Teaching Your Warrior To Be A Good Friend

     As our children progress through the Elementary grades and move towards Middle School we begin to notice a trend. Relationships with friends start to become as important as development and connection within their family. As our children grow they begin to crave acceptance from peers and often look to their friends to help them navigate day to day life. This can be a tricky time for our child's development, but it also can be so rewarding with the right guidance. After all friendships can make the worst days that much better, having a friend to share your time with makes everything more fun, and the people we spend the most time around definitely shapes us as we grow.

     So how do we help our child be a good friend when friendships at this age are so fluid? I mean friendships (especially among kiddos) ebb and flow all the time. It isn't necessarily intentional, but it does happens. As extra-curriculars pull us all different directions, scheduling conflicts abound, new jobs are taken or refused, friends just move on or slowly grow a part. We naturally feel closest to those we see the most, so as our child's passions, personalities, and our family circumstances as a whole change our child's friendships will evolve as well. So instead of putting the emphasis on the number of friends your little has, focus instead on the kind of friend they're becoming. The rest will then begin to fall into place.

Respectfully Say "NO" To Drama:

     Drama happens and we've all been caught up in it before. When emotions get high it is easy to be sucked deep into these dramatic falling outs. After all there is a huge adrenaline rush that comes from being central to these soap opera-esque moments. But these webs of high emotions come with a very low return and more heartache than it's worth. Consistently engaging with people who are gossipy, crave chaos, and wish to stir the pot will leave our children (and us) exhausted long before high school is over. So when it comes to being a good friend teach them to say no to drama from an early age. Initially we do this by helping them understand and interpret their own emotions about an event. Even younger elementary aged children frequently have friendship disputes and will come home distraught because little Jimmy didn't sit with them today. Helping them work through and then move past these slights is the first step towards a drama free household. As they become better equipped to recognize and care for their own emotions, your child will start to be able to recognize and do the same with the emotions of those around them. This empathetic understanding will help them understand the why behind only sharing the details of a conflict or falling out solely with the core players. Not everyone needs to be involved. Teach them not to forward or share embarrassing stories or images. Raise a child who doesn't respond to baiting messages or comments. Raise someone strong enough to resist zinging back hateful comments and who can empathize with others enough to know when drama has gone on too far. The best kind of friends are always respectful and consistently empathetic. They don't play around with drama and other's emotions. So say no to drama by making respect and emotional maturity the standard of behavior in all relationships. These priceless values truly do start with us in our homes.

Patiently Assume Positive Intent:

     Kids, especially younger ones, are not inherently cruel. They tend to be insensitive, but that's just because they don't always see how their actions affect others yet. A lot of elementary snubs and friendship disputes are unintentional. But when our child perceives malice, that anger and hurt truly puts a stop on conflict resolution. So teach your child you give others the benefit of the doubt. Teach your child to take some time to cool off and process their emotions so they are more open to seeing and hearing things from the other person's perspective. When we assume positive intent in others, we are slower to anger and more inclined to be patient and kind. This practice is also super helpful among squabbling siblings, so truly take the time to nurture this mindset and make it a habit in your home. 

Have Confidence and Always Leave Room At Your Table:

     As parent's we love to see our child have a best friend or group of close friends. These may not be their BFF's for life, but they are an important part of their journey right now. While our child is enjoying the benefits of friendship it is important we teach them to not be hyper-focused on the friends they have at the exclusion of everyone else. I remember in college, a family friend suggested I meet another young woman they knew who was attending the same school, with the same major a year ahead of me. I was pretty content in my friend group at the time, but I hesitantly said yes and then nervously entered Starbucks to meet this girl in a blind friendship date. This girl and I became fast friends and college would've been a very difficult experience without her. To this day she remains my best friend and we jokingly are thankful neither of us chickened out on our arranged blind meetup. So teach your little to cherish their friends, but always leave room at their table for the new kid. When we step outside of our comfort circle with confidence and lead the way for our friends many unexpected blessings can happen. So raise a child who is unafraid to invite someone new to join them and their friends. It could be the best thing that ever happened to them.

Choose Kindness Over Popularity:

     Being popular and a part of the it crowd can be fun, but if it's our child's only goal they will be sorely disappointed. Trying to impress the "in" crowd can be a slippery slope that tempts us to compromise our values. So rather than trying to find the perfect group of friends, teach your child to concentrate on being the right friend instead. People are drawn to people with similar ideals. When your child focuses on kindness and treating everyone well and with respect they will attract friends with similar attitudes. It is important for children of all ages to know that by holding themselves to higher standards, by encouraging others rather than critiquing, and by becoming the friend they wish to find they will be setting themselves up for more positive, long lasting, and less dramatic relationships.

