Tools For Parents: A Better Way To Praise

     If you followed along with our last blog post we touched on some of the negative effects that being a praise pusher can be. So this week it is all about solutions. I mean the premise of using praise to encourage good behavior seems basic, right? Good words for good deeds. But as we touched on last time there are some powerful ways our words can cause good and bad, so let's use them wisely.

Make Up For Negative Attention

     It's a fact that most of what we do as parents is correct. "Don't do this." "Please do that." It's part of why 'problem kids' get so much of our time and attention. But in predominantly focusing on the negative we are missing a key component that could completely flip the process. By drawing attention to the good you could motivate more positive behavior for everyone involved. So make positive re-framing the focus of your attention. Let them know which behaviors are great. Acknowledge those good acts and they will be more likely to continue. For example try "I love when you sit and play with legos. Why don't you build for me." It will be much more effective in getting the desired result rather than "Stop running around."

Be Specific

     Our words have a lot of power to help our child grow if we take the time to be thoughtful in our praise. When presented with the newest artistic masterpiece, "I love your use of color" or "Your blending has improved" is much more useful that "You're my favorite artist." The specificity of your praise let's them know what you genuinely like and gives them a focus to pour their effort into next time. So be specific and let your kiddo know what you want to see more of. This gentle guidance is a positive nudge that builds them up in the right direction and shows them the path to greater success.

Focus On Praising Effort

     In our last blog we pointed out that focusing on the end result or things that come naturally to your child can be counter productive in the long run and lead to a crippling fear of failure. It is far better to recognize and praise their effort sincerely. If they didn't do quite as well on something as they had hoped praise your child's hard work, praise their organization, or their dedication. These are traits they have power over. These are things they can develop and control. This keeps the focus on things that really matter- continued growth. 

Pay Attention To The Little Things

     Sometimes our children grow through periods where they mostly struggle. They still need our praise during this time. So if they did something without being told, take the time to praise them for it. Yes they have to brush their teeth every day, but we can praise their self reliance and for doing it without prompting. Praise is one of those things that can make a day better. So if you have been butting heads, if they've been in trouble recently or are going through something- take the time to pay attention to and praise the little things.

Don't Overdo It

     When we praise too much we lose all credibility with our child. So don't praise just to praise. Don't be insincere and just say words because every other parent is and do not under any circumstances label your child with your praise. When we call our child "Superstar," "Genius," "Angel," "Athlete," "Beauty," or "Smart" it can have far reaching negative effects. Especially if your child comes to view that trait as a part of their primary worth. So with your praise, don't over do it, keep the focus on your child's behavior - not their inherent traits- , and always be sincere. All of these little steps will really help in the years to come.

Keep Their Chin Up

     We know that we are our own worst critic and our children are no different. So if your child is belittling their own abilities or being hard on themselves don't let it go unchecked! Acknowledge your child's frustrations and then offer them hope and optimism. For example if your Warrior is struggling with the fact that they are not a strong swimmer, then acknowledge "Swimming is hard, but if you keep practicing and work hard I know you'll overcome." You can then redirect them back to a task they've already mastered (like holding their breath underwater in this instance) to stop their negative thought process and get them treating themselves with a little more kindness once more.

     Overall by taking these steps to praise more effectively we are building our child's confidence, showing them the path to focus on to achieve continued growth, teaching them to overcome obstacles and handle failure, while also being there to lift them when they are down. So take a look at how you do praise in your home and start implementing some of these easy steps today. Happy parenting!

#RaiseAWarrior 

The Negative Effects Of Being A Praise Pusher

     You are amazing Warrior parents! I mean just look at you! Instead of scrolling through Facebook or Instagram with your free time here you are trying to learn. You really are smart parents! Totally on top of it. Seriously all you do is crush this parenting thing. Great job parents. Your kids are just so lucky to have you and we're so proud of you. (And if you haven't figured out that these inane praises are examples of how not to talk to your child, it's okay. You're still literally the best, a real gold star parent.)

