The Power of Gratitude

     Here at Warrior's Way we love the holiday season. Not just because of the traditions and some time off, but for the precious family centered time we get to enjoy. However, amidst all the hustle and bustle of the holidays it is far too easy to let that precious time pass us by, to forget the true meaning of the season, and get caught up in all the to-dos we've got to get done. So this Thanksgiving we want to help you and your family slow down a little. Because gratitude and being thankful is so pivotal to our happiness. And it is so much more than simply teaching our kids to say "thank you." Gratitude goes far beyond good manners... it's a mindset and a lifestyle that has countless benefits. So over the next two weeks we want to share with you 1) some reasons why instilling gratitude in your Little Warrior should be a priority and 2) ways to start making gratitude a regular habit for you and your family.

It Increases Joy:

     Gratitude is one of the most important keys to finding success and happiness in today's world. It is necessary because we live in a world where we have a highlight's reel of picture perfect life and families being pushed in our faces 24/7. This constant comparison is a thief of joy and can lead to many mental health problems, insecurities, and depression. Gratitude is the cure for that, no matter our age. Knowing what we appreciate in life means we know who we are, what matters to us, and what makes each day worthwhile. It puts us in a positive frame of mind, keeps us centered and in line with our purpose, and connects us to the world around us. It is proven to help individuals live happier more satisfied lives, as well as enjoy increased levels of self-esteem, hope, empathy and optimism. So before your child is overwhelmed by the peer pressure present in school and social media, make sure you are working to build a sound foundation of gratitude in their heart.

It Builds Perspective:

     We lead a very privileged life and it shows in the growing entitlement of successive generations of youth. Us parents are a part of this growing problem. I mean if we look at all the great stuff we provide for our kids... outings, activities, gifts, vacations, material possessions... the list goes on and on. We fill their time with joy and their room with all the latest gadgets with little to no effort on their part. And a child that grows used to getting stuff without knowing or caring where it comes from will walk through life with that continued expectation. Life doesn't just give us creature comforts out of thin air and it is important for a growing child to recognize that. So don't do less for them or withhold all the awesome things you can provide. But make sure we curb all these gifts and experiences with a little gratitude. When a child is taught to practice gratitude it helps them develop a healthy understanding of how interdependent we are as a family unit, and that many opportunities come to us because of the work done by another. This understanding expands a growing child's vision outside of their own world and helps them understand yet another reason for why we should treat others with genuine respect at all times and in all places.

It Strengthens Relationships:

     When we practice a regular attitude of gratitude we tend to notice the things around us more. This includes being more aware of the amazing people in our life. It helps us see how much their hard work and effort impacts our life for the better. Because we are more readily aware of others we tend to acknowledge and thank them more. This fills others up and helps foster stronger, more positive, healthy, and genuine relationships in our life. So if you want to improve the atmosphere in your home or lessen bickering between siblings a regular attitude of gratitude can go a long ways towards fostering that.

It Counteracts the Gimmes:

     Finally a daily practice of gratitude opens our eyes to the who's and what's that make the positive aspects of our lives possible. When a child is taught to consistently think in those terms they are less likely to make mindless, selfish demands. We've all seen those kids in the store. Constantly throwing temper tantrums and demanding more and more of their parents even after they've won their first request. It is easy to get caught up focusing on what we don't have no matter our age. So put the focus on gratitude and appreciating what you have right now. This removes comparison from the equation and leads to much greater long term satisfaction and happiness.

     So no matter where you are on your gratitude journey we know that if you take some concentrated effort, as a family, to count your blessings you will notice increased happiness, happier relationships, and less complaining in your home. I don't know about you, but that sounds like a win to us. So invest the added time and effort in teaching your child true gratitude this holiday season. Not only does it benefit everyone now, but it also arms your child with the emotional strength and fortitude to make it through life's times of plenty and times of hardship with grace and a grateful heart. 

Stay tuned for next week's article on ways to make gratitude a habit in your home!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Healthier Habits Before the Holidays

You did it parents! You survived the candied sugar rush of Halloween. But I hate to break it to you. Winter is coming. And with winter comes the magical and yet dreaded hustle and bustle of the holidays. Lets be honest parents... sweaters, hot cocoa, food galore, holiday parties and gatherings. It is not the easiest time to stay on track and keep up with our goals. So before we truly get down into the trenches preparing for some holiday cheer we wanted to preemptively take some steps to help our families remain more on track and a little healthier this season. Because we all know our kiddo plus a sugar crash is something to be avoided at all costs. So here is a Warrior parent's guide to keeping up with some healthier habits before the holidays take over.

