Teaching Your Warrior To Be A Good Friend

     As our children progress through the Elementary grades and move towards Middle School we begin to notice a trend. Relationships with friends start to become as important as development and connection within their family. As our children grow they begin to crave acceptance from peers and often look to their friends to help them navigate day to day life. This can be a tricky time for our child's development, but it also can be so rewarding with the right guidance. After all friendships can make the worst days that much better, having a friend to share your time with makes everything more fun, and the people we spend the most time around definitely shapes us as we grow.

     So how do we help our child be a good friend when friendships at this age are so fluid? I mean friendships (especially among kiddos) ebb and flow all the time. It isn't necessarily intentional, but it does happens. As extra-curriculars pull us all different directions, scheduling conflicts abound, new jobs are taken or refused, friends just move on or slowly grow a part. We naturally feel closest to those we see the most, so as our child's passions, personalities, and our family circumstances as a whole change our child's friendships will evolve as well. So instead of putting the emphasis on the number of friends your little has, focus instead on the kind of friend they're becoming. The rest will then begin to fall into place.

Respectfully Say "NO" To Drama:

     Drama happens and we've all been caught up in it before. When emotions get high it is easy to be sucked deep into these dramatic falling outs. After all there is a huge adrenaline rush that comes from being central to these soap opera-esque moments. But these webs of high emotions come with a very low return and more heartache than it's worth. Consistently engaging with people who are gossipy, crave chaos, and wish to stir the pot will leave our children (and us) exhausted long before high school is over. So when it comes to being a good friend teach them to say no to drama from an early age. Initially we do this by helping them understand and interpret their own emotions about an event. Even younger elementary aged children frequently have friendship disputes and will come home distraught because little Jimmy didn't sit with them today. Helping them work through and then move past these slights is the first step towards a drama free household. As they become better equipped to recognize and care for their own emotions, your child will start to be able to recognize and do the same with the emotions of those around them. This empathetic understanding will help them understand the why behind only sharing the details of a conflict or falling out solely with the core players. Not everyone needs to be involved. Teach them not to forward or share embarrassing stories or images. Raise a child who doesn't respond to baiting messages or comments. Raise someone strong enough to resist zinging back hateful comments and who can empathize with others enough to know when drama has gone on too far. The best kind of friends are always respectful and consistently empathetic. They don't play around with drama and other's emotions. So say no to drama by making respect and emotional maturity the standard of behavior in all relationships. These priceless values truly do start with us in our homes.

Patiently Assume Positive Intent:

     Kids, especially younger ones, are not inherently cruel. They tend to be insensitive, but that's just because they don't always see how their actions affect others yet. A lot of elementary snubs and friendship disputes are unintentional. But when our child perceives malice, that anger and hurt truly puts a stop on conflict resolution. So teach your child you give others the benefit of the doubt. Teach your child to take some time to cool off and process their emotions so they are more open to seeing and hearing things from the other person's perspective. When we assume positive intent in others, we are slower to anger and more inclined to be patient and kind. This practice is also super helpful among squabbling siblings, so truly take the time to nurture this mindset and make it a habit in your home. 

Have Confidence and Always Leave Room At Your Table:

     As parent's we love to see our child have a best friend or group of close friends. These may not be their BFF's for life, but they are an important part of their journey right now. While our child is enjoying the benefits of friendship it is important we teach them to not be hyper-focused on the friends they have at the exclusion of everyone else. I remember in college, a family friend suggested I meet another young woman they knew who was attending the same school, with the same major a year ahead of me. I was pretty content in my friend group at the time, but I hesitantly said yes and then nervously entered Starbucks to meet this girl in a blind friendship date. This girl and I became fast friends and college would've been a very difficult experience without her. To this day she remains my best friend and we jokingly are thankful neither of us chickened out on our arranged blind meetup. So teach your little to cherish their friends, but always leave room at their table for the new kid. When we step outside of our comfort circle with confidence and lead the way for our friends many unexpected blessings can happen. So raise a child who is unafraid to invite someone new to join them and their friends. It could be the best thing that ever happened to them.

Choose Kindness Over Popularity:

     Being popular and a part of the it crowd can be fun, but if it's our child's only goal they will be sorely disappointed. Trying to impress the "in" crowd can be a slippery slope that tempts us to compromise our values. So rather than trying to find the perfect group of friends, teach your child to concentrate on being the right friend instead. People are drawn to people with similar ideals. When your child focuses on kindness and treating everyone well and with respect they will attract friends with similar attitudes. It is important for children of all ages to know that by holding themselves to higher standards, by encouraging others rather than critiquing, and by becoming the friend they wish to find they will be setting themselves up for more positive, long lasting, and less dramatic relationships.

     So instead of getting tangled in friendship drama or stressing over whether your child has enough friends focus on building up tried and true attributes instead. When we put the focus on character traits like respect, patience, confidence, and kindness we are setting our child up for ultimate friendship and relationship success. Because when your child stands out from the crowd because of their values, it truly does leave room for a deep and meaningful friendship to bloom. The kind of friendship that isn't casual, petty, or likely to break apart quickly. A friendship that has a chance of growing along with your child and lasting for many years. The secret lies in strengthening the good character you are working to build. Because when you focus on raising a warrior everything else truly falls into place. So keep it up Warrior parents! And have a great week!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Crushing Homework Battles Like A Parenting Warrior

     School’s been back in session for over a month. Hopefully by now you and your Little Warrior have settled into a semblance of a routine and shaken yourself from the indolent habits of sweet summer time. Now that we’ve mastered back to school routines it’s time to master the second parenting hurdle of back to school time- homework. Maybe you’re little one just sits down and rocks it like a champ. But the odds are this extra work is met with some resistance to say the least.

