Life Lesson: Replacing Blue Thoughts With True Ones

     We all know the negative power of our inner critic. It's been that one imaginary friend that we can't quite manage to ever rid ourselves of. So when you see your child berating themselves over something small or being exceptionally hard on themselves here is a quick way to help them correct it before their inner critic becomes this giant of a creature that they have to work against for the rest of their lives. And who knows, this little tip might just help you as well. 

Recognizing The B.L.U.E. Thoughts

    The first step towards fixing any problem or habit is recognizing when it occurs. This little acronym can help us recognize when we are being down on ourselves and truly begin changing how we think. Shifting that mindset is the first step in building improved mental and emotional strength. So check in frequently with your little and ask them if they're feeling a little blue or down on themselves. Blue thoughts are ones where we:

• Blame ourselves - Taking responsibility is important for many aspects of life, but there also has to be a process where we learn from it and move on. Ruminating our mistakes over and over again helps no one, least of all ourselves or our child. So if your child is stuck in a rut and blaming themselves for all they've done wrong or failed give them a gentle nudge in the right direction and don't let them dwell there.
• Look for bad news - Have you ever heard that when you start to focus on the negative it becomes all you see? Bad things happen. It's a fact of life. But one bad moment or spot of trouble can easily ruin our whole day if you let it become the focus. So give your child a moment to acknowledge the bad, but then help them refocus on making the next part of their day as awesome as possible. If you both get stuck focusing on the bad a day can quickly spiral from bad to worse.
• Unhappily guess - We all know we can't predict the future, but when we start to think the worst could happen it quickly becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. So help your child flip the script! They don't know what will happen any more than we do. If your child is guessing ahead and focusing on all the possible negative outcomes give them a hand. Take a moment to acknowledge their concerns, give them a plan if (heaven forbid) it should happen. and focus on the thins that remain in their control.
• Exaggerate the negative - Not everything about the day or event has been a complete disaster. Even on the worst of days a spot of good or a smile can be found. To allow your child to exaggerate the negative is to let them feel worse. Don't let your child turn a mole hill into a mountain. For every negative thing or event they bring up counter with a more positive one to help them see that little bit of silver lining that is there if we look for it.

Replacing B.L.U.E. Thoughts With True Ones

    Once we acknowledge the Blue thoughts in our child the goal is to replace it with a more positive true thought. This is difficult in the beginning, but good consistent practice helps build new habits! One of the best things you can do is to hear your child's negative thought out and then ask "What would you say to a friend who had this problem?" The truth is we are much kinder to a friend than we are ourselves and taking the time to find ways to kindly replace our negative thought with a more realistic one can inspire us to take positive action. So whether you're 5, 95 or somewhere in between make sure you speak to yourself like you would a friend and remember that a more positive mindset leads to more positive action. And positive action is what this life's journey is all about. You've got this Warrior parents! 

#RaiseAWarrior 

Instructor Spotlight: Mr. Jaeden

 

Mr. Jaeden is AWESOME! 

He has been training with us since he was younger and achieved his Junior Black Belt end of 2018. Now he is on the mat helping pass on the lessons that have made him the outstanding leader and friend he is today.

Mr. Jaeden strives to teach our Little Warriors:

"To always try to do what is right."

The kiddos love Mr. Jaeden because:

      In him they find a kindred spirit. Mr. Jaeden is quiet around those that don't know him well, but he is a fiercely loyal friend. He truly wants to help his students come out of their shell a little and grow in confidence as they make friends and talk to people. We love seeing him accomplish this goal and improve himself while doing it.

A few of Mr. Jaeden's favorite things:

     In addition to martial arts Mr. Jaeden enjoys drawing whatever catches his interest, hanging out with his friends, and is learning how to skateboard with Mr. Ashton! He's nearly got his Ollie down. He loves the show Rick and Morty and hopes to one day meet some of his favorite music artists like Eminem, NF, and Migos.