It's a Family Thing

     Ever been to a dinner party at a friend's house where they served an adult menu and a totally different kid menu? While this may be a necessity with young infants and toddlers this cannot become the norm. Meals are a family affair and we've got to stop giving in and serving a kid's menu. When we consistently dumb down flavors and textures to suit a child's picky preferences we are teaching them that they're picky preferences are allowed. As parents, we are in charge of teaching and guiding our children to eat like an adult. And this doesn't happen by accident, it requires our conscious effort. Otherwise we will blink and our now adult child subsists solely on a diet of chicken tenders, pizza, and hamburgers (you think it doesn't happen, but my mom still has to prepare a separate dish for my very much adult little brother at every family meal due to his lack of flexibility in his meal preferences). So start saying no to the kid's menu. If you're at a Mexican restaurant your child should try to order Mexican food of some sort, not just chicken tenders. The same goes for when you're eating out Italian or any other type of non-American cuisine. In doing so we are helping our child expand their palate, tastes, and preferences. And consistently stepping outside of our comfort zone is good for everyone, no matter the age. I am not saying this transition will be easy at first, but isn't it easier to just prepare one meal rather than three different versions of it, or to be able to go to any restaurant in town rather than having to try and suit everyone's individual tastes?

Redefine "Snacks" vs "Treats"

     When you think of "snacks" what comes to mind? What about when you think of "treats." Are they mostly the same thing? Should they be? In our society 'snacks' (or what most people consider to be snacks) are readily available, convenient, and a regular part of our daily diet. This hasn't necessarily been a great thing for our health overall, but it is a fact of life. But are we using them correctly? Snacks should be a mini meal, or in between meal that helps us remain fueled up throughout the day. It shouldn't be high in sugar or low in nutrients like the bag of chips or donuts we tend to grab from the break room or nearest vending machine. Those are actually treats, or those unhealthy indulgences that should be saved for special occasions. When we make this distinction clear for ourselves and our families we will begin to make healthier choices on a daily basis. So take some time to sit down and explain the difference to your little one. An apple, some carrots, or meat and cheese would make an excellent snack. The bag of chips, ice cream, or Little Debbie snack they keep asking for, however, is a treat and shouldn't be a part of their regular weekly diet.

Junk the Junk

     Now that we've distinguished between snacks and treats it is time to go through your home and literally junk the junk. We all eat what is readily available and convenient. That is why fast food is such a huge industry. It's just there and so easy in a quick pinch. With busy schedules we're often left hungry and in a rush. We don't pause to think "Is this going to be good for me?" but rather "fooooooooood." That's why a bag of chips can disappear in seconds without a thought for all those empty calories. So empty that fridge and cupboard Warrior parents! Clean out that snack drawer! If there isn't soda, chips, or cookies to tempt us we have no choice, but to eat healthier. Because no matter our age we all automatically reach for and snack on whatever is in front of us. So let's going into the holiday season with ready to go options of a healthier variety.

The Magic of One Polite Bite

     This dinner time rule is so simple, but a complete game changer. The rule is everyone must take one polite bite of everything on their plate. It doesn't have to be a big bite, and you aren't ever forced to "clean your plate", but you do need to make an effort to try everything. This is important for three reasons... 

(1) Science proves our taste buds change all the time. You can grow up absolutely hating peanut butter and chocolate (like I did, I know that is completely crazy and I was being ridiculous as a child) and then one day it just tastes different. So keep taking polite bites, even if it's of something you previously didn't care for. It might just surprise you that your preferences have changed. 

(2) Taking a polite bite of everything that is served at a meal is just good manners. As your child grows they will begin to be away from home more and more. Other people eat different. Being open and able to politely try different flavors and textures will always leave a mark on others so start them young. The practice of manners is important whether it's a simple meal at a friend's house or a multi-course fancy business dinner.

(3) This magic rule of one polite bite also works wonders for picky eaters. It allows you to give foods they don't like a regular cameo appearance. Say goodbye to never serving your favorite dish because little Tommy won't eat it. We're not saying the transition will be easy. It may take 5 times or well past 100, but eventually with consistency of the one polite bite rule, your child will stop fighting you and may even develop a taste for it. 

     So there you have it! These easy tips may not have you eating perfectly portioned roast chicken and greens by Christmas time, but they are definitely a step in the right direction. We hope that you as you focus on your family's health and habits you can say goodbye to mealtime tantrums and focus more on what really matters- spending time just being with each other. And don't worry your family's healthy eating habits is an evolving process. When all else fails you can always join us on the mat for some squats during dodge ball on Family Participation Days. Keep it up Warrior parents! And we hope you're as excited for this holiday season as we are!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Teaching Your Warrior To Be A Good Friend

     As our children progress through the Elementary grades and move towards Middle School we begin to notice a trend. Relationships with friends start to become as important as development and connection within their family. As our children grow they begin to crave acceptance from peers and often look to their friends to help them navigate day to day life. This can be a tricky time for our child's development, but it also can be so rewarding with the right guidance. After all friendships can make the worst days that much better, having a friend to share your time with makes everything more fun, and the people we spend the most time around definitely shapes us as we grow.

     So how do we help our child be a good friend when friendships at this age are so fluid? I mean friendships (especially among kiddos) ebb and flow all the time. It isn't necessarily intentional, but it does happens. As extra-curriculars pull us all different directions, scheduling conflicts abound, new jobs are taken or refused, friends just move on or slowly grow a part. We naturally feel closest to those we see the most, so as our child's passions, personalities, and our family circumstances as a whole change our child's friendships will evolve as well. So instead of putting the emphasis on the number of friends your little has, focus instead on the kind of friend they're becoming. The rest will then begin to fall into place.