     So instead of getting tangled in friendship drama or stressing over whether your child has enough friends focus on building up tried and true attributes instead. When we put the focus on character traits like respect, patience, confidence, and kindness we are setting our child up for ultimate friendship and relationship success. Because when your child stands out from the crowd because of their values, it truly does leave room for a deep and meaningful friendship to bloom. The kind of friendship that isn't casual, petty, or likely to break apart quickly. A friendship that has a chance of growing along with your child and lasting for many years. The secret lies in strengthening the good character you are working to build. Because when you focus on raising a warrior everything else truly falls into place. So keep it up Warrior parents! And have a great week!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Crushing Homework Battles Like A Parenting Warrior

     School’s been back in session for over a month. Hopefully by now you and your Little Warrior have settled into a semblance of a routine and shaken yourself from the indolent habits of sweet summer time. Now that we’ve mastered back to school routines it’s time to master the second parenting hurdle of back to school time- homework. Maybe you’re little one just sits down and rocks it like a champ. But the odds are this extra work is met with some resistance to say the least.

     So what is our role in these homework battles? As parents we naturally feel it’s our job to ensure our kids do well in school. I mean this is one of those first pivotal steps to them succeeding in life… isn’t it? The truth is, however, when we micromanage or complete our child’s homework to ensure they succeed now we ultimately aren’t doing them any long term favors. Homework is meant to reinforce the topics learned in class and show the teacher areas of weakness. When we give our child room to figure it out for themselves and make some mistakes along the way we are allowing them to safely learn and gain important life skills like self-sufficiency, problem solving, dedication, and time management. Those skills are vital to success in the work force, much more so than recognizing a verb, or diagramming a sentence. 

     This isn’t to say we wash our hands of this homework business entirely. After all our children will need a lot of support and guidance while they build good study and work habits. So take a look at these strategies to help you and your child crush homework without us resorting to do it for them. After all homework is their responsibility. Not ours.

Let your child take the lead and plan TOGETHER

     One of the life skills homework teaches a child is the discipline required to tackle and complete unpleasant tasks. Life is full of unpleasant tasks. The sooner our child learns how to cope with and crush them the happier they will be. We would all rather watch Netflix then do an unsavory or dreaded task. But the majority of the time we simply can't. So let your child take the lead a little, but keep them accountable. Maybe they're hyper from sitting in a class all day and can't immediately jump right into homework. It is okay for them to have 20 minutes to run around crazy before settling down to work. You don't always have to work before playing, it's all about balance. We simply have to get our tasks done in a timely manner. So suggest a few ideas (that you're willing to support) that might make them more successful and see what they want to try. Timers for regular breaks, a little down time to unwind first, maybe homework in the morning instead of evening, maybe homework at the table without distractions is better or maybe relaxing on the bed is more their study style. You won't know without trying. Pulling out their homework and setting it in front of them may be easier, but it steals priceless learning opportunities away from them, so plan together and let them lead the way a little.

Be a RESOURCE

     As parents we want our children to know we will always be an available resource for them, but that we will never be a crutch. This is a delicate balance that takes some practice to get just right. When it comes to homework time, don't hover or micromanage their work. Be nearby, but keep going about the things you need to do. When your little one calls out for help don't immediately rush over. Give them a chance to continue working through the problem on their own. We want them to understand that we don't mind them asking for help, but that they also have to give it their best honest to goodness try. Some parents find success with putting a limit on the number of times their little one is able to ask for help on any given homework night. Then any further problems they will have to circle and talk to their teacher about. This is also great real life practice because asking another for help (especially if that person is deemed an authority figure) takes a lot of courage. It is hard to admit we need help and don't know what to do so let them burn lots of safe easy reps building this skill set before it becomes a necessity.

Focus on building GOOD HABITS

     Completing homework assignments and having good study habits as a child scholastically progresses aren't necessarily the same thing. It is important for our growing child to not only be able to focus and sit to/complete a task, but also to review material, take notes, retain information, view the big picture, and stay organized. These good study habits if instilled now will set our child up for academic and professional success in the future. So take the time to build these habits up. Let them see you use good organizational habits in managing bills or the family calendar, let them ask questions about budgeting, show them that reading for pleasure on topics that interests you is good. Help them study material in different ways. We all learn differently so have some fun finding what learning style matches your child best; be it flash cards, active listening, color coded note taking, the options are truly endless. Taking the time to do this now will prepare them to rock high school and college later. Remediation and study classes are just as expensive as the ones that help you get your degree so save yourself and your child some money in the future by taking the time to tackle and instill these habits now.

     Overall our child's education is one of those investments who's importance can't be stressed enough. So take the power struggle out of homework time by approaching this together with a positive mindset. Who knows... you might just both learn a little something along the way.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Instructor Spotlight: Miss Kenzie

Miss Kenzie is AWESOME! 

She was in our Little Warrior's program growing up and received her Junior Black Belt in our kids program with her older sister. She's worked with us on and off through the years and we're grateful to have her back on our team now!

Miss Kenzie strives to teach our Little Warriors:

"To always have kindness and compassion for others and themselves. We really are missing that today and something as simple as a smile can help someone out."

