If you followed along with our last blog post we touched on some of the negative effects that being a praise pusher can be. So this week it is all about solutions. I mean the premise of using praise to encourage good behavior seems basic, right? Good words for good deeds. But as we touched on last time there are some powerful ways our words can cause good and bad, so let's use them wisely.
Make Up For Negative Attention
It's a fact that most of what we do as parents is correct. "Don't do this." "Please do that." It's part of why 'problem kids' get so much of our time and attention. But in predominantly focusing on the negative we are missing a key component that could completely flip the process. By drawing attention to the good you could motivate more positive behavior for everyone involved. So make positive re-framing the focus of your attention. Let them know which behaviors are great. Acknowledge those good acts and they will be more likely to continue. For example try "I love when you sit and play with legos. Why don't you build for me." It will be much more effective in getting the desired result rather than "Stop running around."
Be Specific
Our words have a lot of power to help our child grow if we take the time to be thoughtful in our praise. When presented with the newest artistic masterpiece, "I love your use of color" or "Your blending has improved" is much more useful that "You're my favorite artist." The specificity of your praise let's them know what you genuinely like and gives them a focus to pour their effort into next time. So be specific and let your kiddo know what you want to see more of. This gentle guidance is a positive nudge that builds them up in the right direction and shows them the path to greater success.
Focus On Praising Effort
In our last blog we pointed out that focusing on the end result or things that come naturally to your child can be counter productive in the long run and lead to a crippling fear of failure. It is far better to recognize and praise their effort sincerely. If they didn't do quite as well on something as they had hoped praise your child's hard work, praise their organization, or their dedication. These are traits they have power over. These are things they can develop and control. This keeps the focus on things that really matter- continued growth.
Pay Attention To The Little Things
Sometimes our children grow through periods where they mostly struggle. They still need our praise during this time. So if they did something without being told, take the time to praise them for it. Yes they have to brush their teeth every day, but we can praise their self reliance and for doing it without prompting. Praise is one of those things that can make a day better. So if you have been butting heads, if they've been in trouble recently or are going through something- take the time to pay attention to and praise the little things.
Don't Overdo It
When we praise too much we lose all credibility with our child. So don't praise just to praise. Don't be insincere and just say words because every other parent is and do not under any circumstances label your child with your praise. When we call our child "Superstar," "Genius," "Angel," "Athlete," "Beauty," or "Smart" it can have far reaching negative effects. Especially if your child comes to view that trait as a part of their primary worth. So with your praise, don't over do it, keep the focus on your child's behavior - not their inherent traits- , and always be sincere. All of these little steps will really help in the years to come.
Keep Their Chin Up
We know that we are our own worst critic and our children are no different. So if your child is belittling their own abilities or being hard on themselves don't let it go unchecked! Acknowledge your child's frustrations and then offer them hope and optimism. For example if your Warrior is struggling with the fact that they are not a strong swimmer, then acknowledge "Swimming is hard, but if you keep practicing and work hard I know you'll overcome." You can then redirect them back to a task they've already mastered (like holding their breath underwater in this instance) to stop their negative thought process and get them treating themselves with a little more kindness once more.
Overall by taking these steps to praise more effectively we are building our child's confidence, showing them the path to focus on to achieve continued growth, teaching them to overcome obstacles and handle failure, while also being there to lift them when they are down. So take a look at how you do praise in your home and start implementing some of these easy steps today. Happy parenting!
#RaiseAWarrior
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