Love Languages: A Secret to Finding a Happier Home Life

     Hollywood is selling us a version of love that is a mushy, wonderful thing full of butterflies, romance, and exotic adventures without price tags. We love the idea of this love, but the older we get the more we realize that love, at least the true enduring kind, is more of an exercise of self discipline, sacrifice, and putting others first. Butterflies occur, but they are completely optional rather than a guarantee. Our children are also sold this same image of perfect love from an early age in the form of storybooks, movies, and music. We all want that fictitious, easy love regardless of age. That’s why we return to our favorite love stories and rom-coms like a favorite well worn t-shirt, they just fill us up in a way reality cannot match. As adults, we recognize this for a brief respite into a fictional world, but our children cannot yet separate the two. 

     As parents we love our children and then love them some more. We pour into them every spare second and dollar we have. So it is frustrating when we as parent’s come home from a work trip with a present that gets a lackluster response, or when returning home after an outing planned especially for our little one the whining and complaining begins almost instantaneously. This acting out isn’t fair. We just loved them so hard and our reward is being taken for granted or behavioral issues. So how do we make our home a happier, less contentious place? How do we get our children to see we love them the best we can? Especially when the majority of us, as parents, already feel stressed out and overwhelmed?? I mean there are only so many hours in a day. Social media is pushing in our faces the idea that we simply aren’t doing enough for our child and that if we do more the warzone in our home will cease and our child will suddenly become the little angel we all know they are at their core. Surprisingly it isn’t a matter of needing to do more for our kiddos, it is a simple matter of needing to do some things better.

     The answer lies in Gary Chapman’s theory of 5 love languages. A love language is how we prefer to show love to others and how we best understand expressions of love from someone else. For example presents are nice, but that doesn’t fill some of us up the way a sink of empty dishes or a sweet back rub does. When our love language actions don’t match the language of our child, we can love them to the best of our ability without them feeling much of anything at all. As such, our love actions should be intentionally geared towards filling up our child’s very individualized emotional love tanks.

     Speaking from experience, it is easy to recognize times in our life when we felt emotionally low, running on empty from giving so much of ourselves to others. Our children are the same way. When our child’s love tank is nearing empty it is hard for them to be or do their best. They are more likely to get angry or act out. So the easiest thing we can do to fix our home life is to begin to recognize our child’s individual love language(s) so we can love them in a way that feels like true love to them.

     Here at Raise a Warrior we believe that finding and learning to speak love in your child’s primary and secondary love language will go a long way towards avoiding miscommunications, preventing behavioral issues, and most importantly promoting healthy relationships as it helps them truly feel your love and the priority they are within your life. We hope that you take time to read the following article and start making plans to level up your parenting because after all everyone just wants and needs to be loved and appreciated a little more. Happy parenting!

WHAT IS YOUR CHILD'S LOVE LANGUAGE?

#RaiseAWarrior

Looking to find more ways to spend time with your kiddo and fill up their love tank? 

Join us on the mat each month for Family Participation Days. 

(Upcoming family participation days are December 3rd and 4th) 

#FamilyTimeIsTheBestTime

Gratitude: In the Holidays and Beyond

     Looking around at today's culture we can clearly see evidence of a growing trend that is sub-optimal to say the least. More and more young people are growing up, feeling that the world genuinely revolves around them. So how do we curb this growing me epidemic in a culture that is all about selfie?? As parent's we can easily recall times when we felt frustrated or embarrassed by how ungrateful our child has been in moments past. We also know, realistically that life is hard and can't be relied on to gift our child's every heart's desire and whim. So how do we ensure our children truly learn to appreciate all they have? A grateful attitude is so much more than training our littles to recite a polite "thank you" to friends and family. At this time of holiday cheer we know that gratitude, especially when practiced daily, brings so much added joy to our lives. So how do we make grateful hearts the underlying theme in our home in this season of thankfulness and beyond? We scoured the internet and hope that the following ideas will make the upcoming holiday season that much brighter and better.

     So first things first, you've recognize the need for more gratitude in your child. Now the hard part. We have to truly take a look at our own actions and how they play into this. I mean we do all this great stuff for our kids... outings, activities, gifts, the list goes on... we fill their time with joy and then the second we are home the whining and complaining begins again with full force. Our frustration is almost instantaneous. Can't they see we work so hard for them?! This cycle of us trying to fulfill our child's every desire, ungrateful whining, and frustration begins again and again. But the truth is we don't have to do all these things for them. We live in a world where picture perfect parenting is pushed into our face 24/7 and so like any peer pressure gimmick we feel the need to do more, buy more, and be more for our child. The truth is it is ok for a child to want non-necessities or for there to be a regular delay in gratification. If you aren't happy with your child's behavior look first to your role in the situation.


     Luckily for us our children becoming needy and demanding is not inevitable. Nothing is set in stone and even the most distractible, still developing child can be set on the right path and taught to be thankful for the blessings in their life. Gratitude is more than just words or even a behavior, it is an internal experience and an overall outlook on life. It involve us not only NOTICING the things people give or do for us, it involves us THINKING about why the would show us such care, connecting that with how we FEEL about receiving such kindness, and then DOING something to express our appreciation. The key to our children developing an attitude of gratitude is for them to start NOTICING, THINKING, FEELING, and then DOING something about it.
   