     So here's the thing. Modern parenting is hyper-focused on developing your child's self esteem. And that is a noble ideal. We want our kid's to have confidence, and be strong, and see all the amazing potential we see in them. We want them to think highly of themselves. And so we praise, and praise, and praise them some more. After all every word we say is true... isn't it? Your kid IS smart. Your kid IS beautiful or handsome. Your kid IS your whole world. Your kid IS talented and athletic. These praises are heartfelt and sincere. We don't just inanely tell them "good job" all the time. After all we're smarter than that (see what we did there). The problem is praise is tricky and it has a far greater impact than we necessarily perceive. So this week we wanted to talk about some of the negative effects our excessive praise can have.

It Creates Praise Junkies

     Some people just crave other's approval. They want to be recognized and celebrated. They become junkies who consistently seek greater praise and recognition. And children can learn this skill at a very early age. I mean think about babies who drop toys over and over again because they know you'll immediately pick it up and give them attention. Now being a praise junkie in and of itself isn't inherently bad and doesn't doom your child to a hard life. But if they fall into the wrong kind of crowd your praise seeking child may partake in risky or dangerous behavior for a little more attention and praise. And that my gold star parents is no bueno. 

It Loses It's Worth

     We've talked countless times about how misused words spoken without thought lose their worth. This is especially true when it is coming from you to your ultra perceptive child. So even though you want your child to know your their number one fan and always in their corner don't constantly tell them they're awesome, or doing a great job. They'll start to roll their eyes and see those innate praises for what they are. Of little worth. You want your child to always take your words to heart, which means you have to put a little more heart (and thought) into the words you say to them.

It Isn't Constructive

     When we praise our child for being an awesome artist or doing a great job our words don't really teach them anything. Without that constructive element we aren't really helping our child learn and grow. Kids are smart. They know when they're doing a good job. They don't need us to tell them that. They bring their work to you to connect and see how you respond. And then they internalize that response and go on from there. So rather than saying they're a "great artist" make your praise more specific and constructive. Your lack of helpfulness can also make your child more cynical. It is teaching them that "great job" really means "I'm busy" or "please go away."

It Skews Their Sense of Identity

     It is wonderful to have a naturally gifted child. Be they smart, or athletic, or pretty, or strong, it is just great to see our child so blessed. We love that things come easily to them and we know it will help them later on in life. However, if we focus only on praising this innately apparent gift we are teaching them that this is their most important trait. We are teaching them to define themselves and take pride solely in their ability to excel. Which is in fact not the case and leads even the slightest mistake to feel like utter failure. These kids have a hard time coping and as they grow older these children will continue to want to be viewed in this way no matter the cost.

It Makes Them Avoid Challenges

     We've talked about how too much praise can make your child anxious of failure and of being seen as less than (insert adjective of gifted trait here). This can lead to them constantly choosing the easy path. They avoid challenges because they've never had to work through weakness or overcome their struggles. They avoid challenges because they've only been praised for the result and not the process. They don't understand the worth of the journey because they haven't been praised for engaging in that process. And so they reach a point where they avoid challenges at any cost. Suddenly your all star student wants to drop out of competitive sports or AP classes. Suddenly they begin complaining of being sick all the time and missing big events. The pressure has just become too much. They're afraid to fail and don't know how to cope and work through the process and so they become overwhelmed by this fact and just don't. They avoid opportunities for growth.

