The Gold In Intrinsic Motivation

     We were talking about respect in classes, and we challenged the kiddos to figure out why the golden rule is called that. They decided that gold is both precious and rare. In today’s day and age respect (like many other countless priceless characteristics and morals) feels as precious and rare as gold. Now as parents, we want our children’s life to be rich. Rich in character, rich in happiness, rich in joy. But wishing isn’t enough to make it so. All our encouragement isn’t enough to get our children to seek after and chase these precious and finer things. Especially considering today’s world that is over saturated and overly relies on external rewards, prizes, and displays of outward success. To wish better for our children we must show them a better way. We need to teach our children to celebrate doing good for the sake of doing good. That doing good in and of itself feels good. And that the sense of accomplishment, and joy in giving is rewarding just for what it is. So today we’re going to delve into a path of intrinsic motivation and growth mindsets. Why it’s important and ways to help foster and encourage it in your child.

Intrinsic motivation must come from inside you. It is a desire to grow, explore and master not for recognition, gain, or others, but simply because you enjoy it. Intrinsic motivation encourages us to have a growth mindset and be cognitively hardy. It is a trait that encourages our kids to

·         Do good because it feels good

·         Have a sense of pride in their efforts

·         Be able to get back up when knocked down

·         Believe in themselves and their abilities

What parent doesn’t want that for their child? So here are ways to foster and reinforce this in your home.

Change Your Families View Of Failure And Mistakes

                Too often we get stuck on seeing failure or mistakes as the end all be all. But in reality we should view it as a beginning or springboard from which we can grow. We should teach our children to view challenges and the emotions associated with them (fear, frustration, fatigue, disappointment, etc) as an opportunity to become a better, stronger person. This change helps us view challenges and stress not as something to survive, but an environment in which we can thrive in and become more. This stems from within our homes. So be the family who resets, does do-overs, and isn’t afraid to give it another go. Mistakes are a chance to reflect, refocus, and restart. And being able to learn and laugh at your own mistakes is a priceless life skill that will help our children in countless areas of their life. 

Be The Family Who Recognizes Effort And The Process

                We all want the prize, to win, to be recognized. It’s a natural goal and a common focus of today. So be the family who swims against this mindset. Your child’s hard work and effort (if it truly is their best) should be recognized. It is so much more important than the outcome. Because a bad outcome can be overcome with more hard work and genuine effort. Mastering that process of work is a skill set and it will help your child achieve anything they set their heart and mind to.

                This is especially important because young children’s thinking is so concrete. If we tell them “they’re so smart” or “so good at math” (which naturally we want to tell our children) they will believe it is just how things are. Then when something comes along that doesn’t come as easily and challenges this core belief of who they are (smart and good at math) they will give up with minimal to no effort. However, if we consistently recognize their effort and work, they will believe that is the secret to getting good at anything and will be far more likely to try when faced with a challenge.

Be A Family Who Focuses on Goal Setting (Big or Small)

                Goal setting is something we don’t naturally have, and some people never master it. I don’t know what it is to live your life with such reckless abandon, but I know my kiddos won’t ever have to find that out. So, give your child opportunities to set goals. Help them break those big goals, into smaller actionable time stamped steps, and then let the try. Don’t be accountable for their homework after a certain age. Grades are important in High School, it’s true, but the focus in the elementary years should be more on learning to go through the process of focusing, setting goals, and accomplishing them. Building that skill from wherever you are right now, will help you miles in the teenage years.

Be A Family Who Celebrates Success

                We want to celebrate our kids. It’s natural to take on pride as their accomplishments reflect our own efforts. But let your child guide the narrative. Get into the habit of asking them what they’re most proud of before sharing your two cents. That internal dialogue and reflection on what makes them feel good and what they consider success helps them become more independent and able to do things that make them proud rather than the common nomenclature of doing everything in their power to make their parents proud.

Be A Family Who Stays Grateful

                Sometimes our effort and work aren’t enough to make up for a rough patch or life dealing us a few curve balls. In those instances, an attitude of gratitude and being able to see the silver linings in any given situation makes all the difference between getting through with hope and giving into despair. So, make this a foundational element of your home. Practice it as much as you can for it truly will help your child persevere and find joy in the hardest of times.

                That's it! Little gold nuggets of wisdom to help you cultivate some truly precious skills in your household. You’ve got this Warrior parents. And we’ve got your back.

 #RaiseAWarrior 

Building Sound Relationships In Your Home

            If we think about the family as a unit, we can see that it is an ever-growing thing that needs to be capable of evolving and growing as our family does. In the beginning our children aren’t active participants but rather dependent ones. They need our unconditional love, trust, and care. As they grow our relationships need to build upon that initial foundation of trust and love and mature into a secure partnership. Then as we move beyond that stage and age even further the roles reverse, and we begin to depend on the children who once needed us. It’s a beautiful circle of life that happens all around us as time passes on. There are, however, ways to make it gracefully and successfully through each of these stages. So today we wanted to address some of the things you should constantly be doing with your family to strengthen yourself as a unit no matter the age or stage you’re going through.