     So what is our role in these homework battles? As parents we naturally feel it’s our job to ensure our kids do well in school. I mean this is one of those first pivotal steps to them succeeding in life… isn’t it? The truth is, however, when we micromanage or complete our child’s homework to ensure they succeed now we ultimately aren’t doing them any long term favors. Homework is meant to reinforce the topics learned in class and show the teacher areas of weakness. When we give our child room to figure it out for themselves and make some mistakes along the way we are allowing them to safely learn and gain important life skills like self-sufficiency, problem solving, dedication, and time management. Those skills are vital to success in the work force, much more so than recognizing a verb, or diagramming a sentence. 

     This isn’t to say we wash our hands of this homework business entirely. After all our children will need a lot of support and guidance while they build good study and work habits. So take a look at these strategies to help you and your child crush homework without us resorting to do it for them. After all homework is their responsibility. Not ours.

Let your child take the lead and plan TOGETHER

     One of the life skills homework teaches a child is the discipline required to tackle and complete unpleasant tasks. Life is full of unpleasant tasks. The sooner our child learns how to cope with and crush them the happier they will be. We would all rather watch Netflix then do an unsavory or dreaded task. But the majority of the time we simply can't. So let your child take the lead a little, but keep them accountable. Maybe they're hyper from sitting in a class all day and can't immediately jump right into homework. It is okay for them to have 20 minutes to run around crazy before settling down to work. You don't always have to work before playing, it's all about balance. We simply have to get our tasks done in a timely manner. So suggest a few ideas (that you're willing to support) that might make them more successful and see what they want to try. Timers for regular breaks, a little down time to unwind first, maybe homework in the morning instead of evening, maybe homework at the table without distractions is better or maybe relaxing on the bed is more their study style. You won't know without trying. Pulling out their homework and setting it in front of them may be easier, but it steals priceless learning opportunities away from them, so plan together and let them lead the way a little.

Be a RESOURCE

     As parents we want our children to know we will always be an available resource for them, but that we will never be a crutch. This is a delicate balance that takes some practice to get just right. When it comes to homework time, don't hover or micromanage their work. Be nearby, but keep going about the things you need to do. When your little one calls out for help don't immediately rush over. Give them a chance to continue working through the problem on their own. We want them to understand that we don't mind them asking for help, but that they also have to give it their best honest to goodness try. Some parents find success with putting a limit on the number of times their little one is able to ask for help on any given homework night. Then any further problems they will have to circle and talk to their teacher about. This is also great real life practice because asking another for help (especially if that person is deemed an authority figure) takes a lot of courage. It is hard to admit we need help and don't know what to do so let them burn lots of safe easy reps building this skill set before it becomes a necessity.

Focus on building GOOD HABITS

     Completing homework assignments and having good study habits as a child scholastically progresses aren't necessarily the same thing. It is important for our growing child to not only be able to focus and sit to/complete a task, but also to review material, take notes, retain information, view the big picture, and stay organized. These good study habits if instilled now will set our child up for academic and professional success in the future. So take the time to build these habits up. Let them see you use good organizational habits in managing bills or the family calendar, let them ask questions about budgeting, show them that reading for pleasure on topics that interests you is good. Help them study material in different ways. We all learn differently so have some fun finding what learning style matches your child best; be it flash cards, active listening, color coded note taking, the options are truly endless. Taking the time to do this now will prepare them to rock high school and college later. Remediation and study classes are just as expensive as the ones that help you get your degree so save yourself and your child some money in the future by taking the time to tackle and instill these habits now.

     Overall our child's education is one of those investments who's importance can't be stressed enough. So take the power struggle out of homework time by approaching this together with a positive mindset. Who knows... you might just both learn a little something along the way.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Instructor Spotlight: Miss Kenzie

Miss Kenzie is AWESOME! 

She was in our Little Warrior's program growing up and received her Junior Black Belt in our kids program with her older sister. She's worked with us on and off through the years and we're grateful to have her back on our team now!

Miss Kenzie strives to teach our Little Warriors:

"To always have kindness and compassion for others and themselves. We really are missing that today and something as simple as a smile can help someone out."

The kiddos love Miss Kenzie because:

1. She always has a sweet smile and hello for them
2. She genuinely is happy to see everyone
3. She absolutely loves snacks and the kids enjoy buying them from a fellow snack lover

A few of Miss Kenzie's favorite things:

      In addition to absolutely loving snacks, Miss Kenzie loves animals. She has a full house when it comes to pets. Her mini zoo includes three dogs: Roxy, Shadow, and Koda (who is a 7 month old puppy full of energy and personality), two fish named Oscar and Angela, and a sassy hedgehog named Wade. Since she loves such tiny adorable creatures and all of that busy energy it's no wonder she feels right at home hanging with all of our Warriors here at the Academy. Miss Kenzie is always on the go, but when she gets to slow down and relax she loves watching Criminal Minds, taking naps,  daydreaming about her next trip to Italy and Greece, and hanging out with her best friend/fiancé in between her homework.

A little bit more about Miss Kenzie:

      Miss Kenzie loves kids. She wants to spend the rest of her life working around those little balls of sunshine and dreams of being a pediatric nurse after college. She's currently attending Vernon College and we think that hanging with our kiddos will definitely be good reps in that field. Miss Kenzie was recently engaged to her high school sweetheart, and our very own Mr. Brendon. They grew up in our Little Warrior's Program and it's awesome to see these two Warriors grow stronger together and help support a whole new generation of Warriors. When we asked Miss Kenzie who her hero was she said it would definitely be Mr. Brendon. "He's like my Superman. He's good looking, kind, highly intelligent, and always here when I need help or a hug. Thank you for all you have done for me. You will always be my hero." With awesome adults on our team like them we know we can succeed in our mission and help future generations of Warriors be just as awesome.

