We teach our children so much by our words and actions. We also teach them a lot of things that are shaped by our thoughts intentional or not. So here are some less than optimal things you may be teaching your child without always realizing it. As we gear up for back-to-school time it’s important to have some of these on your radar.
Don’t be different
We
would never say this to our child of course, but sometimes our actions speak
louder than words. This especially comes out during back-to-school shopping.
How much time and money do we invest helping our child be like every one else.
How many times do we cave to our child’s demands because it’s easier and they
are whining that “everyone else has one” or “because everyone is doing it.” It
is a delicate balance. We do not want our child to always be an outsider
looking in, but we also do not want our child to do or want something simply
because it’s popular. When your child brings up the point that “everyone else
has one” or “is doing it” take time to talk this through. Find out if your
child really likes this new trend or if they are worried about feeling left
out. Encourage self-expression, style, and interests because it is an important
part of your child’s growing identity. And above all make sure to help your
child learn to make their own good choices regardless of whether it is popular
or not.
Just follow the rules
Another
delicate balance. Society needs rules and people who will follow them. And our
entire modern school system is largely built upon and meant to encourage rule
following. Far too often as parents or adults in general we default to the adage
“because I said so.” Why - because in the heat of the moment we literally can’t
sometimes and just need our child to do as their told. This cannot be our
default, however. No rule should go unquestioned. Our children need to look for
ways to discern a “good rule” from a not, and those unjust rules should be
challenged, even if it’s a rule that we made for them.
Childhood is your
time for fun
Of all the harmful things we could teach our children, this probably seems like an odd choice. Like all things in life, a delicate balance is needed. It can be just as detrimental to overemphasize a child’s need for a carefree like just as it can be bad to encourage your child to take things to seriously. Pushing for a carefree life underestimates the healthy need for our child to begin taking some responsibility and accountability for themselves. It is easy for us to want to give our children the most carefree summer possible because you only get to be a child once. But there are life skills your child will need to make a way in the world in which we live. Chores should not be burdensome, but they are a part of a learning, growing, and healthy childhood. The same goes for the other end of the spectrum. School matters and it matters a lot; however, we are a generation who is struggling with work life balance. School isn’t mean to be the most important thing in a child’s life and our overemphasis on that can lead to our child not learning how to be attuned to their needs, their health, and their well-being.
So as
you get your kid back to school ready consider the things you want your child
to learn during this time. It is okay to stand out from the crowd for the right
reasons, we should not blindly follow the rules, and childhood is a time of
fun, but we all have a part to do and it is important to work hard and play
hard. You’ve got this Warrior parents! School is just around the corner.
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