A Resolution Against Procrastination

                New Years is our go to time to view the highs and lows of the past year, set goals, and ultimately discard them by mid to late February. The truth is this shouldn’t be a once-a-year reflection. We should be taking the time to reflect daily, weekly, and even monthly to check in and see if our life is headed in the direction we are wanting. That isn’t to say we won’t meet roadblocks or become derailed from time to time. It is a part of life, but it is one we should be learning from and growing through rather than just accepting as human nature shrugging and allowing it to continue. So wherever you are in your day here’s some Warrior food for thought

Two Natures

                Many of us our familiar with the Native American story of two wolves within us. In this tale a grandfather is imparting wisdom to his grandson about the two natures or driving forces that battle within him daily like wolves. One is positive (full of joy, peace, love, compassion, hope, and faith) while the other is negative (full of anger, regret, envy, greed, arrogance, self-pity, etc). The grandson reflects on this before asking his grandfather which will win? His grandfather solemnly replies – “the one you feed.”

                This is a short, but powerful reminder of the daily fight every single one of us must face. Every day our thoughts, our words, and our deeds either feed a positive mentality or a more negative one. And it’s an empowering reminder that we are more in charge of our own happiness than we often believe. When it comes to struggling with goals it is simpler to view these two forces at war within us as our rational decision maker vs our desires for instant gratification.

The Dangers of Procrastination

                Most of us given the opportunity and no consequences would be happy whiling away our time in the instant gratification realm. It just feels good and is often easier. Unfortunately, as parents this is not something we can or should be doing. Our children are counting on us to lead and guide them. And so, we should be rationally foraging on and making decisions to prioritize our time. Usually having deadlines helps keep us on track.

But what about all the parts of life that don’t truly have a deadline? What about those more long-term things or abstract ideas that we hope to achieve but will never truly have a deadline unless we prioritize and make it so. Get healthier, lose weight, be a better parent, become more financially secure. These are often the things that become our New Years Resolution, but even that isn’t enough for sustainable growth. And then another year goes by and we have some regret, because it feels like we let it slip through our fingers.

Our Goal For This New Year

This life isn’t meant to be lived one new year’s resolution to another. We should not look at the past year and see more failures than successes, or merely wish we had done better. As parents we cannot afford to feel a spectator in our own life. Our time as a parent is so infinitely precious, and short. And our children learn so much more from what we do than what we say.

This year we hope you don’t just set New Year’s resolutions. We hope you realistically look at the time you hope to have and set deadlines and prioritize this growth, in whatever area of your life it may be. Take time to set manageable steps that can be achieved and then review your progress daily, weekly, and monthly. This is the year we stop wishing our time away on abstract goals and rather make some concrete changes that we can reflect on and measurably see a difference.

You’ve got this Warrior parents!

  #RaiseAWarrior 

The Giving Tree: A Lesson for Parents

 

                Do you ever revisit a part of your youth and find it too not be the same? We recently encountered that while reading “The Giving Tree” by Shel Silverstein. Who remembers this fondly as a heartwarming story? If you read it again you might be surprised about how dark it gets. At it’s core this is a story about a little boy who takes, and takes, and takes and a tree who gives and gives until there is nothing left. At first glance the tree’s acts of sacrifice seem noble, but we can also see that it leads to a very spoiled child who takes selfishly without consideration of the cost. There are several lessons for parents in this tale

It's Not Okay To Give For Another Until It Hurts

                As parents we love our children unconditionally. No matter what they do, they will always be ours and we will always want what’s best for them. What’s best for them, however, should not come above all else. Our relationship dynamic with our children are the first model of what relationships look like. We are building the foundation for the rest of their lives, so it is imperative we model a healthy one. Do we want our children to grow up and be the giver who has no limits or boundaries? Do we want them to view a taker who doesn’t contribute and always asks for more as a suitable relationship? Neither of these seem like the goal when it comes to our child’s future meaningful relationships. As parents we must show them that our giving isn’t endless and that it doesn’t come at the cost of oneself. Self-sacrifice can be good intermittently, but it is not sustainable long term in any relationship dynamic.