Miss Kenzie we are so excited to have you back and we look forward to seeing where this new stage takes you both.

Some throwback baby Warrior pics of Miss Kenzie just for fun...

Little Miss Kenzie is the 2nd one on the left

Miss Kenzie's silly photo from her Junior Black Belt Test

#RaiseAWarrior 

Lie's Parents Believe Part 2

     Raising a Warrior means perpetually striving to give our children the very best we can. This is our mission as parents, but we cannot give another our best without being at our very best. Last month we touched on some lies we can easily get caught up in as parents. This week we want to continue with that thread. So take a moment and self reflect on whether these lies resonant with you. As we debunk these insecurities and lies that are holding us stationary we can begin growing past the confines of them and continue to give our family our very best.

I can't be happy if things aren't perfect.

     Most of us probably don't identify as over the top perfectionists. But the truth is perfectionism comes in many insidious forms. Ever felt frustrated because your house never seems to be clean? Struggling with keeping everyone placated and happy? Your child's behavior issues got you down? The truth is all of these are a form of parenting perfectionism and they have a nasty habit of stealing our joy from right now. The truth is perfection is an illusion that Hollywood and social media would have us believe is within our power to obtain, but it just isn't. So instead of never having company over because your house isn't just the way you want it, have them over. Make some memories. Don't let a slightly messy house keep you from having that joy. Accept that you can't keep everyone happy, all the time. You just aren't a taco. I'm sorry Warrior parents. So focus on making the difference in even just one person's day and celebrate that victory. Everything doesn't have to be perfect for you to be happy. And if you take steps to start practicing this new mindset you'll realize just how much your hidden parenting perfectionism was stealing away from you and your family's joy.

I have to do it all alone.

     Our situation isn't always known to others. Maybe you don't have an awesome family support system, maybe your best friend just moved, but you are never alone. Even if all you have is us, that is a powerful force of good in yours and your child's life. Don't fall for this lie that causes us to shut down and close ourselves off from people who genuinely care. When we feel alone, it changes our behavior and starts to become a self fulfilling prophecy. So when you feel you have to do it all and will never be able to manage another second call a friend, reconnect with your family, sit down with us. Even just having an understanding and open conversation can stop this mindset of loneliness in its track. So let this lie go. There are people who genuinely care and are invested in both you and your family. You need only ask.

I can control my child's future.

     This is a tough one Warrior parents, especially as your child gets older. The truth is we cannot stop our child from making mistakes or hurting themselves. We can't keep them from jail, from dating someone who isn't good for them, from having bad friends, dropping an extracurricular they really excelled at, or blowing off school and losing scholarships. All we can truly do is guide them and support them through thick and thin. We can make an impact, but we do not have any long lasting or actual control over their future. So take it a day at a time. Recognize it is their life and ultimately they get to choose who they want to be. And in the mean time use every second of time you have to influence and point them towards good. Our children truly listen to us and take everything we say as truth for a very finite time. Use that to your advantage! And if you've already entered the year where discord is rearing it's ugly head don't despair. Communicate your openness, non judgement, and willingness to help and support no matter the situation. Let them see you as a safe harbor always. We all rebelled some as teens, but we also usually came back and recognized are parents were more right than we wanted to give them credit for. If you're struggling with this today try making a list of all the things you can do today and places where you can make an impact. Then take a deep breathe and recognize what you have no control over the rest. Let that truth set you free from the worry of tomorrow and let it make you grateful for the impact you can actually make today.

     These posts are a little different from our usual, but taking care of yourself is so vital to successfully raising a warrior and helping your family grow. If you're in a parenting rut (whether it's one we've touched on or not) know you can always get out of it. No situation is hopeless Warrior parents and nothing lasts forever. So chin up and keep being amazing! Your whole family is counting on you.

#RaiseAWarrior 

3 Lies Parents Believe

     This month our instructors and adult students have been participating in an Alpha Goals challenge. Every year we take a month and strive to build a habit together that will make us stronger and better. Each year's challenge is vastly different. But no matter the habit we are trying to build or break, we do these challenges together because we believe we can't give our best if we aren't consistently striving to be our best self. And we love our families so much that we know they deserve the very best we have to offer them.

     This month's challenge has been about gratitude. A shift in our mindset towards being more positive and thankful in our relationships and our daily life. In doing this challenge we've noticed that our mindset truly sets the tone to the script of our lives. We each live the life we believe we deserve. Sometimes we feel powerless to change and without hope. This is a lie we trick ourselves into believing. Change may be difficult, but it is always possible. Parents (no matter the age or experience) are also vulnerable to these kinds of lies, and negative mindsets. They can prevent you from growing and giving your family your very best. So this week's article is for you guys, our amazing Warrior parents. It's time to acknowledge and dispel the lies we sometimes believe about ourselves and our families.

It's too late.

     We all have things that haunt, nag, and guilt's us both personally and as a parent. Maybe you yell too much. Maybe you recognize you're weight is affecting your health and have come to realize this is the thing that could ultimate steal time away from you and your loved ones. Maybe you feel you work too much. Maybe you regret constantly missing certain family events. Maybe you regret not writing the story of your family down or documenting life together better. No matter the fault you find and the rut you have yourself in, when we have a negative mindset we tend to feel like things have always been this way and will forever be this way. The truth is all it takes to change your life is a single, tiny, uncertain step in the right direction. You don't have to have it all figured out. And you definitely don't have to feel like you know what you're doing. Just take that first step and then another. Set an intention and follow through no matter the setbacks. One by one these little course corrections are putting us on track to the person we want to be.

