Sometimes
things, like school, come easily to our children. This often feels like a
blessing because our job is so much easier when our children are naturally
gifted don’t really have to work hard to get it down. And it feels like a
blessing until the day it stops happening and then we realize what a curse that
natural gift can turn into. Because all that easy success leads to our children
never experiencing not automatically having something down within the first few
tries. And that is the end of the world as we know it because the lack of
practice at problem solving also means they don’t know how to cope with this
new realization. Suddenly “I don’t know how” turns into “I can’t” and everyone
feels frustrated beyond belief and stuck. Naturally gifted children can develop
a fixed mindset and have their success crumble in the face of these standard
roadblocks if they aren’t properly prepared. So here are ways to instill and cultivate
a growth mindset. This is a trait necessary for the kids that are naturally
good at certain things and the ones who always seem to struggle with mastering
new tasks.
Growth and Fixed
Mindset - What is the difference?
A fixed mindset focuses on the outcome only. Can I do it or
can I not. A growth mindset, however, is cultivated on the belief that anything
can be learned and improved on, if you’re willing to work at it. A growth
mindset shifts our attention from the outcome and rather to the effort and
journey of reaching the outcome. It allows us to recognize we don’t know
something or can’t do it yet, but that success can be found if we are
hardworking and willing enough. Because life isn’t rainbows and unicorns, your
child needs a growth mindset in order to push through the roadblocks and
obstacles that life will inevitably throw at them. A growth mindset also allows
your child to see every problem as an opportunity to try something new. This
mindset allows your growing child to push the boundaries and fully meet their
potential. It definitely sounds like a growth mindset is the way to go, but how
do we promote this in our home.
Praise the right
things
As parent’s we praise our children regularly, but if we focus on the wrong things, we can miss the mark and unwittingly set our child up for disappointment and frustration in the future when they have difficulty. We should not be praising the outcome of our children’s action. It isn’t winning the game, the high grades, or the belt itself that should be our focus. We should praise them for all it took them to get there. Praise their work ethic, praise their dedication, their perseverance, their tenacity. Praise and celebrate the growth and all the work that it took to get them there. Greatness doesn’t happen by accident. It is a direct correlation to your child’s willingness to work and grow. Don’t expect or celebrate perfection. Celebrate what it took to get where they are today. This kind of praise instills and encourages a growth mindset that will help your child in the future more than the standard fluff well-meaning parents tend to focus on.
Change your family view of failure
Just
like we need to be conscious of the way we praise, we need to be more conscious
about the way we correct and view failure. To fail is to be human. It is not
the end all, be all, and failure isn’t a reflection of us as an individual, but
rather our work itself. And sometimes we will work hard and have a bad day or
the other person worked a little bit harder. That loss isn’t a reflection that
we failed or didn’t do enough. Our efforts still brought us growth and that
should be celebrated. Failure sucks but we should use it as motivation and a
roadmap that shows us what we would like to do better in the future. We can
only do that if we have a growth mindset and do not attribute that failure as a
part of our identity. The same is true for mistakes. Mistakes are small
failures and too often we teach our children that mistakes are bad. So be
conscious of how you react to your child’s mistakes and failures. Empathize
with their frustrations and feelings but also shift the focus back towards the
effort and work that occurred and what we can do differently in the future.
Let them have space
to practice
Modeling
the appropriate focus of praise and response to failure is a powerful start to
boosting your child’s mindset. Once this has become a comfortable routine in
your home give them space to practice and nourish this mindset within
themselves. We can’t guarantee we will always be there to praise them and help
build up their confidence after a mess up. It’s important to guide your kiddo
through this process by asking things like:
What did you do well?
What would you do differently next time?
What can we learn from this to help us in the future?
Helping them work through these questions with a little
prompting ensure they are internalizing the mindset and that when things are
hard they will be able to self sooth and work through their emotions,
dynamically redirect their focus and keep on growing no matter the setbacks.
Looking for practical ways to get into the practice of this?
Try to watch your kiddo on the mat! Find one Warrior trait or thing they did
well that you can focus your praise on at the end of class. Start asking them
what they think went well and open a discussion about what could be done better
next time so they can continue to improve. You’ve got this Warrior parents. And we’re here
to help