Taking Care Of Your Own Needs Allows You To Give More

                As parents there are constant pulls on us no matter where we are in the day. Pulls from work, school, the kids, your spouse, your family, the demands are never ending. If we aren’t carefully attuned to our own needs all these demands can quickly deplete our energy and resolve. We become irritable, easily frustrated, less patient, less compassionate, and unwilling to look outside of ourself and our own feelings. These emotional lows when we aren’t meeting our own needs are actually the times we parent the worst. It's kind of like when the flight attendants tell you “Please put your oxygen mask on before helping others.” The same is true for us parents. If we are pushing all our wants, thoughts, needs, and desires to the wayside to benefit our children we aren’t truly putting ourselves in a position to help them. A little maintenance or fuel into our sense of wellbeing allows us to maintain our parenting goals and be the parent we are striving to be.

Generosity is better than self-sacrifice

                The Giving Tree is the very emblem of self-sacrifice, and it also represents a common mentality of parenting. Our present generation is working so hard to ensure our children have the very best of everything, and ensure it is different from our childhood that we might be missing the mark and swinging too far the other way. Giving without abandon to every want and demand of the boy didn’t make the boy a better human, or truly help him achieve much. Rather it created a continuous cycle of selfishness where the boy had no shame in always asking for more and had no thought on it’s impact to anyone other than himself. Showing generosity towards our children is a parenting formula with a different outcome. It puts the focus on helping others to bring joy to yourself. There is a willingness to stop and serve, but also a healthy boundary that prioritizes your needs right along with theirs. It is an attitude that strives not just to give always, but also to help nurture that trait in others. It changes from trying to move heaven and earth for a single individual, to taking care of yourself so you can teach another how to be the change for good in the world so that flow of positivity can occur long after we have become a memory. Generosity would have been the tree sharing its apples, but also teaching the little boy to plant the seeds so he could take care of himself in the future, but also so others could benefit from it. It would have involved lessons of consideration and compassion towards others and that would have stuck with the boy long after the tree had no more to give. Generosity would have made a lasting difference and the world a better place. 

                Are you a generous parent or a self-sacrificing one? Do you take care of yourself so you can be the very best parent you can be? If not there is always room to grow! You’ve got this Warrior parents. 

  #RaiseAWarrior 

 

Parenting And Your Child’s Temperament

 

                Our goal is to help make parenting easier. Note the word choice there; easier and not easy. Parenting is, and always will be a difficult task. This is because no one parenting style or method fit’s every family’s individual needs. This happens because every family is different, and each member of the family is a unique individual who responds to the world differently. We all naturally are born with character traits or a temperament of sorts. This isn’t new knowledge. However, when we view this from a parenting lens we see that perhaps there is room to grow. Perhaps we should take into consideration the different temperaments in our home. Does one child need something that the other doesn’t? Is it within our power to meet those individual temperaments as well as their unique strengths and weaknesses? Should we meet them? Read on below to start deciding for yourself-

Reactive Temperaments

Reactivity revolves around how our child responds to things in the world around them. These children have big emotions and they need help learning to work through them.

The reactive child can be a lot of fun and energetic so long as thing are going well. They are loud, physically active, and keep you on your toes. But when things start to go wrong all that reactivity tends to show in some negative ways. If your child is a spit-fire they need help expressing their emotions appropriately (especially when it comes to anger or frustration), as well as finding positive routes to get out all of that energy. This child will need help establishing some routines to help them wind down or transition from moment to moment.

The less reactive child however is a total sweetheart. They are gentle natured, kind, easy to get along with and everyone loves them. Their weakness is they aren’t always assertive, can be extremely sensitive, and need help learning how to stand up for themselves. These kids tend to have a lower or laid-back energy level and might need some encouragement to help build healthy habits when it comes to movement and physical activity.

Regulated Temperaments

How we control our behavior and show our feelings is something that we naturally also have a predilection too. No matter the temperament, however, we can always help our child cope with their natural strengths and weaknesses as well as improve upon them.

The self-regulated child kind of has things together. They are not overly impulsive; they can manage their emotions longer in all kinds of emotions and are capable of working through those emotions positively in a quicker manner. These kids are naturally great at coping with setbacks and knocking out goals. This child can become a bit of a perfectionist, however, so it’s important to let them know mistakes are okay and used as a learning point.

The un-regulated child is quite the opposite. Their attention, focus, and emotions are all over the place, sometimes in a positive manner and sometimes not. This child can easily switch from one activity to the next, but will need to be equipped with resources to help them focus and follow through so they can learn how to achieve those longer, and more difficult tasks.

Sociable Temperaments

This concept is more familiar to most of us. We all know introverts and we all know extroverts. How we respond to others is something that is innately a part of our character. Both have strengths, but also weaknesses and parents can help their child by uniquely meeting their needs and helping them grow through and adapt to their initial nature.