Good parents don't have to (BLANK).

     This blank could be anything. Go to counseling, take medications for anxiety or depression, seek help with addiction, go through a divorce, etc. While trying to be the ultimate parent for our little ones we tend to forget that we're people too. We cannot give our best if we aren't also taking care of ourselves. While our culture is slightly more accepting of many things there are still stigma's associated with these common struggles. We have to come to terms not only with the stigma's we personally hold, but also the stigma's and expectations we believe our loved ones have. You are not a failure for needing or seeking help while trying to be the best you can be. You are a work in progress also. To take care of yourself is to ultimately take care of your family. Sometimes we struggle with unexpected things like divorce & depression. It doesn't make you a bad person and it definitely doesn't make you a bad parent, so stop that lie, right here and right now!

If I don't provide (BLANK) I'm a bad parent.

     We don't love to tell our children no. If we could give them everything that Sarah's parents next door are able to and then some, we would no questions asked. But the truth is material things do not a good parent make. Your child doesn't actually need a cell phone, the latest gaming system, a giant birthday party with a bounce house, concert tickets, grand vacations, a new car, or any of that business. They may love those things and gush with "I love you's" when presented with these, but they aren't the things that truly matter. Your time, your investment, your openness, your emotions, your love, your affection, your efforts to make this period memorable, that is what a child truly needs. That is what we must provide to be a good parent. It isn't the gifts we buy that matter, but how we make every second together count. We've spoken before how comparison is a thief of joy. So when trying to gauge yourself as a parent, don't look at the lavish gifts and treats you can't provide. Instead take note of every time the two of you laugh out loud, explore something new, start a tradition, or share a secret. Those moment's are the ones that last. That is where you make an impact. Fashion, toys, and fads will come and go, but a parent's love and genuinely focused time... that's a priceless gift your child will never forget.

     So take some time to examine your heart and mind. Are you lying too or beating yourself down on the daily? It's okay to give yourself some grace Warrior parents. We're all human and we all want what's best for our families. So chin up. Take that tiny, first, uncertain step towards being a better version of yourself. The investment may be hard at first, but it will be good for all of you.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Instructor Spotlight: Mr. James

Mr. James is AWESOME! 

Mr. James has been training with us since he was little. He achieved his Junior Black Belt and is currently working his way up through the adult class ranks!

Mr. James strives to teach our Little Warriors:

"Determination. Never give up, no matter what!"

The kiddos love Mr. James because:

He loves sparring with them and isn't afraid to sweat with them in class

Because he has a big heart even though he acts tough all the time

Because he can be really, really loud, and is great at pumping them up when it's time to work

A few of Mr. James's favorite things:

Mr. James loves comics and going to the movies. His favorite movie is Tron, and his love for comics includes World War Hulk, and the Superior Spiderman. He is always talking heroes and comics with the kiddos and staff. Especially once a new super hero movie comes out. He may not seem the nerdy type, but he can debate heroes with the best of them. 

A little bit more about Mr. James:

Mr. James is working hard in our adult curriculum. His goal is to be like Miss Alana and become the next Full Instructor who went through the entire children's curriculum and adult. He also works hard during our children's classes to be the best leader he can as he dreams of becoming a police officer. He's still a little young to try for that yet, but until then he will keep honing his favorite techniques of locks and sweeps. We love that his hero is "Tuhon Harley. Throughout my entire life he has always been there to help me the best I can be." You're doing a great job setting an example and passing this on to other Warrior students.

Here's some Little Warrior pics of Mr. James from his younger days for you to enjoy:

Baby Mr. James is center with the peace sign. A baby Mr. Brendon is next to him

Look at this sweet grin!

Mr. James you're a rock star! Thank you for being you and setting such a great example for the next generation of Warriors.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Combating Today's Instant Gratification Mindset

     Shopping with our kids can be a misadventure no matter what age they are. At some point or another there will always be the dreaded moment of confrontation where they pick up some toy or snack and gaze up at us with those big darling eyes and ask "Can we get this please?" Sometimes us giving in seems harmless, and other's we truly don't have the extra funds to make it happen this time. These struggles are internal and our child doesn't always see or understand the difference that determines when we say "yes" to a treat and when we say "no." This inconsistency can lead to the two of you butting heads frequently in public places.

     So how do we teach our children about money and spending? Previously these things were touched on in a Home Ecs class and then reinforced in the home. But as modern conveniences like Amazon Prime, Grocery pickup, snap chat, etc become more and more prevalent our society has shifted to a very strong sense of instant gratification. Because of this mindset shift, many of our youth grow up unprepared to take on the responsibilities of adulthood. It isn't random happenstance that has led to more and more 18-25 year olds continuing to live with their parents and not being in a hurry to have the responsibility of a car, driving, and a steady job. It's true that every generation faces different challenges than the one before, but why aren't we still covering the basics that remain essentially the same? If we don't take the time to prepare our children to face the basics of budgeting, frugality, and delayed gratification now than what is to stop them from drowning under a mountain of credit card debt and student loans later?

     Money is a difficult concept for young children so here are some ways to start broaching this topic and use other methods of parenting to begin instilling a sense of delayed gratification in a buy now, pay later world.

