Instructor Spotlight: Mr. John

Mr. John is AWESOME! 

Mr. John's upbeat energy, constant jokes, & happy attitude makes him a rock star on the mat!

Mr. John strives to teach our Little Warriors:

"To have fun and always be yourself."

The kiddos love Mr. John because:

He is always joking with them and making them laugh

He has an awesome attitude no matter what

He is full of the most random facts and trivia

He truly knows all the memes and quotable YouTube moments

A few of Mr. John's favorite things:

Reading! Mr. John is never without a book or his trusty kindle. He is always encouraging others to try new series and learn new things. It is one of the things he brings to class that we absolutely love. In addition to loving pizza Mr. John also loves the show Game of Thrones and re-watching the movie Interstellar. 

A little bit more about Mr. John:

Mr. John (or Mister Jay according to his friends- definitely a Batman/Joker reference) used to be in our Little Warriors program many years ago. He has a lot of confidence and is always up for an invigorating debate. He truly loves to make people reconsider their typical views and think outside of their comfort zone. One of our favorite things about him is the example of confidence and courtesy that Mr. John shows our children every day even when his opinion might not be the most popular or correct. And although he may joke and tease daily, he truly is the kind of friend that has your back no matter what.

Here's some Little Warrior pics of Mr. John from his younger student days for you to enjoy:

Mr. John you're a rock star! Thank you for being you & making all of our days brighter because of it.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Avoiding A Summer Electronics Black Hole

      Summer is just around the corner! And let's be honest, it's wonderful that our sports and homework schedules have finally slowed down enough for our child to just be a kid and stretch themselves in all the ways they typically can't during the school year. However, it's safe to say that summer time definitely comes with a unique set of challenges for us parents. We want to relax our rules and the structure of our day to day life so our kids get a chance to just be kids, BUT we also know that's a slippery slope. Because with the prevalence of endless play as you go video games and binge worthy TV shows any child would quiet happily get on their electronic devices and not get off until school starts end of August. So as you start to map out your summer keep these useful tips in mind to help you craft a balanced summer play diet.

      Now let me be the first to say this Warrior parents. Screen time and electronics are fine. In fact they're often our saving grace when it comes to not losing our sanity on the hard days. Saying no to electronics for the entire summer just isn't realistic. They want to game and that's okay. Good habits truly are all about balance. When we set limits on things like screen time, we are working to create a healthy play diet for our child that balances all the different types of play (just like a well rounded diet balances the five food groups). Digital screen time is a component of play, but we must not let it overshadow or steal time away from other forms of play like physical, social, unstructured, and creative play.

      So how do we create this play diet and put a stop to the dreaded summer screen time abyss? We've compiled a list of great methods to help you Warrior parents set and enforce screen time limits within your home. Not all will fit your style, but you might just find one and make it stick. And isn't our children worth the extra effort to try?

"The Dessert Approach"

     Some people treating gaming or television time like an allowance. You just get it, every day, guaranteed. Maybe it's to buy you some quiet time or allow you a chance to get work done. However, it's important to remember that the easy way typically isn't the best option. We aren't a fan of this approach. We prefer to treat screen time like dessert. You don't just get dessert because you ate your dinner. Dessert is a treat, a privilege. And screen time works the same way. It becomes a reward rather than a guarantee. And utilizing gaming or TV time in this manner not only helps you balance their play time, but also gets them motivated to work and strive for ways to earn extra time doing what they want to.

Get outside with Apps

     This is a great way to have your cake and eat it too. The kids are on their phones using an app but they're also outside doing activities that you don't typically have time for during the school year. There are a bunch of awesome star gazing apps (for FREE!) that you point at a constellation and it tells you it's name or traces the outline of it for you. There are apps for Geocaching which is like a treasure hunt in your own town (we've done it in Wichita and there are actually quite a few fun ones near Warrior's Way, Academy, etc. Just make sure you bring some small knick-knacks or trinkets to replace the treasure you find). There are also countless apps that can help you do an outdoor impromptu workout, or apps with timers for spontaneous outdoor or creative competitions. There are apps to teach you how to make better shadow puppet figures. Truly your options are endless when it comes to integrating apps and outdoor play time!

Create stations

     Kids like gaming because it is easy, convenient, and fun. And it makes the time pass. When kids aren't off at summer activities, camps, or other structured events they are incessantly complaining of boredom which makes the weekends especially prone to endless game time. So instead of using screen time to stop this complaining give them an anti-boredom plan for success instead. Have entertainment stations set up in advance for those long days in. Reading, board games, cards, magic tricks, drawing, screen time, outside play, etc can all be stations used to break up the monotony of lazy summer days. With all these vastly different activities readily available it makes it easier for you to say no to endless hours of gaming and for them to have no justification when saying "I'm bored." Truly it's win win!