The Social Child – These kids can feel easy sometimes. Take them anywhere and they will talk up a storm and make at least 3 new friends. They handle things on the fly with a smile and a mostly good attitude. The downside is these children often struggle to occupy themselves and demand a lot of attention. These kids crave that one on one time with you, but also need to learn to be happy spending time with themselves.

The Introvert – This kid is awesome at playing by themselves quietly. It feels like a blessing in the early stages as it opens up more time for yourself. It can become a hardship, however, if your child doesn’t learn how to make friends or be comfortable in groups. This child struggles with being adaptable and craves a routine. Routines are great learning tools, but your child will find life hard without some coping strategies to help them be more adaptable.

Looking at this list your probably see your child in one of each of these categories. Take a moment to compare their natural state to your own. When you sync up it is easier to understand their needs, concerns, fears, etc. which in fact makes it easier to parent. It is when you guys don’t have similar temperaments that it can be harder to parent and meet your child’s needs. Not just the needs of their temperament, but also their growth needs so that their temperament does not hold them back. It will be a learning curve for everyone involved (especially if your temperaments don’t sync up), but we know it can make your parenting and home life better. You’ve got this Warriors!

 #RaiseAWarrior 

Creating Rules that Stick

             Being a parent is all about balance. We know our kids need rules so they don’t run amuk, but we also strive to feel like the fun, happy parent, rather than a drill sergeant. So how do we make sure our rules and boundaries are respected? How do we find the happy medium to where there aren’t too many rules and the rules we have actually stick and are followed the majority of the time? Read on for a game plan to help make it happen

Pick Your Battles

No one likes to be micromanaged and the same is true for our kids. If everything has a boundary or a rule it is easy for a child to feel confined and powerless. And powerless children are a force to be reckoned with. They are unhappy and will turn your home into WWIII during a power struggle to try and be seen and heard. Yes, it’s true our children need structure, but they also need some room to learn and grow. Rather than going full drill sergeant, try to think of your rules like bowling bumper rails. They are firm, they keep your child from going in the gutter, but there is still lots of room for your child to make decisions, have fun and be in control. They get to choose to shoot between their legs, backwards, or with one hand and they can still be relatively safe. Once those hard-set boundaries or “bumper” rules are in place you must be willing to follow through. So long as your child’s actions within the bumper lanes aren’t

1) Hurting themselves or others

2) Causing destruction or damage to property

And

3) Does not go against your family’s core values and expectations  

Then we must be willing to accept their choices within those lanes. If you find your bumper rails weren’t enough to prevent those 3 things from happening any re-evaluation of the boundary or rule needs to be clearly explained to the child.

Change How Your Bribe

It’s true sometimes even the best parent needs to bribe their kid every once in a while. But bribes shouldn’t be our default and they should never be for long term or routine tasks. For example you should not bribe your kid to come to every single martial arts class or to be patient while driving in the car. Those things are regular part of your day or weekly routine. Children need to learn to accept and expect certain things because life is full of ordinary day to day moments. There are, however, good times to bribe your child because at its basis a bribe is a form of reward. And everybody needs encouraging from time to time.

·         Make them earn it: Bribes and rewards are a good way of recognizing that hard work pays off. Use them to help your child establish goals and good work ethics. For example, having a bribe or reward for maintaining good grades every report card is a common way to help your child learn, as is celebrating the end of a successful sports season or entering into a new level of martial arts classes (i.e. Advanced Class!).

 

·         Use it to teach short vs long term rewards: In the beginning it is hard for our children to understand that sometimes rewards are long-term, and we won’t see any true changes in the meantime. I mean brushing your teeth for 2 minutes seems inconsequential, but that brief moment of time is a powerhouse in the long term. The same is true for working out. It takes months of hard work before we truly start to see the change our efforts have wrought. In these instances, bridging the gap and helping them set short term goals in the meantime can help your child be more likely to agree. If your child is obese and you want them to be healthier it is hard to get them to engage purely by focusing on the long-term rewards. You might have to supplement a little. In these moments share the long-term rewards and set manageable small goals with rewards to help you get there. For example, if we stick with the obese example above being able to do 25 pushups vs zero is a huge accomplishment and amount of growth. You might not be able to see the muscle development yet, but your child is being disciplined, burning calories, and making a change to their lifestyle. So, when that goal is achieved offer a short-term reward. Maybe it is a family day spent at the roller rink or a day swimming at Castaway cove (after all rewarding fitness goals with ice cream hardly makes sense).