     So as we look forward to the upcoming school year take a moment to assess whether or not you are a praise pushing parent. Look at the parents around you. Your friends, your peers, even complete strangers. You'll be amazed at how often you hear "great job" or some variant. Take a good look at your family. Does your child desperately seek attention? Are you a family of praise and approval seeking individuals? Do some of these worrisome effects of too much praise seem possible in your home. No matter the answer, now is always a good time to take steps towards more conscious parenting. And as we work to erase "good job!" from our vocabulary and praise each other in a more productive manner you can give yourself a little pat on the back for a job well done. Happy parenting. You've got this!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Boredom Builds A Better Life

     "I'm bored." These words have been dreaded by parents for a millennia. When we were younger boredom was a common part of childhood and it often led to some of our greatest activities and made up games. But now boredom has become sort of taboo. Gone are the days when a child had to cure their boredom blues. Today's boredom is a parent's problem. But why??? When did we become afraid of these words? Why do they make us feel put on the spot or guilty? Why do we now wrongly view boredom as a moment not fully lived or uninteresting? We have forgotten boredom and it's awesome potential. When we look at how boredom made our days great as a kid how can we also now believe that constantly being pressured to solve this "problem" of boredom right away is actually helping our child? So it's time to let them be bored. And it's time to help our child grow strong and handle the raw stuff that life is made of without hiding behind electronics. It's time to celebrate and make use of that unstructured time without fear; and here's how we're going to do it...

No Band-Aid Solutions

     When it comes to boredom the easy path is rarely the right one. So even though technology is an easy out, don't give in. When we use television or electronic games to alleviate boredom we are actually digging ourselves into a deeper hole. Our kids will have learned nothing, they will come to expect this response in the future, we both start to rely on it as a babysitter and source of entertainment, and if we decide to be more involved in the future we have a difficult battle ahead because we didn't stay strong in the first place. So just say no. Boredom isn't an excuse for a free for all. Have a family limit on electronics time and stick too it. It is okay to be more lax during the holiday or summer months, but that doesn't mean they get to sit there all weekend- only coming up for food and snacks. No matter their age. There is just too much at stake and life is too precious to be wasted solely on devices.

Cultivate Creativity

     What were the things that kept you from boredom when you were a child? Cardboard castles, blanket forts, building a tree house, inventing new games, the options are and always have been endless. Our minds like to wander when we're bored. And that's where the magic happens. That's where hobbies and passions are born. And creativity is like a muscle. The more our child uses it, the stronger it grows. And since we can't prepare our child for everything to come in today's ever changing world, creativity is the next best thing. Who knows, creativity might help them find their passion in a work field or it might give them the ability to adapt and overcome in a vast array of environments.

Teach Contentment Within

      Ever heard the phrase 'only boring people are bored'? Growing up this was a mantra in our home and for good reason. When a child says they're bored they are saying they can't find something to interest or entertain them. But where are they looking? The typical child looks outside of themselves for entertainment. I mean after all in today's go-go-go world that is completely understandable. But if we spend all of our time entertaining our child they never learn to entertain themselves. Worse still they could grow to think the entire world revolves around them and that they are never content with themselves. Constantly shoving our child towards another activity, simply because they're bored creates and supports the belief that solely by themselves and without something added our children are uninteresting. So let them be bored. Let them get comfortable with the silence of themselves. Let their personality grow.

Take A Few And Reconnect

      Sometimes our children say they're bored because they don't know how to express that they need to reconnect and interact with someone. So take a few seconds to acknowledge them. Give them a quick squeeze and say "I know you're smart/creative/fun enough to come up with something to do." This gives them a quick refill check and verbally validates them and their abilities. Remember! We do not want to solve the conundrum of boredom for them. If you do believe your child is seeking to reconnect give them something to look forward to. Let them know you'll be free in an hour or that you can go for a special treat after dinner. This still allows them to work through their boredom and look forward to some one on one or family time later that day.