Have rituals to help with transitions

     It's hard to just jump into home life immediately after work. Most of us have rituals that help us transition into this other role. Our kiddos need the same things. When they've been killing creepers for hours, they truly are occupied and somewhere else. So lighten the mood by summoning them back to the real world or earth with a silly transmission space style "I missed you." This lighthearted come back to reality can become a sweet and meaningful ritual that not only helps them transition, but can also become a meaningful tradition they carry on into their own families later.

     Another great transition is to consider using a timer! A 30 minute episode on Netflix makes it easy for you to keep track of their screen time. Things like Minecraft are a little trickier. So try setting a timer for 30-60 minutes. Time can fly pretty fast when you're absorbed in technology so a timer can offer a no-arguing start and stop that was previously set and agreed upon. When the timer buzzes its time to turn off the game and get active. You can do this with some quick jumping jacks, or a quick stretch. Either way the timer lets you know times up and having a physical ritual after helps transition awareness back to the body after they've been sitting in the same hunched over position for an hour or so.

Have Summer time specific traditions 

     Evening time is prime game time because you can't really be outside and need to be winding down. So instead of all settling in for a movie, or playing on individual devices start new summer traditions in the evenings. Have a no devices rule at dinner time, read a book series together, sit out by the fire pit, tell ghost stories, chill in a blanket fort, challenge each other to epic candle lit board game battles, or even take the electronics outside with a projector or a drive in movie at Graham. All of these are great ways to take the focus off of video games and to build lasting and meaningful memories together this summer.

      Not all of these will be the right fit for your family and your life style, but we hope you have some fun trying out these ideas and finding a better way to balance your play time habits during this summer. Setting these limits will take

some practice, but if you consistently say no to the summer electronics black 

hole now it also sets you up for success when school time comes around.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Big Emotions: A Lesson in Self Control

     Patience is probably one of the biggest things we struggle with as parents. We start each day refreshed with a full energy bar of patience that our tiny humans chip away at until we literally cannot even anymore. Perhaps it was because you had to repeat yourself 437 times today, maybe it was the stressful morning rush trying to make it to school and work on time, the forgotten lunches, sibling fights; the list and your day goes on for eternity and your patience just doesn't. Problem is we are the role models 24/7. Through the good and the bad. So how do we teach our child to manage big emotions in a healthy and calm manner when the heat is on and our own temper flares?

     The truth is no matter our age, emotions are a powerful force to be reckoned with. Yet emotions aren't inherently bad. Emotions allow us a glimpse into how well things are going in life and what we need more of. For example happiness lets us know we are on track, sadness lets us know we are lacking something and might need to reach out to loved ones more, the list goes on and on. But if we don't have good coping mechanisms for each of these vastly different feelings than they can quickly overwhelm us and spin out of control. The result of this lack of self control when emotions start to cloud our judgement can be dramatic to say the least.

     Kids emotions may seem more extreme than ours, but it is only because they have yet to work out some good coping mechanisms and healthy responses to these big emotions. That can be especially evident if you look at anger for example. An angry child is a force to be reckoned with it. Which is a shame since you truly can't reason with them until they are much older. So how do we manage these big blowups that strike over the smallest of injustices without losing our sanity and our patience as a parent?

      The secret lies in having a calm down plan in place before the inevitable blow up. Having this strategy in place before any incident doesn't negate the importance or validity of your child's big emotions. But it does give them a formula for socially accepted methods of expressing themselves and dealing with this tricky emotions with one important key... they aren't allowed to hurt others. Many children will use their emotions as an excuse to strike out. Warrior's, however, know that it is never okay to hurt another and they take time to cool down and think through their feelings before acting. One of our Warrior parent's is a child psychologist and she first introduced us to these 5 steps for managing big emotions. We've been using it in our school ever since and have seen huge improvements because of it. So give it a try at home. You might be surprised with the result.

(1) Remind myself it is never okay to hurt others:

     When it comes to raising warriors this is the gold standard. No matter how you are feeling it is never okay to hurt others or their property. Not even with our words. When we forget that we are not acting with courtesy and respect. And our student creed says we will act with courtesy and respect at all times. That is a promise we say every class. And we warriors mean it!

(2) Take 3 deep breaths or count to 10 slowly:

     We like to cue the kiddos to do this by saying "let's take 3 for 3." This is a reminder to take 3 deep breaths and hold each one for 3 seconds. This doesn't make our big emotions go away, but it gives us a chance to think calmly rather than simply reacting which is a very important lesson most kids are a long way from learning. Ways we reinforce this with the kiddos is by going over the warning signs they need to recognize within their body that shows they're about to blow (i.e. fists clenched, racing heart, or tense up within the body) before an emotional event occurs.