Be ready for the transition phase

            Likely if you’ve been relying heavily on loose rules, bribes and rewards your new attempts at discipline and creating rules will not be met with excitement. This is a normal response to change and a perceived loss. When your child is feeling frustrated with this new normal use the ACT model. Act stands for

A-    Acknowledge their feelings

C - Communicate the boundary

T- Target other choices

In real life that would look like this. Say you are trying to lay some new boundaries on electronics use. No kid is going to love that, but the ACT model helps you put down the new “bumpers” while still helping your child feel heard and giving them some powerful choices and a bit of control. This would look something like this.

Acknowledge: “I know you’re frustrated that we are decreasing our screen time especially when videogames are fun.”

Communicate: “We decided as a family that decreasing our screen time and exploring our hobbies and likes was important.”

Target other choices: “Why don’t you use this time to go ride your bike, try that new skateboard trick you saw, or play board games with _______?”

            Your child will feel disappointed with the new changes early on, but eventually you will all adjust to these new bumper rails and be happier for it. You’ve got this Warrior parents!

 #RaiseAWarrior 

Growth Mindset – Changing the “I Can’t” to “I Can!”

                Sometimes things, like school, come easily to our children. This often feels like a blessing because our job is so much easier when our children are naturally gifted don’t really have to work hard to get it down. And it feels like a blessing until the day it stops happening and then we realize what a curse that natural gift can turn into. Because all that easy success leads to our children never experiencing not automatically having something down within the first few tries. And that is the end of the world as we know it because the lack of practice at problem solving also means they don’t know how to cope with this new realization. Suddenly “I don’t know how” turns into “I can’t” and everyone feels frustrated beyond belief and stuck. Naturally gifted children can develop a fixed mindset and have their success crumble in the face of these standard roadblocks if they aren’t properly prepared. So here are ways to instill and cultivate a growth mindset. This is a trait necessary for the kids that are naturally good at certain things and the ones who always seem to struggle with mastering new tasks.

Growth and Fixed Mindset - What is the difference?

A fixed mindset focuses on the outcome only. Can I do it or can I not. A growth mindset, however, is cultivated on the belief that anything can be learned and improved on, if you’re willing to work at it. A growth mindset shifts our attention from the outcome and rather to the effort and journey of reaching the outcome. It allows us to recognize we don’t know something or can’t do it yet, but that success can be found if we are hardworking and willing enough. Because life isn’t rainbows and unicorns, your child needs a growth mindset in order to push through the roadblocks and obstacles that life will inevitably throw at them. A growth mindset also allows your child to see every problem as an opportunity to try something new. This mindset allows your growing child to push the boundaries and fully meet their potential. It definitely sounds like a growth mindset is the way to go, but how do we promote this in our home.

Praise the right things

                As parent’s we praise our children regularly, but if we focus on the wrong things, we can miss the mark and unwittingly set our child up for disappointment and frustration in the future when they have difficulty. We should not be praising the outcome of our children’s action. It isn’t winning the game, the high grades, or the belt itself that should be our focus. We should praise them for all it took them to get there. Praise their work ethic, praise their dedication, their perseverance, their tenacity. Praise and celebrate the growth and all the work that it took to get them there. Greatness doesn’t happen by accident. It is a direct correlation to your child’s willingness to work and grow. Don’t expect or celebrate perfection. Celebrate what it took to get where they are today. This kind of praise instills and encourages a growth mindset that will help your child in the future more than the standard fluff well-meaning parents tend to focus on.

 

Change your family view of failure

                Just like we need to be conscious of the way we praise, we need to be more conscious about the way we correct and view failure. To fail is to be human. It is not the end all, be all, and failure isn’t a reflection of us as an individual, but rather our work itself. And sometimes we will work hard and have a bad day or the other person worked a little bit harder. That loss isn’t a reflection that we failed or didn’t do enough. Our efforts still brought us growth and that should be celebrated. Failure sucks but we should use it as motivation and a roadmap that shows us what we would like to do better in the future. We can only do that if we have a growth mindset and do not attribute that failure as a part of our identity. The same is true for mistakes. Mistakes are small failures and too often we teach our children that mistakes are bad. So be conscious of how you react to your child’s mistakes and failures. Empathize with their frustrations and feelings but also shift the focus back towards the effort and work that occurred and what we can do differently in the future.