A little bit more about Mr. Jaeden:

     Mr. Jaeden is very patient and a great big brother. His reps at home help him work with the kiddos on complex material even when they're struggling. His favorite martial arts material would have to be anything involving stickwork or locks. He is a stellar athlete who plays soccer and basketball for fun and on his school team. We love seeing his confidence grow both on and off the mat as he continues to grow and improve himself in all these ways.

Mr. Jaeden you are consistently kind leader on the mat. Thank you for being such a great example and helping us out in summer and beyond!

Newest Junior Black Belt looking tough

Always got a smile for the things and people he loves

#RaiseAWarrior 

Stoicism 101 And Better Parenting

     This new year we've really been focused on looking to history to help us lead better lives today. Parenting is no different. Most of our knee jerk responses and learned parenting behaviors come from those who raised us. Some of it is good, some is great, and some is definitely less than. It is up to us to consciously improve upon the framework we've been taught. One such method that can help you improve is an ideal that is stoic in nature. And while stoicism, like all things, has its limitations, it can help you be a better parent. So here it is - stoicism 101...

    Stoicism is a philosophy based on focusing your energy and well-being on the things which are in your control. We know innately that some things are beyond our control, that no one is in complete control over their lives and that bad things happen to good people. You can attempt to influence things with your efforts, but nothing is guaranteed.  

    This ties in because as a parent one of the hardest thing for us is anxiety for our children and their futures. No matter the age of our child (because those feelings don't just magically go away when they're an adult) we are anxious for the future and want what is best for them. We want so many things for them. I mean what parent doesn't want our children to be healthy, AND happy, AND successful, AND stable. There has to come a point however, where we realize that ultimately all of those things are outside of our control. Sure we will have opinions on things like who they hang out with, who they marry, what careers they pursue. We can give advice and guide, but it is ultimately up to our children what they do with the information we give and the decisions they make. That is on them. 

    This isn't to say we give up our high hopes for their future. I mean once a parent always a parent right? There is nothing in this world that will ever stop us from wishing the best for our child. But knowing your limitations is so important and helps us focus our energy in more positive manners. Unconditionally, absolutely, positively love your children and express that love all the time now that is something you have control over. Always be there when your child needs you. That is within your power. And when you can't control the situation or outcome give support, push a little and nag a little if you have to, but recognize that ultimately whatever happens, well it happens. And it isn't on us.

    The freedom of this principle is that is allows us to let go of our desired specific outcomes, and instead focus our time and attention on overall happiness and on changing what is within our realm of control. The freedom in knowing that if we've done all we can as a parent, we should be content. It gives us a place of tranquility and peace to operate from and it makes us so much happier short term and long term. So be a stoic parent in training. Letting go of the things you want outside of your control will be a work in progress, but it is definitely a worthwhile one. You've got this. 

#RaiseAWarrior 

Learning From The Greats - Epictetus on Parenting

     We want what's best for our children. It's one of the things that led you to us in the first place. But often being the best for our child isn't about merely what we can give them, but also what we can be for them. So this one's for the parents who feel less than stellar sometimes and some advice from another great historical philosopher to aid you on your parenting journey. Most famous stoics like Seneca and Marcus Aurelius were born from wealth and power. There's was a life of privilege. The stoic Epictetus, however is unique because he was born a slave. I love the idea of his words ringing true across time, because it goes to show that our parenting style is not predetermined by how we were raised or the situation we, like Epictetus, were born into. And so here is a Stoic's advice on becoming a better parent.

Epictetus' Advice - Don't Wing It

"Progress is not achieved by luck or accident, but by working on yourself daily.” 

    Epictetus was born into a hard life and he had to overcome many challenges to survive the pages of time and history to where we can know him and write of him. That didn't happen by accident. Epictetus was a motivated and determined individual. He worked diligently to overcome his circumstances and like him, we must be hardworking in improving our weaknesses if we want to be stronger. So stop wishing you were more patient, stop hoping you yell less and make an action plan to help build new habits. You won't always succeed but only through daily efforts do we actually start to see some growth.

Epictetus' Advice - Start With Your Reaction

"It's not what happens, but how you react to it that matters."