(3) Use my words to say how I feel and what I wish would happen:

     Our emotions are valid and they need to be addressed so we can grow and move past them. When your child is able to accurately identify what emotion they are experiencing and state it the battle towards self control is half way there. This is the hardest lesson to learn, but it is the most rewarding. It requires the child to analyze why they feel that way and state what they want instead. Initially this will be out loud with some prompting on your part. As they burn more reps on handling their big emotions, however, your kiddo will be able to internally prioritize their emotion and whether or not it is worth making a big deal about (much like most healthy adults do).

(4) Ask for help to solve the problem:

     This is one thing that is difficult no matter your age. It is hard to ask for help. It is hard to admit we can't manage alone. However, this is such an important lesson for a growing Warrior. The more instilled this habit is, the more likely they are to come to you when challenges arrive during the teenage years. So take the time to let them voice their concerns out loud and give them a chance to work through their problems with you as a sounding board. The dividends in adolescent years to come are too priceless to let slip bye. So keep those lines of communication open and strong warrior parents!

(5) Take time to calm down:

     Sometimes the proposed solution isn't enough to make big emotions go away. Even if it is the best option available you can still be left feeling hurt, or like it wasn't fair. So sometimes your child might need some space and that's completely okay! Support them through this final step if they need it. And don't forget this step isn't required or used to isolate a still emotional child. It is okay to still be having big feelings. Our priority is to manage them in a productive and respectful way. So acknowledge the positive steps and decisions your Warrior has made thus far. Working through these steps is positive progress towards ending emotional meltdowns altogether.

You've got this Warrior parents!

#RaiseAWarrior 

A Better Way to Teach I'm Sorry

     Ever tried to resolve a fight between siblings or childhood friends by pushing a quick apology? I know you're busy Warrior parents. I know you're trying and get exasperated with the constant bickering, but conflicts (as we spoke on last week) are huge teachable moments. If we just force a rushed and insincere apology neither child feels good about the exchange. The one who was offended in the first place still feels bitter and hurt, because the apology wasn't sincere or real. And while it seems the offender gets off easy, they truly miss out the most. Because an opportunity to learn, grow, and mature has been stolen from them. They also learn that lies and empty words can get them out of sticky places. None of which are the goal in raising a warrior.     So what to do? It's not like we can force the issue of a repentant heart... can we? There isn't a way to 100% guarantee a child feels bad for what they've done, but we can give them an easy to follow protocol that helps them think about what they've done and how it affects others. We use this same apology protocol in the academy both on and off the mat, and we've seen a huge change in sincerity since instilling it.

How to Apologize Properly:

(1) "I'm sorry for..."

     It is important that this step is specific. This is your chance to show the other person that you really understand why they are upset. And even just acknowledging what you've made another feel can go a long ways towards reconciling and building a positive relationship with others.

(2) "It was wrong because..."

     This one takes some work, but it is definitely the most important step. This one allows you to get a glimpse into your child's understanding of morality and right vs wrong. Until we truly understand and internalize why something is wrong there won't be any real or lasting change. To be good we have to see the effects of our actions on others and make a conscious decision to avoid negatively affecting others to the best of our ability. So don't rush this step. And take the time to guide them through any character trait lessons not yet learned.

(3) "In the future I will..."

     Most kids who are first learning the apology protocol will focus on a negative here. They start telling the other child what the won't do next time. This isn't the best way to go about this part of the apology, however. We should focus on the positive. They already know what they shouldn't do because that is what got them in this situation in the first place. They need to consciously recognize a more positive behavior to do instead and focus on that. So instead of saying "In the future I won't hit" try focusing on something like "In the future I will use my words to express why I am upset" or "In the future I will take a deep breath when I am getting frustrated." These are all positive ways to cope with anger or hurt feelings rather than just resorting to hitting. This positive focus is teaching the child tools they can use instead of physical contact.

(4) "Will you please forgive me?"

     This step works towards reconciling the past events and taking steps towards moving forward. Sometimes the other child will readily forgive them and they can continue their playing, but other times they aren't yet ready to forgive. However, each of these situations offers room for growth. In asking for forgiveness we are acknowledging our faults and asking another to do the same. And we have no power, whatsoever, on the outcome because forgiveness is their choice. That is such a powerful lesson. We can take steps to right our wrongs, but even then it isn't guaranteed to be enough.

