Life Lessons: Being Safe vs Being Careful

     Shelter in place has us all itching to get out and be on the move again. So whether your family is ready to jump right in and do all the things or if you're cautiously taking it slow, this freedom means more activities are available to us. And as things start to warm up we definitely tend to shoo the kids outside more and more. And every time we do, whether they are bike riding, playing in the backyard, climbing a tree, or just sitting outside we caution them to "Be careful." We can't help it. It's almost habit at this point. And as our child's protector we feel reassured after sharing those two little words. But does saying "Be careful" like a broken record have the effect we want? Does it have benefit at all or is there perhaps another lesson being unconsciously taught?

Why "Be Careful" Doesn't Work

     1) Be careful is too broad: What should your child be watching out for? Snakes? Their little brother or sister? Slippery rocks by the pool? Sunburn? Poison ivy? Bugs? "Be careful" is so broad it has become practically meaningless. So pick something more specific and stop repeating the same inane message. Take that spare second to give your child more guidance. What should they be wary of? When we provide an explanation of what they need to be careful of and why it is more likely to stick. Emphasize what will happen if they don't proceed with caution. Now your warning actually serves it's purpose and is more likely to be taken to heart.


     2) It is fear based: "Be careful" seems harmless enough. I mean after all our intentions are full of love and a desire to keep our child out of harm's way. But "be careful" has a very fear based message. It doubts their judgement and their abilities. A child who was fearlessly climbing a rock wall will now hesitate and doubt himself when he hears those little words. Because "Be careful" is teaching our child to fear - the unknown, trying new things, making mistakes and taking risks. It can make your growing child overly cautious and anxious. And if their fears continue unchecked it can grow uninhibited and lead to them missing out on many opportunities and adventures that life has to offer.

Instead Teach Them To "Be Safe"

     1) It's empowering: When we tell our child to "Be safe" instead of "be careful" it softly lets them know that we trust their judgement. It says we believe in their abilities. A child that is told to "Be safe" understands that bad things can and do happen. "Be safe" also tells them that it is okay to take a few healthy risks and consistently challenge themselves. These two little words are empowering and they will help your child take risks, be bold, and get ahead in life.

     2) It teaches awareness: Earlier we mentioned that "Be careful" is too broad and becomes one of those meaningless parenting phrases that isn't much help to our children at all. When we tell them to "be safe" we can make it much more specific to their developing skills and the environment they're entering. "Be safe and look for cars" teaches awareness and safety while playing near a street. It is not too broad and it is not a meaningless warning. "Be safe and look before you step" teaches a child to not only check for footing, terrain, but also wildlife in the area. This is great advice, and a great lesson to remind them of before they play outdoors, or before taking a walk.

     3) It promotes problem solving: Kids are learning while they play. And they will make some bad calls. Instead of yelling "be careful" or "drop that" in the middle of their mock battle with sticks while swinging from a tree like wild men help them practice their problem solving by asking "if they're being safe?" Prompt them further with a "what could you use instead as a weapon?" or "what might happen if they miss and actually hit each other?" You're effectively not only reminding them to be safe, but also to be aware of what outcome their actions might have, and to come up with a better plan. 

     So try breaking the "be careful" habit. Although your intentions are pure children need more information and the lesson in "be safe" is stronger. This doesn't mean they'll always listen to you. Some hard lessons you just have to learn for yourself. So give them the freedom to try, to push themselves, to take a few risks. Because those who are willing to stretch themselves and take a few risks are the ones who truly thrive later in life.

#RaiseAWarrior