Start Small:

     Delayed gratification touches many aspects of our daily life, not just when it comes to money. So when opportunities come up use it to teach them this amazing concept of self control. Kid requesting a snack before dinner? A snack isn't inherently bad so, yes, you can have a snack... but if you are too full and don't eat all your dinner you have to watch everyone else eat dessert. Kid super excited to tell you a story and keeps interrupting? Yes I'm sure the story is very interesting, but the world doesn't tolerate rude people very well so take a moment to make them better. Now they can't share their story until you're done with your present errand/conversation AND the next one. They might not remember their epic story by then, but they are starting to see that the world doesn't only revolve around them and that what you're doing matters too.

Give Kids Their Own Money:

     We can't expect our children to learn about money without getting to actually practice with it. Whether this means a weekly/monthly allowance, or money they earn by working for it, those details are small compared to the chance to learn, grow, and make mistakes in a safe environment. There is a lot of good advice out there on the topic so take a moment to research it before instituting this concept into your home. Self sufficient kids has some awesome articles on the topic. We especially loved their advice that younger kids (10 and under) could be paid .50 cents to $1 a week based on their age. So a five year old would earn $2.50 or $5 per week. A small price to pay to keep them from financially ruining themselves before they're even thinking long term like mortgage, family, car, college, and career. 

Set Clear Expectations & Follow Through:

     Whether you decide to give your child a weekly/monthly allowance, or whether you choose to pay them for extra chores once we've crossed into the realm of money management we need to set some clear boundaries and expectations for behavior. A child with money of their own should ask for nonessential treats less and eventually not at all. If we continue to pay for everything as before AND give them money we aren't teaching them the importance of self control, saving, and goal setting. If they want a new toy, or candy bar in the grocery line they have to decide if they want to spend their money on it or not. And they are going to make mistakes. A lot of them. But to cry now because you bought too much candy and now have less money for to spend playing games at the local fair is better than taking on a car payment greater than you can afford. In the end it will hurt them a lot less and they will thank you for it one day.

Setting Financial Goals:

     One of the perks of money is we can save it for some really amazing things, but saving money is a very boring process and requires discipline no matter how old we are. Now a child with an allowance definitely isn't saving up for a beach vacation, but there are ways to teach them how to set and achieve financial goals. Does you kid want a phone, game system, or other expensive and nonessential electronic device? Teach them a bit about 401k's by offering to match their savings towards one. Have a vacation coming up? Let them know what you're willing to put towards souvenirs and let them save for the rest. Taking the time to teach your child these lessons now will take some planning, but it will also enable them to live the life they want later. And that is an investment worth supporting.

Resist Comparing Yourself to Others:

     This one can be hard especially for the older kids who are entering the age where they have cell phones and regularly get to use social media and have internet access. Comparison is something we all struggle with at times. So it is important to teach our children that comparison is natural, but it is also a thief of joy. I remember growing up I was super proud of my knock off Chuck Taylor's until some pointed out they were an off brand. My favorite shoes I had been so proud of now seemed cheap and less than before. Had anything changed about the shoes themselves? Not at all. But my view of them had changed because of another. As kids get older they will want more and more material things, trying to be cool, to fit in, and keep up with their peers. It is okay for them to seek those things and waste some money along the way. So long as we are teaching them to also be thankful for what we have and that we stop comparing our belongings and life to others. And this is a poignant lesson we need over and over again no matter our age. 

     So whether you're pro allowances or not, we think it's very important to acknowledge today's instant gratification mindset as a parent and to seek out ways to combat it in your child. And above all, enjoy the journey! Our time of influence is short, but so pivotal to a growing Warrior. Invest in that, invest in them.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Your Words Matter: Shaping Your Child's Inner Voice

     Labels tend to stick no matter what age we are. Growing up for me, the one that stuck out the most was bossy. Now as an older sibling I've got to admit I could be bossy at times. I took my job as eldest very seriously and I tried to be the best example I could be. If a sibling wasn't following the rules or being safe I wasn't afraid to call them on it and hold them accountable. But the word bossy isn't necessarily a positive one. I helped my mom corral our big group frequently, so it was only natural I would try to continue to do so even when not asked. However, instead of being recognized as a leader, helpful, or a great teammate I (and my behavior) got casually labeled as bossy. Growing up I was very self conscious of the fact that others might see me as 'too bossy' if I spoke out, had ideas, or tried to take charge of a project. It made the high school/college years interesting to say the least. And even now I catch myself saying "Just a thought" as a precursor to any idea proposal I might have so it doesn't seem like I think my idea is too important, or like I think my way is better than anyone else. Essentially, even now, years later, I am trying hard not to appear 'bossy' in my day to day interactions with others.


     Now I'm sure we all have countless examples of little words and actions that stick with us as the internal labels we desperately want to break free of. So that being said, are we being choosy when it comes to the words we use to describe our child and their behavior? Are we consciously trying to shape their inner voice or in the heat of the moment do we use our words thoughtlessly? Do we speak negatively within our child's hearing, unaware that these sometimes flippant off hand comments can leave a lasting mark not easily dissipated? Slow poke. Messy. Lazy. Irresponsible. Bossy. The list goes on and on. We don't mean for these descriptive words to become labels, but they tend to stick in the mind of whoever overhears it enough. As parents we aren't trying to be mean or irrevocably change our child's outlook on themselves. We're simply human. And while we strive to be better than our parents we just don't always realize the ripples our actions have. So here are some things to keep in mind when it comes to using our words that will help the whole family grow stronger.