Respectfully Say "NO" To Drama:

     Drama happens and we've all been caught up in it before. When emotions get high it is easy to be sucked deep into these dramatic falling outs. After all there is a huge adrenaline rush that comes from being central to these soap opera-esque moments. But these webs of high emotions come with a very low return and more heartache than it's worth. Consistently engaging with people who are gossipy, crave chaos, and wish to stir the pot will leave our children (and us) exhausted long before high school is over. So when it comes to being a good friend teach them to say no to drama from an early age. Initially we do this by helping them understand and interpret their own emotions about an event. Even younger elementary aged children frequently have friendship disputes and will come home distraught because little Jimmy didn't sit with them today. Helping them work through and then move past these slights is the first step towards a drama free household. As they become better equipped to recognize and care for their own emotions, your child will start to be able to recognize and do the same with the emotions of those around them. This empathetic understanding will help them understand the why behind only sharing the details of a conflict or falling out solely with the core players. Not everyone needs to be involved. Teach them not to forward or share embarrassing stories or images. Raise a child who doesn't respond to baiting messages or comments. Raise someone strong enough to resist zinging back hateful comments and who can empathize with others enough to know when drama has gone on too far. The best kind of friends are always respectful and consistently empathetic. They don't play around with drama and other's emotions. So say no to drama by making respect and emotional maturity the standard of behavior in all relationships. These priceless values truly do start with us in our homes.

Patiently Assume Positive Intent:

     Kids, especially younger ones, are not inherently cruel. They tend to be insensitive, but that's just because they don't always see how their actions affect others yet. A lot of elementary snubs and friendship disputes are unintentional. But when our child perceives malice, that anger and hurt truly puts a stop on conflict resolution. So teach your child you give others the benefit of the doubt. Teach your child to take some time to cool off and process their emotions so they are more open to seeing and hearing things from the other person's perspective. When we assume positive intent in others, we are slower to anger and more inclined to be patient and kind. This practice is also super helpful among squabbling siblings, so truly take the time to nurture this mindset and make it a habit in your home. 

Have Confidence and Always Leave Room At Your Table:

     As parent's we love to see our child have a best friend or group of close friends. These may not be their BFF's for life, but they are an important part of their journey right now. While our child is enjoying the benefits of friendship it is important we teach them to not be hyper-focused on the friends they have at the exclusion of everyone else. I remember in college, a family friend suggested I meet another young woman they knew who was attending the same school, with the same major a year ahead of me. I was pretty content in my friend group at the time, but I hesitantly said yes and then nervously entered Starbucks to meet this girl in a blind friendship date. This girl and I became fast friends and college would've been a very difficult experience without her. To this day she remains my best friend and we jokingly are thankful neither of us chickened out on our arranged blind meetup. So teach your little to cherish their friends, but always leave room at their table for the new kid. When we step outside of our comfort circle with confidence and lead the way for our friends many unexpected blessings can happen. So raise a child who is unafraid to invite someone new to join them and their friends. It could be the best thing that ever happened to them.

Choose Kindness Over Popularity:

     Being popular and a part of the it crowd can be fun, but if it's our child's only goal they will be sorely disappointed. Trying to impress the "in" crowd can be a slippery slope that tempts us to compromise our values. So rather than trying to find the perfect group of friends, teach your child to concentrate on being the right friend instead. People are drawn to people with similar ideals. When your child focuses on kindness and treating everyone well and with respect they will attract friends with similar attitudes. It is important for children of all ages to know that by holding themselves to higher standards, by encouraging others rather than critiquing, and by becoming the friend they wish to find they will be setting themselves up for more positive, long lasting, and less dramatic relationships.

     So instead of getting tangled in friendship drama or stressing over whether your child has enough friends focus on building up tried and true attributes instead. When we put the focus on character traits like respect, patience, confidence, and kindness we are setting our child up for ultimate friendship and relationship success. Because when your child stands out from the crowd because of their values, it truly does leave room for a deep and meaningful friendship to bloom. The kind of friendship that isn't casual, petty, or likely to break apart quickly. A friendship that has a chance of growing along with your child and lasting for many years. The secret lies in strengthening the good character you are working to build. Because when you focus on raising a warrior everything else truly falls into place. So keep it up Warrior parents! And have a great week!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Crushing Homework Battles Like A Parenting Warrior

     School’s been back in session for over a month. Hopefully by now you and your Little Warrior have settled into a semblance of a routine and shaken yourself from the indolent habits of sweet summer time. Now that we’ve mastered back to school routines it’s time to master the second parenting hurdle of back to school time- homework. Maybe you’re little one just sits down and rocks it like a champ. But the odds are this extra work is met with some resistance to say the least.

     So what is our role in these homework battles? As parents we naturally feel it’s our job to ensure our kids do well in school. I mean this is one of those first pivotal steps to them succeeding in life… isn’t it? The truth is, however, when we micromanage or complete our child’s homework to ensure they succeed now we ultimately aren’t doing them any long term favors. Homework is meant to reinforce the topics learned in class and show the teacher areas of weakness. When we give our child room to figure it out for themselves and make some mistakes along the way we are allowing them to safely learn and gain important life skills like self-sufficiency, problem solving, dedication, and time management. Those skills are vital to success in the work force, much more so than recognizing a verb, or diagramming a sentence. 