     So with that being said how do apologies work in your house? This may seem like a tedious and drawn out process, but each of these components is integral to acknowledging a wrong and making steps to reconcile it. Of course body language and tone is also a huge part of a proper apology so don't forget to stress a pathetic sorry with a bratty and insincere attitude when modeling this lesson for your little one. And here's to a happier home life, because you'll never be sorry for taking the time to teach your child how to say a better "I'm sorry."

Happy parenting Warrior parents!

#RaiseAWarrior 

The Warrior Parent's Do's & Don'ts of Conflict Resolution

     "He won't play with me." "She's copying me." "They were mean to me." Sound familiar? Conflicts and drama between siblings (or friends) arises early and often during grade school ages. I get it Warrior parents. We've all been there. A child tattles with a barely contained whine to their voice and we turn to the perpetrator with a hint of threat in our voice to tell them "Say you're sorry." We get a mumbled and wholly unrepentant "sorry." Sometimes we let that drop and other times we push harder, "No. Like you mean it." The following drug out and dramatic 'soooooorrrrrrryyyyy' that follows is equally disappointing as is the trite "I forgive you" we get from the initial child. But at least we did something about it right?! The bickering should stop, shouldn't it? The truth, however, couldn't be further from this.

     This exchange is futile because it doesn't teach either child how to handle conflict in a productive or healthy manner. And the children didn't get a chance to try the necessary basics of problem solving that are required to work through when conflict erupts. So how do we truly teach conflict resolution to children? Especially when you consider all the adults in our life who haven't mastered these complex concepts; so how could we possibly expect a child to do so?

     I mean let's be honest. Conflict has a completely negative connotation in today's society. And although its true that fighting and inflamed emotions frequently cause pain; conflict is natural, and it can be a good, healthy part of a relationship. Conflict is a chance to see another's point of view and it has the power to bring us closer together if handled well. That being said we can easily see that conflict (even between kiddos) should be taken seriously and viewed as a teachable moment. We have to teach our kids to resolve conflict without degrading to drama or fighting. They will need healthier coping mechanisms than simply ignoring disagreements and sweeping it under the rug to fester until a future argument. It's in our job description as parents. So how do we teach this? Especially if you aren't a pro at conflict management yourself?

Cool off when you're upset:

    We've all heard of fight or flight mechanisms of defense that are inherent to people in general. And let me tell you, when those emotions start spilling over or we feel slighted we aren't likely to choose flight. That's because when we get emotional we are more likely to be aggressive and unable to think logically. This is especially so in children, who have yet to experience, work through, and understand many of the big emotions life can throw at them. So first things first- coach your child through some deep breaths. They'll want to immediately start telling you what was done to them amongst hiccups, tears, and angry shouting. Don't let them! Make your job easier by giving them a chance to work through this big hurtful emotion and collect themselves before telling their side of the disagreement.

Speak directly to each other:

     Once both parties have calmed down some it is time to address each other. This is where you'll usually have one child blurt out something to you like "She wouldn't let me play with her." That is their attempt to attack the other and get you on their side of the conflict. When this happens we have to redirect them to focus on their feelings and tell the other person how they felt using 'You' or 'I' statements. The other kid just needs to listen until it is their turn. No 'buts' or interrupting allowed. It is okay not to agree at this point. Everyone will get a turn. There are two sides to every story and both parties just need to be able to listen and hear the other out. This is where they start to see that their actions also affect others and had a role to play in this encounter.

Propose solutions:

     Most of us just want to feel like our hurts are known and acknowledged. Speaking directly to each other gives us a chance to do that. Once both parties have had a chance to express their big emotions things are much calmer. This isn't guaranteed of course, but in our experience with kiddos and disputes this is frequently the case. We've acknowledged that we upset another and now we can start working towards a solution together. Here's the hard part for you Warrior parents! Hold your advice and suggestions. I know it is easier to jump in and save the day, but most little ones can problem solve on their own with little prompting. And they truly need these reps. In the long run working through their own problems with you as a resource will go a long way towards helping them be more independent and able to handle whatever life throws at them.

Try again:

      We all know that agreeing on a plan is one thing. It's the actual follow through that is the hard part. While children can work through conflict resolution and making a plan after just a few attempts and examples of modeling; it is the following attempts that they struggle with.This is where they definitely need you! A supportive check in to see if the agreed upon plan is working can go a long way towards resolving this conflict in a more permanent manner. So check in frequently. Remember the things they struggle with and disagree upon in each relationship. This open communication now plays huge dividends as your Little Warrior grows.

