Relationship Work PART 2: It’s All About Connection

                We’ve talked about this before, but we wanted to add to this idea a little. We know that relationships are not a static or stagnant state of being. They required consistent work and a lot of it. Of course, there is always an element of choice. We can choose to do the work and reap the benefits, or we can choose to rest on our laurels and see how long that lasts. Anyone who has an older child know there is wisdom in choosing the first option. The grudgingly answered questions and the monosyllables or one-word answers are enough to drive anyone crazy. So today covers EVEN MORE great ways to ensure you and your child have a relationship of open communication.

Connect To Strengthen

                In all relationships there will be highs and there will be lows. Sometimes it is smooth sailing and sometimes it feels like we are constantly at odds with each other. And even though those low points are hard and hurt more than we like to acknowledge, they’re even more cutting when we weren’t connected in the first place. As parents we can expect some of the stickier hurdles of growth. So in the times of plenty don’t take that connection for granted. Shore up that connection and strengthen that bond so that even when it is taxed it does not break. It makes those times of hardship that more manageable when you know that at the root of it, you’re still on the same team and craving to get back to that connection you had previously.

 Connect To Create Memories

                Do you remember the wonder of childhood? Do you remember the magic of sharing something you love for the first time with your child or exploring something new together? Eventually it feels like that magic is gone and there is no way to recreate it, but there are truly countless ways to bring that magic back and create some memories. It doesn’t have to be crazy big either. As we’ve grown older Christmas has changed. Our needs are different and less exciting. So, one way we brought the magic back is by having an adult scavenger hunt with our presents. For 30 minutes we frantically rush around Walmart looking for “a blue liquid for $5 or less,” “something rectangular for $15” etc. And so, while in truth we’re grabbing much needed socks and cleaning supplies, we’re having a blast doing it. Do an Easter Egg hunt but use money. Have a costume dinner party in the middle of the week. Pick out good will outfits and wear them to chick fil a. Have a bake off in your own home and then eat only dessert for dinner. We can add a little magic and make every day that much more extraordinary by creating small memorable moments our family won’t soon forget.

Connect To Build A Legacy

                Our children should carry forward the best parts of us. However, this doesn’t just happen without some forethought and effort. If we aren’t consciously trying to instill our strongest character traits and morale’s in our children, then they are only absorbing what they perceive us to be doing. Sometimes that can work in your favor but not always. So, take time to develop your legacy. Live life the way you want your children to remember you. Make times for what is important. Work is great but that isn’t the legacy your children want or deserve. Build into your lifestyle a legacy of love, service, creativity, adventure, gratitude, humor, or whatever it is that is special and unique to you. When our time on this earth is no more it is our legacy and the way we lived our lives that will stand out to our children, and they will always have to carry with and guide them. Make sure it’s a legacy worthy of that task.

                Parenting is the single most important job you will have in your lifetime. It is capable of being the most impactful on you and your child so take time to re-center and refocus. And keep up the great work Warrior parents!

#RaiseAWarrior 

 

Defining Your Core Values: As A Parent & A Family

Looking at great Warrior cultures across history we see men and women of great feats and legacy. And although many of their cultures have long since faded into the pages of history there is something these great warriors had in common that we should strive for. Warrior cultures had an ethos. A set of guidelines that acts as their moral compass and a way to help them choose the path before them. These values were pivotal in helping them choose the path before them. And these values were instilled from the beginning in their home. It is the importance of these guiding moral principles that are too often overlooked modern day.

The thing is no one can define your family’s ethos for you. It is up to you as a unit to decide your core values and hash out what values you hold dear and want to strengthen. What traits make your family unique? Are you grateful, generous, loving, courageous, selfless, disciplined? The options are truly endless. And history is ripe with examples: Chivalry, Vikings, bushido, the ten commandments, nearly every culture and people you can think of have a documented value system some steeped in religion and some less so. Feel free to deep dive into those cultures. You might be surprised by some of the things they held dear and what was important traits for being a good man or woman. And don’t worry for those less interested in a historical deep dive the link below syncs up to a core value exercise and walks you through it step by step. (Feel free to just skip there if getting lost in the internet’s abyss of potential and learning isn’t really your style)

This is a great exercise and way to self-check where we are on this parenting journey. Even doing this activity solo for yourself can be eye opening regarding what’s important to you as a person, as a parent, and why. Feel free to do this exercise several times as an individual, co-parents, and as a family. Everyone can get involved and who knows you might learn something along the way and be a little more focused on what you want to tackle next.

