Instructor Spotlight: Mr. Aaron

  

Mr. Aaron IS AWESOME! 

He’s been a student of ours since he was little and is one of our Junior Black Belts. We are excited to see him join his brother on the mat and share his passion of the martial arts with a whole new generation of Warriors.

 

Mr. Aaron strives to teach our Little Warriors:

"How to become better."

 

The kiddos love Mr. Aaron because:

He is super patient with his students

He is a bit of a goof ball and enjoys hanging out and getting to know them

He is a fellow gamer

He is a calmer, quieter energy they feel comfortable with

A few of Mr. Aaron’s favorite things:

     Mr. Aaron is friendly and loves just hanging out with the students and his fellow instructors. He is a big fan of gaming on the computer and cheese fries. He is always down to talk computer games and enjoys working on dynamic trapping and kicks. He is currently working on the adult  

 

A little bit more about Mr. Aaron:

     Mr. Aaron and all the men in his family (to include his big brother Mr. Alex and his dad) train at Warrior’s Way. We are grateful to have a long-time relationship with them all and be a part of their journey. 

#RaiseAWarrior 

Screen Time For Parents

                We live in a uniquely media saturated time. Everyone has a phone (or two), and we are always connected 24/7. This has led to a lot of good- like always having a camera or the ability to record a video and capture a memory forever at your fingertips; but it has also come with a price. Some of these costs we realize, like society normalizing the expectation that you be available at all times of the day, for work, for friends, and for your family. However, some of the costs aren’t as readily apparent. Since the reality is we won’t be dropping our phones anytime soon here are some things you should be conscious of while responding to the never-ending cycle of updates and messages that come throughout the day.

It impacts our parenting

                Every generation of parents has its own trials to overcome and this one is ours. We live in an era where continuous partial attention is the norm. Letting our phones interrupt us and pull our attention from what we are doing is practically instinctual now. In fact, go ahead and try it. When your phone goes off don’t look. Can you wait 10, 15, 30 minutes or more? I think you might find it interesting how hard pressed you are to delay looking at your device when it goes off. Our response has become habitual.

This lifestyle of continuous split attention doesn’t just harm us, but also our children. Parenting which has long been an emotional cued and responsive system is now disrupted. We are constantly present physically, but are we truly available and invested mentally and emotionally?

It makes us unhappier

                This lifestyle we have bought into has us stuck in the digital equivalent of an unending spin cycle. Our daily life is built around the premise that we are always on – always working, always parenting, always available to our spouses, our parents, and anyone else who might need us. And what a miserable premise that can be. That’s in addition to having the ability and expectation to always be remembering, staying on top of our household, the news, and what everyone else is doing. Walking to the car? Better order more toilet paper from Amazon. Gone are the moments of quite introspection. Had a thought? Your phone’s vibrating probably stole your attention away and it’s gone forever now. Not to mention the perfectionistic pressure of everyone’s supposed achievements, milestones, and happiness bombarding us 24/7. I mean what about all that truly makes us happier, more in the moment, and grateful?

It is an easy issue to ignore

                As parents we like to think we are always on and looking for ways to parent better. While this seems productive, we must be cautious that we aren’t projecting. For example, being middle aged and overweight myself, it is easier to obsess over my dog’s caloric intake and restrict her diet than heaven forbid address my own food regimen and habits. It’s a classic case of projection – or the psychologically defensive displacement of one’s failings onto another. Don’t we do the same thing when we are obsessive over our child’s screen time? It feels productive and good. After all we are helping them be better, right? Plus it’s much easier to focus on their habits than realizing our own might also be a problem spot that needs improving.

                Now this doesn’t mean we are condemning you for buying into our device focused culture they are pretty handy, and we aren’t ready to boycott them yet. We are merely seeking to awaken you to the realities and impacts you might not always be willing to recognize. Every action (or inaction) has a cause and effect. And we aren’t always in charge of that outcome. Merely our choices. You’ve got this Warrior parents! Every day is an opportunity to be better than the day before!

P.S. Stay tuned for more great lessons on parenting screen time and why it matters to you and your kiddos as we dive into this topic this month.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Healthy Habits During A Less Than Structured Summer

    I don’t know about you, but a slow weekend is the bane of my health goals. I am really good about meal prepping, lunch packing, and having a plethora of healthy snacks at the ready as I go about my work week. Like I am a goal crusher. And some weekend’s when we’re jam packed with activities, I can keep up that momentum and say no to fast food. I’ve found it’s the slow weekends that get me. The weekends of no plans where there is a surprising amount of free time. And in those moments, I find myself, and my family aimlessly taking multiple trips to the fridge and pantry.