     So when conflict erupts help them get back on track with this framework in mind. Not only does this program help disagreements from becoming a constant distraction in academic or social areas, but it also accomplishes so much more. In following these simple steps you are giving your child a chance to take charge as a problem solver. You put the responsibility on them to speak with others who make them upset. You are making it known that you cannot and will not be the referee forever, but you are making yourself an available sounding board and resource. You are nurturing kindness, consideration for others, cooperation, and an acknowledgement and assertion of their own needs. These habits and skills will serve them well throughout their life and every single relationship they are a part of. These teachable moments are priceless and they are best reinforced in the comforts and safety of your home. So give it a try and let us know what you think. And we will be happy to offer advice and help with any home or school life problems should they arise. 

Keep rocking it Warrior parents!

#RaiseAWarrior 

How Far Can A Child Go?

     I was watching a video the other day titled the Greatest Lesson for Parents. As someone who prides themselves in raising warriors and helping parents achieve this goal I was intrigued. In this video a well spoken woman was advocating for loving children and the celebration of being ordinary. At first glance, this video seemed a sentimental thought that I could get behind, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I fundamentally disagreed with her message. I mean yes, we should always love and celebrate our child in each stage of life. And no matter what they choose to do or be nothing can change that parental bond, that desire to be their cheerleader and encourage them. But one thing she said struck me as inherently wrong. I will love my children even if they are ordinary, but just because that is a fact doesn't mean I am willing to settle for that. I am not going to let my child be comfortable identifying as mundane or average. I am going to push them until they are their best self. And the truth is I have an obligation as a good parent to do so.

     Children are in a continual stage of learning and growth. They will not bathe regularly, eat healthy meals, or go to school unless we make them. So in answer to how far can a child go? That truly depends on us, their parents. We have to push our children consistently, we have to show them the way over and over again. That is the ONLY way for them to achieve their full potential. And this isn't a lesson they master by age 5 or 6. This is a lifetime journey and commitment for us as parents.


     With that being said why should you push your child to not quit sports, master an instrument, shoot for valedictorian, or become a Junior Black Belt? Why should we not settle for ordinary and push them on towards extraordinary? We've said before you don't get diamonds without a little pressure and the truth is children are the same way. So here are some reasons to push your child to be a Junior Black Belt, even though it is hard, intimidating, and a huge commitment.

Rite of Passage:

     Society has stepped away from rites of passage. It used to be the norm. A giant push that showed you were maturing and stepping away from the comforts of childhood. Now so few get to experience that emotional test of one's determination and heart. And today we live in a very competitive world. As parents, it is our job to help our children see that no matter the obstacle they can overcome. Working for and then testing for their Junior Black Belt shows a child they can go beyond what they initially thought was achievable. It is a rite of passage that shows them horizons can always be reached and broadened. And those lessons and that new found belief and pride in self is priceless in a competitive society. It forever changes them for the better.

Investment:

     Martial arts is more than another sports activity. It is an investment in healthier habits, our child's safety, and their future. We live in a dangerous world. It is sad, but true. You teach a child to swim not because you have an incessant fear of drowning, but because it is a useful skill set, makes them more capable, and so they can protect themselves if needed. Self defense goes the same way. A Black Belt does not guarantee they won't be bullied or picked on, but it gives them another skill set and a tool that they can utilize if needed. And it goes so far beyond that. Instilling healthy habits of exercise, discipline, hard work, and goal setting prepares your child for the road ahead. It truly is an investment in the quality of their character. And that alone is worth the work of encouraging your child to persevere, making them go to class when they don't want to, and working with them outside of class on that vocabulary and running.

Confidence:

     Martial arts is hard. Testing in front of a panel is intimidating. You finally master something and the bar is raised even higher. You're learning to be in healthy competition with your own worst enemy... yourself. Martial arts teaches you how to grow through wins and to handle life's frequent set backs. That first spin kick will have them land flat on their back. But that is okay, because they are learning that nothing can truly knock them down so long as they keep getting back up. There is a huge focus on leadership in class. You have to be prepared to be pulled up unexpectedly to demonstrate in front of the whole class, or having to assist your class mates with material they haven't quite mastered. All of this works together to foster a sense of capability and confidence in the face of trials. And this is such an important lesson to master before they leave the safety of our homes. Confidence is one of those things that can make or break you in the professional world, and Black Belts have that.

Discipline:

     Outside of school and some extracurriculars kids don't really have to sacrifice or prioritize their time. Free time is theirs to do whatever they wish with. And while school and other activities does require a modicum of discipline it is completely guided up through high school and due to an avoidance of unwanted consequences. To test for Jr Black Belt you have to do some work outside of class. You have to run, work on your push ups, study history, learn vocabulary, and attend as many classes as possible. This requires sacrifice. To play video games and watch Netflix or to take some time and study. To get ready to test requires self discipline. And self discipline is how we create good habits, set goals, crush them, and become successful. Because once a child has left the safety of home, no one will push them to do what is needed, it will be entirely up to them.