     This plus a daily effort to count our blessings will lead to better quality of relationships all around as well as increased happiness and less complaining in your home. I don't know about you, but that sounds like a win to us. So invest the added time and effort into teaching your child the principle of gratitude. Not only will it benefit everyone now, but it also arms your child with the emotional strength and fortitude to make it through life's times of plenty and times of hardship with grace and a grateful heart.

We hope you have the happiest of Thanksgivings this week! 

And we are so incredibly grateful for every single one of you!!!

11 Tips for Instilling True Gratitude in Your Kids

#RaiseAWarrior

 

Confidence: the Wind Beneath Your Child's Wings

    Do you remember orphan Annie, the Hardy Boys, or Nancy Drew? Wouldn't it be nice is we could all raise kids with the confidence and compassion of these spunky characters? Sure, most of our children won't be orphaned with an evil headmistress or facing off criminals in their spare time, but the reality of a hard knock life is for everyone. We can't protect our children from this forever. So we have to make the most of this truth by seeking to equip our children with enough confidence to not only make it through these trials, but to also thrive in the face of adversity.

     Self confidence, in the truest sense of the word, stems from a deep and internal sense of security, a feeling of competence. It requires us to be able to realistically view our abilities through a positive internal filter. This feeling of competence rises with achievement and perseverance in the face of failure. Now I know we don't want to see our children fail or be sad because of a loss. What kind of parent would get excited over that?! But the truth is we have to remember our job is to work until we are no longer needed. Retirement is a goal. We want our kids to grow up- living full, independent lives beyond the safety of us and our homes. We don't want to look to the future and realize our child will be living in our basement for all eternity. Is it scary to think of our kiddos being on their own? Absolutely! But the truth is the best gift we can give our children is to curb our own anxieties, giving our children room to grow deep roots and their own wings. Unconditional love is their roots and self-confidence will be their wings. Without these things a future of big Johnny asking you to heat up Hot Pockets while he plays Fortnight endlessly is far too real for comfort.

     So how do we raise confident kids without losing our mind's as parents or becoming an empty praise pusher? Luckily as martial arts instructors we're helping a little bit in that department. Children learn to recognize and build upon their strengths as they practice techniques, and achieve increasingly more difficult goals. They also learn how to handle defeat, and rely on a team while they take time to set goals focused on strengthening their weaknesses. But confidence is so important it needs to be an integrated part of your child's life, definitely more than 45 minutes of growth on the mat twice a week. 

     We've been talking with your warriors about confidence all month long in our mat chats, but as parents there is so much more YOU can do to set your child on the path of success. 

• Model self love so your little one understands they are ultimately their best cheerleader. 
• Celebrate the process more than the result. 
• And most importantly don't be afraid to let them fail. 

     This will be a journey of resilience for the both of you, but one we promise you won't regret in the end. Looking for more ideas on how to raise a confident warrior? Check out this awesome article we found to help get you started making your child's confidence a priority.

9 Secrets of Confident Kids

Until next time! 

#RaiseAWarrior

Instructor Spotlight: Mr. Aidan

Mr. Aidan is AWESOME! 

He grew up in our children's program, got his Junior Black Belt, and he's still kicking butt years later. We're grateful to have such an awesome youth who is so willing to give back 

to future generations of Warriors.

He loves working at Warrior's Way because:

"It's like getting paid to play with kids, while making them better people."

The kiddos love Mr Aidan because: 

He's the big brother figure all of our new students get to first meet and hang out with on their first day.

He's always trying to make them laugh with his silly antics.

He gives the best hugs when someone's having a bad day.

His appreciation for good memes or dad jokes.

A little bit more about Mr Aidan:

Mr Aidan is a 17 year old senior in high school who's dream job is to work at Warrior's Way. He has 2 dogs and 1 cat. When we asked about his furry friends he said "the cat is very large." His bucket list goal is to "have enough money to be able to support my mom 100% without any drawbacks." If that doesn't show his sincere heart of gold we aren't sure what does! He definitely has a very special mom. We love that he demonstrates the Warrior virtues of gratitude and respect so well toward his number one role model.

A few of Mr Aidan's favorite things:

When it comes to food this teenager is all about honey chicken. His love of laughter and joy is clearly seen in his favorite entertainment choices- the Emperor's New Groove and the TV show Community. His favorite hobbies include working out, training martial arts, and having dinner with friends. His favorite super hero is Superman and we absolutely love his reason why! When speaking about his personal hero Mr Aidan told us "my mom raised me to always hold the ideals of truth and justice above all else. My own goal is to be like Superman so it works out." He definitely fits that good-natured, boy scout, hero type role.

Some tiny Warrior pictures of Mr Aidan just for fun:

Mr. Aidan had the same goals your Warriors do! He worked hard and got his Jr. Black Belt!

Our team just wouldn't be the same without him. 

We can't thank him enough for being the 'superman' to our team!