                Now don’t get me wrong. Snacks aren’t inherently bad, and they are a great mini meal to bridge those gaps between meals and keep hunger and energy levels from dipping to low. However, maybe it’s just our household, but I feel snacks literally disappear into thin air. Because all that unsupervised snacking turns into a grazing mentality. And habitual grazing and snacking is not the kind of food habits we want or need to model for our children.  

Reality Check: What is Grazing?

                Grazing is what occurs when snacks are readily available upon demand. Grazing is a habit of constant snacking, and it can be more trouble than we realize. Because grazing doesn’t rely on us being intuitive to what our body needs. We don’t rely on the internal cues like hunger, fatigue, or irritability. Instead, our food intake becomes based on external cues like: habitual actions (think siting down to watch TV or game), it being readily available, it coming into our sight line, someone else snacking, walking through the kitchen, etc. It leads to eating on autopilot and without thought. And mindless actions are not often a positive thing.

Ways to Improve

1.       Identify your triggers: At what times of day do you find you or the members of your family unconsciously reaching for a treat? Do you reward yourself for doing a minor inconvenience? Do you habitually make a stop on the way home from school? Do certain times or activities of your day always involve food? Can you watch TV or scroll through TikTok without a snack? Identifying the times that you mindlessly begin snacking helps you set a better example and then enables you to tackle your families’ habits on a broader scale.

2.       Create a predictable schedule: If you think about it we all tend to get hungry or need a snack at very specific times. These moments are typically the mid or lull points of our day. Use that predictability to your advantage and become more rigid about the timing of your meals and snacks. This predictability will create a habitual rhythm of eating that will help even on the less structured weekend days where we don’t have standard things breaking up our day. Make your meals and snacks that constant standard thing.

3.       Give a heads up when things are outside the norm: You know when dinner will be late or if you have evening plans. Get the whole family on board accordingly and work together. If you normally have dinner at 6pm but won’t until 7pm today let everyone know and remind them they might want a bigger after school snack to tide them over. Managed expectations help keep the majority of the grumbles at bay no matter your age (don’t believe us? Try it with your partner).

4.       The Open/Closed Kitchen Mindset: One of the things that makes grazing so easy is the food readily being available and without any structure or consequence. So consider treating your kitchen like a restaurant that only operates within certain hours. Using a phrase like “the kitchen is closed” is an easy phrase and mindset that helps your whole family make healthier choices about eating and snacking. Start by thinking about your most common habitual snack and mealtimes. These are good and natural times for the kitchen to be open. Be present during this time. Work through making good choices together. Then after a certain amount of time “close the kitchen.” This let’s your family know the kitchen is a off limit’s space right now. At first you might think this a bit harsh but in reality, it is merely a boundary and if presented by ensuring your family the next timing of a meal or snack they will be reassured that this isn’t an end of the world ordeal. That doesn’t mean your family will love the idea but the accountability and habits it helps build are much more productive towards a healthy and wholesome lifestyle and relationship with food.   

5.       Allow reasonable choice: This requires a special sort of balance. Giving your child a voice in food preference and amounts gets them involved and interested in trying new things, but too much choice leads to a spoiled and picky eater. A good rule of thumb to help your is to offer two or three choices within the same category. For example: giving your child the choice of starch (like beans, sweet potato, or corn) for a side with dinner or offering a fruit smoothie or apple with peanut butter for a snack is a far better game plan than the open-ended black hole battleground of “what would you like to eat?” After all, when we are given the same choice our first instinct isn’t necessarily a healthy one.

    Now it’s time to plan and invoke some more intentional parenting! We hope these food boundaries help you and your family be healthier now and help your child grow up with a health relationship with food. You’ve got this Warrior parents!

#RaiseAWarrior 

What Is Shaping Our Children?

 

                We’ve all heard the age-old adage you are what you eat. I prefer the saying you are what you constantly surround yourself with. Because all the things we love to do and spend our time focused on have power. Power to shape and influence us and this power comes in many forms; from the friends we sit with, the shows we watch, and yes even the music we listen to.  This is only multiplied in today’s age, with the power of the internet in our pockets with us wherever we go. There is an endless array of influences, but not all of them necessarily have your child’s best interest at heart. So here are some things that are shaping your child’s worldview and ways to be more cautious and conscious about their impact.

Video Games

It is common knowledge to check video game ratings and question the amount of violence and screen time we allow our children to partake in under the guise of fun. But video game culture has been changing and so has it’s influence on our children. Here are some sticky things that might be on your radar, but you should consider watching for it not

Interacting with strangers: Most popular games right now have an interactive, online, social component. This allows your child to instantly connect with all kinds of children and predators. Online gaming requires more monitoring than the previous standards. Frequently check in with your child for signs of grooming, your child being bullied or taking part in bullying. Discuss online safety regularly and what information is okay to share/believe and what is not. And if your parenting Spidey sense is alerting you in any way consider pulling the plug (literally) on online platforms period. There is too much bad out there to let their online interactions occur without some guidance and without monitoring. Another way to ensure these interactions are safe is to move all gaming systems to public areas and not allow headsets. It can be annoying to hear the constant stream of chatter, but it also allows you to keep an eye quite literally on what is happening.

