Teaching Your Child To Choose Good Friends

      Friendships are an integral part of life for many of us. And whether those relationships have lasted a decade or are just newly begun we know that having friends takes a lot of work. For along with all of that fun, laughter, support, and memory making also comes the occasional conflict, hurt feelings, anger or sadness. Knowing the importance of relationships in our lives, it's important that we give our children the tools to find good friends, and become good friends themselves. Here's some good ways to start.

Start with Self Esteem

      The first step in teaching our children to be good friends is to teach them to be good to themselves. A child who is confident and comfortable with their own self worth is less like to fall into toxic relationships, to join in on bullying and to seek others to fill an emotional void within. So praise their handwork and successes. Take the time to highlight their best attributes regularly. By teaching them to be good to themselves you are also setting them up to be a great friend to others.

Model Good Friendships

      Our children are learning from us even when we feel like they aren't really paying attention. And the way we treat our peers sets the framework for how they will treat their friends. So take the time to check in, surround yourself with positive people, and invest time and energy into nurturing those meaningful friendships. They're likely to do the same.

Define A Good Friend

      There are many characteristics that make a good friend. Many of these like honesty, kindness, being a good listener are things we regularly teach our child at home. Keep up those strong character building lessons helps ensure they not only take those qualities into their interactions with the rest of the world but that they are also seeking them out. An easy way to check in is to ask your child how being around a certain friend made them feel. Do they feel built up, happy, supported and energized? Or does being around a certain person only tear them down. These questions can help your child discern whether the person they want to hang out with is a wise or poor choice. And this is such an important lesson since they will continue to choose their friends regardless of our input especially as they get older.

Exploring Common Interests

     In the beginning shared time or interest is what starts to bind budding friendships together. Maybe they're in the same class, play on the same street, are in martial arts class together, or are simply the same age. These seemingly mundane beginnings can be nurtured into the kind of friendships that keeps them joined at the hip. So help your child explore their interests and try new things. These new experiences and having things in common that they enjoy doing together can help foster many young friendships.

Appreciating the Differences

     Of course friends don't have to be alike to be successful. Every individual has special qualities they bring to the relationship. So teach your child to recognize others' unique gifts and celebrate each others differences. Point out to your child what admirable traits you notice about their friends. It will help them value and seek out those qualities in others. Plus friends who are different bring many opportunities to learn, grow and try new things. 

Teach Conflict Resolution

     Friends don't always agree or get along with each other perfectly. In order for them to be successful we have to teach our children to manage those little conflicts. Because helping our children learn how to accept responsibility for their actions, apologize and move forward are essential skills to all future relationships they will have. 

(FOR OLDER KIDS) Look at Quantity vs Quality

      As our children get older and begin to navigate the social circles of middle and high school their view of friendship can start to shift. The "in" thing becomes more about popularity than creating deep and meaningful bonds. So help your child understand the difference in quantity vs quality of friends. And encourage them to seek out the latter because it is much more valuable and worthwhile friend to have.

     Bottom line is we cannot choose our child's friends for them their whole life. I mean you can try, but that historically never goes well. So whether you like your child's friends or are concerned about them focus on being a positive influence. And remember you can start instilling this friendship framework and mentality no matter where you are in your journey. So open a dialogue with your child on what makes a good friend. Check in with them on how they feel after spending time with someone. And always embody the values you want your child to seek out. Just by your family living your life and having their friends over (even if they aren't your favorite) you can be an influence for good.

#RaiseAWarrior 

 

Keeping Bullies Out Of Your Child's Life

     We teach a child to get help when they are being bullied, hurt, or mistreated in any way. And that is what we've been teaching them for years. Authority is the answer. And it can be when society in't bogged down by excessive whistle blowing and a focus on being politically correct. So how do we prepare our child to handle being bullied? How can we prevent it in the first place? Is teaching our children to run to authority always the best answer? The school system and other organizations try to handle these and other issues to the best of their abilities, but it is easy to see how they are frequently overwhelmed.

     So what can we parents do to protect our children when they are outside the safety of our nest? Especially when we know that bullies are notorious for targeting kids that are isolated or have low self esteem. The answer is in our mission of raising a warrior. A warrior knows who they are and what they stand for. They know what is acceptable behavior and what will not be tolerated. They are willing to stand up for themselves and others. So where does this confidence come from? How do we teach our kids to recognize their inherent internal worth? Our sister school in Oklahoma has some great insight on the manner.

     Brandon Bennett is a long time friend and student of Tuhon Harley Elmore. He is the instructor who runs Relentless Martial Arts, up in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He recognizes that our youth receives little or no positive affirmation from our culture about who they are and makes it his mission to regularly ask his student to "tell me who you are." The premise of this question seems simple. The things you say about yourself must all be positive. You cannot describe how you look. And you must give as many examples as you are years old. So a ten year old student, must list 10 things that describe who they are and positively fit the criteria presented. It is simple task, but not an easy one. Mr. Bennett uses this tool to constantly reaffirm the youth in his academy by revisiting the ever growing definition of who they are and steering their thoughts in a more positive direction. Society would have us associate positive meaning to how we look, but it should be so much more than that. We want our children to find positive meaning in their character and skills instead.

     Last time Guro Brandon was in our school he posed this simple question to some of our instructors. It was an eye opening exercise. So take some alone time to do this exercise on your own. See how it impacts your day. And then while you sit down to family meals or check in with your child one on one before bedtime take a moment to see what their response is. Maybe make this a monthly thing where you all answer the question "Who am I?." You might just be surprised at how this sense of self can quickly change with a little bit of positive affirmation.

     So use this tool to help steer your child's sense of self worth. As their confidence grows the likelihood that they will be targeted by bullies will continue to decrease. Because after all the best anti-bullying plan is having the confidence and self worth to not be seen as a potential target in the first place.

     To read more of Guro Brandon's thoughts on affirming the self confidence of our youth and why it's so pivotal to their development check out the full article at...

http://www.relentlessmartialarts.com/Blog---A-Relentless-Life.html

#RaiseAWarrior