Teaching Your Warrior To Be A Good Friend

     As our children progress through the Elementary grades and move towards Middle School we begin to notice a trend. Relationships with friends start to become as important as development and connection within their family. As our children grow they begin to crave acceptance from peers and often look to their friends to help them navigate day to day life. This can be a tricky time for our child's development, but it also can be so rewarding with the right guidance. After all friendships can make the worst days that much better, having a friend to share your time with makes everything more fun, and the people we spend the most time around definitely shapes us as we grow.

     So how do we help our child be a good friend when friendships at this age are so fluid? I mean friendships (especially among kiddos) ebb and flow all the time. It isn't necessarily intentional, but it does happens. As extra-curriculars pull us all different directions, scheduling conflicts abound, new jobs are taken or refused, friends just move on or slowly grow a part. We naturally feel closest to those we see the most, so as our child's passions, personalities, and our family circumstances as a whole change our child's friendships will evolve as well. So instead of putting the emphasis on the number of friends your little has, focus instead on the kind of friend they're becoming. The rest will then begin to fall into place.

Respectfully Say "NO" To Drama:

     Drama happens and we've all been caught up in it before. When emotions get high it is easy to be sucked deep into these dramatic falling outs. After all there is a huge adrenaline rush that comes from being central to these soap opera-esque moments. But these webs of high emotions come with a very low return and more heartache than it's worth. Consistently engaging with people who are gossipy, crave chaos, and wish to stir the pot will leave our children (and us) exhausted long before high school is over. So when it comes to being a good friend teach them to say no to drama from an early age. Initially we do this by helping them understand and interpret their own emotions about an event. Even younger elementary aged children frequently have friendship disputes and will come home distraught because little Jimmy didn't sit with them today. Helping them work through and then move past these slights is the first step towards a drama free household. As they become better equipped to recognize and care for their own emotions, your child will start to be able to recognize and do the same with the emotions of those around them. This empathetic understanding will help them understand the why behind only sharing the details of a conflict or falling out solely with the core players. Not everyone needs to be involved. Teach them not to forward or share embarrassing stories or images. Raise a child who doesn't respond to baiting messages or comments. Raise someone strong enough to resist zinging back hateful comments and who can empathize with others enough to know when drama has gone on too far. The best kind of friends are always respectful and consistently empathetic. They don't play around with drama and other's emotions. So say no to drama by making respect and emotional maturity the standard of behavior in all relationships. These priceless values truly do start with us in our homes.

Patiently Assume Positive Intent:

     Kids, especially younger ones, are not inherently cruel. They tend to be insensitive, but that's just because they don't always see how their actions affect others yet. A lot of elementary snubs and friendship disputes are unintentional. But when our child perceives malice, that anger and hurt truly puts a stop on conflict resolution. So teach your child you give others the benefit of the doubt. Teach your child to take some time to cool off and process their emotions so they are more open to seeing and hearing things from the other person's perspective. When we assume positive intent in others, we are slower to anger and more inclined to be patient and kind. This practice is also super helpful among squabbling siblings, so truly take the time to nurture this mindset and make it a habit in your home. 

Have Confidence and Always Leave Room At Your Table:

     As parent's we love to see our child have a best friend or group of close friends. These may not be their BFF's for life, but they are an important part of their journey right now. While our child is enjoying the benefits of friendship it is important we teach them to not be hyper-focused on the friends they have at the exclusion of everyone else. I remember in college, a family friend suggested I meet another young woman they knew who was attending the same school, with the same major a year ahead of me. I was pretty content in my friend group at the time, but I hesitantly said yes and then nervously entered Starbucks to meet this girl in a blind friendship date. This girl and I became fast friends and college would've been a very difficult experience without her. To this day she remains my best friend and we jokingly are thankful neither of us chickened out on our arranged blind meetup. So teach your little to cherish their friends, but always leave room at their table for the new kid. When we step outside of our comfort circle with confidence and lead the way for our friends many unexpected blessings can happen. So raise a child who is unafraid to invite someone new to join them and their friends. It could be the best thing that ever happened to them.

Choose Kindness Over Popularity:

     Being popular and a part of the it crowd can be fun, but if it's our child's only goal they will be sorely disappointed. Trying to impress the "in" crowd can be a slippery slope that tempts us to compromise our values. So rather than trying to find the perfect group of friends, teach your child to concentrate on being the right friend instead. People are drawn to people with similar ideals. When your child focuses on kindness and treating everyone well and with respect they will attract friends with similar attitudes. It is important for children of all ages to know that by holding themselves to higher standards, by encouraging others rather than critiquing, and by becoming the friend they wish to find they will be setting themselves up for more positive, long lasting, and less dramatic relationships.

     So instead of getting tangled in friendship drama or stressing over whether your child has enough friends focus on building up tried and true attributes instead. When we put the focus on character traits like respect, patience, confidence, and kindness we are setting our child up for ultimate friendship and relationship success. Because when your child stands out from the crowd because of their values, it truly does leave room for a deep and meaningful friendship to bloom. The kind of friendship that isn't casual, petty, or likely to break apart quickly. A friendship that has a chance of growing along with your child and lasting for many years. The secret lies in strengthening the good character you are working to build. Because when you focus on raising a warrior everything else truly falls into place. So keep it up Warrior parents! And have a great week!

#RaiseAWarrior