Celebrity gamers: This is a newer concept that continues to gain traction in the hearts and minds of young gamers. Used to kids wanted to grow up to be doctors, nurses, firefighters, teachers, or professional athletes. Today’s generation still has those but also the increasingly common goals of “influencer, professional gamer, YouTube celebrity, or become viral.” While these are more readily becoming careers it is important to monitor which celebrities your child is following. Your child looks up to them and is readily trying to imitate them. Some of these celebrities are quite abrasive regularly “yelling, cussing, and mocking the poorer players.” If that isn’t the kind of person you want your child to look up to and emulate you might want to take a more conscious stance on monitoring who their favorite Youtubers are.

Streaming Services

Streaming services have spoiled us. Used to waiting a week or more for a new episode was the normal and we would eagerly gather as a family to watch the newest one together. Now when a new show release we are done with it in a week or less and heaven forbid a show like Mandalorian makes us wait a week between episodes. That is so old school now. We are a culture who has become used to having readily available content and the ability to binge watch countless shows at our leisure. And while we can separate reality from fiction when enjoying a show our children haven’t always gained that necessary skill. Our children shouldn’t be learning how to date, handle conflict, etc from TV shows or movies. And don’t even get us started on the fact that viral shows meant for adult entertainment (like Squid Games) are common topics of discussion among elementary aged children and the theme of their Halloween costumes. We can and should be doing better than that monitoring what our children watch and enjoy in their free time. Free time should not be free of monitoring especially at such a young and impressionable age. There are countless parenting resources that share exactly why the show or movie is rated the way it is. Educate yourself and decide how much is too much to allow in your home.

Music

Music also has an equally strong pull on our growing children. The lyrics are either strengthening the values we are trying to instill in them or proving them irrelevant. And music also has the unique pull of being deeply tied to our emotions. So here are some things about music we should be monitoring, teaching, and instilling in our children.

Teach music and mood: Music has a powerful pull on our emotions. It can pump us up, fuel our rage, or make our sadness that much sadder. We should be teaching our children to use music in a positive manner. One in which we are seeking to improve our mood and not prolong a negative emotional state. Make tedious things that are necessary (like chores or getting ready for school) more fun by curating as a family your favorite upbeat playlists. Take an interest in your child’s musical tastes. Encourage the creative expression of making playlists and share them with each other regularly. A child’s Spotify playlists can tell you a lot about their emotional state.

Look at the lyrics: Just like the shows our kids watch the lyrics are also sending a message. It can be the catchiest song in the world, but do we truly want our child repeating such explicit or innuendos in public. You would be amazed some of the phrases your child is picking up just by the music we surround them with. And even if we don’t consciously hear or understand every word our (and our child’s) brains are more powerful than we realize. The days of radio censorship seem a thing of the past so it’s up to you to look at the music you listen too with your children critically. If you aren’t willing to read and explain the lyrics to your child, then perhaps now is not the time to be enjoying such music together.

Social Media

I feel we all are starting to see the impact that our children’s time on Youtube, TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, and such is having on them. However, if you are one of the few who still hasn’t seen it yet here is your wakeup call. Social media is the pulpit from which the world is preaching to our kids. Our children are learning all about themselves and the world’s perception of the meaning of life every time they open an app. The only time it is acceptable to be innocent to the dangers of the world is as a child. We are not children and as a parent you should be checking in on this on a regular basis. There are too many dangers and repercussions if not. Educate yourself on the new platforms they are talking about. Look into parenting monitoring apps that allow you to check in on your child or notifies you when a new contact has been input or requested. Consider long and hard the effects of unlimited device usage and how early you are willing to begin that battle and bring it into your home.

It is naïve to think that our children are only being shaped and learning to be the people they will grow up to be within the confines of our home. The world is pulling and testing them 24/7 through these devices and others. Make sure you are giving your child more than a device and access to the internet, make sure you are giving them guidance, monitoring, and the awareness and strength they need to succeed. You’ve got this Warrior parents.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Parenting and the 3 Pillars of Trust

                 I was reading an article from Harvard Business about managing people the other day and it got us thinking about parenting. What is parenting but an exercise in managing people? Albeit sometimes tiny illogical, and unreasonably emotional people, but our children are people none the less. Growing people who need guidance from a good leader. The kind of leader who doesn’t only show them the way forward but helps them understand the why. Because the why is empowering and it will allow your child to act similarly in the future when you aren’t there to guide them. So, if we look at parenting, like leadership, from a business or partnership model what is the currency that gives them worth or credit? The answer is trust.