Let them have space to practice

                Modeling the appropriate focus of praise and response to failure is a powerful start to boosting your child’s mindset. Once this has become a comfortable routine in your home give them space to practice and nourish this mindset within themselves. We can’t guarantee we will always be there to praise them and help build up their confidence after a mess up. It’s important to guide your kiddo through this process by asking things like:

What did you do well?

What would you do differently next time?

What can we learn from this to help us in the future?

Helping them work through these questions with a little prompting ensure they are internalizing the mindset and that when things are hard they will be able to self sooth and work through their emotions, dynamically redirect their focus and keep on growing no matter the setbacks.

    Looking for practical ways to get into the practice of this? Try to watch your kiddo on the mat! Find one Warrior trait or thing they did well that you can focus your praise on at the end of class. Start asking them what they think went well and open a discussion about what could be done better next time so they can continue to improve.  You’ve got this Warrior parents. And we’re here to help

 #RaiseAWarrior 

Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde - Why Your Kid Acts Different At Home

 

                Do you ever hear someone tell you something overly positive about your child and all you can think is “Are you sure you’re talking about my kid?” And how could the tiny gremlin we know at home be such a rockstar out in the world? This phenomenon also happens within our home. Maybe one parent or grandparent get the Dr. Jekyll version of your kid and the other one feels like they’re stuck with someone wholly different and not unlike the infamous Mr. Hyde. So today we’re looking at some of the good and bad of why our children save their least desirable behavior for you (aren’t we lucky) and ways we can take steps to improve it.

The Good

Being Home is Being Safe: Our kiddos hopefully see home as a safe space and know they have our unconditional love. This makes our children feel more comfortable expressing all of their feelings and behaviors that they might have to repress and control throughout the day.

•  Ways to improve this: Continue to nurture those feelings of safety and security. Let your children know they have your unconditional love but begin to teach them a couple boundaries and that this is a gift not to be abused. Our families can take a lot, but they don’t deserve our very worst and we should work to be constantly improving our family ties and not just using them as a punching bag at our whim.

The Not So Good

Home Lacks Structure: For our school aged children their days are full of a lot of structure and predictability (much like our own workdays which is why we often feel more collected and in control during those hours versus the ones when we are back at home in full parent mode). They don’t really have to be flexible or adaptive and they know what is required of them. At home can be a different story. Some days free time is an unscheduled free for all, but when a play date or guests are involved suddenly the expectation of their free time is now changed.

• Ways to improve this: Set the expectation from the start of the day by getting your family involved in your plans. When they wake up remind them what the plan is for the day and when you pick them up from whatever activities re-iterate the game plan and take some time to hear their expectations of the outing vs yours so you can be more on the same page and meet in the middle.

Family is Easier to Manipulate: The good thing is we know our family well. The bad things is also we know our family well. Our kiddos know exactly your triggers and what pushes your buttons. A part of learning and growing involves a fair amount of pushing boundaries and disobedience. This is worse so if there is a lack of accountability or un-equal relationship dynamic between parents, co-parents, grandparents, etc. Children like sharks can sense that sort of weakness and will pit you against each other for their benefit.

•  Ways to improve this: Do not undermine each other when your kids can see. If you feel one parent or family member is being too harsh or too lenient setup a code phrase like “I like your shoes” or “Can we talk about this privately first.” This buys you space and time to come to a plan you both agree on without your kid pushing buttons in the middle. Working through your individual parenting triggers, weaknesses, and strengths in a self-reflective manner also helps improve this personally and make it less easy for your child to get you riled up or push your buttons (whether they are doing that purposefully or not).

Discipline Is Inconsistent: Throughout your child’s structured day discipline and the escalation of consequences is based on a stepped interval and at expected moments. Your child knows what will happen when they break rule X, Y, or Z so that helps them pause and consider the consequences before acting out. The same cannot be said for in the home.

• Ways to improve this: Your discipline should be predictable, well explained, and have complete follow through by all parties involved. Think about how we handle it on the mat. All students know not only the punishment for any misbehavior, but the expectation of behavior set for them. It is an expectation we follow ourselves and they know that all the instructors will discipline the exact same way according to the action that occurs. It is predictable and they understand not just the reasoning behind it but every time they are counseled and must think for themselves where they went wrong and how it can be improved. There is never yelling, shaming, or criticizing. Discipline is used as a basis to improve and educate. It is done with compassion and good rapport. There are no weak links or inconsistencies. Fixing these recognizable weaknesses in your home discipline plan will go a long way towards improving this behavior pattern and your relationship as a whole.