Check In Frequently

            For us adults, change is slow in coming; but our children seem to literally change from one week to the next. One moment they’re obsessed with paw patrol and then it’s suddenly all about superheroes. Because our kiddos are constantly learning and growing it is essential that we prioritize one on one time with them. It’s important to have that connection, that ever-evolving knowledge of their individual ‘love map’ or what is important and the highlight of their life at any given moment.

Create Shared Memories

            The wonder of childhood is brief but there is so much magic and joy in it. The way our children are learning and interacting with the world is priceless. So, take advantage of those little things. Carve out time to regularly create moments of magic and memories. It doesn’t matter how big or small those moments are, they matter. I remember losing my teeth or having them pulled was exciting, but none as special as the time my mom convinced me to let her tie it to a door and slam it shut. That one was a lost tooth I’ll never forget. I also remember my first date vividly. It was with my dad, so he could teach me how a guy should act on a date. And I’ve measured every single date since then up to our Hastings get to know you trip and Red Lobster dinner.

The Importance of Tradition

            Each family is unique and quirky. This is a good thing! Nurture that togetherness and shared traditions now so its easier to maintain these habits of connectivity as your family grows. So eat dessert before dinner once a month. Be the family that feeds the ducks regularly, walks together after meals, or goes overboard on all the holidays. Be the family who is obsessed with board games, or puzzles, or Star Wars. Send family Christmas cards at a time other than Christmas. The world truly is your oyster and those traditions, those quirky and nerdy little things that make your family yours are the things your children will get to hold onto forever. I remember every Wednesday we used to do B.F.D. or breakfast for dinner. It was the best thing ever. We would hype it up and chant and spend all day excited to share that simple meal together. As we grew up and moved out it eventually stopped, but it’s one of those odd traditions I plan on carrying it on in our own family unit.

Freely Communicate

            We’ve shared how it’s important to connect with the individual members of our family. And that knowledge of them is so important, but we also must allow others to love us. So be a family who is open. Be the kind of family who isn’t afraid to communicate, even when it’s difficult. Be the family who openly shares fondness, gratitude, and admiration with each other regularly, while still also being the family who isn’t afraid of healthily managed conflict. Arguing and disagreeing aren’t innately a sign of weakness. In fact, it is a natural component of all relationships, but there are good, better, and best ways to handle them of course. So be the family who makes communication a priority. Be the family who constantly strives to create an atmosphere where each person feels safe and securely enough to speak honestly Being the kind of family who bottles up emotions and handles them alone is tempting, but it only hurts you all in the long run. So, lead by example and be the kind of family who is open no matter what, for good or for bad. 

    So there you have it! Four steps to a greater, more meaningful, and deeper connections with your loved ones. After all our family is priceless and the best thing we can give and invest in is sharing our time together.

 #RaiseAWarrior 

Caught Red Handed: What Your Kiddos Should Catch You Doing

 

    

    We’ve said it before, and we’ll probably say it again. For better or worse your children are always watching and learning from you. They imitate what they see, and what you do means so much more than what you say. So here are things you should let your kiddos catch you doing. It’s these kinds of seemingly little things that become our legacy. They’re the things that have the power to become big when it comes to shaping how our children remember us and the kind of people they will become. So here are some things we should all try to be caught doing a little bit more in our day-to-day life.

They SHOULD catch you loving others

Be it a spouse, your friends, your parents, or your children themselves, the way we love others matters. Being able to love people the way they need to be loved and even more importantly allowing others to love and connect with us is so pivotal.  We’ve all heard the adage girls marry a man like their father, and the same goes for the opposite. I remember laughing and saying it wouldn’t be true and yet here we are. So knowing that how could we not prioritize actively demonstrating love and receiving love. If our example becomes the foundation for our children’s understanding of healthy relationships and how to connect with others, then it should be at the forefront of who I am and what I do. It doesn’t have to be big, huge rom com worthy declaration, but there are dozens of ways each day that you can shower people with love. The love you pour into others should show in your thoughts, in your words, and in your deeds. And that kind of example has priceless power. It may be a small action today, but it has the power to show our children what sort of relationships they should seek out themselves.

They SHOULD catch you working hard and doing chores

                Parenting and family is a team effort. When we are off work, we are not off duty, only wearing a different kind of hat. It is important that our children understand that and catch us working and working hard. Sure, we all hate chores, some more than others. It is easy after a long workday to try to put that off on someone else or claim it’s not your responsibility or can wait. But it so important that your kids see your willingness to help no matter the task and to understand that everyone has a part to do. That kind of ethic and expectation that we are a team where everyone chips in and that you must work hard are priceless. So teach your children what the value of working hard really looks like, even when it isn’t our favorite.

They SHOULD catch you apologizing

                Let’s be honest, no one enjoys being wrong. It is our natural reaction to try to rationalize our actions and make them seem smaller. Raising a Warrior, however, rarely involves taking the easy way out. One of the biggest differences between the good and the bad is the ability to take responsibility for our actions and shortcomings and try to make right our wrongs. Our kiddos will not learn this responsible vulnerability that is so necessary for good relationships if we can’t own up to and seek forgiveness for our own failures. So, don’t be afraid to let your kids catch you being wrong and apologizing, even if it’s to them.

So, there you have it parents, more parenting wisdom from your Warrior team. Now go get caught red handed leading by example. You’ve got this!

#RaiseAWarrior