Trust is the most essential form of capital that any good leader has and the same is true of parents. Our children trusting us is crucial to us being able to help shape them into being the best version of themselves. And trust is hard earned and easily lost. So today we’re going to break down trust into 3 core drivers. By simplifying this process, it will help us identify our strengths, identify our weaknesses, and improve from there. So, let’s look at the pillars of the trust triangle and what that looks like as a parent.

Logic: 

I know your reasoning and judgement are sound

                In the beginning our children have no choice but to trust our judgement, but as they grow this becomes less and less so which culminates in the wonderful pre-teen and teen “know it all years.” We shore up our child’s present and future trust in our logic by being consistent. You must trust your judgement and you must demonstrate that and a willingness to follow through. This wobble most often becomes evident in our household rules and disciplinary measures (or lack thereof). If you feel your relationship with your child is wobbling in this area, take a good look at how you make decisions, follow through with them, and meet out consequences. If they are haphazard your logic will also seem so. This is a pivotal area because we need our children to trust in our reasoning and judgement, so they are willing to come to us with life’s hard stuff. This won’t happen if you yell at them over chores not being done one day and then ground them for 3 weeks the next. This also doesn’t happen if you then reverse your 3-week grounding after 2-4 days because you realize it is more inconvenient for you and the family. And when you feel their trust wobbling in this area remember it is okay to acknowledge you don’t have all the right answers and be willing to apologize when you’ve done wrong. We’re human after all and our children are learning too.

Authenticity: 

I know and experience the real you

                We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it 10,000 more times. Your kids are watching and learning from you even when it seems like they aren’t. If they see you being one person in public and one person in private, you have an authenticity wobble and that will lead to its own realm of trust problems. Of course, we all give the people in the world different levels of ourselves. That is natural and normal even. What isn’t normal is when I am outside the home projecting that I am kind, patient, understanding, and the most even-tempered person in the world, but that within the “safety” of my home I am a ball of yelling, frustration, and quick to anger. Our children need to know you. The real you. They deserve to see and know and learn from that best version of you. They have to know that if we want to know the real person are child is in return.

Empathy: 

I know you care about me and my success

                It seems like this one should be an easy one. Of course, our children should know we think and care about them and their success. However, today’s modern workplace and lifestyle is increasingly distracting us and pulling at our attention almost 24/7. Looking at your past week I am sure you can see rampant examples of this. How often do we ask our child to hold on a moment while we finish on our phone, that we divide our attention and multi-task, or that we abruptly had to change plans because of work? Those buzzing devices are ever present in ours (and by proxy our family’s life) and they make multi-tasking all too easy. Your child recognizes and feels that split attention over time. If we don’t make conscious efforts to disconnect and assert our family’s importance you might be on track to an empathy wobble. This one is typically tricky for the parents who are naturally more analytic, and results or achievement driven. So, if you think your trust might be in danger of an empathy wobble step back and recert your child’s importance. Sometimes it is necessary to put the phone aside and be fully engaged. The costs if we do not are incomparable.

                We know that looking at these 3 pillars of trust can be hard. Any foray into self-awareness usually is, but if you have the resources look at your other close relationships. Which area do you wobble with them? Odds are the things you struggle with will be across most of your relationships. You’ve got this Warrior parents. Every day you try to be better than the day before is a good day in parenting.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Parenting: A Look At Doing Our Best

                 Have you ever asked your parents (good or bad) why they did something a certain way while you were growing up and they responded with the vague, apologetic response “I did my best”? I mean that whole response in and of itself is interesting to think about as a parent, doing our best. What does that truly mean? Does it mean we have a plan? Does it mean we are acting or merely reacting? Does it refer solely to our good intentions? Is there a method to “doing our best” or is it all just chaos theory wrapped up in minutia of choices we are forced to make in the heat of the moment? And if we are disregarding all that hypothetical speculation for a moment - if the situation was reversed and your now grown-up child is asking you the reasoning behind your parenting actions, would you want to merely respond with “I did my best.” Would that be enough for you? Would that be enough for your child? Is that enough for us to give them hypothetically in the future or in very reality now?

                If this brief monologue made you uncomfortable in any way take a time out and acknowledge that feeling. Being uncomfortable is a cue that something doesn’t sit right with us. It is a nudge and a hint that we should do better. And we’re here to tell you that you can. You can always be a better parent, starting today, from whatever season you’re in. Here’s how to not fall into common traps that lead to the “I did my best” mentality.

If you fail to plan, plan to fail

                Parenting is an individual experience. And a lot of our parenting decisions and ideals will stem from our very individual core values (if you haven’t checked that out yet core values and a quick project to understand yours are check our previous posts). What is important to you and your family must be created within the atmosphere of your home. That doesn’t happen without some forethought. So take some time discover your families core values and when making decisions in line with who you are as a family and who you are trying to be. This is also a great mindset for choosing between two good options.

