Raising Confident Children: A Warrior Parent's Guide

     Raising kids in our technology saturated culture has brought a wealth of new parenting problems for us. Today not only do our kids still have to be healthy, respectful to others, attentive in school, busy with sports or other extracurricular activities, a good friend, and a civil family member; BUT in addition to these already daunting tasks we want them to have a sense of confidence, in themselves and their abilities to handle life's curve balls. That's a lot for any kid (or parent). Add the detrimental effects that social media can have on our youth's confidence and we have a real challenge on our hands.

      So how do we bolster our child's confidence in the safety of our home before social media's pressures tries to tear them down? We know it's not an easy task because across the board confidence is the lowest scoring Warrior attribute on the Courtesy and Respect forms you turn in for belt testing. So here's a Warrior parent's guide to Raising Confident Children. No one is going to take the time to build your little one's confidence like you can. So give these easy steps a try and watch your kiddo's confidence shine.

It starts with us:

      No one likes to make mistakes, but they are a fact of life. A miserable part of it, but a fact none the less. And we all respond to mistakes differently. Some of us become timid afterwards. Some of us get sulky and emotional. Some of us get angry and try to place the blame elsewhere. Many of us go on the defensive. No matter your knee jerk response to risk and failure take a moment to think about what it says to your child. What are our reactions teaching them about trying new things, expanding their horizons, and never giving up? Yes the milk is spilled and it is super inconvenient, but what does our child learn about independence if we blow up? Are we a part of the reason why they're afraid to try new things and take on greater responsibility? Our knee jerk response is rarely the best parenting response. Raising a Warrior takes conscious thought and active awareness so if our child is struggling with something we have to first look at our role in this difficulty.

Name what is strong:

      We are quick to correct our children. It's kind of in the job description as parents. And while telling them "No you can't hit that's mean" and "Please chew with your mouth closed. People don't want to eat with a slob" are important lessons they only show the bad. When we focus on what's wrong we are giving our child words to describe themselves when they make mistakes. They begin to think of themselves using the words we use to describe their behavior. So instead of constantly focusing on what's wrong try to consistently reemphasize their strengths. Yes they may have slipped up and said something mean, but overall they're a very helpful child 90% of the time. Praise that strength! Give them positive words to describe themselves and their behavior. It goes a long way towards shaping their outlook of themselves and their capabilities for the better.

The power of the word "yet":

     Kids are going to mess up and they're going to get frustrated and want to quit. That's how it feels sometimes and that is okay. So where do we parents come in? We don't want our kids to feel that feeling down after a mistake or defeat is unnatural, but we also don't want them to grow up believing that quitting and taking the easy way out is acceptable. So how do we help them grow through these mistakes and setbacks? It's important that we empathize with how they feel while still encouraging them to keep trying. We've found the secret to accomplishing both these tasks is to emphasize the powerful and optimistically hopeful word "yet."

It's okay that they haven't mastered that spin kick yet because they're a hard worker and we know they'll be able to if they keep trying. 

It's okay to not be picked as class president yet because they're a good friend always and that will help them be more understanding in the end. 

It's okay to not be able to swim without floaties yet because they're already so big and working on being brave as they ride a bike without training wheels. 

     Focusing on the word "yet" allows us to acknowledge their feelings and put the focus on current successes or things that will help us get there.

Celebrate every step:

     This may be the cheesiest step, but it is ever so important. You are learning and growing together as a family. Every risk taken or fear faced is a part of our journey and a chance to grow. It's okay to celebrate the little things because it's those little first and often doubted steps that lead to all the biggest changes in our life. So celebrate those uncertain and sometimes unsuccessful steps. They're paving the way for some truly great things.

Keep it up Warrior parents! We think you're all rock stars!

#RaiseAWarrior