     This isn’t to say we wash our hands of this homework business entirely. After all our children will need a lot of support and guidance while they build good study and work habits. So take a look at these strategies to help you and your child crush homework without us resorting to do it for them. After all homework is their responsibility. Not ours.

Let your child take the lead and plan TOGETHER

     One of the life skills homework teaches a child is the discipline required to tackle and complete unpleasant tasks. Life is full of unpleasant tasks. The sooner our child learns how to cope with and crush them the happier they will be. We would all rather watch Netflix then do an unsavory or dreaded task. But the majority of the time we simply can't. So let your child take the lead a little, but keep them accountable. Maybe they're hyper from sitting in a class all day and can't immediately jump right into homework. It is okay for them to have 20 minutes to run around crazy before settling down to work. You don't always have to work before playing, it's all about balance. We simply have to get our tasks done in a timely manner. So suggest a few ideas (that you're willing to support) that might make them more successful and see what they want to try. Timers for regular breaks, a little down time to unwind first, maybe homework in the morning instead of evening, maybe homework at the table without distractions is better or maybe relaxing on the bed is more their study style. You won't know without trying. Pulling out their homework and setting it in front of them may be easier, but it steals priceless learning opportunities away from them, so plan together and let them lead the way a little.

Be a RESOURCE

     As parents we want our children to know we will always be an available resource for them, but that we will never be a crutch. This is a delicate balance that takes some practice to get just right. When it comes to homework time, don't hover or micromanage their work. Be nearby, but keep going about the things you need to do. When your little one calls out for help don't immediately rush over. Give them a chance to continue working through the problem on their own. We want them to understand that we don't mind them asking for help, but that they also have to give it their best honest to goodness try. Some parents find success with putting a limit on the number of times their little one is able to ask for help on any given homework night. Then any further problems they will have to circle and talk to their teacher about. This is also great real life practice because asking another for help (especially if that person is deemed an authority figure) takes a lot of courage. It is hard to admit we need help and don't know what to do so let them burn lots of safe easy reps building this skill set before it becomes a necessity.

Focus on building GOOD HABITS

     Completing homework assignments and having good study habits as a child scholastically progresses aren't necessarily the same thing. It is important for our growing child to not only be able to focus and sit to/complete a task, but also to review material, take notes, retain information, view the big picture, and stay organized. These good study habits if instilled now will set our child up for academic and professional success in the future. So take the time to build these habits up. Let them see you use good organizational habits in managing bills or the family calendar, let them ask questions about budgeting, show them that reading for pleasure on topics that interests you is good. Help them study material in different ways. We all learn differently so have some fun finding what learning style matches your child best; be it flash cards, active listening, color coded note taking, the options are truly endless. Taking the time to do this now will prepare them to rock high school and college later. Remediation and study classes are just as expensive as the ones that help you get your degree so save yourself and your child some money in the future by taking the time to tackle and instill these habits now.

     Overall our child's education is one of those investments who's importance can't be stressed enough. So take the power struggle out of homework time by approaching this together with a positive mindset. Who knows... you might just both learn a little something along the way.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Instructor Spotlight: Miss Kenzie

Miss Kenzie is AWESOME! 

She was in our Little Warrior's program growing up and received her Junior Black Belt in our kids program with her older sister. She's worked with us on and off through the years and we're grateful to have her back on our team now!

Miss Kenzie strives to teach our Little Warriors:

"To always have kindness and compassion for others and themselves. We really are missing that today and something as simple as a smile can help someone out."

The kiddos love Miss Kenzie because:

1. She always has a sweet smile and hello for them
2. She genuinely is happy to see everyone
3. She absolutely loves snacks and the kids enjoy buying them from a fellow snack lover

A few of Miss Kenzie's favorite things:

      In addition to absolutely loving snacks, Miss Kenzie loves animals. She has a full house when it comes to pets. Her mini zoo includes three dogs: Roxy, Shadow, and Koda (who is a 7 month old puppy full of energy and personality), two fish named Oscar and Angela, and a sassy hedgehog named Wade. Since she loves such tiny adorable creatures and all of that busy energy it's no wonder she feels right at home hanging with all of our Warriors here at the Academy. Miss Kenzie is always on the go, but when she gets to slow down and relax she loves watching Criminal Minds, taking naps,  daydreaming about her next trip to Italy and Greece, and hanging out with her best friend/fiancé in between her homework.

A little bit more about Miss Kenzie:

      Miss Kenzie loves kids. She wants to spend the rest of her life working around those little balls of sunshine and dreams of being a pediatric nurse after college. She's currently attending Vernon College and we think that hanging with our kiddos will definitely be good reps in that field. Miss Kenzie was recently engaged to her high school sweetheart, and our very own Mr. Brendon. They grew up in our Little Warrior's Program and it's awesome to see these two Warriors grow stronger together and help support a whole new generation of Warriors. When we asked Miss Kenzie who her hero was she said it would definitely be Mr. Brendon. "He's like my Superman. He's good looking, kind, highly intelligent, and always here when I need help or a hug. Thank you for all you have done for me. You will always be my hero." With awesome adults on our team like them we know we can succeed in our mission and help future generations of Warriors be just as awesome.

