Sometimes you have to fake it on the good days and the bad or sometimes just while you're building a habit. But as you consciously strive to exude patience or respect or whatever skill it might be, you are starting to embody those traits you desire. Faking it is still a rep and it can help you build new habits, strengthen existing ones all while leading your child by example. There's more power and worth in that then words can say. 

    So there you have it - a stoic slave's words on life reaching out from the great beyond to inspire you to greater parenting. You might not always feel like parent of the year, but if you're actively trying to educate and better yourself for your family you're on track. You've got this Warrior parents!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Sun Tzu's Advice on Disciplining Your Kiddo

    Understanding history is a powerful thing. By looking to the past it allows us to learn from other's without having to repeat their same decisions. So what insight can Sun Tzu - one of the great strategists, generals and tacticians teach us from centuries past and how can it make us a better parent? After all aren't you the general of your family guiding them and shaping them in a fight for morality in today's age?

Sun Tzu's Advice - First Make A Plan

“Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.”

    Parenting should not be reactive. There should be some direction - a method to the madness if you will. So before obstacles or challenges come out discuss how you as a parenting unit plan to handle them. Luckily we know the standard challenges of each age group before our child enters them because we've also been through those stages of development ourselves. This makes it easier to win first before we enter the battle. So if you thinking potty training, sleep overs, dating, lying, bad grades, allowances, or chores are coming up on your radar make a plan before you need one. It will help your parenting model so much if you are prepared and parenting proactively.

Sun Tzu's Advice - Don't Act In Anger

“Ponder and deliberate before you make a move.”

    We rarely act best when emotions are heated and we're put on the spot. So when things start to blow up or you're feeling especially frustrated with your child or the situation give yourself some space and a moment to breath. You can absolutely send them to their room to cool off so you have a moment to think as well. Our knee jerk parenting reaction is hardly ever in our best interest or your child's so buy yourself a beat in time to ponder what should be next.

Sun Tzu's Advice - Punish Appropriately and Stick to Your Guns

“Begin by seizing something which your opponent holds dear; then he will be amenable to your will.”

    A punishment should actually be a punishment. To take away one toy and leave them countless other's isn't a true or impactful consequence. A grounding doesn't mean no video games but all the TV you want. A true punishment requires you to take what they enjoy and replace it with something they don't. That's why a punishment involving sentence writing, or a grounding filled with chores rather than free play without video games is so much more effective.

Sun Tzu's Advice - Don't Sweat The Small Stuff

“Move not unless you see an advantage; use not your troops unless there is something to be gained; fight not unless the position is critical.”

    In the moment everything feels bigger than it truly is. So try to keep in the mind the big picture when disciplining your child. Some things truly are minor, so don't make mountains out of molehills just because the incident was a big inconvenience or caught you off guard. A good rule of thumb is if you won't remember it in 5 years it is a minor thing. That doesn't mean disregard the punishment, just make sure it is of equal worth to the infraction. 

Sun Tzu's Advice - Give Your Child Opportunities

“Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across.”

    Always give your child a chance to do the right thing. Give them a chance to own up to their mistake and make reparations on their own rather than forcing them. This doesn't mean it won't take prompting on your part. But the lesson is so much stronger if they're given opportunities to do the right thing themselves and come to that conclusion rather than it always being externally driven and corrected by you.

    So there you have it! Some awesome parenting advice from an unlikely source. Not too bad for a man who's been to war and seen it all. You've got this parenting Warrior's and we've got your back if something specific is going on. Just let us know!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Threats (To Your Kids) That We Didn't Grow Up With

     If we look at our childhood and the memories of growing up it is so drastically different from today that it seems a gross exaggeration. It is hard to comprehend just how much childhood norms have shifted in a matter of one or two generations. The fact of the matter is that there are issues and threats that affect our kids today that are a little different from what we had. True some problems like bullying, sibling rivalry, and homework battles stand the test of time, but some challengers emerge as things change in the world around us. And that we are trying to parent through these challenges with zero personal experience. So instead of hoping wisdom and instinct take over here's a look at some of those issues and how we can apply our parental instincts.