The Power of a Positive Feedback Cycle:

     When we focus on everything our child is doing wrong or struggling with it puts us in a very negative state of mind. When things start getting hard we parents might feel embarrassed or resentful of their behavior. There might be some confusion on where to go from here or how to fix things. There is the perpetual exhaustion of battling against the same thing day in and day out without an end in sight. And every parent knows the ever constant fear of how our kids will ultimately turn out. This negative focus on how things are going then negatively starts to affect our patience. We get shorter and more terse when interacting with our already struggling child and then they in turn misbehave more. It's a vicious cycle that starts and ends with how we are viewing and labeling their behaviors. So stop dwelling on the negative. Work through the feelings you're having so you can better support them. Is the fact that your child is intermittently demanding a solely negative thing? Or does it mean they are decisive and know what they want? A child who is considered nosy is also being curious. Are both of those things bad or are we labeling it in a negative light and dwelling solely on that? A child who is stubborn may be hard to work with at times, but persistence is a key to success and isn't inherently bad. Consciously changing how you view your child's actions also gives you a clearer view of your role as a parent. Where once you fretted over their negative traits now you are thinking of how to hone the inherent positive skills your child has. You recognize your role in grooming your child to be the leader they naturally are. By channeling their natural traits into positive characteristics you are now sailing with the winds, instead of against them. And smoother sailing is ahead. So start a cycle of positivity by improving how you and your family views and labels other's behaviors. It will vastly change the environment of your home and how you all interact with each other.

     Alright so now that we've gotten negative labels out of the way, can our excessive praise and positive labels also negatively impact our growing Warriors? The truth is their are two main dangers when we constantly praise our child... 

Focus on Internal worth:

     The first danger is that we are teaching them to seek external validation whether than viewing their own work as worthy. This is not inherently bad, but it can lead to some unforeseen consequences if we are careless with our praise. If our child relies solely on external validation to view their worth then what happens when the world isn't all cheering for them? As parents we know how hard it is for our efforts to go unrecognized or underappreciated, but it does regularly happen. It's important that we don't praise our child to the point that they cannot see the worth of their own efforts without someone else saying "great job" and patting them on the back. The worth of our work has to come from within. The world won't always recognize the great things we're doing or the challenges we've overcome. It is up to us to be our own cheerleaders sometimes. So next time your little one brings home their newest school masterpiece for your opinions and praise take a moment to ask them what they think about it first. Let them form an opinion of their own work and praise them for recognizing it's worth on their own. Then you can lavish all the praise you want on the newest safari animal that strangely resembles a colored blob. We need to give them all the chances we can to strengthen their inner cheerleader and burn those reps in self validation before the world tries to take that away.

Focus on the Process:

     The second danger of excessive positive labels doesn't rear it's head until your child starts to struggle with something. Labels like smart, pretty, and athletic are empowering truths we want our child to know about themselves. However, these labels can also lead to a fair amount of pressure that can be hard to consistently live up to. For example straight A student's are consistently told they are "smart" and "hard working." So how will they feel when they bring home that first C? What if they've taken on too many AP classes and they feel they need to drop some? For a child that has grown up being defined as smart, these situations can be difficult. Because although the labels we give our child are meant to be positive, uplifting, and encouraging they also imply our expectations on them. An "athletic" kid will want to do good and be athletic because it makes us proud of them and we have come to expect that great effort. A "smart" kid will struggle with feeling like they are disappointing us if they bring back grades that are anything less than their normal. This isn't to say don't praise your kids. They need you to be their cheerleader until they learn to be their own. But we also need to praise the process and the journey. Most of life is the tiny steps working towards becoming better. The majority of our days aren't filled with praise or recognition. Labels are great, but the journey to greatness is more fulfilling and won't fail you or shift the way temporary labels can. So praise those good grades, but also praise every step that got them to that point and let them know that those steps are what truly makes you proud.

     So take care with your words whether you're frustrated, angry, tired, or content. We think they don't overhear what we say, but they're listening and they hear. The words we choose matter more than you could possible know to your growing child. So keep an eye on your word choice. Remember that what we say matters. As you keep these suggestions in the back of your mind you'll be amazed at the difference it will make in your child's confidence and behavior. Most of all keep trying to be better every day! We know you've got this Warrior parents. 

#RaiseAWarrior 

Chores: To Do or Do Not?

     When we were growing up chores were the norm. Everyone had a job, no matter the age, and everyone chipped in to make things around the house run smoothly. However, as the demands on our time have socially increased things in the home have changed from generation to generation. Where chores were once required, now in some households they have become optional or merely appreciated. So whether you are on the fence about chores, require them, or prefer to passive aggressively suggest things be done around the house here are some excellent reasons why we think all Warriors should grow up doing chores.

Chores Teach Life Skills

     Yes our children are young, but they won't be forever. Chores are the life skills everyone has to deal with unless they're rich enough to have someone do it for them. You have to eat, you have to have clean clothes, you have to keep up with your car, and you have to have a home. These basic necessities require skilled upkeep. And if we don't take the time to teach them now the college years will be an adjustment. So take the time to teach them the mundane day to day basic life skills they'll need to live on their own and support themselves. Trust me on this one... it isn't always done. You would be amazed how often we have to take the time to show our teen instructors how to change a light bulb or a tire, or plunge a toilet because they've never had too.

Chores Build a Strong Work Ethic

     A good work ethic is required to make it in today's profession driven world. And sadly you either have it or you don't. Chores teach children from a young age that sometimes you have to do your job- whether you feel like it or not. Life isn't going to patiently wait for them to feel like doing their job and neither should you. Don't just appreciate completed chores, require them. Teach them the importance of working hard and taking pride in a task well done. Chores teach a roll up your sleeves, pitch in and get the unpleasant work knocked out for the betterment of the whole group attitude. That mentality really sets you apart in today's workplace and it might just be the difference between working fast food for the rest of their life and shooting for the stars.