Miss Kenzie we are so excited to have you back and we look forward to seeing where this new stage takes you both.

Some throwback baby Warrior pics of Miss Kenzie just for fun...

Little Miss Kenzie is the 2nd one on the left

Miss Kenzie's silly photo from her Junior Black Belt Test

#RaiseAWarrior 

Lie's Parents Believe Part 2

     Raising a Warrior means perpetually striving to give our children the very best we can. This is our mission as parents, but we cannot give another our best without being at our very best. Last month we touched on some lies we can easily get caught up in as parents. This week we want to continue with that thread. So take a moment and self reflect on whether these lies resonant with you. As we debunk these insecurities and lies that are holding us stationary we can begin growing past the confines of them and continue to give our family our very best.

I can't be happy if things aren't perfect.

     Most of us probably don't identify as over the top perfectionists. But the truth is perfectionism comes in many insidious forms. Ever felt frustrated because your house never seems to be clean? Struggling with keeping everyone placated and happy? Your child's behavior issues got you down? The truth is all of these are a form of parenting perfectionism and they have a nasty habit of stealing our joy from right now. The truth is perfection is an illusion that Hollywood and social media would have us believe is within our power to obtain, but it just isn't. So instead of never having company over because your house isn't just the way you want it, have them over. Make some memories. Don't let a slightly messy house keep you from having that joy. Accept that you can't keep everyone happy, all the time. You just aren't a taco. I'm sorry Warrior parents. So focus on making the difference in even just one person's day and celebrate that victory. Everything doesn't have to be perfect for you to be happy. And if you take steps to start practicing this new mindset you'll realize just how much your hidden parenting perfectionism was stealing away from you and your family's joy.

I have to do it all alone.

     Our situation isn't always known to others. Maybe you don't have an awesome family support system, maybe your best friend just moved, but you are never alone. Even if all you have is us, that is a powerful force of good in yours and your child's life. Don't fall for this lie that causes us to shut down and close ourselves off from people who genuinely care. When we feel alone, it changes our behavior and starts to become a self fulfilling prophecy. So when you feel you have to do it all and will never be able to manage another second call a friend, reconnect with your family, sit down with us. Even just having an understanding and open conversation can stop this mindset of loneliness in its track. So let this lie go. There are people who genuinely care and are invested in both you and your family. You need only ask.

I can control my child's future.

     This is a tough one Warrior parents, especially as your child gets older. The truth is we cannot stop our child from making mistakes or hurting themselves. We can't keep them from jail, from dating someone who isn't good for them, from having bad friends, dropping an extracurricular they really excelled at, or blowing off school and losing scholarships. All we can truly do is guide them and support them through thick and thin. We can make an impact, but we do not have any long lasting or actual control over their future. So take it a day at a time. Recognize it is their life and ultimately they get to choose who they want to be. And in the mean time use every second of time you have to influence and point them towards good. Our children truly listen to us and take everything we say as truth for a very finite time. Use that to your advantage! And if you've already entered the year where discord is rearing it's ugly head don't despair. Communicate your openness, non judgement, and willingness to help and support no matter the situation. Let them see you as a safe harbor always. We all rebelled some as teens, but we also usually came back and recognized are parents were more right than we wanted to give them credit for. If you're struggling with this today try making a list of all the things you can do today and places where you can make an impact. Then take a deep breathe and recognize what you have no control over the rest. Let that truth set you free from the worry of tomorrow and let it make you grateful for the impact you can actually make today.

     These posts are a little different from our usual, but taking care of yourself is so vital to successfully raising a warrior and helping your family grow. If you're in a parenting rut (whether it's one we've touched on or not) know you can always get out of it. No situation is hopeless Warrior parents and nothing lasts forever. So chin up and keep being amazing! Your whole family is counting on you.

#RaiseAWarrior 

3 Lies Parents Believe

     This month our instructors and adult students have been participating in an Alpha Goals challenge. Every year we take a month and strive to build a habit together that will make us stronger and better. Each year's challenge is vastly different. But no matter the habit we are trying to build or break, we do these challenges together because we believe we can't give our best if we aren't consistently striving to be our best self. And we love our families so much that we know they deserve the very best we have to offer them.

     This month's challenge has been about gratitude. A shift in our mindset towards being more positive and thankful in our relationships and our daily life. In doing this challenge we've noticed that our mindset truly sets the tone to the script of our lives. We each live the life we believe we deserve. Sometimes we feel powerless to change and without hope. This is a lie we trick ourselves into believing. Change may be difficult, but it is always possible. Parents (no matter the age or experience) are also vulnerable to these kinds of lies, and negative mindsets. They can prevent you from growing and giving your family your very best. So this week's article is for you guys, our amazing Warrior parents. It's time to acknowledge and dispel the lies we sometimes believe about ourselves and our families.

It's too late.