Parenting is also a linear journey with some standard milestones and hurdles that the average family units encounter. Starting to figure out where you stand on issues (like dating, curfews, sleepovers, cell phones, etc) before they come up allows you to have a plan. This helps prevent inconsistencies in our parenting style and answers and helps foster reliability and trust between all members of the family unit.

Bottom line have a plan! Without a plan and some forethought, we can’t anticipate the consequences and are acting purely in the heat of the moment. And snap decisions rarely help us achieve our desired outcomes so do yourself and your kiddo a favor, have a plan, and be flexible.

Realize the Ecolacy of Parenthood

Ecolacy is a principle of realizing that we never merely do one thing. Every choice, and every action, has the potential for long term effects greater than the initial cause and effect that we can immediately perceive as possible. Parenthood is the same. All our thoughts, our choices, our actions add up to something. Maybe not today but over the next 10 days, 6 month, 5 years it can easily become more apparent. Realizing this discourages our self-delusion that the consequences are minimal because it forces us to look further down the timeline. For example, does breaking this one promise to our child this once truly make or break them? No. Over time could it become a habit of grandiose words and disappointing actions that leads to more permanent effects? Absolutely. Realizing this can help us find a better way because we are looking beyond the moment. Perhaps we request a postpone on the promise because something came up. Surely that is more beneficial than hoping they don’t remember (fyi they always remember so don’t even try that one).

Realize that we are hardwired to act

As parents do you ever feel like we’re just go, go, going all the time? We have convinced ourselves that motion and action is good. After all those things lead to progress and so we fill our schedules to the brim and rush through our day-to-day life. And even though we are mentally and emotionally wiped by the end of it we tell ourselves it feels good. Because we spent all day doing what felt like something. But a word of caution. We live in a society that praises the hustle. The desire to fill our schedule to the brim and constantly be on the go is an illusion of progress, that feeds our ego, and shelters us from feelings of failure. Not all action is good action and sometimes the best thing we can do is rest and make space for unplanned activity or better yet inactivity.

View your choices as reversible or not

Some choices are minor, like what your child chooses to wear for the day. But some are not so little. So if you’re stuck on a parenting decision try viewing them as reversible or not? If you don’t allow sleepovers and play dates outside the home right now is that permanent or irreversible? If not don’t fret the small stuff. Reversible decisions can be made now and revisited when there is more time to think about it when you aren’t rushed or emotionally charged (pro tip: with older kids saying “We can revisit this topic at a later date” lets them know you need more time to think about it and that the initial decision could be changed).

There you have it Warrior parents. Some words of wisdom to help you not use “I’m did my best” as an excuse, but rather something you and your child will both confidently know and not need to question. You’ve got this!

 #RaiseAWarrior 

 

 

 

 

 

Guilt Tripping: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

“I work so hard for us, why can’t you get up and help around some.”

“I really thought you were more mature than that.”

“You make me disappointed and sad when you do that. Do you really want to hurt my feelings.”

“Come on! I taught you better than that.”

“I expected more from you.”

 

Sound familiar?

    Often as parents we use guilt trips to jump start our kids or spur them into action. And we get what we want. There may be some groaning, eye rolls, or even tears, but we usually get some kind of action. The question is at what cost? I mean every parent does it from time to time after all so how could it truly be. However, anytime we consistently use anything to obtain compliance there are always messages learned. There can be no cause without an effect. And whether you can see beyond this parenting instance or not is of little matter in the long run. We can’t give into knee jerk parenting. So today we’ll be looking at what kind of message guilt tripping sends our children (and even our spouse) and ways we can stop this cycle and improve from here on out.

Consider this comment…

“When you do (blank) it makes me really sad and disappointed. Do you really want to hurt my feelings?” At one point we’ve all said something similar. And why? We are intending to pull empathy from our child. We want them to consider another’s feelings and in turn, elicit a guilty feeling in them that will hopefully change behavior. But what messages does this statement really send when used repeatedly?

 

#1) It teaches your child they are responsible for your feelings (fun fact they are not)

#2) It teaches your child that you care more about your own feelings than theirs (this is literally us modeling the opposite of empathy)

 

Now when we look at it this way we can see that guilt tripping definitely doesn’t have the effect we once hoped. So where do we go from here? Here’s a quick action plan for ways to break free of this habit and get what you want from your child in a better way.

 

Find the why: 

    What makes you resort to guilt tripping. Often it is in those moments where we feel embarrassed by our child or that their action reflects poorly on us as parents. We can own that feeling of embarrassment. We have power over that. However, our child’s behavior and decisions ultimately are their responsibility after a certain age. We are the bumpers that guide them, but we cannot own everything they do.