Delayed Gratification

    Remember how exciting it was to wait a whole week to see how the cliff hanger in your latest TV show turned out? I mean waiting to see it unfold in real time and knowing everyone else was also on the edge of their seats - that was something special. Today's kids don't know that. We don't have patience anymore for the things we consume. We can binge an entire season or series at once, our orders arrive in two days or less, missing someone has a quick fix - they're a button press away, and if you have a question you can access it almost instantly. Everything we need - stories, communication, contact, packages, answers and more is at our finger tips. And our children have been raised with that kind of access. 

    Your parental instincts are on track. Practice delayed gratification whenever possible. Don't let them binge watch shows for hours on end, don't re-arrange your families plans last minute because they changed their mind, make them save up money to buy those bigger items, make them earn fun excursions, set goals and track their progress towards rewards. There are lessons of self discipline, hard work and goal setting to be learned in delayed gratification so practice that whenever possible.

Instant Peer Input

    We used to have to wait until the start of school to show off our new car, outfit, or hair style. Now everything is an upload away. Kids today are living their lives in front of an audience. And even those who choose to abstain from the lure of social media don't have a say in whether their successes or most embarrassing moments are recorded and shared for the world to see. This has led to a generation who's first instances are to record, and validate everything online. And to wait on the edge of your seat for everyone else's opinion is to risk silencing their own inner voice. 

    So if your parental instincts are saying put off social media as long as possible they are on track. If you've already passed that decision than definitely limit their social media to one or two platforms you can easily monitor and make sure they only have access to these devices during certain hours of the day. More importantly give your child a strong foundation of their sense of self (their likes, dislikes, opinions and morals) before you introduce other people's viewpoints into the equation. Model good in person relationships in your home and without so your child sees the value in a true and reliable group of friends rather than the whims of the internet.

Over-Commitment

    The constant high lights reel of today's society really puts the pressure on today's families. And over achieving is a badge of honor that we all seem to strive for. The problem with enrolling in literally every program possible is that we all have the same 24 hours in a day. So the only area parents seem to be lighten up on the kiddos is when it comes to responsibilities at home. But when we take away chores for the sake of another camp or another activity we are also robbing them of a huge skillset required for success and raising entitles kids to boot. Not doing chores wasn't even considered when we were younger. You played your sports, did your homework and your chores, and you did it quick if you wanted time for the fun to continue. My mom used to joke (or at least I think it was one) that she had kids to get the housework done. 

    So try to see the bigger picture. Yes you want them to pursue their passion and succeed in all the extracurricular activites and you have big dreams of them getting into the college of their choice. But there are lessons to be found in work and contributing to the family that are invaluable for life. So don't over commit. One less activity equals more time to invest in character and time at home and that isn't something we should willingly sacrifice.

Online Predators

    The "bad guys" of our age were the kidnappers who offered candy out of the big van. But today's criminal is much more sinister thanks to technology. There are so many kids games and kids apps that allow you to interact with other players from all over the internet. It's a great opportunity to hang with friends, but the danger of online predators is also very real even in something as seemingly harmless as Roblox (loved by most 6-9 year olds currently). 

    Your instincts are on tack. Set strict boundaries about who they can play with, keep the gaming systems in a public area, and constantly check in. Not everyone who says they are 8 are actually 8 and our children need to know that. It isn't a scare tactic but rather an empowering one. So teach your child internet safety and that no matter what, you have no secrets and they can talk to you about anything. Always

    So there you have it! 4 problems that we didn't face when we were kiddos, but that you should definitely have on your parenting radar right now. And don't forget! If you and your kiddo are struggling with something in particular we're on your team and here to help. 

#RaiseAWarrior