We've talked a lot about how this pandemic and shelter in place has granted us a lot of time. Time with each other, time to relax, time to let loose, and time to play. However, many of us have been struggling to adjust and I mean really struggling. We are fighting tooth and nail for control. We cling to control in whatever small aspect we can find it because we have zero say in the uncertainty and the fear of this whole pandemic situation. And control can be good. It is good to control the amount of snacks your family is munching on. It is good to control the amount of electronics we use. But too much control, especially in parenting, can become a bad thing.
During quarantine especially it is very easy to teeter into the realm of too much control. I mean we are around our family all day every day now. We are in charge of seeing them schooled properly, their martial arts training, and any other extra curricular activities in addition to the usual parenting tasks of caring for and raising strong and kind youth. And that is a lot of hats to be wearing. But if we are living quarantine completely inflexible we aren't going to be successful. So here are some ways to curb the quarantine helicopter parent that is coming out in many of us.
Have realistic expectations
The online program has been awesome because it has allowed us to stay socially close to a lot of our Warrior families while remaining physically distant. And across the board school work has been a challenge for everyone involved. So calm your inner helicopter parent by making sure your expectations are realistic. They are not at school. They will not sit for hours and be focused and engaged. You are not their teacher. They will respond differently to you and that's okay. Schooling at home will have a very different pace. This is new to everyone and there are lots of distractions and fun things to do at home. So be realistic and create something that works for your family. The same goes for their martial arts training. It will be difficult for some kiddos to get into online training. Once again that is perfectly fine. Take your time. Be patient. Do the parent lessons with them until they are more involved again and can start taking some initiative and training on their own. The end is in sight.
Let them be bored
When we go into full helicopter mode we try to plan everything for everyone. And while our efforts are noble, us making everything right and fun and happy 24/7 is actually not great for our child in the long run. It is okay for children to be bored. It is healthy. It forces them to think outside the box and take ownership of their own happiness. Their ability to discover what they love and hobbies they enjoy now will help them find happiness during stressful times in the future. So let your kids be bored. Give them room to stretch their creative muscles and discover some things about themselves. Because having everyone's day planned and entertaining minute to minute isn't just bad for them, it's also exhausting for you.
The bottom line is the easy path (in life and in parenting) is rarely the right one. It is easy during uncertain times to seek coping by exerting greater control in our personal and family lives. It is easier to swoop in and make everything right than risk letting our children fail or hurt. However, constantly clearing the path and making life easy for our child is doing them a disservice. Because a child who doesn't face adversity isn't building coping skills. A child who's obstacles are so removed they are never disappointed, won't be able to manage day to day life in the real world. So although it's easy to become a quarantine helicopter parent we cannot. We must resist. Although we crave control during this out of our hands situation we cannot seek that feeling by exerting it overtly on our families. So be a sounding board. Don't fix everything for everyone. Check your expectations and let them be bored. We're nearly through this Warrior parents! And we've got this!
#RaiseAWarrior
No comments:
Post a Comment