We all know the negative power of our inner critic. It's been that one imaginary friend that we can't quite manage to ever rid ourselves of. So when you see your child berating themselves over something small or being exceptionally hard on themselves here is a quick way to help them correct it before their inner critic becomes this giant of a creature that they have to work against for the rest of their lives. And who knows, this little tip might just help you as well.
Recognizing The B.L.U.E. Thoughts
The first step towards fixing any problem or habit is recognizing when it occurs. This little acronym can help us recognize when we are being down on ourselves and truly begin changing how we think. Shifting that mindset is the first step in building improved mental and emotional strength. So check in frequently with your little and ask them if they're feeling a little blue or down on themselves. Blue thoughts are ones where we:
- Blame ourselves - Taking responsibility is important for many aspects of life, but there also has to be a process where we learn from it and move on. Ruminating our mistakes over and over again helps no one, least of all ourselves or our child. So if your child is stuck in a rut and blaming themselves for all they've done wrong or failed give them a gentle nudge in the right direction and don't let them dwell there.
- Look for bad news - Have you ever heard that when you start to focus on the negative it becomes all you see? Bad things happen. It's a fact of life. But one bad moment or spot of trouble can easily ruin our whole day if you let it become the focus. So give your child a moment to acknowledge the bad, but then help them refocus on making the next part of their day as awesome as possible. If you both get stuck focusing on the bad a day can quickly spiral from bad to worse.
- Unhappily guess - We all know we can't predict the future, but when we start to think the worst could happen it quickly becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. So help your child flip the script! They don't know what will happen any more than we do. If your child is guessing ahead and focusing on all the possible negative outcomes give them a hand. Take a moment to acknowledge their concerns, give them a plan if (heaven forbid) it should happen. and focus on the thins that remain in their control.
- Exaggerate the negative - Not everything about the day or event has been a complete disaster. Even on the worst of days a spot of good or a smile can be found. To allow your child to exaggerate the negative is to let them feel worse. Don't let your child turn a mole hill into a mountain. For every negative thing or event they bring up counter with a more positive one to help them see that little bit of silver lining that is there if we look for it.
Once we acknowledge the Blue thoughts in our child the goal is to replace it with a more positive true thought. This is difficult in the beginning, but good consistent practice helps build new habits! One of the best things you can do is to hear your child's negative thought out and then ask "What would you say to a friend who had this problem?" The truth is we are much kinder to a friend than we are ourselves and taking the time to find ways to kindly replace our negative thought with a more realistic one can inspire us to take positive action. So whether you're 5, 95 or somewhere in between make sure you speak to yourself like you would a friend and remember that a more positive mindset leads to more positive action. And positive action is what this life's journey is all about. You've got this Warrior parents!
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