The kiddos love Miss Kenzie because:

1. She always has a sweet smile and hello for them
2. She genuinely is happy to see everyone
3. She absolutely loves snacks and the kids enjoy buying them from a fellow snack lover

A few of Miss Kenzie's favorite things:

      In addition to absolutely loving snacks, Miss Kenzie loves animals. She has a full house when it comes to pets. Her mini zoo includes three dogs: Roxy, Shadow, and Koda (who is a 7 month old puppy full of energy and personality), two fish named Oscar and Angela, and a sassy hedgehog named Wade. Since she loves such tiny adorable creatures and all of that busy energy it's no wonder she feels right at home hanging with all of our Warriors here at the Academy. Miss Kenzie is always on the go, but when she gets to slow down and relax she loves watching Criminal Minds, taking naps,  daydreaming about her next trip to Italy and Greece, and hanging out with her best friend/fiancé in between her homework.

A little bit more about Miss Kenzie:

      Miss Kenzie loves kids. She wants to spend the rest of her life working around those little balls of sunshine and dreams of being a pediatric nurse after college. She's currently attending Vernon College and we think that hanging with our kiddos will definitely be good reps in that field. Miss Kenzie was recently engaged to her high school sweetheart, and our very own Mr. Brendon. They grew up in our Little Warrior's Program and it's awesome to see these two Warriors grow stronger together and help support a whole new generation of Warriors. When we asked Miss Kenzie who her hero was she said it would definitely be Mr. Brendon. "He's like my Superman. He's good looking, kind, highly intelligent, and always here when I need help or a hug. Thank you for all you have done for me. You will always be my hero." With awesome adults on our team like them we know we can succeed in our mission and help future generations of Warriors be just as awesome.

Miss Kenzie we are so excited to have you back and we look forward to seeing where this new stage takes you both.

Some throwback baby Warrior pics of Miss Kenzie just for fun...

Little Miss Kenzie is the 2nd one on the left

Miss Kenzie's silly photo from her Junior Black Belt Test

#RaiseAWarrior 

Lie's Parents Believe Part 2

     Raising a Warrior means perpetually striving to give our children the very best we can. This is our mission as parents, but we cannot give another our best without being at our very best. Last month we touched on some lies we can easily get caught up in as parents. This week we want to continue with that thread. So take a moment and self reflect on whether these lies resonant with you. As we debunk these insecurities and lies that are holding us stationary we can begin growing past the confines of them and continue to give our family our very best.

I can't be happy if things aren't perfect.

     Most of us probably don't identify as over the top perfectionists. But the truth is perfectionism comes in many insidious forms. Ever felt frustrated because your house never seems to be clean? Struggling with keeping everyone placated and happy? Your child's behavior issues got you down? The truth is all of these are a form of parenting perfectionism and they have a nasty habit of stealing our joy from right now. The truth is perfection is an illusion that Hollywood and social media would have us believe is within our power to obtain, but it just isn't. So instead of never having company over because your house isn't just the way you want it, have them over. Make some memories. Don't let a slightly messy house keep you from having that joy. Accept that you can't keep everyone happy, all the time. You just aren't a taco. I'm sorry Warrior parents. So focus on making the difference in even just one person's day and celebrate that victory. Everything doesn't have to be perfect for you to be happy. And if you take steps to start practicing this new mindset you'll realize just how much your hidden parenting perfectionism was stealing away from you and your family's joy.

I have to do it all alone.

     Our situation isn't always known to others. Maybe you don't have an awesome family support system, maybe your best friend just moved, but you are never alone. Even if all you have is us, that is a powerful force of good in yours and your child's life. Don't fall for this lie that causes us to shut down and close ourselves off from people who genuinely care. When we feel alone, it changes our behavior and starts to become a self fulfilling prophecy. So when you feel you have to do it all and will never be able to manage another second call a friend, reconnect with your family, sit down with us. Even just having an understanding and open conversation can stop this mindset of loneliness in its track. So let this lie go. There are people who genuinely care and are invested in both you and your family. You need only ask.

I can control my child's future.

     This is a tough one Warrior parents, especially as your child gets older. The truth is we cannot stop our child from making mistakes or hurting themselves. We can't keep them from jail, from dating someone who isn't good for them, from having bad friends, dropping an extracurricular they really excelled at, or blowing off school and losing scholarships. All we can truly do is guide them and support them through thick and thin. We can make an impact, but we do not have any long lasting or actual control over their future. So take it a day at a time. Recognize it is their life and ultimately they get to choose who they want to be. And in the mean time use every second of time you have to influence and point them towards good. Our children truly listen to us and take everything we say as truth for a very finite time. Use that to your advantage! And if you've already entered the year where discord is rearing it's ugly head don't despair. Communicate your openness, non judgement, and willingness to help and support no matter the situation. Let them see you as a safe harbor always. We all rebelled some as teens, but we also usually came back and recognized are parents were more right than we wanted to give them credit for. If you're struggling with this today try making a list of all the things you can do today and places where you can make an impact. Then take a deep breathe and recognize what you have no control over the rest. Let that truth set you free from the worry of tomorrow and let it make you grateful for the impact you can actually make today.

     These posts are a little different from our usual, but taking care of yourself is so vital to successfully raising a warrior and helping your family grow. If you're in a parenting rut (whether it's one we've touched on or not) know you can always get out of it. No situation is hopeless Warrior parents and nothing lasts forever. So chin up and keep being amazing! Your whole family is counting on you.

#RaiseAWarrior