Understanding history is a powerful thing. By looking to the past it allows us to learn from other's without having to repeat their same decisions. So what insight can Sun Tzu - one of the great strategists, generals and tacticians teach us from centuries past and how can it make us a better parent? After all aren't you the general of your family guiding them and shaping them in a fight for morality in today's age?
Sun Tzu's Advice - First Make A Plan
“Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.”
Parenting should not be reactive. There should be some direction - a method to the madness if you will. So before obstacles or challenges come out discuss how you as a parenting unit plan to handle them. Luckily we know the standard challenges of each age group before our child enters them because we've also been through those stages of development ourselves. This makes it easier to win first before we enter the battle. So if you thinking potty training, sleep overs, dating, lying, bad grades, allowances, or chores are coming up on your radar make a plan before you need one. It will help your parenting model so much if you are prepared and parenting proactively.
Sun Tzu's Advice - Don't Act In Anger
“Ponder and deliberate before you make a move.”
We rarely act best when emotions are heated and we're put on the spot. So when things start to blow up or you're feeling especially frustrated with your child or the situation give yourself some space and a moment to breath. You can absolutely send them to their room to cool off so you have a moment to think as well. Our knee jerk parenting reaction is hardly ever in our best interest or your child's so buy yourself a beat in time to ponder what should be next.
Sun Tzu's Advice - Punish Appropriately and Stick to Your Guns
“Begin by seizing something which your opponent holds dear; then he will be amenable to your will.”
A punishment should actually be a punishment. To take away one toy and leave them countless other's isn't a true or impactful consequence. A grounding doesn't mean no video games but all the TV you want. A true punishment requires you to take what they enjoy and replace it with something they don't. That's why a punishment involving sentence writing, or a grounding filled with chores rather than free play without video games is so much more effective.
Sun Tzu's Advice - Don't Sweat The Small Stuff
“Move not unless you see an advantage; use not your troops unless there is something to be gained; fight not unless the position is critical.”
In the moment everything feels bigger than it truly is. So try to keep in the mind the big picture when disciplining your child. Some things truly are minor, so don't make mountains out of molehills just because the incident was a big inconvenience or caught you off guard. A good rule of thumb is if you won't remember it in 5 years it is a minor thing. That doesn't mean disregard the punishment, just make sure it is of equal worth to the infraction.
Sun Tzu's Advice - Give Your Child Opportunities
“Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across.”
Always give your child a chance to do the right thing. Give them a chance to own up to their mistake and make reparations on their own rather than forcing them. This doesn't mean it won't take prompting on your part. But the lesson is so much stronger if they're given opportunities to do the right thing themselves and come to that conclusion rather than it always being externally driven and corrected by you.
So there you have it! Some awesome parenting advice from an unlikely source. Not too bad for a man who's been to war and seen it all. You've got this parenting Warrior's and we've got your back if something specific is going on. Just let us know!
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