So how far can a child go?

     The answer is all the way!!!

     ...IF you are willing to help and guide them. A Junior Black Belt test is a rite of passage. It is so much more than just another belt. It's a raising of the bar and expectations. It is a test of skill, knowledge, and more importantly heart. It's being forced to push through hard days with the never ending goal of becoming more than they were yesterday. And it is a journey they cannot make alone. Because behind every Black Belt student there is a black belt parent who signed them up, pushed them, cheered for them, and didn't ever let them give up. So no matter where you and your Warrior are in your martial arts journey we are grateful for you and honored that you trust us to help them become the amazing young men and women we know they are going to be!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Combating Social Media Peer Pressure

     Magazines, television shows, and advertising have long been criticized for the dangerously unrealistic standards they set for our youth. Today, however, these impossible standards are an issue much closer to home. Social media has allowed us to view not just celebrities and models in an unrealistic light, but also our classmates and friends. Social media allows us to share an in your face highlights reel of our life. There is no evidence of the struggles, efforts, or hum drum to do's of day to day life. Social media isn't meant for that. And so our children from the second they start to discover YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat etc are bombarded with only the best and most enviable moments from the lives of their peers. Toddlers watch videos of other's opening new toys for hours on end whilst our older children see the movie, Plex and shopping outings that their friends seem to go on weekly. With these skewed peeks into another's life it is easy to see where the pressure for perfectionism and appearances that is distressing so many of today's youth comes from. It is easy for us to see that Social media has allowed peer pressure and insecurity to take root in a whole new insidious way.


     Now does the thought of your young child being bombarded with and having to fend off the nagging pressure of social media make your heart sink just a little? Don't give up Warrior parents! This is an unavoidable part of growing up in today's generation. No matter how well meaning our restrictions and device rules are between school systems, video games, spending time with friends, etc they will be exposed to the seemingly picture perfect and successful lives of others. We cannot stop that. We can, however, get ahead of it and start acting today to prevent it from actually causing harm to our child's self esteem. 

Stop negative self talk:

     Our internal dialogue is so important to our day to day happiness. What we think determines how we feel and that in turn determines our response and actions. And once your inner critic has found it's voice it is so hard to consciously change it. So don't negatively talk about yourself in front of your child. Model a healthier response to life's inevitable setbacks and failure. Last week we talked about children being like mirrors and reflecting both our best and worst traits back at us. So shoot for only the best. Change the way you talk about yourself. It will do wonders for both you and your child. If your child's inner voice is negative than unrealistic social media pressure will make them feel more insecure and unhappy about their current situation. The healthier the internal dialogue, the stronger the sense of self worth. That strong foundation of confidence makes it that much harder for a little Insta picture or the number of Snapchat story views to affect them.

Cultivate an unshakable sense of belonging:

     One of the problems with today's technology raised generations is that they aren't as genuinely connected to others. The connection allowed us by Facebook and other platforms is an illusion, when in truth we are more isolated by technology than ever before. So how do you combat the loneliness and feelings of being dis-included that social media presents. In previous generations if you weren't invited to a kid's birthday party you didn't know or wouldn't find out until far after the fact. Now not being invited to an event is a very in your face experience because everyone is streaming, posting, and sharing their obvious joy at being there. So cultivate an unshakable sense of belonging in your home. Give your little warrior a place that is a refuge from the world where they always belong. It will go a long ways towards building memorable family experiences and combating the ever present
                                                                                                                    sense of exclusion that social media presents.

Use descriptive praise:

      We, as parents, primarily shape and promote our child's self esteem from a very young age. Our words have such a great impact on how a child feels about themselves. That is true power. So when you notice your child is doing something good, mention it to them. We are quick to express corrections and negative feelings, but for every single negative there should also be a positive to build them back up. This isn't to say praise emptily for the sake of it to make up for the fact that you were reprimanding their bad behavior not 5 minutes ago. But try to be more specific with your praise. Focus on a specific admirable trait that their actions represent rather than the stereotypical and inane "good job!". Children remember the positive and negative things we say to them. It is part of what shapes how they feel about themselves. If we refer to our child as 'stupid' because math homework is taking forever they will grow up believing it. Whereas if we praise their perseverance and hard work even when a subject is hard they will view themselves in a whole other light. So be a little choosier with your praise Warrior parents! It will go far towards aiding at all stages of childhood and those teenage years.

