A day is a funny thing. It can be so hit or miss. I mean we parent’s know how it works, but the smaller members of our family really have a hard time coping with those kinds of unexpected or disappointing changes. Even the smallest derailment or delay can cause the most epic of meltdowns when plans or the day go awry. And I get it. Disappointment is hard no matter how old you are. But their response to these changes isn’t necessarily them misbehaving or acting out. The ability to emotionally regulate and think flexibly are skills that must be cultivated and developed. And it’s one of those life skills that is so essential just for day to day life. Because as much as we would like to, we can’t just spend every day acting out in frustration and be successful long term.
So here are some ways to help your child practice cognitive
flexibility and emotional regulation so they can improve their ability to adapt
their behavior and thinking to the roadblocks that come when there is a
disconnect between our expectations and reality.
Use a physical example (especially for the younger kiddos)
Nature is full of examples of how you have to be soft and
flexible to be resilient. Start this conversation using a flexible branch in
the wind versus a dry and brittle twig or something as simple as a cooked vs
uncooked spaghetti noodle. For those older kiddos share examples of where
inflexible thinking resulted in harm or bad outcomes. Just peek in any history
book, life is full of examples of fixed thinking and inflexibility making life
difficult for countless of people.
Give them room to practice
There are so many controlled opportunities we can give our
kiddos to practice managing their emotions and actions in the face of
roadblocks. I for one am a big fan of not letting kiddos win board or card
games. Life won’t be so kind to them and it’s our job to raise kids who are
more resilient and made of stronger stuff.
Teach Empathy
Teach your kiddo to understand another’s perspective. Focus
on raising a child who’s capable of looking beyond themselves and consider
another’s feelings and perspective. This is an excellent form of cognitive and
emotional flexibility. And day to day life offers plenty of opportunities to
point this out and practice. Every conflict can be a learning opportunity if
you give them opportunity to hear and consider how they made the other person
thing and feel.
Use Frontloading
Frontloading is a way of preparing your child ahead of time
for something that is going to happen. This can be as simple as a little heads
up or the lowdown on what they should expect and what is expected of them. Of
course you can’t always due this thanks to life’s randomness, but it can
alleviate a lot of meltdowns and discomfort if done properly. Plus every time
you engage in the process of talking and thinking out a situation before
entering it you are also giving your child the tools to self sooth when they’re
om a sticky or new uncomfortable situation.
******Pssst Pro-parent tip: Frontloading is also extremely useful for warnings and countdowns. Telling your kiddo “Hey we have to leave in 10 minutes, you should get ready to turn off your game” gives them the grace to mentally begin transitioning before the next task and is 110% more successful then walking in and saying “Shut off your game, we have to leave now.” Trust me on this one.
So there you have it. Some ways to help your kiddos face
frustration and improve their coping skills. Of course it’s not a complete list
but helping your kiddo develop the tools to handle life’s ups and down is
better for you and for them. You’ve got this! Happy Parenting Warriors.
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