Combating Social Media Peer Pressure

     Magazines, television shows, and advertising have long been criticized for the dangerously unrealistic standards they set for our youth. Today, however, these impossible standards are an issue much closer to home. Social media has allowed us to view not just celebrities and models in an unrealistic light, but also our classmates and friends. Social media allows us to share an in your face highlights reel of our life. There is no evidence of the struggles, efforts, or hum drum to do's of day to day life. Social media isn't meant for that. And so our children from the second they start to discover YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat etc are bombarded with only the best and most enviable moments from the lives of their peers. Toddlers watch videos of other's opening new toys for hours on end whilst our older children see the movie, Plex and shopping outings that their friends seem to go on weekly. With these skewed peeks into another's life it is easy to see where the pressure for perfectionism and appearances that is distressing so many of today's youth comes from. It is easy for us to see that Social media has allowed peer pressure and insecurity to take root in a whole new insidious way.


     Now does the thought of your young child being bombarded with and having to fend off the nagging pressure of social media make your heart sink just a little? Don't give up Warrior parents! This is an unavoidable part of growing up in today's generation. No matter how well meaning our restrictions and device rules are between school systems, video games, spending time with friends, etc they will be exposed to the seemingly picture perfect and successful lives of others. We cannot stop that. We can, however, get ahead of it and start acting today to prevent it from actually causing harm to our child's self esteem. 

Stop negative self talk:

     Our internal dialogue is so important to our day to day happiness. What we think determines how we feel and that in turn determines our response and actions. And once your inner critic has found it's voice it is so hard to consciously change it. So don't negatively talk about yourself in front of your child. Model a healthier response to life's inevitable setbacks and failure. Last week we talked about children being like mirrors and reflecting both our best and worst traits back at us. So shoot for only the best. Change the way you talk about yourself. It will do wonders for both you and your child. If your child's inner voice is negative than unrealistic social media pressure will make them feel more insecure and unhappy about their current situation. The healthier the internal dialogue, the stronger the sense of self worth. That strong foundation of confidence makes it that much harder for a little Insta picture or the number of Snapchat story views to affect them.

Cultivate an unshakable sense of belonging:

     One of the problems with today's technology raised generations is that they aren't as genuinely connected to others. The connection allowed us by Facebook and other platforms is an illusion, when in truth we are more isolated by technology than ever before. So how do you combat the loneliness and feelings of being dis-included that social media presents. In previous generations if you weren't invited to a kid's birthday party you didn't know or wouldn't find out until far after the fact. Now not being invited to an event is a very in your face experience because everyone is streaming, posting, and sharing their obvious joy at being there. So cultivate an unshakable sense of belonging in your home. Give your little warrior a place that is a refuge from the world where they always belong. It will go a long ways towards building memorable family experiences and combating the ever present
                                                                                                                    sense of exclusion that social media presents.

Use descriptive praise:

      We, as parents, primarily shape and promote our child's self esteem from a very young age. Our words have such a great impact on how a child feels about themselves. That is true power. So when you notice your child is doing something good, mention it to them. We are quick to express corrections and negative feelings, but for every single negative there should also be a positive to build them back up. This isn't to say praise emptily for the sake of it to make up for the fact that you were reprimanding their bad behavior not 5 minutes ago. But try to be more specific with your praise. Focus on a specific admirable trait that their actions represent rather than the stereotypical and inane "good job!". Children remember the positive and negative things we say to them. It is part of what shapes how they feel about themselves. If we refer to our child as 'stupid' because math homework is taking forever they will grow up believing it. Whereas if we praise their perseverance and hard work even when a subject is hard they will view themselves in a whole other light. So be a little choosier with your praise Warrior parents! It will go far towards aiding at all stages of childhood and those teenage years.

Stay in the know with current social media trends: 

     When you decide to make that leap and allow your child more freedom on social media and search engines do so with the expectation that you will be involved. For their safety and your sanity. Check in. Show interest. Ask about their newest apps, likes, etc. Create accounts and be their cyber friend and sideline protector. Have them share with you the most interesting thing they saw on the internet today. And always stay up to date on the newest trends. Snapchat seems cute and harmless enough, but did you know that it shares your location, down to the street name with fellow snap friends unless you disable this setting and put your child in ghost mode? Are you aware that adults are putting inappropriate content in the middle of uploaded kids shows and clips on Youtube? Have you researched the seemingly harmless karaoke apps like Musically and Smule? While it is advertised for children 9+ there is no way 
to have a private account and you can literally be contacted or connected to 
another 'live stream karaoke video' with any other user no matter the age or intent.

     The bottom line is that social media is ever changing how our children grow up and what they are exposed to. We have to change and adapt just as quickly. You want to hope that by the time your little one has their first social media account their sense of self worth is stable enough for them to objectively evaluate the things shared by peers and the pressure that peers can unknowingly put on them. You want to believe their communication skills, grasp of personal values and sense of right and wrong is enough. But parents, hope without a plan is just a wish. Don't just hope. Be confident in their upbringing and the courage of their convictions. That confidence comes from time on task and reps burned in preparation of the challenges to come. So start today! Don't let social media have any power or say in the type of person your child will be. You are in control. So raise strong warriors! And then you can step back, and relax knowing you've done all you could to prepare them for the challenges of living in this age and world.

#RaiseAWarrior