 

Find a healthier way to communicate: 

    Guilt tripping stems from us wanting a certain behavior to occur. But there are helpful and unhelpful ways to share that. Focus on describing the behavior, how it affects others, and talk about positive alternatives that you’re willing to try. Here’s what that looks like in action.

 Instead of this...

“I did (blank) for you, you can’t even do (blank) for me?”

Try this...

“I see you have a lot of responsibilities. I know that is hard to juggle. Maybe we can brainstorm a way to help make it happen better.”

 

Instead of family night going like this…

“You don’t want to do this with us? That makes me feel like you don’t love us.”

Try this...

“I know you might not want to join us right now, but family time is important. Would you like to help me pick the next activity?”

                We know that old habits die hard, but life is meant to be a journey of growth so don’t be afraid to break outside your norm on this parenting journey. Just keep striving to develop yourself in a positive manner. You’ve got this Warrior parents!

#RaiseAWarrior 

 

 

 

Relationship Work PART 2: It’s All About Connection

                We’ve talked about this before, but we wanted to add to this idea a little. We know that relationships are not a static or stagnant state of being. They required consistent work and a lot of it. Of course, there is always an element of choice. We can choose to do the work and reap the benefits, or we can choose to rest on our laurels and see how long that lasts. Anyone who has an older child know there is wisdom in choosing the first option. The grudgingly answered questions and the monosyllables or one-word answers are enough to drive anyone crazy. So today covers EVEN MORE great ways to ensure you and your child have a relationship of open communication.

Connect To Strengthen

                In all relationships there will be highs and there will be lows. Sometimes it is smooth sailing and sometimes it feels like we are constantly at odds with each other. And even though those low points are hard and hurt more than we like to acknowledge, they’re even more cutting when we weren’t connected in the first place. As parents we can expect some of the stickier hurdles of growth. So in the times of plenty don’t take that connection for granted. Shore up that connection and strengthen that bond so that even when it is taxed it does not break. It makes those times of hardship that more manageable when you know that at the root of it, you’re still on the same team and craving to get back to that connection you had previously.

 Connect To Create Memories

                Do you remember the wonder of childhood? Do you remember the magic of sharing something you love for the first time with your child or exploring something new together? Eventually it feels like that magic is gone and there is no way to recreate it, but there are truly countless ways to bring that magic back and create some memories. It doesn’t have to be crazy big either. As we’ve grown older Christmas has changed. Our needs are different and less exciting. So, one way we brought the magic back is by having an adult scavenger hunt with our presents. For 30 minutes we frantically rush around Walmart looking for “a blue liquid for $5 or less,” “something rectangular for $15” etc. And so, while in truth we’re grabbing much needed socks and cleaning supplies, we’re having a blast doing it. Do an Easter Egg hunt but use money. Have a costume dinner party in the middle of the week. Pick out good will outfits and wear them to chick fil a. Have a bake off in your own home and then eat only dessert for dinner. We can add a little magic and make every day that much more extraordinary by creating small memorable moments our family won’t soon forget.

Connect To Build A Legacy

                Our children should carry forward the best parts of us. However, this doesn’t just happen without some forethought and effort. If we aren’t consciously trying to instill our strongest character traits and morale’s in our children, then they are only absorbing what they perceive us to be doing. Sometimes that can work in your favor but not always. So, take time to develop your legacy. Live life the way you want your children to remember you. Make times for what is important. Work is great but that isn’t the legacy your children want or deserve. Build into your lifestyle a legacy of love, service, creativity, adventure, gratitude, humor, or whatever it is that is special and unique to you. When our time on this earth is no more it is our legacy and the way we lived our lives that will stand out to our children, and they will always have to carry with and guide them. Make sure it’s a legacy worthy of that task.

                Parenting is the single most important job you will have in your lifetime. It is capable of being the most impactful on you and your child so take time to re-center and refocus. And keep up the great work Warrior parents!

#RaiseAWarrior 

 

Defining Your Core Values: As A Parent & A Family

Looking at great Warrior cultures across history we see men and women of great feats and legacy. And although many of their cultures have long since faded into the pages of history there is something these great warriors had in common that we should strive for. Warrior cultures had an ethos. A set of guidelines that acts as their moral compass and a way to help them choose the path before them. These values were pivotal in helping them choose the path before them. And these values were instilled from the beginning in their home. It is the importance of these guiding moral principles that are too often overlooked modern day.

