The Gold In Intrinsic Motivation

     We were talking about respect in classes, and we challenged the kiddos to figure out why the golden rule is called that. They decided that gold is both precious and rare. In today’s day and age respect (like many other countless priceless characteristics and morals) feels as precious and rare as gold. Now as parents, we want our children’s life to be rich. Rich in character, rich in happiness, rich in joy. But wishing isn’t enough to make it so. All our encouragement isn’t enough to get our children to seek after and chase these precious and finer things. Especially considering today’s world that is over saturated and overly relies on external rewards, prizes, and displays of outward success. To wish better for our children we must show them a better way. We need to teach our children to celebrate doing good for the sake of doing good. That doing good in and of itself feels good. And that the sense of accomplishment, and joy in giving is rewarding just for what it is. So today we’re going to delve into a path of intrinsic motivation and growth mindsets. Why it’s important and ways to help foster and encourage it in your child.

Intrinsic motivation must come from inside you. It is a desire to grow, explore and master not for recognition, gain, or others, but simply because you enjoy it. Intrinsic motivation encourages us to have a growth mindset and be cognitively hardy. It is a trait that encourages our kids to

·         Do good because it feels good

·         Have a sense of pride in their efforts

·         Be able to get back up when knocked down

·         Believe in themselves and their abilities

What parent doesn’t want that for their child? So here are ways to foster and reinforce this in your home.

Change Your Families View Of Failure And Mistakes

                Too often we get stuck on seeing failure or mistakes as the end all be all. But in reality we should view it as a beginning or springboard from which we can grow. We should teach our children to view challenges and the emotions associated with them (fear, frustration, fatigue, disappointment, etc) as an opportunity to become a better, stronger person. This change helps us view challenges and stress not as something to survive, but an environment in which we can thrive in and become more. This stems from within our homes. So be the family who resets, does do-overs, and isn’t afraid to give it another go. Mistakes are a chance to reflect, refocus, and restart. And being able to learn and laugh at your own mistakes is a priceless life skill that will help our children in countless areas of their life. 

Be The Family Who Recognizes Effort And The Process

                We all want the prize, to win, to be recognized. It’s a natural goal and a common focus of today. So be the family who swims against this mindset. Your child’s hard work and effort (if it truly is their best) should be recognized. It is so much more important than the outcome. Because a bad outcome can be overcome with more hard work and genuine effort. Mastering that process of work is a skill set and it will help your child achieve anything they set their heart and mind to.

                This is especially important because young children’s thinking is so concrete. If we tell them “they’re so smart” or “so good at math” (which naturally we want to tell our children) they will believe it is just how things are. Then when something comes along that doesn’t come as easily and challenges this core belief of who they are (smart and good at math) they will give up with minimal to no effort. However, if we consistently recognize their effort and work, they will believe that is the secret to getting good at anything and will be far more likely to try when faced with a challenge.

Be A Family Who Focuses on Goal Setting (Big or Small)

                Goal setting is something we don’t naturally have, and some people never master it. I don’t know what it is to live your life with such reckless abandon, but I know my kiddos won’t ever have to find that out. So, give your child opportunities to set goals. Help them break those big goals, into smaller actionable time stamped steps, and then let the try. Don’t be accountable for their homework after a certain age. Grades are important in High School, it’s true, but the focus in the elementary years should be more on learning to go through the process of focusing, setting goals, and accomplishing them. Building that skill from wherever you are right now, will help you miles in the teenage years.

Be A Family Who Celebrates Success

                We want to celebrate our kids. It’s natural to take on pride as their accomplishments reflect our own efforts. But let your child guide the narrative. Get into the habit of asking them what they’re most proud of before sharing your two cents. That internal dialogue and reflection on what makes them feel good and what they consider success helps them become more independent and able to do things that make them proud rather than the common nomenclature of doing everything in their power to make their parents proud.

Be A Family Who Stays Grateful

                Sometimes our effort and work aren’t enough to make up for a rough patch or life dealing us a few curve balls. In those instances, an attitude of gratitude and being able to see the silver linings in any given situation makes all the difference between getting through with hope and giving into despair. So, make this a foundational element of your home. Practice it as much as you can for it truly will help your child persevere and find joy in the hardest of times.

                That's it! Little gold nuggets of wisdom to help you cultivate some truly precious skills in your household. You’ve got this Warrior parents. And we’ve got your back.

 #RaiseAWarrior