    All in all it isn't just okay to let your child be bored every now and again it is imperative to their journey.  So teach your child to view boredom not as scary empty void, but as an opportunity. Let them know how it will help them and that you're excited to see what they come up with. Because a little boredom and creative down time is just what the doctor ordered for you and your kiddo. Happy parenting.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Room To Fail: A Path To Independence Part 2

      Last week we touched on the idea of disengaged parenting or giving our children some room to fail. This method of parenting allows our child to exercise their independence and to improve their executive functioning skills. Both of which are essential for success in our modern world. Last week's blog touched on five areas to improve independence with varying tasks and goals by maturity. Today we wanted to add to this list. Remember disengaged parenting doesn't mean we neglect our children and it becomes a dog eat dog world. Disengaged parenting is where we clearly lay forth our expectations, but it is up to our child to plan and execute their plan successfully. We can be a resource as needed. To solve all their problems, however, defeats the purpose and derails our goals. So here are some more intro steps to giving your child a little room to fail and practice exerting their independence.

Invest In Relationships

     When our kids are little they hang with who we hang with, or go where we dictate. They just don't really have a say in it. If we say it's weekend at Grandma's house to grandma's house they go. But as our children get older they start to have a little more freedom in this aspect. They get to choose which relationships they invest in. And the sooner we teach them the importance of this the sooner they can start consciously choosing who to share their love and time with. So teach your children that they become like the five people they spend the most time with. Ask them who they think those people are and what they've picked up and learned from them. Do this intermittently until they start internally recognizing the importance of this, but give them room to try on new relationships (within reason and safety) and see what works best.

Tackle A To-Do

     To do lists are a part of life. Whether written or not, there is always a mental running list of things we should do, things we want to do, and things we need to look into further. So take the time to start teaching your child this essential executive function skill. Have your child setup their own weekly to do list. Help them by suggesting a few tasks of your own. And then let them practice (and intermittently fail) at trying to come up with an action plan to achieve their goals. And if they don't tackle their tasks don't pick up that slack for them. Add it onto next weeks tasks. Because learning that you lose freedom to do fun things in the week to come when you slack off this week is an invaluable skill for our child to learn now where it is relatively harmless if they mistakes now and again.

Make The Most of Leisure Time

     While childhood is full of unstructured play time; our older years are a precarious balance of work and play. You must be able to establish a successful work routine, continue building and maintaining relationships, while also letting go and doing things just for the sake of it sometimes. So how do we teach our children this kind of balancing trifecta? How do we make sure they are learning to get what they need to done and use their leisure time wisely. The answer isn't in endless television or video games. While these are fun ways to relax they don't necessarily fill us up in meaningful or lasting ways. So teach your child to balance mindless leisure time with things outside of electronics. Get them involved in activities, give them a love for new adventures and the great ideas. Help them develop hobbies, and enjoyable pastimes. These things and more will help your child spend their free time learning, creating, and growing rather than sitting and constantly needing the latest devices to entertain them.

Learning About Money

     This is one of those essential skills you either learn the easy way when you're young, the hard way when you're older, or worse yet you never learn it at all. And it is a big indicator of our child's future success so that definitely makes it worth our time to start teaching our children about money. There are plenty of methods to do this... be it allowances, paying your child to pick up extra chore duties, or simply by teaching them to be resourceful with their birthday and holiday money. No matter the methodology you choose the sooner they have an appreciation for money and how it's earned the better it is for you and your pocket book. 

    Some of these skills we've discussed over the past two weeks your child will begin to pickup simply by observing and mimicking you. Unfortunately not everything can be taught this way. Proactively teaching our child to manage their lives and to solve real world problems is a necessity for future independence. It will require a lot of forethought, planning and self control on your part. It is hard to intentionally give your child room to fail. And your child will make mistakes and will purposefully test the limits of the rules. Resist the urge to consistently make excuses for or rescue them from their mistakes. We know it's hard to watch your child grow up and realize they won't be your little baby forever. But we truly are doing our children a disservice if we don't give them room to make mistakes, room to learn, and room to grow. Despite how negative it can sound, giving our child strategic room to fail ultimately fosters independence and creates patterns that will lead your child to greater success later on in life. You've got this Warrior parents. Stay Strong!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Room to Fail: A Springboard For Independence

     We want our children to grow up and live independently of us. This isn't to say we don't want to be involved, we just don't want our 22 year old son still living at home, unemployed and playing video games 24/7. So how do we hone independence in our child? How do we foster the executive function skills like oragnization, time management, planning, emotional regulation, attention, and thinking flexibly that our child will need to succeed in academics, the workplace and beyond?