Chores Teach Responsibility & Self Reliance

     We want our children to be able to care for themselves when they're older. That doesn't mean we won't always be there for them. We just don't want 27 year old Josh living rent free in our basement without a care in the world. Our job as parents is to work ourselves out of a job so to speak. If our kid's are incapable of caring for themselves and managing their own lives without interference than we have seriously failed somewhere. Chores is where we teach them those first skills in cleaning up after themselves. Chores gives us a tool where they learn to take responsibility for the tidiness of their life and things. It also gives us a method to install lessons like you have to work hard to get to play hard. Life doesn't just hand our children their dreams on a silver platter and neither should we. They're going to have to take responsibility for their future and the things they want, and they're going to have to rely on their skills and talents to make it to the top.

Chores Foster Team Work

     We spend our entire life a part of, contributing, and supporting various teams. Whether you're supporting family, friends, a work team, sport's mates, etc we all have a role to play in the give and take of the teamwork circles in our lives. Since our families are the first team we are a part of it truly is the safest place to learn these valuable skill sets. So use chores to teach your Little Warrior that everyone's role is important. Use chores to teach them how team mates help each other. Use chores to teach them that surrounding themselves with a strong team makes their life better. Teach them to help other's when they're having a hard time. Teach them to cooperate when things change and to teach other's patiently. These skills will carry them into the work field, relationships, and beyond so take the time to instill them carefully.

Chores Reinforce Respect

     Most of us don't truly appreciate our parents and all they did for us until we've moved out and it's all up to us. Assigning chores opens their eyes to this a little sooner. It helps them appreciate all you do for them before they're adults and off to college. It also instills a sense of kindness and respect for their impact on others. I may not have to clean up this mess because it isn't my assigned duty, but chores allow me to see that if I am inconsiderate it makes your job harder. Chores also teach us to respect and care for the things we own. I was told to clean my room countless times as a child. My mom could have done it for me, but I wouldn't have learned to value my belongings without having accidentally stepping on and breaking my favorite toy in my disaster of a room. Those lessons stick with you and help you care for things like a car, an apartment, a work space, a family, and a home as you grow.

     So whether you're a family that expects or appreciates chores take a moment to consider whether your Little Warrior and you might benefit from a little time on task working around the home. Seems to us it could make a world of a difference!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Instructor Spotlight: Miss Tabi

Miss Tabi is AWESOME! 

She started training with her dad in our adult program and her passion for working with children quickly made her a rising star among our Summer Camp Instructors! We're excited that she will be staying with us and helping us raise Warriors through out the school year.

Miss Tabi strives to teach our Little Warriors:

"To put a smile on their face and never beat themselves down no matter what has happened."

The kiddos love Miss Tabi because:

1. She is super sweet and loves to make everyone's day awesome
2. She knows that hard work has to be balanced with giggles, high fives, and fun
3. She is full of energy and gets super excited about current super heroes or Disney movies

A few of Miss Tabi's favorite things:

      Miss Tabi loves birds! Her family has several and she recently got a crazy little bird named Emmie who loves to talk, be heard, and make other people's day brighter. Sounds a lot like Miss Tabi right?! In addition to a near obsessive love of birds, Miss Tabi loves to train here at Warrior's Way, play softball, tease her brother, read, and swim. With her fun loving attitude and happy heart it is not difficult to see that her favorite shows are Friends and the Office. 

A little bit more about Miss Tabi:

      Miss Tabi (or Miss Tally since 'B's are hard and it has kind of stuck in our kids classes) is currently going to school to be a nurse like her mom. Miss Tabi's favorite part of working at Warrior's Way is being around the kids. She loves their energy and the fun they bring into her daily life. After seeing her interact with our Warrior's it's no surprise that Miss Tabi dreams of being a pediatric nurse and bringing brightness to little one's days for the rest of her life. Miss Tabi's hero is actually her dad because "he's such a strong willed individual and always pushes me to do my best." We love that she brings that same attitude out onto the mat. She truly does love our Little Warrior's and want to make them better.

Miss Tabi you're a joy to have on the mat! Keep being you and brightening everyone's day. You set an amazing example for all our Warriors!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Getting Your Warrior Back to School Ready

     Summer is coming to a close. And the relief that back to school time is finally here is all too real for parents after a busy summer with our kiddos. We're excited, but we also know it can be a very frazzling time for us. Our jobs keep us to a mostly stable routine regardless of the season, but our kiddos have been spoiled by the lazy days of summertime. To kids summer often symbolizes a relaxation and break from routines. While it's great that they're having a chance to just be a kid, without a gradual transition back into our school routines back to school becomes a battle of obstinate wills. However, it doesn't have to be this way. Initiating our back to school morning and evening routines (before they're actually needed) truly does make a difference. I know that setting up and instilling these routines may seem like an obstacle as summer comes to a close, but they're actually a teaching opportunity. Routines are so much more than a tool for getting everyone out the door on time or going to bed at a decent hour each night. Not sold on the idea yet? Here's some psychology backed reasons to make routines a part of daily life in your home.

Routines are an example:

     We aren't born naturally gifted in self management. We have to be taught to prioritize tasks, problem solve, and organize our time to make the most of each day. Kids especially need patience and direction in this area as it takes several years for these skill sets to fully mature and develop. While we are working on teaching them these forms of self mastery routines can help. Routines are external rules and guidelines that set the example for how our lives should be run. They help keep order in your home while you child learns to internally regulate and have self discipline over their daily desires, wants, and needs.