The thing is no one can define your family’s ethos for you. It is up to you as a unit to decide your core values and hash out what values you hold dear and want to strengthen. What traits make your family unique? Are you grateful, generous, loving, courageous, selfless, disciplined? The options are truly endless. And history is ripe with examples: Chivalry, Vikings, bushido, the ten commandments, nearly every culture and people you can think of have a documented value system some steeped in religion and some less so. Feel free to deep dive into those cultures. You might be surprised by some of the things they held dear and what was important traits for being a good man or woman. And don’t worry for those less interested in a historical deep dive the link below syncs up to a core value exercise and walks you through it step by step. (Feel free to just skip there if getting lost in the internet’s abyss of potential and learning isn’t really your style)

This is a great exercise and way to self-check where we are on this parenting journey. Even doing this activity solo for yourself can be eye opening regarding what’s important to you as a person, as a parent, and why. Feel free to do this exercise several times as an individual, co-parents, and as a family. Everyone can get involved and who knows you might learn something along the way and be a little more focused on what you want to tackle next.

Our value system is heavily influenced by the beliefs we are raised within our homes. As our children grow, they are introduced to other priorities and theories of thought so take the time to strengthen this awareness wherever you are on your parenting journey. You’ve got this Warrior parents. Feel free to drop your core values below in the comments. We would love to learn with you!

Core Values Activity - Level Up Your Life

#RaiseAWarrior 

Relationship Work: Putting Good Communication In Practice

                We know that relationships are not a static or stagnant state of being. They required consistent work and a lot of it. Of course, there is always an element of choice. We can choose to do the work and reap the benefits, or we can choose to rest on our laurels and see how long that lasts. Anyone who has an older child knows there is wisdom in choosing the first option. The grudgingly answered questions and the monosyllables or one-word answers are enough to drive anyone crazy. So today covers some great ways to ensure you and your child have a relationship of open communication. And the best thing is like all good goals, you can start from wherever you are today.

Connect To Know Their Heart

                You can’t have open communication without a safe space of being known and being loved through the good and the bad. This sort of trust is built with lots of practice and takes time to nurture. You have to give your child room to say what they need to and you have to listen. Building this sort of trust requires you to ask “if they would like to talk” and then sit in silence. Let it build and let them pour out their heart if they choose too. Then don’t go into fix it mode. Be a safe place and sounding board for them to vent their concerns too. The act of speaking aloud our fears and concerns is a pivotal step in working through them. Your child (especially as they grow) don’t need you to solve everything. They just need you to be present and there for them and know if ever they have that need, you’d move heaven and earth to aid them.

Connect To Encourage Optimism

                Our brains are designed to detect threats to us. Young children aren’t really aware it’s happening, but as we grow we realize our brain is really good at focusing and fixating on the things that upset us or stress us out. However, as with all things we need balance. When our mind gets stuck focusing on the bad, it seems to be all we can find. We must actively chase the sunshine and see the good in the spot of gray. This comes with practice. This isn’t to say focus on the sunshine and rainbows when your kiddo is struggling, but don’t let them dwell in that thought cycle. Let them vent the good the bad and the ugly. Be that safe space. But always bring it back with a “what’s one thing you’re thankful for today?” or a “did someone help you today?” This practice gives us space to work through the rougher bits of our day, but then refocus on the good and carry on from there.   

Connect To Build Resiliency

                This one goes hand in hand with the message of the last one. Sometimes you feel like you can’t turn a day around. It happens. When it does teach your child to shift their focus; that goes a long way towards strengthening their beliefs in the good around them and giving them the ability to be hardy and resilient in a world that will sometimes knock their socks off. So, if it seems like your child can’t refocus on the positive and carry on from their ask them “what can you do tomorrow to make it great?” or “how can you help someone else today?” Shifting the focus to another or to the future is more positive because helping others feels good and goal setting is an entire belief based on the premise that things can and will be better.

Connect For Emotional Intelligence

                We live in a culture that encourages us to tamp down the real us and only leave the picture perfect for others to see. This shunning of talking about or even feeling our emotions as a means of escape just leads to an inevitable build up and blowout. Avoidance and denial are not the path to a happier more fulfilled life. We want more for our children than the emotional stunted growth and difficult relationships a lack of emotional intelligence leads to. Giving our children room to work through those big feelings while knowing they are safe to do so and unjudged during the process is so pivotal on this journey. If you want to be the person, they come to when things get hard, you must be there and present for the things that matter to them. Even if they seem small and inconsequential to you in the moment. Remember there was once a time when the betrayal of not being invited to little Sally’s birthday party, or your sibling getting unfair treatment would have ruined your day too. When they go quiet ask them “what are you feeling?” ask them to tell you about it and then wait. Give them space to decide what to share and how quickly. Be a good listener.