     The secret lies in deliberately being disengaged as a parent. This sounds awful at first, but we don't mean in all things. We simply mean deliberately giving your child space to try, do, and maybe even fail a little bit. Some people would say this is lazy parenting. But to be actively disengaged and give your child room to try is actually a lot of work. It requires a lot of mental, and physical determination from you parents. You also have to have emotional determination or else you will constantly want to swoop in and save the day just to spare your child the hurts of reality. It is hard work, but it is also our life's work as parents.

     So here are some simple steps towards developing an independent and successful child. Your child may not be ready for all of these steps yet, but each of them is geared towards fostering capable and competent executive function skills. And we know that all good things take practice. We have coaches for soccer, and voice, and martial arts, and piano. So why don't we take the time to step back a little and coach them in the higher thinking and time management skills they will need to crush adulthood successfully. 

Sleep Cycle Balance

     The middle-school tweens and older are terrible at this. Especially during the summer. They stay up later and later playing video games or watching tv and then Bam! Suddenly your child has become a vampire who doesn't get up before 3pm! When the kiddos are little we are great at enforcing this. After all parents need some personal time too and we'll do anything to not have a cranky kiddo in the morning. But as our children get older bedtimes extend and weekends get even more lax. We stop fighting to get them up and just let them sleep. This isn't helping them succeed! There are consequences as an adult when we don't go to bed early enough. And one of them is we still have to get up and complete our obligations regardless of our tiredness while still being a nice and kind person. So if your child chooses to stay up all night that is fine. They still have to get up and function with everyone else. Teaching these lessons now will also help in that first semester of college when this lesson is either successfully learned or classes are failed during this new found phase of freedom.

Taking Medications

     This one seems pretty straightforward and simple; and maybe you feel like your kiddo has got it down. But if our children are only taking their daily meds because they're reminded too, then the routine is broken the second he or she is away from the prompt. And as our children get older they are away from us more often. Sleepovers, weekends at the grandparents, field trips, sports competitions, etc are all opportunities for successful demonstration of this independent skill, but only if we've practiced in our day to day normal lives first. So if your child is old enough to start practicing this level of independence give it a try (with some slightly disengaged parental supervision of course).

Healthy Intake

     Eventually our child will be completely in charge of their caloric intake. Day in and day out. So once you've established a lifestyle of healthy balance let them take the lead. Get them involved in shopping, lunch packing, snack picking and meal plans. If you're going out to dinner and your kiddo knows they want dessert or soda give them a chance to choose a lighter fair for breakfast or lunch. This system of involved checks and balances will help them make healthier choices now and in the future. Win win!

Staying Active

     Most of us would rather sit down and veg out than get up and go. It is natural to avoid or put off unpleasant things. Our health, however, is too important. So if your kid hates running, don't make them run, but rather help them find an active hobby they enjoy. Maybe this means they go dancing, maybe they walk the dog, maybe ultimate Frisbee, swimming or continuing martial arts. Maybe you mix it up as a family and try new activities each week until you find one that fits each individual of your group. No matter your choice, it is so important to build these habits now. Because we all know building a healthy and fit lifestyle as an adult is not too easy with all the pulls on our time and a world full of fun distractions. So help them discover an activity they love, and then let them take charge in scheduling it and preparing for it each week or day.

Monitoring Hygiene

     This is one thing that some people just don't master. And they totally should! Help your child take charge by teaching them good hygiene habits and putting them in charge of it as soon as possible. Because the truth is we won't always be around to tell our child that they or their clothes stink. The level of involvement in this will of course vary by age, but you shouldn't have to remind your 12-15 year old to put on deodorant every day. They should take charge and be proud of their appearance and involvement. It might take them being mocked by their peers and a little nudging from you, but they can learn this level of independence if you don't swoop in and save them every time. 