     We all have things that haunt, nag, and guilt's us both personally and as a parent. Maybe you yell too much. Maybe you recognize you're weight is affecting your health and have come to realize this is the thing that could ultimate steal time away from you and your loved ones. Maybe you feel you work too much. Maybe you regret constantly missing certain family events. Maybe you regret not writing the story of your family down or documenting life together better. No matter the fault you find and the rut you have yourself in, when we have a negative mindset we tend to feel like things have always been this way and will forever be this way. The truth is all it takes to change your life is a single, tiny, uncertain step in the right direction. You don't have to have it all figured out. And you definitely don't have to feel like you know what you're doing. Just take that first step and then another. Set an intention and follow through no matter the setbacks. One by one these little course corrections are putting us on track to the person we want to be.

Good parents don't have to (BLANK).

     This blank could be anything. Go to counseling, take medications for anxiety or depression, seek help with addiction, go through a divorce, etc. While trying to be the ultimate parent for our little ones we tend to forget that we're people too. We cannot give our best if we aren't also taking care of ourselves. While our culture is slightly more accepting of many things there are still stigma's associated with these common struggles. We have to come to terms not only with the stigma's we personally hold, but also the stigma's and expectations we believe our loved ones have. You are not a failure for needing or seeking help while trying to be the best you can be. You are a work in progress also. To take care of yourself is to ultimately take care of your family. Sometimes we struggle with unexpected things like divorce & depression. It doesn't make you a bad person and it definitely doesn't make you a bad parent, so stop that lie, right here and right now!

If I don't provide (BLANK) I'm a bad parent.

     We don't love to tell our children no. If we could give them everything that Sarah's parents next door are able to and then some, we would no questions asked. But the truth is material things do not a good parent make. Your child doesn't actually need a cell phone, the latest gaming system, a giant birthday party with a bounce house, concert tickets, grand vacations, a new car, or any of that business. They may love those things and gush with "I love you's" when presented with these, but they aren't the things that truly matter. Your time, your investment, your openness, your emotions, your love, your affection, your efforts to make this period memorable, that is what a child truly needs. That is what we must provide to be a good parent. It isn't the gifts we buy that matter, but how we make every second together count. We've spoken before how comparison is a thief of joy. So when trying to gauge yourself as a parent, don't look at the lavish gifts and treats you can't provide. Instead take note of every time the two of you laugh out loud, explore something new, start a tradition, or share a secret. Those moment's are the ones that last. That is where you make an impact. Fashion, toys, and fads will come and go, but a parent's love and genuinely focused time... that's a priceless gift your child will never forget.

     So take some time to examine your heart and mind. Are you lying too or beating yourself down on the daily? It's okay to give yourself some grace Warrior parents. We're all human and we all want what's best for our families. So chin up. Take that tiny, first, uncertain step towards being a better version of yourself. The investment may be hard at first, but it will be good for all of you.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Instructor Spotlight: Mr. James

Mr. James is AWESOME! 

Mr. James has been training with us since he was little. He achieved his Junior Black Belt and is currently working his way up through the adult class ranks!

Mr. James strives to teach our Little Warriors:

"Determination. Never give up, no matter what!"

The kiddos love Mr. James because:

He loves sparring with them and isn't afraid to sweat with them in class

Because he has a big heart even though he acts tough all the time

Because he can be really, really loud, and is great at pumping them up when it's time to work

A few of Mr. James's favorite things:

Mr. James loves comics and going to the movies. His favorite movie is Tron, and his love for comics includes World War Hulk, and the Superior Spiderman. He is always talking heroes and comics with the kiddos and staff. Especially once a new super hero movie comes out. He may not seem the nerdy type, but he can debate heroes with the best of them. 

A little bit more about Mr. James:

Mr. James is working hard in our adult curriculum. His goal is to be like Miss Alana and become the next Full Instructor who went through the entire children's curriculum and adult. He also works hard during our children's classes to be the best leader he can as he dreams of becoming a police officer. He's still a little young to try for that yet, but until then he will keep honing his favorite techniques of locks and sweeps. We love that his hero is "Tuhon Harley. Throughout my entire life he has always been there to help me the best I can be." You're doing a great job setting an example and passing this on to other Warrior students.

Here's some Little Warrior pics of Mr. James from his younger days for you to enjoy:

Baby Mr. James is center with the peace sign. A baby Mr. Brendon is next to him

Look at this sweet grin!

Mr. James you're a rock star! Thank you for being you and setting such a great example for the next generation of Warriors.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Combating Today's Instant Gratification Mindset

     Shopping with our kids can be a misadventure no matter what age they are. At some point or another there will always be the dreaded moment of confrontation where they pick up some toy or snack and gaze up at us with those big darling eyes and ask "Can we get this please?" Sometimes us giving in seems harmless, and other's we truly don't have the extra funds to make it happen this time. These struggles are internal and our child doesn't always see or understand the difference that determines when we say "yes" to a treat and when we say "no." This inconsistency can lead to the two of you butting heads frequently in public places.

     So how do we teach our children about money and spending? Previously these things were touched on in a Home Ecs class and then reinforced in the home. But as modern conveniences like Amazon Prime, Grocery pickup, snap chat, etc become more and more prevalent our society has shifted to a very strong sense of instant gratification. Because of this mindset shift, many of our youth grow up unprepared to take on the responsibilities of adulthood. It isn't random happenstance that has led to more and more 18-25 year olds continuing to live with their parents and not being in a hurry to have the responsibility of a car, driving, and a steady job. It's true that every generation faces different challenges than the one before, but why aren't we still covering the basics that remain essentially the same? If we don't take the time to prepare our children to face the basics of budgeting, frugality, and delayed gratification now than what is to stop them from drowning under a mountain of credit card debt and student loans later?