Stay in the know with current social media trends: 

     When you decide to make that leap and allow your child more freedom on social media and search engines do so with the expectation that you will be involved. For their safety and your sanity. Check in. Show interest. Ask about their newest apps, likes, etc. Create accounts and be their cyber friend and sideline protector. Have them share with you the most interesting thing they saw on the internet today. And always stay up to date on the newest trends. Snapchat seems cute and harmless enough, but did you know that it shares your location, down to the street name with fellow snap friends unless you disable this setting and put your child in ghost mode? Are you aware that adults are putting inappropriate content in the middle of uploaded kids shows and clips on Youtube? Have you researched the seemingly harmless karaoke apps like Musically and Smule? While it is advertised for children 9+ there is no way 
to have a private account and you can literally be contacted or connected to 
another 'live stream karaoke video' with any other user no matter the age or intent.

     The bottom line is that social media is ever changing how our children grow up and what they are exposed to. We have to change and adapt just as quickly. You want to hope that by the time your little one has their first social media account their sense of self worth is stable enough for them to objectively evaluate the things shared by peers and the pressure that peers can unknowingly put on them. You want to believe their communication skills, grasp of personal values and sense of right and wrong is enough. But parents, hope without a plan is just a wish. Don't just hope. Be confident in their upbringing and the courage of their convictions. That confidence comes from time on task and reps burned in preparation of the challenges to come. So start today! Don't let social media have any power or say in the type of person your child will be. You are in control. So raise strong warriors! And then you can step back, and relax knowing you've done all you could to prepare them for the challenges of living in this age and world.

#RaiseAWarrior

Our Children Are Mirrors

      If someone were to describe you what traits would you be recognized for? I mean truly what would your co-workers say about you? Your friends and family? Who do they see you as? If we then had someone describe your child this same way what words would be used? Would your child's teacher praise them as kind and caring? A dependable leader? Or would the words strong willed or class clown more adequately be used? It's true they are still young and growing so that can change, but who they are right now turns into the adult they will become. That's powerful. That shapes there entire future so it makes you wonder is there a link between who you are and who they are becoming?

     The truth is our children are mirrors. They don't just share our genetics, they reflect our gestures, our language, our point of view, and our strong character traits. The fact that modeling is such an effective teacher can be great news for us as parents. It means that our child will learn simply by observing. They will see how you carry yourself in the world and they will try to emulate that. But modeling can also be a very unforgiving teacher. For it teaches a child your best and worst behaviors indiscriminately, the ones you carefully practice and the one's you're barely aware of. These behaviors and habits then become a part of the foundation that carries them into adulthood. 

     If we view parenting in this light it is easy to see that the problem and the solution lies within us. So how do we ensure we are modeling the best traits we can for our children? I mean we all know we have to prepare our child to face the increasing responsibilities that accompany adulthood. But how do we make that leap? 

     The secret lies in teaching them to be dependable through our words, actions, and deeds. Dependability, whether it is at work, home, school, or on the football field, quickly makes you one of the most valuable team members in a group. It makes you stand out above the rest and leads to positive recognition that can push you forward in every aspect of your life. And it definitely doesn't happen overnight. Raising dependable little warriors takes time. It is a lesson that will require a whole lot of patience, persistence, and most importantly a great example from you. And it is pivotal to their future success. So here are some great ways to foster dependability in your home...

Nurture their willingness to help:

     Kids (especially the younger ones) love to help! We are their heroes and they want to be just like us. So let them help (even if it adds time to your daily tasks) because they are trying to be like you. And that can be an amazing thing. They may not master the task immediately, but it is an excellent exercise in initiative and with encouragement they will begin to take pride in their ability to help others. That sense of pride in a job well done then in turn becomes a pride in being reliable and counted upon (i.e. dependability!)

Everyone does chores:

     Chores are great because they foster a culture of responsibility. They help make dependability the normal atmosphere of the home. Those norms then become ingrained in your child's character and guides them as they head out into the world as adults. So start with something small. Give chores a chance to teach that we all depend on each other in a family unit and that everyone (no matter their capabilities) has a role to play and is valuable. As the child masters these smaller obligations, their capability and belief in their ability to manage greater tasks increases and is regularly exercised. 

Model dependability in everything you do:

     This is the hardest one Warrior parents. Because modeling is how our little ones learn the commonly touted "do as I say, not as I do" won't be enough when it comes to raising a Warrior. So if you want these things to be important to your child, you have to live up to the same standard. To nurture their willingness to help, we have to be an example of that selfless willingness to aid others. We have to follow through on the commitments we make, no matter how big or small. Even if unexpected inconvenience or sacrifice is now required. It is the only way for our children to recognize the importance of being dependable and keeping the promises they make.