    Hang in there Warrior parents. We know childhood is marathon event and not a sprint. Take moments to celebrate the good and plan to improve the not so good. And don’t forget - if you are struggling with particular issues at home we are here to help.

 #RaiseAWarrior 

 

 

Things We Shouldn't Be Teaching Our Child This Back To School Season

 

                We teach our children so much by our words and actions. We also teach them a lot of things that are shaped by our thoughts intentional or not. So here are some less than optimal things you may be teaching your child without always realizing it. As we gear up for back-to-school time it’s important to have some of these on your radar.

Don’t be different

                We would never say this to our child of course, but sometimes our actions speak louder than words. This especially comes out during back-to-school shopping. How much time and money do we invest helping our child be like every one else. How many times do we cave to our child’s demands because it’s easier and they are whining that “everyone else has one” or “because everyone is doing it.” It is a delicate balance. We do not want our child to always be an outsider looking in, but we also do not want our child to do or want something simply because it’s popular. When your child brings up the point that “everyone else has one” or “is doing it” take time to talk this through. Find out if your child really likes this new trend or if they are worried about feeling left out. Encourage self-expression, style, and interests because it is an important part of your child’s growing identity. And above all make sure to help your child learn to make their own good choices regardless of whether it is popular or not.

Just follow the rules

                Another delicate balance. Society needs rules and people who will follow them. And our entire modern school system is largely built upon and meant to encourage rule following. Far too often as parents or adults in general we default to the adage “because I said so.” Why - because in the heat of the moment we literally can’t sometimes and just need our child to do as their told. This cannot be our default, however. No rule should go unquestioned. Our children need to look for ways to discern a “good rule” from a not, and those unjust rules should be challenged, even if it’s a rule that we made for them.

Childhood is your time for fun

                Of all the harmful things we could teach our children, this probably seems like an odd choice. Like all things in life, a delicate balance is needed. It can be just as detrimental to overemphasize a child’s need for a carefree like just as it can be bad to encourage your child to take things to seriously. Pushing for a carefree life underestimates the healthy need for our child to begin taking some responsibility and accountability for themselves. It is easy for us to want to give our children the most carefree summer possible because you only get to be a child once. But there are life skills your child will need to make a way in the world in which we live. Chores should not be burdensome, but they are a part of a learning, growing, and healthy childhood. The same goes for the other end of the spectrum. School matters and it matters a lot; however, we are a generation who is struggling with work life balance. School isn’t mean to be the most important thing in a child’s life and our overemphasis on that can lead to our child not learning how to be attuned to their needs, their health, and their well-being.

                So as you get your kid back to school ready consider the things you want your child to learn during this time. It is okay to stand out from the crowd for the right reasons, we should not blindly follow the rules, and childhood is a time of fun, but we all have a part to do and it is important to work hard and play hard. You’ve got this Warrior parents! School is just around the corner.

 #RaiseAWarrior 

The Student Creed and You

 

Every class begins with us paying attention, giving respects (to ourselves, our instructors, our teammates), and saying the student creed. We do this to remind ourselves (and that goes for all of us, even Sifu and the other instructors) our goals for the class and in life. The student creed is like a moral compass for who we are trying to be. And it can also be a pretty useful reminder and tool for off the mat and in your homes. Today we wanted to look closer at the student creed, what it means to your Warrior, and how you can use it to your advantage.

I am a Warrior!

                We teach them that to say “I am” because even when we’re having a hard time this is the core of who we are and who we want to be. Saying it is a form of accountability. We are reminding ourselves and others that this is who we are. We don’t just get to pick and choose when we want to be a Warrior. It isn’t based purely on convenience, or when we feel like it, but rather it is always a part of us. This is important because it means they will be a Warrior at home too. Then we begin to teach them who a Warrior is. Using the examples of their heroes we talk about Warriors being helpers and protectors. Warriors are the medical team fighting against disease, the teachers fighting against illiteracy and the police officers fighting against bad guys. Warriors are found in a family unit looking out for each other. Warriors exist in the big and little things every day and in every capacity.

I will fight for what’s right!

