If we look at our childhood and the memories of growing up it is so drastically different from today that it seems a gross exaggeration. It is hard to comprehend just how much childhood norms have shifted in a matter of one or two generations. The fact of the matter is that there are issues and threats that affect our kids today that are a little different from what we had. True some problems like bullying, sibling rivalry, and homework battles stand the test of time, but some challengers emerge as things change in the world around us. And that we are trying to parent through these challenges with zero personal experience. So instead of hoping wisdom and instinct take over here's a look at some of those issues and how we can apply our parental instincts.
Delayed Gratification
Remember how exciting it was to wait a whole week to see how the cliff hanger in your latest TV show turned out? I mean waiting to see it unfold in real time and knowing everyone else was also on the edge of their seats - that was something special. Today's kids don't know that. We don't have patience anymore for the things we consume. We can binge an entire season or series at once, our orders arrive in two days or less, missing someone has a quick fix - they're a button press away, and if you have a question you can access it almost instantly. Everything we need - stories, communication, contact, packages, answers and more is at our finger tips. And our children have been raised with that kind of access.
Your parental instincts are on track. Practice delayed gratification whenever possible. Don't let them binge watch shows for hours on end, don't re-arrange your families plans last minute because they changed their mind, make them save up money to buy those bigger items, make them earn fun excursions, set goals and track their progress towards rewards. There are lessons of self discipline, hard work and goal setting to be learned in delayed gratification so practice that whenever possible.
Instant Peer Input
We used to have to wait until the start of school to show off our new car, outfit, or hair style. Now everything is an upload away. Kids today are living their lives in front of an audience. And even those who choose to abstain from the lure of social media don't have a say in whether their successes or most embarrassing moments are recorded and shared for the world to see. This has led to a generation who's first instances are to record, and validate everything online. And to wait on the edge of your seat for everyone else's opinion is to risk silencing their own inner voice.
So if your parental instincts are saying put off social media as long as possible they are on track. If you've already passed that decision than definitely limit their social media to one or two platforms you can easily monitor and make sure they only have access to these devices during certain hours of the day. More importantly give your child a strong foundation of their sense of self (their likes, dislikes, opinions and morals) before you introduce other people's viewpoints into the equation. Model good in person relationships in your home and without so your child sees the value in a true and reliable group of friends rather than the whims of the internet.
Over-Commitment
The constant high lights reel of today's society really puts the pressure on today's families. And over achieving is a badge of honor that we all seem to strive for. The problem with enrolling in literally every program possible is that we all have the same 24 hours in a day. So the only area parents seem to be lighten up on the kiddos is when it comes to responsibilities at home. But when we take away chores for the sake of another camp or another activity we are also robbing them of a huge skillset required for success and raising entitles kids to boot. Not doing chores wasn't even considered when we were younger. You played your sports, did your homework and your chores, and you did it quick if you wanted time for the fun to continue. My mom used to joke (or at least I think it was one) that she had kids to get the housework done.
So try to see the bigger picture. Yes you want them to pursue their passion and succeed in all the extracurricular activites and you have big dreams of them getting into the college of their choice. But there are lessons to be found in work and contributing to the family that are invaluable for life. So don't over commit. One less activity equals more time to invest in character and time at home and that isn't something we should willingly sacrifice.
The "bad guys" of our age were the kidnappers who offered candy out of the big van. But today's criminal is much more sinister thanks to technology. There are so many kids games and kids apps that allow you to interact with other players from all over the internet. It's a great opportunity to hang with friends, but the danger of online predators is also very real even in something as seemingly harmless as Roblox (loved by most 6-9 year olds currently).
Your instincts are on tack. Set strict boundaries about who they can play with, keep the gaming systems in a public area, and constantly check in. Not everyone who says they are 8 are actually 8 and our children need to know that. It isn't a scare tactic but rather an empowering one. So teach your child internet safety and that no matter what, you have no secrets and they can talk to you about anything. Always
So there you have it! 4 problems that we didn't face when we were kiddos, but that you should definitely have on your parenting radar right now. And don't forget! If you and your kiddo are struggling with something in particular we're on your team and here to help.