     Money is a difficult concept for young children so here are some ways to start broaching this topic and use other methods of parenting to begin instilling a sense of delayed gratification in a buy now, pay later world.

Start Small:

     Delayed gratification touches many aspects of our daily life, not just when it comes to money. So when opportunities come up use it to teach them this amazing concept of self control. Kid requesting a snack before dinner? A snack isn't inherently bad so, yes, you can have a snack... but if you are too full and don't eat all your dinner you have to watch everyone else eat dessert. Kid super excited to tell you a story and keeps interrupting? Yes I'm sure the story is very interesting, but the world doesn't tolerate rude people very well so take a moment to make them better. Now they can't share their story until you're done with your present errand/conversation AND the next one. They might not remember their epic story by then, but they are starting to see that the world doesn't only revolve around them and that what you're doing matters too.

Give Kids Their Own Money:

     We can't expect our children to learn about money without getting to actually practice with it. Whether this means a weekly/monthly allowance, or money they earn by working for it, those details are small compared to the chance to learn, grow, and make mistakes in a safe environment. There is a lot of good advice out there on the topic so take a moment to research it before instituting this concept into your home. Self sufficient kids has some awesome articles on the topic. We especially loved their advice that younger kids (10 and under) could be paid .50 cents to $1 a week based on their age. So a five year old would earn $2.50 or $5 per week. A small price to pay to keep them from financially ruining themselves before they're even thinking long term like mortgage, family, car, college, and career. 

Set Clear Expectations & Follow Through:

     Whether you decide to give your child a weekly/monthly allowance, or whether you choose to pay them for extra chores once we've crossed into the realm of money management we need to set some clear boundaries and expectations for behavior. A child with money of their own should ask for nonessential treats less and eventually not at all. If we continue to pay for everything as before AND give them money we aren't teaching them the importance of self control, saving, and goal setting. If they want a new toy, or candy bar in the grocery line they have to decide if they want to spend their money on it or not. And they are going to make mistakes. A lot of them. But to cry now because you bought too much candy and now have less money for to spend playing games at the local fair is better than taking on a car payment greater than you can afford. In the end it will hurt them a lot less and they will thank you for it one day.

Setting Financial Goals:

     One of the perks of money is we can save it for some really amazing things, but saving money is a very boring process and requires discipline no matter how old we are. Now a child with an allowance definitely isn't saving up for a beach vacation, but there are ways to teach them how to set and achieve financial goals. Does you kid want a phone, game system, or other expensive and nonessential electronic device? Teach them a bit about 401k's by offering to match their savings towards one. Have a vacation coming up? Let them know what you're willing to put towards souvenirs and let them save for the rest. Taking the time to teach your child these lessons now will take some planning, but it will also enable them to live the life they want later. And that is an investment worth supporting.

Resist Comparing Yourself to Others:

     This one can be hard especially for the older kids who are entering the age where they have cell phones and regularly get to use social media and have internet access. Comparison is something we all struggle with at times. So it is important to teach our children that comparison is natural, but it is also a thief of joy. I remember growing up I was super proud of my knock off Chuck Taylor's until some pointed out they were an off brand. My favorite shoes I had been so proud of now seemed cheap and less than before. Had anything changed about the shoes themselves? Not at all. But my view of them had changed because of another. As kids get older they will want more and more material things, trying to be cool, to fit in, and keep up with their peers. It is okay for them to seek those things and waste some money along the way. So long as we are teaching them to also be thankful for what we have and that we stop comparing our belongings and life to others. And this is a poignant lesson we need over and over again no matter our age. 

     So whether you're pro allowances or not, we think it's very important to acknowledge today's instant gratification mindset as a parent and to seek out ways to combat it in your child. And above all, enjoy the journey! Our time of influence is short, but so pivotal to a growing Warrior. Invest in that, invest in them.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Your Words Matter: Shaping Your Child's Inner Voice

     Labels tend to stick no matter what age we are. Growing up for me, the one that stuck out the most was bossy. Now as an older sibling I've got to admit I could be bossy at times. I took my job as eldest very seriously and I tried to be the best example I could be. If a sibling wasn't following the rules or being safe I wasn't afraid to call them on it and hold them accountable. But the word bossy isn't necessarily a positive one. I helped my mom corral our big group frequently, so it was only natural I would try to continue to do so even when not asked. However, instead of being recognized as a leader, helpful, or a great teammate I (and my behavior) got casually labeled as bossy. Growing up I was very self conscious of the fact that others might see me as 'too bossy' if I spoke out, had ideas, or tried to take charge of a project. It made the high school/college years interesting to say the least. And even now I catch myself saying "Just a thought" as a precursor to any idea proposal I might have so it doesn't seem like I think my idea is too important, or like I think my way is better than anyone else. Essentially, even now, years later, I am trying hard not to appear 'bossy' in my day to day interactions with others.