                I just love the statement “I will”. It isn’t a halfhearted “I’ll try” but rather an all-committed promise. You don’t get to sort of be a warrior who protects and helps others. You must be all in. So as your Little Warrior’s understanding grows so does their knowledge of what they stand for and against. For your Little Warriors this means fighting for what’s right and this is a huge all encompassing ideal. To fight for what’s right is to remind your Little Warrior to – be a good friend, say no to bullying, tell the truth, work hard, be a good sport, and so, so much more. Re-iterate and nurture these sentiments at home. Recognize when they are “fighting for what’s right” and doing better than before. Re-iterating that language and mentality on and off the mat will only help to strengthen that mindset. 

I will be brave, honorable, and respectful!

                This one is important because it recognizes that doing the right thing and being a Warrior isn’t always easy. It acknowledges that sometimes your child won’t feel very brave, will consider doing the wrong thing, and acting out in ways that are less than respectful. We all have those moments of weakness and often consider responding in a less than optimal way throughout the day. Letting your growing Warrior know these feelings occur and can be acknowledged while still doing the right thing is a powerful lesson. Because even though they are afraid your Warrior will be brave. Even though they considered being dishonest they can and will be honorable. And even in moments of frustration and anger we can and will be respectful to others, even when we don’t like them.

                The Student Creed is something your kiddo uses in class to re-orient themselves to who we are and what we do. Those lessons don’t have to stop on the mat. Don’t hesitate to use these phrases as reminders of who they are and who they are working to become. Thank them for doing the right thing. Acknowledge that even though they were afraid they were also brave. And gently remind them that they are a Warrior when they start heading down a path of less than Warrior like behavior. After all, the mindset, courtesy, respect, and discipline are just as important as the self defense and physical health benefits. You’ve got this Warrior parents. And we’re here to help!

 #RaiseAWarrior 

                                       

Slowing Down Time

    We say “time flies” all the time. And boy does it seem to fly faster with every single passing day, especially as a parent. I’m not really sure what happened. We used the same clocks during B.C. (before children) years, but we seem stuck on fast forward now. And while we are not Dr. Strange or capable of messing with any of that time business there are ways to be more present and engaged, ways to savor and find joy in the moments. While that doesn’t stop or put a pause on these childhood milestones, it can make that time slow down and seem more meaningful. So here are some good ways to work some magic

Learn the stage and invest:

                When we were brand new parents we were obsessed with every single developmental stage and milestone our infant was going through and nearing. When did we stop treating childhood like that? Our children no matter their age are still learning and growing just as we are. Take time to learn about what stage they’re in and the hurdles they must overcome. Marvel at the magic of these moments again. It helps keep the focus on what really matters.

Do Less:

                We tend to feel a pressure to act and overbook ourselves. Our time off with our family is sacred time. And no one will respect it if we don’t prioritize it that way. Stop scheduling every single weekend and spare moment. Take time to enjoy spontaneity with your family. Create little rituals like “pajama day” (where the goal is to not put on real clothes all day), breakfast for dinner, or regular family game nights. And then guard those moments and prioritize them fiercely.

Be Present and Engage:

                We must be present for our kiddos both mentally, physically and emotionally. Meeting this might mean something as small as unplugging from our devices during certain hours of the day or by not multi-tasking. These two things are big hinders in our ability to focus and truly take moments to look and listen to our child for the cues they are giving us verbally or not. Find unique ways to engage. Get to know and spend time with them, their interests, their passions, and their friends.

Focus on the positive:

                Sometimes it is easy to feel like you’re losing your baby day by day. That sweet bundle you held in your arms that first day. The little one you watched take their first wobbling steps and ride their bike. Those thoughts can hurt your parents heart and steel the job of this moment by focusing on moments already gone. We tell our kids on the mat “keep your hands up” all the time. It is a mantra we repeat almost like a broken record. And the reason we say that instead of “Don’t drop your hands” is simple. We are reinforcing the positive. So don’t focus on the moments already gone or that you’ve let pass you bye. Remember them but focus on the present. Focus on the positive that you are preparing your child. Preparing your child to grow, to lead an amazing life, do great things, and raise a family of their own. And that is an amazing journey you have already begun.

 

These tips might not quite give you powers over time, but it just might make your time with your family a little richer. Until next time keep up the great work!

  #RaiseAWarrior 

Instructor Spotlight: Miss Brianna

 

Ms. Bri IS AWESOME! 

She is one of our teens class students and while she hasn’t gotten her Black Belt she is a firecracker who will crush anything she sets her mind too. We love to see her light up the mat with her smile and share her time and skills with our students

 

Ms. Bri strives to teach our Little Warriors:

"The factors of being polite and kind to each other."