Routines make your child more independent:

     Well built routines quickly become habitual which allow us to act automatically. I mean think back to the last time you brushed your teeth. Did it require any thought, energy, or decision? Or did it just happen like it does every morning and evening? Routines are great because they allow a child to start their day without a lot of decision or thought. This is especially useful since adding sleepiness and grumpiness to their already growing brains makes even the simplest of tasks an insurmountable obstacle. Routines fixes that problem. And as it becomes easy and they master these beginner routines they become more independent and grow more confident in their ability to achieve and manage their life. Even the most anti-morning of us can survive any given day with the help of a good routine to buy us some productive time while we work on the process of waking up.

Routines help us cope:

     Life is full of disappointment, surprises, and more curve balls than we care to count. Some changes like the death of a family member, a move, or a new school can be quite traumatic to anyone let alone a child. Returning to a sense of normal after life's hardships is the goal toward finding happiness again. We cannot shelter our child from all the things life might ask of them. And we shouldn't try too. Established routines help a child cope in more than one way. Routines are comfortable and gives a child a sense of inner safety and control amidst the change and chaos these life events cause. And anything that helps bolsters our child's resiliency is a practice worth the extra effort.

Routines are the foundation for success:

     As adults we are required to prioritize, work hard, and meet deadlines regularly. And we know that sometimes things have to be done whether we feel like it or not. It takes a lot of patience and self discipline to do the things we know we have to first. Routines are the first step towards learning these vital life skills. Routines teach us efficiency and organization. It also helps you develop habits of self care, dedication, and hard work. These characteristics are like a muscle. When we require them to master increasingly difficult routines they are learning to overcome their self and are practicing vital warrior traits that will steer them towards success.

     So there you have it! When you make a child go to bed or get up on time, consistently practice hygiene, or an instrument, or any other health conscious or goal oriented behavior you're doing so much more than making the transition back to school easier. You're setting them up for success by building the skill sets they need to accomplish whatever they want in life. So enforce those routines. And keep crushing it Warrior parents!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Raising Confident Children: A Warrior Parent's Guide

     Raising kids in our technology saturated culture has brought a wealth of new parenting problems for us. Today not only do our kids still have to be healthy, respectful to others, attentive in school, busy with sports or other extracurricular activities, a good friend, and a civil family member; BUT in addition to these already daunting tasks we want them to have a sense of confidence, in themselves and their abilities to handle life's curve balls. That's a lot for any kid (or parent). Add the detrimental effects that social media can have on our youth's confidence and we have a real challenge on our hands.

      So how do we bolster our child's confidence in the safety of our home before social media's pressures tries to tear them down? We know it's not an easy task because across the board confidence is the lowest scoring Warrior attribute on the Courtesy and Respect forms you turn in for belt testing. So here's a Warrior parent's guide to Raising Confident Children. No one is going to take the time to build your little one's confidence like you can. So give these easy steps a try and watch your kiddo's confidence shine.

It starts with us:

      No one likes to make mistakes, but they are a fact of life. A miserable part of it, but a fact none the less. And we all respond to mistakes differently. Some of us become timid afterwards. Some of us get sulky and emotional. Some of us get angry and try to place the blame elsewhere. Many of us go on the defensive. No matter your knee jerk response to risk and failure take a moment to think about what it says to your child. What are our reactions teaching them about trying new things, expanding their horizons, and never giving up? Yes the milk is spilled and it is super inconvenient, but what does our child learn about independence if we blow up? Are we a part of the reason why they're afraid to try new things and take on greater responsibility? Our knee jerk response is rarely the best parenting response. Raising a Warrior takes conscious thought and active awareness so if our child is struggling with something we have to first look at our role in this difficulty.

Name what is strong:

      We are quick to correct our children. It's kind of in the job description as parents. And while telling them "No you can't hit that's mean" and "Please chew with your mouth closed. People don't want to eat with a slob" are important lessons they only show the bad. When we focus on what's wrong we are giving our child words to describe themselves when they make mistakes. They begin to think of themselves using the words we use to describe their behavior. So instead of constantly focusing on what's wrong try to consistently reemphasize their strengths. Yes they may have slipped up and said something mean, but overall they're a very helpful child 90% of the time. Praise that strength! Give them positive words to describe themselves and their behavior. It goes a long way towards shaping their outlook of themselves and their capabilities for the better.

The power of the word "yet":

     Kids are going to mess up and they're going to get frustrated and want to quit. That's how it feels sometimes and that is okay. So where do we parents come in? We don't want our kids to feel that feeling down after a mistake or defeat is unnatural, but we also don't want them to grow up believing that quitting and taking the easy way out is acceptable. So how do we help them grow through these mistakes and setbacks? It's important that we empathize with how they feel while still encouraging them to keep trying. We've found the secret to accomplishing both these tasks is to emphasize the powerful and optimistically hopeful word "yet."

It's okay that they haven't mastered that spin kick yet because they're a hard worker and we know they'll be able to if they keep trying. 

It's okay to not be picked as class president yet because they're a good friend always and that will help them be more understanding in the end. 

It's okay to not be able to swim without floaties yet because they're already so big and working on being brave as they ride a bike without training wheels. 

     Focusing on the word "yet" allows us to acknowledge their feelings and put the focus on current successes or things that will help us get there.

Celebrate every step:

     This may be the cheesiest step, but it is ever so important. You are learning and growing together as a family. Every risk taken or fear faced is a part of our journey and a chance to grow. It's okay to celebrate the little things because it's those little first and often doubted steps that lead to all the biggest changes in our life. So celebrate those uncertain and sometimes unsuccessful steps. They're paving the way for some truly great things.

Keep it up Warrior parents! We think you're all rock stars!

#RaiseAWarrior