    Our children are constantly asking us in a million little ways "Do you see me?" and "Am I important?" Our initial reactions to our child's triumphs and failures answer that questions whether it's via body language or spoken. So take a moment to breathe. There is always a time for you to step back, take a long breath and recenter. This allows us to parent from a more even place and helps us achieve our goals of being a better, more patient and kinder parent.

Epictetus' Advice - Fake It Till You Make It

"Don't explain your philosophy. Embody it." 

    You won't always feel more patient, more kind, or like a good parent. Sometimes you have to fake it on the good days and the bad or sometimes just while you're building a habit. But as you consciously strive to exude patience or respect or whatever skill it might be, you are starting to embody those traits you desire. Faking it is still a rep and it can help you build new habits, strengthen existing ones all while leading your child by example. There's more power and worth in that then words can say. 

    So there you have it - a stoic slave's words on life reaching out from the great beyond to inspire you to greater parenting. You might not always feel like parent of the year, but if you're actively trying to educate and better yourself for your family you're on track. You've got this Warrior parents!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Sun Tzu's Advice on Disciplining Your Kiddo

    Understanding history is a powerful thing. By looking to the past it allows us to learn from other's without having to repeat their same decisions. So what insight can Sun Tzu - one of the great strategists, generals and tacticians teach us from centuries past and how can it make us a better parent? After all aren't you the general of your family guiding them and shaping them in a fight for morality in today's age?

Sun Tzu's Advice - First Make A Plan

“Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war first and then seek to win.”

    Parenting should not be reactive. There should be some direction - a method to the madness if you will. So before obstacles or challenges come out discuss how you as a parenting unit plan to handle them. Luckily we know the standard challenges of each age group before our child enters them because we've also been through those stages of development ourselves. This makes it easier to win first before we enter the battle. So if you thinking potty training, sleep overs, dating, lying, bad grades, allowances, or chores are coming up on your radar make a plan before you need one. It will help your parenting model so much if you are prepared and parenting proactively.

Sun Tzu's Advice - Don't Act In Anger

“Ponder and deliberate before you make a move.”

    We rarely act best when emotions are heated and we're put on the spot. So when things start to blow up or you're feeling especially frustrated with your child or the situation give yourself some space and a moment to breath. You can absolutely send them to their room to cool off so you have a moment to think as well. Our knee jerk parenting reaction is hardly ever in our best interest or your child's so buy yourself a beat in time to ponder what should be next.

Sun Tzu's Advice - Punish Appropriately and Stick to Your Guns

“Begin by seizing something which your opponent holds dear; then he will be amenable to your will.”

    A punishment should actually be a punishment. To take away one toy and leave them countless other's isn't a true or impactful consequence. A grounding doesn't mean no video games but all the TV you want. A true punishment requires you to take what they enjoy and replace it with something they don't. That's why a punishment involving sentence writing, or a grounding filled with chores rather than free play without video games is so much more effective.

Sun Tzu's Advice - Don't Sweat The Small Stuff

“Move not unless you see an advantage; use not your troops unless there is something to be gained; fight not unless the position is critical.”

    In the moment everything feels bigger than it truly is. So try to keep in the mind the big picture when disciplining your child. Some things truly are minor, so don't make mountains out of molehills just because the incident was a big inconvenience or caught you off guard. A good rule of thumb is if you won't remember it in 5 years it is a minor thing. That doesn't mean disregard the punishment, just make sure it is of equal worth to the infraction. 

Sun Tzu's Advice - Give Your Child Opportunities

“Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across.”

    Always give your child a chance to do the right thing. Give them a chance to own up to their mistake and make reparations on their own rather than forcing them. This doesn't mean it won't take prompting on your part. But the lesson is so much stronger if they're given opportunities to do the right thing themselves and come to that conclusion rather than it always being externally driven and corrected by you.

    So there you have it! Some awesome parenting advice from an unlikely source. Not too bad for a man who's been to war and seen it all. You've got this parenting Warrior's and we've got your back if something specific is going on. Just let us know!

#RaiseAWarrior