     Now I'm sure we all have countless examples of little words and actions that stick with us as the internal labels we desperately want to break free of. So that being said, are we being choosy when it comes to the words we use to describe our child and their behavior? Are we consciously trying to shape their inner voice or in the heat of the moment do we use our words thoughtlessly? Do we speak negatively within our child's hearing, unaware that these sometimes flippant off hand comments can leave a lasting mark not easily dissipated? Slow poke. Messy. Lazy. Irresponsible. Bossy. The list goes on and on. We don't mean for these descriptive words to become labels, but they tend to stick in the mind of whoever overhears it enough. As parents we aren't trying to be mean or irrevocably change our child's outlook on themselves. We're simply human. And while we strive to be better than our parents we just don't always realize the ripples our actions have. So here are some things to keep in mind when it comes to using our words that will help the whole family grow stronger.

The Power of a Positive Feedback Cycle:

     When we focus on everything our child is doing wrong or struggling with it puts us in a very negative state of mind. When things start getting hard we parents might feel embarrassed or resentful of their behavior. There might be some confusion on where to go from here or how to fix things. There is the perpetual exhaustion of battling against the same thing day in and day out without an end in sight. And every parent knows the ever constant fear of how our kids will ultimately turn out. This negative focus on how things are going then negatively starts to affect our patience. We get shorter and more terse when interacting with our already struggling child and then they in turn misbehave more. It's a vicious cycle that starts and ends with how we are viewing and labeling their behaviors. So stop dwelling on the negative. Work through the feelings you're having so you can better support them. Is the fact that your child is intermittently demanding a solely negative thing? Or does it mean they are decisive and know what they want? A child who is considered nosy is also being curious. Are both of those things bad or are we labeling it in a negative light and dwelling solely on that? A child who is stubborn may be hard to work with at times, but persistence is a key to success and isn't inherently bad. Consciously changing how you view your child's actions also gives you a clearer view of your role as a parent. Where once you fretted over their negative traits now you are thinking of how to hone the inherent positive skills your child has. You recognize your role in grooming your child to be the leader they naturally are. By channeling their natural traits into positive characteristics you are now sailing with the winds, instead of against them. And smoother sailing is ahead. So start a cycle of positivity by improving how you and your family views and labels other's behaviors. It will vastly change the environment of your home and how you all interact with each other.

     Alright so now that we've gotten negative labels out of the way, can our excessive praise and positive labels also negatively impact our growing Warriors? The truth is their are two main dangers when we constantly praise our child... 

Focus on Internal worth:

     The first danger is that we are teaching them to seek external validation whether than viewing their own work as worthy. This is not inherently bad, but it can lead to some unforeseen consequences if we are careless with our praise. If our child relies solely on external validation to view their worth then what happens when the world isn't all cheering for them? As parents we know how hard it is for our efforts to go unrecognized or underappreciated, but it does regularly happen. It's important that we don't praise our child to the point that they cannot see the worth of their own efforts without someone else saying "great job" and patting them on the back. The worth of our work has to come from within. The world won't always recognize the great things we're doing or the challenges we've overcome. It is up to us to be our own cheerleaders sometimes. So next time your little one brings home their newest school masterpiece for your opinions and praise take a moment to ask them what they think about it first. Let them form an opinion of their own work and praise them for recognizing it's worth on their own. Then you can lavish all the praise you want on the newest safari animal that strangely resembles a colored blob. We need to give them all the chances we can to strengthen their inner cheerleader and burn those reps in self validation before the world tries to take that away.

Focus on the Process:

     The second danger of excessive positive labels doesn't rear it's head until your child starts to struggle with something. Labels like smart, pretty, and athletic are empowering truths we want our child to know about themselves. However, these labels can also lead to a fair amount of pressure that can be hard to consistently live up to. For example straight A student's are consistently told they are "smart" and "hard working." So how will they feel when they bring home that first C? What if they've taken on too many AP classes and they feel they need to drop some? For a child that has grown up being defined as smart, these situations can be difficult. Because although the labels we give our child are meant to be positive, uplifting, and encouraging they also imply our expectations on them. An "athletic" kid will want to do good and be athletic because it makes us proud of them and we have come to expect that great effort. A "smart" kid will struggle with feeling like they are disappointing us if they bring back grades that are anything less than their normal. This isn't to say don't praise your kids. They need you to be their cheerleader until they learn to be their own. But we also need to praise the process and the journey. Most of life is the tiny steps working towards becoming better. The majority of our days aren't filled with praise or recognition. Labels are great, but the journey to greatness is more fulfilling and won't fail you or shift the way temporary labels can. So praise those good grades, but also praise every step that got them to that point and let them know that those steps are what truly makes you proud.

     So take care with your words whether you're frustrated, angry, tired, or content. We think they don't overhear what we say, but they're listening and they hear. The words we choose matter more than you could possible know to your growing child. So keep an eye on your word choice. Remember that what we say matters. As you keep these suggestions in the back of your mind you'll be amazed at the difference it will make in your child's confidence and behavior. Most of all keep trying to be better every day! We know you've got this Warrior parents. 

#RaiseAWarrior