     Raising a warrior begins and ends with us Warrior parents. So if you don't love the 'reflection' you see in your little one, take a peek at yourself and those consistently around them. Odds are they're modeling these behaviors from one of us, so be careful.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Instructor Spotlight: Mr. Paul

Mr. Paul is AWESOME! 

He may be one of our newer instructors, but his big heart and easy smile 

make him an amazing member of our team!

Mr. Paul strives to teach our Little Warriors:

"To be themselves and always strive to work hard! 

They may not pursue martial arts as a career path, 

but these lessons will take them far in life."

The kiddos love Mr. Paul because:

He is always ready to offer a fist bump of encouragement

He has the greatest attitude and energy, he is literally upbeat 24/7

He does whatever he can to make everyone feel special

A few of Mr. Paul's favorite things:

Wolves, homemade ravioli, listening to and making music, the color gray, and MARTIAL ARTS!

A little bit more about Mr. Paul:

Mr. Paul can't make up his mind on a favorite martial arts technique because his goal is to "be the best he can at everything." We love how he is always striving to do and be more as an individual, a martial artist, a friend, and an instructor. Mr. Paul said his favorite Warrior virtue is honor and we loved his simple reasoning behind it: "without honor to our family and our blessings what else do we have?" Mr. Paul has been a light of joy and gratitude since joining us here at Warrior's Way and we count ourselves lucky to have him. He truly wants to be the best leader for our students that he can be and he is definitely on mission when it comes to raising warriors

Mr. Paul you're a rock star!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Raise a Warrior: The Preemptive Anti-Bully Plan

     Bullying is a hot topic and definitely more common than before. Some attribute this to the growing entitlement of newer generations. Some attribute it to social media and schools really pushing it and keeping it on everyone's radar. No matter the cause, we want to do best by our little one's and make sure to do our part. So how do we preemptively avoid being targeted by bullies or even the fake friends and "meanies" we touched on last week? The answer is within the ideal of raise a warrior. Warrior's are strong. They have a foundation of self worth and strong belief in what's right. They are growing into the leaders our future needs. And they are not an easy target. So here are some great things you can start practicing in your home that will help prevent your Little Warrior from being targeted by bullies:

Talk about Bullies:

     The thing about bullying is that children who aren't prepared to handle a bully often become targeted for this exact reason. And if children are unprepared to deal with or recognize the signs of bullying than it can extend for far too long before it is brought to an adult's attention. So talk about bullies. Talk to them about what bullying looks like and why it's wrong. Review it before the start of every new school year or grade change. Teach them the to recognize meanies, bullies, and the whole lot of unkind people that exist out there. 

We believe a child armed with knowledge of the reality of the world isn't scared, they're prepared.

Teach them their worth:

     We all know bullies target kids with low self esteem. And we see on your courtesy and respect sheets that the number one thing most Little Warrior's struggle with is confidence. So how does a Warrior parent combat that? The best thing we've found is to begin early and really focus on developing your child's innate sense of worth and confident body language. Having that firm foundation allows them to instantly recognize when something is not right and bring it to an adult. We have to model this love of self and confidence in our homes. Plus the confident posture and behavior marks them as a harder target and tends to keep bullies away in the first place. It's part of why things like eye contact, respectful assertiveness, and leadership are such huge factors in our program. 

Stay in a group:

     This one seems like a no-brainer to us adults, but you will be amazed at how many kiddos are surprised by this concept and it's results. The truth is that surrounding yourself with good people is always worthwhile. When others hold the same values as you they aren't likely to interact with or tolerate toxic people like bullies. So help them cultivate awesome friends! Teach them to seek out morale warriors, and to surround themselves with strong like minded leaders. Even one healthy friendship goes a long way towards being an anti-bully shield.

Have open communication always:

      A lot of bullying goes unreported. And it is heartbreaking to imagine our little ones going at it alone when bullying is likely to continue or escalate. The reason this happens is because bullies primarily work with fear. The threat of something worse or unknown is so much scarier than the tolerable place where a bully and a child are now. So the bullied suffer silently. They're afraid they'll let us down, that their friends will look differently at them, that they'll get in trouble with us or the schools. Some kids are even afraid that their martial arts instructors will be mad at them for 'fighting.' This couldn't be further from the truth. So check in often. Make sure your child see's you as a judgement free zone they can bounce ideas off of. It will save you both a lot of pain in the long run, because you don't have to fear that bullying is occurring in secret. 

We know these steps don't guarantee your child's scholastic experience will be bully free, but raising a warrior pays such priceless dividends in so many ways. So persevere Warrior parents! And if you're having problems with bullies, or meanies, or anything in between we're in your corner and have your back.

#RaiseAWarrior