Our value system is heavily influenced by the beliefs we are raised within our homes. As our children grow, they are introduced to other priorities and theories of thought so take the time to strengthen this awareness wherever you are on your parenting journey. You’ve got this Warrior parents. Feel free to drop your core values below in the comments. We would love to learn with you!

Core Values Activity - Level Up Your Life

#RaiseAWarrior 

Relationship Work: Putting Good Communication In Practice

                We know that relationships are not a static or stagnant state of being. They required consistent work and a lot of it. Of course, there is always an element of choice. We can choose to do the work and reap the benefits, or we can choose to rest on our laurels and see how long that lasts. Anyone who has an older child knows there is wisdom in choosing the first option. The grudgingly answered questions and the monosyllables or one-word answers are enough to drive anyone crazy. So today covers some great ways to ensure you and your child have a relationship of open communication. And the best thing is like all good goals, you can start from wherever you are today.

Connect To Know Their Heart

                You can’t have open communication without a safe space of being known and being loved through the good and the bad. This sort of trust is built with lots of practice and takes time to nurture. You have to give your child room to say what they need to and you have to listen. Building this sort of trust requires you to ask “if they would like to talk” and then sit in silence. Let it build and let them pour out their heart if they choose too. Then don’t go into fix it mode. Be a safe place and sounding board for them to vent their concerns too. The act of speaking aloud our fears and concerns is a pivotal step in working through them. Your child (especially as they grow) don’t need you to solve everything. They just need you to be present and there for them and know if ever they have that need, you’d move heaven and earth to aid them.

Connect To Encourage Optimism

                Our brains are designed to detect threats to us. Young children aren’t really aware it’s happening, but as we grow we realize our brain is really good at focusing and fixating on the things that upset us or stress us out. However, as with all things we need balance. When our mind gets stuck focusing on the bad, it seems to be all we can find. We must actively chase the sunshine and see the good in the spot of gray. This comes with practice. This isn’t to say focus on the sunshine and rainbows when your kiddo is struggling, but don’t let them dwell in that thought cycle. Let them vent the good the bad and the ugly. Be that safe space. But always bring it back with a “what’s one thing you’re thankful for today?” or a “did someone help you today?” This practice gives us space to work through the rougher bits of our day, but then refocus on the good and carry on from there.   

Connect To Build Resiliency

                This one goes hand in hand with the message of the last one. Sometimes you feel like you can’t turn a day around. It happens. When it does teach your child to shift their focus; that goes a long way towards strengthening their beliefs in the good around them and giving them the ability to be hardy and resilient in a world that will sometimes knock their socks off. So, if it seems like your child can’t refocus on the positive and carry on from their ask them “what can you do tomorrow to make it great?” or “how can you help someone else today?” Shifting the focus to another or to the future is more positive because helping others feels good and goal setting is an entire belief based on the premise that things can and will be better.

Connect For Emotional Intelligence

                We live in a culture that encourages us to tamp down the real us and only leave the picture perfect for others to see. This shunning of talking about or even feeling our emotions as a means of escape just leads to an inevitable build up and blowout. Avoidance and denial are not the path to a happier more fulfilled life. We want more for our children than the emotional stunted growth and difficult relationships a lack of emotional intelligence leads to. Giving our children room to work through those big feelings while knowing they are safe to do so and unjudged during the process is so pivotal on this journey. If you want to be the person, they come to when things get hard, you must be there and present for the things that matter to them. Even if they seem small and inconsequential to you in the moment. Remember there was once a time when the betrayal of not being invited to little Sally’s birthday party, or your sibling getting unfair treatment would have ruined your day too. When they go quiet ask them “what are you feeling?” ask them to tell you about it and then wait. Give them space to decide what to share and how quickly. Be a good listener.

                Warrior parents we get it. It is very easy for us to be caught up in all our duties, the roles, and responsibilities we must do for everything and everyone. Our children know they are loved. We don’t have to prove it to them every 4-6 hours… right? The things you do are important. Work, commitments, extracurriculars, and some down time for yourself are ALL important. But if you continually turn away, or “not right now” your kiddo when they are needing your “yes” and for you to turn towards there will be changes. You may not notice them right now, but one day you’ll miss the days when they couldn’t wait to crawl in your lap and tell you what school was like. Deep breath! Put the phone down and turn towards your child today. Be the one who opens the door for better communication. And if you’re in the older years hang in there. The monosyllable stage of your relationship doesn’t last forever. You can communicate better and grow these skills as a family. You’ve got this Warrior parents.

#RaiseAWarrior