     So there you have it! 5 easy steps to start giving your child some relatively harmless room to fail and to start nudging them towards greater independence. And greater independence on their part leaves us more time to teach them other vital skills, life lessons, and to just have fun and make more memories. You've got this! It takes dedication and consistency to give our children some room and independence, but it is definitely worth it. Happy parenting!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Raising Happier Children: A Warrior Parent's Guide Part Two

     Helping your child find happiness within is so pivotal to their continued well-being. Far too many people waste their precious time seeking happiness and joy outside of themselves. They seek it in their jobs, in riches, in the cars they drive, the trips they take, and the number of likes they get while "living their best life." And while you can find external things that bring you joy, it is mostly fleeting and always comes at a cost. Success in the work place for example can bring joy, but at what cost to your family and so on. So this week is part two of our warrior parent's guide to raising happier children. Let's keep on pushing!

Build Your Relationships

     Relationships have a lot of power over our happiness. And while we want to be happy just in ourselves, having the skills and emotional intelligence to build healthy relationships can go a long ways towards increasing our present and future happiness. So teach your child to build their relationships. Teach them that relationships are like a bank. You have to invest time and energy into them to be able to make a withdrawal later on. Teach them to be thoughtful- to do kind things just because. Teach them to be empathetic and consider how another might feel. Teach them to be aware of the effect they have on others. Teach them to treat others how they want to be treated. Teach them to be able to verbalize what they're feeling and what they want. Teach them about boundaries. Model the kind of wholesome relationships they should seek out. And in doing so you are setting them up for success in the relationships they will later choose to pursue.

Teach Them To Invest Their Time

     Our time is our most precious resource we have to give because it is so finite. So teach your child to invest their time wisely. Yes Netflix, YouTube, and video games can be a lot of fun. But do we really want them investing weeks of their time into them? Teach your kiddo to invest their time in themselves. Teach them to absorb and learn as much as they possibly can. Teach them to be resourceful. Teach them to pursue their hobbies, to continually strive to make themselves better. And who knows these passions might even become their future job or a lucrative side hustle.

Form Happiness Habits

     We all have things that we can do to make ourselves feel better. It's sort of like an emergency self care tool kit that is individualized to you. Help your child find theirs. Maybe after a stressful morning you just need a cup of coffee. Maybe reading before bed helps you relax. We all have rituals that we do when we're feeling low and it's important that our children know this isn't selfish, it's essential. So show them your happiness habits or pick me ups and help them find their own. Whether it's journaling, expressing yourself artistically, dancing it out, deep cleaning, our children need some tried and true methods to help them cope when life is hard. And by teaching them that self care is an important part of our well-being they might just be a little more understanding when you need some time for yourself also.

The Power of Optimism

     We've all met pessimistic people and we can definitely say that we would rather face the teenage years with a child who is not a pessimist. The way we view scenarios, situations, and challenges can greatly impact our happiness levels. So teach your child to view that glass as half full. Have them view the world around them positively. It will make today, tomorrow, and everything in between that much brighter.

     So that's that! Two weeks worth of mini happiness projects for you and your family to work on. We hope that as you spend some time building these habits into your life that you will notice more happiness and less contention in your home. And who doesn't need a little boost of happiness in their lives? Happy parenting! 

#RaiseAWarrior 

Oh The Places You Can Go

     Childhood today looks WAAAAAAAYYYYYY different from when we were growing up. And that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I mean looking back on some of the things we did growing up with zero supervision... well let's just say it makes me proud to be standing here with all of my appendages intact and working. But as a whole we have shifted towards viewing going outside as a means to get somewhere, rather than viewing the outdoors as a destination in and of itself. Which is a shame since we believe our children should grow up with a healthy curiosity and respect for the world around them.

