Family Values: An Attitude of Gratitude

       Thanksgiving is one of those classic holidays loved by many and with good reason. It's a time to gather together, share a meal of abundance and give thanks for all the good in our lives, be it large or small. And it is also an amazing opportunity to teach our children what the holiday is all about: Gratitude. 

      Gratitude is one of those traits that is truly life changing. It allows us to step outside of our own self interest and helps us understand that the goodness in our lives is due in part to the people and circumstances around us. Especially as a kid, most of the good they experience in life wouldn't be possible without the love of the people in their lives. Those things are privileges that aren't always given or earned. 

     So if you're looking to foster a greater practice of gratitude in your homes this month we've got you covered. Studies have shown that full fledged gratitude occurs in four parts. And while your younger child may not be consistently hitting all of these marks we've got some advice on how to increase your child's awareness so they can start making a habit of gratitude. 

Noticing:

     The first step in any journey is awareness. You have to start recognizing the things you have to be grateful for before you can start being grateful. And this is true regardless of age. Maybe your child already see's the good in their lives but maybe this is still a work in progress. Parent's can lead by example and offer guided questions to foster increased awareness of the great things in their life outside of their power. Here are some examples to get you going -

• What do you have in your life that you are grateful for?
•  Are 'things/objects/gifts' the only thing you have to be grateful for?
• What gifts have you been given that you can't physically hold in your hand?
• Are you grateful for any of the people in your life? 
• Why are you grateful for him/her?

Questions like these help your child learn to recognize that there is so much more to be thankful for then just physical gifts. Helping them realize this early on will help them be less materialistic, selfish, and more self aware.

Thinking:

     Once your child or teen begins to start noticing unprompted all the people and things that help make their life great it's time to start teaching them to think about why have they been giving those things. Ask them questions like

• Why do you think you received this gift?
• Do you think you should do something in return?
• Do you think you earned this gift?
• Did the giver have to give you that gift?

As they start to realize they cannot do enough or be enough to earn all the kindness and love they are receiving they start to value those personalized gifts and effort even more than before. Now their gratitude for gifts, acts of service or love and the time people invest in them is starting to take wing.

Feeling:

     Gratitude is an emotional experience. It is so much more than a hurried thank you or a quick note of appreciation. And it can drastically impact your overall happiness and satisfaction in life. Isn't that what every parent wants. So start asking pointed questions to help them connect their positive feelings to the gifts they've received.

• How you feel when you received this gift?
• What about the gift makes you feel happy?
• How can you share your joy and excitement with them?
• Are there ways you can pass that joy and happiness on?

Doing:

     Gratitude is an experience that is meant to be shared and expressed. And there are so many fun ways to do that regardless of age. So whether you a family who writes thoughtful thank you(s), pays it forward, makes heartfelt gifts, does random acts of kindness, or shows your gratitude with some quality time and memories together, make sure you lead by example and teach your kiddos that the final part of gratitude is doing something about what you're feeling. After all the best feelings in life are meant to be shared and expressed. You've got this Warrior parents!

#RaiseAWarrior 

What Is Your Child Made Of?

     Wouldn't it be nice if our kids came with a manual? Or even some kind of label or packaging that let us know exactly what they were made of. I mean we've all heard that little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, but all parent's know this isn't quite the case. And the boys description of snips, snails and puppy dog tails definitely is missing the mark.

     So what if we took the time to truly analyze those key ingredients that makeup our child? By taking the time to get to know their personality traits, tendencies, strengths and weakness could we understand our child better? Would we approach parenting them differently if we took our own fears and traits out of the equation and instead focused on helping them capitalize and strengthen what they already innately have?

Ingredients By Age

     As parents we know that each stage of childhood is characterized by different traits. or challenges to overcome. Toddlers exert independence and test boundaries, tweens crave the approval of their peers and teenagers think we are completely disconnected from reality. Each stage paves the way for the next period of development. Recognizing what stage our child is in allows us to help them fulfill that learning need and progress onward.

• Infancy: Infancy is all about learning to trust. This is because they are hugely dependent upon us to care for them and they have difficulty expressing exactly what they need. Fulfilling this needs requires dependability on the parents part in providing adequate care, love and nurturing.
  
  
• Toddlerhood: Toddlerhood is about seeking autonomy. They are on the move, striving to exert their independence and are truly ignorant and fearless of the dangers that might occur during their explorations. Successful completion of this stage leaves your child feeling secure and confident in their ability to act with intention, so long at it is within reason and safety limits.
  
  
• School Age: These children are now more in control of themselves and their environment. They are learning how things works and this new found knowledge leads to a sense of power and purpose. During this time they are also exposed to numerous new social and academic demands. As they being to master and cope with these changes they begins to develop feelings of competence and belief in their skills and abilities. Mostly what they require from us during this stage is guidance and encouragement that they are capable of succeeding and making you proud.

• Tweens, Teens and Beyond: In this stage your child is working on developing their sense of personal identity. It is a turbulent and experimental stage as they sort out who they are, and what they want to be. Children in this age need room to explore but within safe parameters. Communication becomes difficult as peers start to be more pivotal to their sense of worth and identity than the advice from the family unit.

Ingredients By Personality

     There are too many personality types for us to truly go into much detail, so we seek to offer some examples of different personality traits and how that might impact how they need to be parented. Because the truth is we can't truly change another person, even a child. They are naturally who they will be. It is up to us to guide and help those weak things become stronger and strengthen what your child already excels in.

• The Anxious Child: The anxious child needs concrete answers and limits. The world to them must be black and white. There is uncertainty and fear in the gray and unknown. So don't leave things unsaid. Clearly state your expectations and acknowledge how they're currently measuring up. Give them tools to manage and sooth their own anxieties and fears. And show how you manage your own anxieties.
  
  
• The Sensitive Child: The sensitive child needs a parent who is calm. Exploding in anger, withdrawing, name calling, yelling, withholding love, all of these will only injure your sweet sensitive soul. This isn't to say they need to be handled with care, they need boundaries and consequences just like every other child. We as parents should acknowledge they are already highly attuned to the reactions and emotions of others and help them learn how to not base their self worth and happiness on the reactions and perceived emotions of others. 
  
  
  
  
  
• The Impulsive Child: The impulsive child needs us to curb our own impulses and to demonstrate that self control and self discipline are required. How can we help them learn to think before they act or speak if we blurt out any consequence and ridicule that comes to mind at the slightest infraction or heated moment?

     Now this isn't to say we flaunt these personality traits and tendencies before our children. Because as most of us learned in middle school being categorized and labeled can be a very limiting and harmful lesson. This is just an exercise and tool that helps you more consciously and actively parent your uniquely individual child. Hope it helps! Happy parenting!

#RaiseAWarrior