We want what's best for our children. It's one of the things that led you to us in the first place. But often being the best for our child isn't about merely what we can give them, but also what we can be for them. So this one's for the parents who feel less than stellar sometimes and some advice from another great historical philosopher to aid you on your parenting journey. Most famous stoics like Seneca and Marcus Aurelius were born from wealth and power. There's was a life of privilege. The stoic Epictetus, however is unique because he was born a slave. I love the idea of his words ringing true across time, because it goes to show that our parenting style is not predetermined by how we were raised or the situation we, like Epictetus, were born into. And so here is a Stoic's advice on becoming a better parent.
Epictetus' Advice - Don't Wing It
"Progress is not achieved by luck or accident, but by working on yourself daily.”
Epictetus was born into a hard life and he had to overcome many challenges to survive the pages of time and history to where we can know him and write of him. That didn't happen by accident. Epictetus was a motivated and determined individual. He worked diligently to overcome his circumstances and like him, we must be hardworking in improving our weaknesses if we want to be stronger. So stop wishing you were more patient, stop hoping you yell less and make an action plan to help build new habits. You won't always succeed but only through daily efforts do we actually start to see some growth.
Epictetus' Advice - Start With Your Reaction
"It's not what happens, but how you react to it that matters."
Our children are constantly asking us in a million little ways "Do you see me?" and "Am I important?" Our initial reactions to our child's triumphs and failures answer that questions whether it's via body language or spoken. So take a moment to breathe. There is always a time for you to step back, take a long breath and recenter. This allows us to parent from a more even place and helps us achieve our goals of being a better, more patient and kinder parent.
Epictetus' Advice - Fake It Till You Make It
"Don't explain your philosophy. Embody it."
You won't always feel more patient, more kind, or like a good parent. Sometimes you have to fake it on the good days and the bad or sometimes just while you're building a habit. But as you consciously strive to exude patience or respect or whatever skill it might be, you are starting to embody those traits you desire. Faking it is still a rep and it can help you build new habits, strengthen existing ones all while leading your child by example. There's more power and worth in that then words can say.
So there you have it - a stoic slave's words on life reaching out from the great beyond to inspire you to greater parenting. You might not always feel like parent of the year, but if you're actively trying to educate and better yourself for your family you're on track. You've got this Warrior parents!
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