 

The kiddos love Ms. Bri because:

She is always smiling

She has an amazing energy that the kids absolutely love

She always has a joke to share or time to be silly with the kids

Her happiness is contagious

 

A few of Ms. Bri’s favorite things:

     Miss Bri is a big anime fan. She loves watching My Hero Academia and Demon slayer. She has the cutest pet hedgehog and loves to paint in her free time. Her mom is her hero because “I’ve been with her forever and always looked up to her.” She has the brightest, happiest personality, but don’t let it fool you. Miss Bri loves to spar and work on her boxing. And she isn’t afraid to give it as good as she’s got. We love her tenacity on the mat. She isn’t one to back down from a challenge and that optimism and confidence is something she shares with her students.

 #RaiseAWarrior 

 

 

 

 

How To Motivate Your Child

 

We’re getting closer to the middle of summer and there are two things we might notice around this time. It feels impossible to get our kids to do anything and we have lost all semblance of structure. This can be concerning as we look forward to the blessed but also dreaded transition back to school with all its routines and structure. This week we are diving into what truly motivates your child and how to make this work in your favor.

External vs Internal Motivators

                This isn’t a new concept by any means, but just in case we will briefly summarize. External motivators are things outside of you that encourage you to do the thing. This could include rules, rewards, consequences, praise, nagging, behavior charts, etc. And this “carrot and stick” approach may work for a time, but it doesn’t offer long term success. Intrinsic motivation on the other hand is doing something because you want to, and you enjoy it. Your child won’t always have that internal motivation, but you can help them internalize those behaviors and inspire them to more. Here’s how…

 

Stop trying to motivate them the traditional way

                All of your pushing often has the opposite effect you desire. I mean think about it. When someone is pushing and pressuring you to do something does it make you more inclined to do their bidding or do you want to dig your heels in? Your kids are the same way. It’s okay to recognize that they might not enjoy the activity or chore. We all are that way. Sometimes those things must be done and sometimes we just need to stop trying to push our dreams onto them.

Stop being controlling

                Being a controlling parent does not motivate our children. No amount of pressure or offered incentive can make an activity more enjoyable. Giving them a bit of autonomy and the freedom to take initiative might just be the thing they need. If martial arts is not their thing that is fine, BUT (and this is a big BUT as we see too many families fall into this trap) they have to be enrolled in one physically enriching activity. The choice shouldn’t be going to martial arts or staying home to play video games. A child is immature and will choose to play over work, growth, and development, almost every single time. I mean heck even we would do that if given the choice with no immediate consequences. That isn’t the choice you should offer but exploring their interests can be. Try giving your kiddos the reins a little bit and see where they want to go, within a confined boundary of course. They may try things and hate it, or try and fail, but falling is an inevitable part of learning to walk. And investing in the wrong activity for a few months won’t inevitably harm your child or their life’s trajectory.

Cultivate a growth mindset

                Our children are always learning from us. If we aren’t challenging ourselves or regularly looking for opportunities to grow why would our child? We must model the enjoyment of the journey and be lifelong learners. Learning new skills, constantly betting ourselves, mastering things we previously couldn’t dream of doing are good for us and good for our kids to see. Growing shouldn’t stop at any age so explore new interests and new subjects regularly as a family and as individuals. Help them understand that talent isn’t fixed, but malleable. Skills and mastery all depends on their willingness to practice and do the hard work.

Teach them to internalize the importance of tasks

                Some activities no matter how you look at it do not lend themselves well to enjoyment. Take chores for example. No matter how you look at it they aren’t something that necessarily spark joy (now if they do for you, please contact the front desk as my house could benefit from your joy), but they are important activities. Help your child grasp the meaning and worth of doing the things they don’t like. Hard work (no matter it’s form) is worthwhile. Practicing hard is a critical and necessary part of becoming good at anything. Chores are hardly anyone’s favorite thing, but they do give us a nice home and the space to lead the life we want to with each other. Work can be hard, but we know it has meaning. Help them internalize that lesson and they will be more willing to get on board with it and do what is needed. 

                The good thing about these lessons is they are great no matter the age of your family and worth revisiting. We could all use a bit of motivation and what better way to get that ball rolling than to work as a team with all the people you love the most. You’ve got this Warrior parents! We believe in you!

 #RaiseAWarrior