     Maybe that's why we're a little grateful for the topsy turvy trials of this year. I mean one huge good thing to come of all the coronavirus/work from home/shelter in place life was an increase in family time. And we loved hearing all about it in our weekly zoom chats and in class. We love that so many of you took advantage of this time to go outside. We loved hearing of all the biking, walking, hiking, and swimming you guys were enjoying together. It inspired us to do this in our own homes more. But as our world continues to open up, and schedules get back to normal and we find ourselves increasingly busier we feel strongly that it's important to keep that family centered focus going. So whether you're an avid nature enthusiast or you just want happy, healthier children here are some great benefits of venturing beyond and some ideas to get your family outdoors more this summer.

Because not everything needs to be fast

     If you're like us. You relished the change of pace that coronavirus brought. It really helped you reorient and prioritize what matters the most. And as we get back to a semblance of our new normal we are realizing we don't have to be spread so thin. Life doesn't have to be a continuous string of one activity or task to the next. It is okay to slow down. It can be wonderful actually. And slowing down in nature, whether its lazing about in a hammock, watching the clouds glide bye or waiting for the fish to bite can be just the change of pace and reset we need to recharge and refill after a long week.

Because not everything needs to be planned

     2020 has been a testament to this fact. Life happens whether it's planned or not. And even the greatest plans have to be rescheduled due to unforeseen circumstance. It's just a fact of life. We know how little we truly have control over. So breathe. Don't stress so much. You don't have to fill every spare second of your weekend with activities, company and outings. Some of life's greatest moments happen by accident. So if you're tired of being home get out and go. See where the road takes you. Take a drive together, go on an impromptu hike, get lost together, be spontaneous, have a picnic, utilize local walking trails, do whatever brings you joy. Just get outside together and relish those lazy unplanned days of summer.

Because facing obstacles is a skill

     Anytime we put ourselves against nature we are facing something bigger than us. And as we push the boundaries of what we thought was possible, as we stretch outside our comfort zone we are learning to face our fears and overcome obstacles. And that is a skill essential to success later on. So push them to climb that tree. See who can climb the rock the highest. Pit yourself against nature by hiking the harder paths. The views are always worth it and we can take pride in doing something we thought we couldn't before.     

Because adventure is what childhood memories are made of

     Some of my fondest memories as a child involved being outside. Hiking, camping, swimming in natural water holes, slipping across algae covered rocks, catching tadpoles or hunting for crawdads, fighting over the hammocks, building rock monuments, playing in mud, finding the best walking stick, climbing the biggest rock. These adventures held magic in them. And although we were tired and often whined about the journey it was always worth it. Those trips are the ones I remember. How we went camping for a week and it rained every day. How we saw a baby bear cub, and tried to smash rocks to make arrowheads like the Native Americans of old. I don't remember Disneyland or Sea World or even much of Lego Land in Cali. But I do remember the wonder of standing beneath the great sequoias and many misadventures in the great outdoors.

Because it can spark a lifelong love

    Our many adventures growing up has sparked a lifelong love. I will always love to travel. I will always love to hike. And while camping in a tent is no longer my favorite there is nothing like a day spent exploring new places and ending the day around a fire. I owe that to my childhood. And one day I too want to take my family to as many National Parks as I can. I want them to do the Junior Ranger Programs, to explore, to collect the badges, and rocks and shells. I want them to build a home and a life but be brave enough to step out of it and explore. So let them collect those rocks or pinecones or whatever it may be. Those are memories of the magic of childhood. And by building a love for the outdoors now it can touch your family for many generations to come.

Because it makes us healthier

     It's no secret that today's busy, fast food filled, but also sedentary, electronics based lifestyle isn't doing our society any favors. Getting outside is an active endeavor. It isn't easy walking, hiking, biking, skating, or swimming. It isn't easy to camp or gather firewood. And it is definitely up and moving. So find a way to get your family outdoors. Create traditions. There are plenty of things to do in the local area and a short day trip away. Instilling these habits and this love now will payoff today and for years to come.

