How To Motivate Your Child

 

We’re getting closer to the middle of summer and there are two things we might notice around this time. It feels impossible to get our kids to do anything and we have lost all semblance of structure. This can be concerning as we look forward to the blessed but also dreaded transition back to school with all its routines and structure. This week we are diving into what truly motivates your child and how to make this work in your favor.

External vs Internal Motivators

                This isn’t a new concept by any means, but just in case we will briefly summarize. External motivators are things outside of you that encourage you to do the thing. This could include rules, rewards, consequences, praise, nagging, behavior charts, etc. And this “carrot and stick” approach may work for a time, but it doesn’t offer long term success. Intrinsic motivation on the other hand is doing something because you want to, and you enjoy it. Your child won’t always have that internal motivation, but you can help them internalize those behaviors and inspire them to more. Here’s how…

 

Stop trying to motivate them the traditional way

                All of your pushing often has the opposite effect you desire. I mean think about it. When someone is pushing and pressuring you to do something does it make you more inclined to do their bidding or do you want to dig your heels in? Your kids are the same way. It’s okay to recognize that they might not enjoy the activity or chore. We all are that way. Sometimes those things must be done and sometimes we just need to stop trying to push our dreams onto them.

Stop being controlling

                Being a controlling parent does not motivate our children. No amount of pressure or offered incentive can make an activity more enjoyable. Giving them a bit of autonomy and the freedom to take initiative might just be the thing they need. If martial arts is not their thing that is fine, BUT (and this is a big BUT as we see too many families fall into this trap) they have to be enrolled in one physically enriching activity. The choice shouldn’t be going to martial arts or staying home to play video games. A child is immature and will choose to play over work, growth, and development, almost every single time. I mean heck even we would do that if given the choice with no immediate consequences. That isn’t the choice you should offer but exploring their interests can be. Try giving your kiddos the reins a little bit and see where they want to go, within a confined boundary of course. They may try things and hate it, or try and fail, but falling is an inevitable part of learning to walk. And investing in the wrong activity for a few months won’t inevitably harm your child or their life’s trajectory.

Cultivate a growth mindset

                Our children are always learning from us. If we aren’t challenging ourselves or regularly looking for opportunities to grow why would our child? We must model the enjoyment of the journey and be lifelong learners. Learning new skills, constantly betting ourselves, mastering things we previously couldn’t dream of doing are good for us and good for our kids to see. Growing shouldn’t stop at any age so explore new interests and new subjects regularly as a family and as individuals. Help them understand that talent isn’t fixed, but malleable. Skills and mastery all depends on their willingness to practice and do the hard work.

Teach them to internalize the importance of tasks

                Some activities no matter how you look at it do not lend themselves well to enjoyment. Take chores for example. No matter how you look at it they aren’t something that necessarily spark joy (now if they do for you, please contact the front desk as my house could benefit from your joy), but they are important activities. Help your child grasp the meaning and worth of doing the things they don’t like. Hard work (no matter it’s form) is worthwhile. Practicing hard is a critical and necessary part of becoming good at anything. Chores are hardly anyone’s favorite thing, but they do give us a nice home and the space to lead the life we want to with each other. Work can be hard, but we know it has meaning. Help them internalize that lesson and they will be more willing to get on board with it and do what is needed. 

                The good thing about these lessons is they are great no matter the age of your family and worth revisiting. We could all use a bit of motivation and what better way to get that ball rolling than to work as a team with all the people you love the most. You’ve got this Warrior parents! We believe in you!

 #RaiseAWarrior