                Warrior parents we get it. It is very easy for us to be caught up in all our duties, the roles, and responsibilities we must do for everything and everyone. Our children know they are loved. We don’t have to prove it to them every 4-6 hours… right? The things you do are important. Work, commitments, extracurriculars, and some down time for yourself are ALL important. But if you continually turn away, or “not right now” your kiddo when they are needing your “yes” and for you to turn towards there will be changes. You may not notice them right now, but one day you’ll miss the days when they couldn’t wait to crawl in your lap and tell you what school was like. Deep breath! Put the phone down and turn towards your child today. Be the one who opens the door for better communication. And if you’re in the older years hang in there. The monosyllable stage of your relationship doesn’t last forever. You can communicate better and grow these skills as a family. You’ve got this Warrior parents.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Say No To More Whining!

                I don’t know about you, but it seems there is less for us to do during the winter and the whining seems to increase. Maybe it’s because we spent too much money over the holidays and don’t have the extra funds, maybe we’re all just tired of the Texas weather that is beautiful one day and frigid the next. No matter the reason here are a few truths about whining and how to make it stop.

Truth #1) Whining is a learned behavior that occurs because it works

                We are creatures of habit no matter our age. And the tools we use the most are the ones and that we have learned and know will work most of the time. Your kiddo isn’t whining to annoy you, they’re whining because you’ve taught them it is a successful method of getting what they want. So the first step to ending whining in your household is to not let it work! Stop giving in. Let them know you won’t respond to whining and then follow through. These steps may seem small and practically insignificant but if you can manage it you’ll cut back dramatically on this annoying behavior.

Truth #2) Whining is a lack of a more positive means of getting our attention or their needs met

                Our kids want us to see them. They want to be the center of our world and sometimes they don’t care whether your focus is positive or negative they’re all about it. This is tricky because whining seems to trigger just that – our attention. To truly stomp out whining, like any bad behavior, we must replace it with a better way. And this doesn’t occur in the moment. You must set the stage for expected behavior beforehand. Let them know you will not respond to whining (after all we don’t negotiate with terrorists even tiny, adorable ones that make your heart glow 88% of the time). Let them know they are old enough that you expect good communication and model this behavior yourself. Let them know that sometimes they will be disappointed by the outcome of their requests and give them tools to manage those emotions.

Truth #3) Whining occurs most when children are feeling ignored or unacknowledged

                Most whining can be nipped in the bud with the right kind of attention. We as parents never mean for our children to feel ignored, but there are so many pulls on our attentions and our time it is easy to let some things slip. Taking time to positively connect with your child in a meaningful way can lessen whining exponentially. If whining is a big problem in your home looking at how much quality time you spend with other members of your home might be eye opening.

Truth #4) Whining won’t end overnight

                This is a negative and almost symbiotic habitual relationship pattern between you both. It will take practice for you to ignore your child’s whining and not respond in a way that fulfills their attention seeking. It will take practice and reminders from you for your child to begin expressing what they want or need in a more positive way. And it takes lots of opportunities to practice for our children to come to terms with life’s disappointments (big or small) and learn to manage their emotions and expectations in a healthy way.

                Whining doesn’t have to be a regular part of parenting. We have the power to show our children a better way! You’ve got this Warrior parents! We’re here to help you with this and other parenting hurdles. Just let us know. And don't worry Texas won't keep us in wild weather forever 

#RaiseAWarrior 

Instructor Spotlight: Mr. Stephen

 

Mr. Stephen IS AWESOME! 

He’s been a student of ours since he was 16 and has crushed some amazing goals and made a real difference in our community!

He is a Full Instructor here at Warrior’s Way who served as a local police officer and is now back with us and fighting hard to help you Raise A Warrior!

 

Mr. Stephen strives to teach our Little Warriors:

"To have good character and be caring people."

 

The kiddos love Mr. Stephen because:

He is high energy all the time

He is a kind friend to everyone he meets

He is passionate for the martial arts and loves sharing that fire with our students

He loves adding powerful striking like headbutts, knees and elbows to anything he can

 

A few of Mr. Stephen’s favorite things:

     Mr. Stephen is a surprisingly big Disney nerd. His favorite one is Tarzan and with a soundtrack by Phil Collins it’s no surprise. Mr. Stephen loves working out and improving his skills. When he isn’t working out or training to an awesome rock playlist, he can be found spending time with friends, taking his dogs to the park, or curling up for naps on the couch with his new puppy. His favorite movie is Tombstone, he has some super cool warrior and animal-based tattoos, loves Chick fil A, is usually hungry, and his favorite animal is a wolf.

A little bit more about Mr. Stephen:

     Mr. Stephen’s hero is Tuhon Harley. He says that Tuhon “has always been there to teach me not only how to become a great martial artist, but also a good man. He has qualities that I strive to be like every day.” We know that Mr. Stephen will excel and be a leader for good no matter what role he is in, and we are so grateful to have him back on our team helping raise Warriors once more!

Mr. Stephen we are so grateful to have you back on the mat helping Raise Warriors!!! Warrior's Way is capable of making a powerful difference because of our hardworking team!

  

#RaiseAWarrior