Because you don't even have to go very far

     We know that with all the continued uncertainty going on today you might not feel up for a grand adventure. Camping in your back yard, walking or biking the paths of our locale, having a picnic, trying all the playgrounds in our city are all minutes away. And they take minimal prep to make happen. If you're up for something more Turner Falls, The Wichita Mountains, lakes and more are a short trip away. The best thing of all is it's easy to social distance in the wide open spaces of the great outdoors. So no matter how big or small the adventure start getting your family outside more. We know you won't regret it. Happy parenting!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Raising Happier Children: A Warrior Parent's Guide Part One

     If you could only wish one thing for your child when they are grown what would it be? Would you wish them riches? Would you wish for success? Would you wish for the perfect relationship? Or would you simply wish them happiness? For most of us parents happiness is the goal. We know that extrinsic things like big paychecks, perfect relationships, nice jobs and exotic vacations can help our child live a happier life, but it doesn't necessarily guarantee it. Happiness, simply put, has to come from within. An attitude and outlook of happiness is a learned trait, it has to be a habit of mindfulness. Which is lucky for us because wishes don't exist and this is a trait within our power to gift to our child. So this week's blog is about raising children who aren't just happy, but are also capable of choosing happiness when things are hard.

Maintain Your Awe

     Remember the wonder of your child the first time they experienced something new? Remember their joy on that first amusement park ride? The joy of that first bite of cake? As our children get older they naturally lose a little bit of that sense. Things seem less magical and more mundane to them. It becomes their norm. And it's hard to see the magic and wonder in our everyday life. You have to choose daily to find that everyday magic. So maybe that's teaching your child to notice when a flower blooms. Maybe that's taking a moment to find shapes in the clouds. Maybe it's finding a penny and picking it up. Maybe you play in the rain or have a dance party at every stop light. The world around us is incredible, we just have to choose to see that. So teach your child to celebrate the normal and everyday, because that is where we spend a huge amount of our time. Being able to find your joy in the mundane, that is priceless.

Managing Your Expectations

     We parents realize what is in our realm of control and what isn't. Weekend plans can be ruined by weather. People get sick and are unable to follow through with events. Stuff happens. It's a hard fact of life. But even the most perfect adventure can be ruined if it doesn't line up with our internal picture of how the day will play out. Being able to acknowledge and manage our expectations helps us lead a happier life. So teach your child to do this. If you have a big event or trip coming up ask them what they're looking forward too. And if it boarders into the realm of fantasy help them reign those expectations back to earth. This will make events and adventures better for everyone involved because their won't be anyone with a bad attitude because their picture perfect day wasn't as perfect as they had hoped for. 

Cultivate Gratitude

     It's a well known fact that having an attitude of gratitude helps increases our overall health and happiness. In fact cultivating a gratitude habit strengthens all of these other practices we're listing. And there are so many quick and easy ways to do this. Maybe you keep a journal where you note the wonderful things in your life (I personally have a continually ongoing note on my phone where I can quickly input a date and what made me smile. It's a tangible reminder of all the good when things get hard). Maybe you take turns mentioning something you're thankful for at family meals. Maybe you make it a habit to show your gratitude to one person every single day. These are the kind of habits that stick with you through the years. And the more you do it, the greater the joy. So find a way to cultivate gratitude as a family and do it daily.

     Like many things in this life, happiness is a choice. It takes a little practice and a whole lot of thoughtfulness, but it is one of those life long traits that keeps on giving. So work on building these habits up as a family. Not only are you securing a happier future for your Little Warrior, you are also laying the foundation for a happier home life today. Because happiness can be just as contagious as a bad attitude to those who you are around the most. We believe in you!

#RaiseAWarrior