Stop Yelling: Positive Parenting Tactics for Warrior Parents

     We are doing it Warrior families! We're that much closer to a return to normal. Now we understand being cooped up all this time is wearing you down. Everyone has cabin fever. Emotions are high and patience is getting a little thin to say the least. And when our patience gets worn down we tend to yell a lot more. Yelling was a standard parenting tactic when we were younger, but that doesn't necessarily make it the best option. So this week we're tackling why yelling isn't necessarily the best (outside of emergencies of course) and how to make the switch to a more positive and productive method of discipline.

3 Reasons Why Yelling Isn't The Best

1.  It is ultimately a band aid solution: Obedience was the focus of parenting when we were growing up. Which is why yelling worked so well. Yelling invokes a fear or startle response in a child. And so they respond with obedience to make it stop. However, this is a very temporary behavior fix. Yelling stops the act in progress. It doesn't teach why this behavior is undesirable or what to do instead. So ultimately no lesson is learned and the misbehavior will rear it's head at a later day.
2. It damages your relationship: Losing our temper regularly can harm your relationship with your child. You want them to always be able to trust you. To know you will always have their back, love, and support them. Yelling doesn't instill that knowledge in a growing child, because us yelling is a negative in a very big way. When we are yelled at it is a put down. We will lose it from time to time. It happens. No one is perfect. But we have to make sure our child knows this was a momentary loss of temper. If they don't see it as you losing control they begin to believe you really view them in that negative light. And that can greatly impact your growing child's sense of self esteem, as well as how they view you and their relationship with you.
3. It models poor communication: Those first connections with our family is what we most commonly model future relationships after. Think about your experiences through the years- whether you realized it at the time or not we all seek out relationships and connections that we are comfortable with. And that means we seek things we have experience with, whether it's the good or the bad. Do we want our children to seek out connections with people who consistently yell, scream at, and put them down? Or do we want more for our children? We have to model good communication and point out when we mess up so our children learn to recognize whats acceptable and whats not. And the stronger we can instill that understanding the easier it will be on them in the future when they start seeking out partners, and building a family of their own.

4 Things To Do Instead Of Yelling

1. Know your triggers: Yelling doesn't just happen for no reason. There is no mystery if we take some time to self reflect. There are specific patterns or triggers that consistently send us over the edge. Maybe you only yell when you're extremely tired. Maybe you only yell when you have a headache or are hangry. Maybe sibling arguing pushes you over the edge because you hate your current relationship with your sibling. There is always a reason. You just have to identify your individual triggers. Then you can start fighting this bad habit and move to a more controlled and kinder method of parenting.
2. Use reminders: Our kids have things they love and enjoy same as us. We've mentioned multiple times that gradual times help both us and our children transition mentally and emotionally to whats next. To demand they stop their game right now is a tad unrealistic. It isn't necessarily fair for us to yell when they don't comply. I mean we can, but it isn't the best way to handle this. Instead let them know it's 10 minutes until game shut off and dinner time. Then calmly do your part to honor that time frame. 
3. Take a time out: If you find yourself triggered by your child's behavior or a situation take a moment to breathe and work through those emotions. You can do this by either removing yourself from the situation or by momentarily sending your child in a time out while you calm down. It is hard to teach when we're seeing red. Whether its you who needs the timeout or them, step away and breathe. Then you can come back calmer and address the true issue and the solution for next time.
4. Yelling Debriefs: There are times when you will lose your temper. You will still intermittently yell and we can guarantee you will almost always feel bad afterwards. It is good to acknowledge that. Go to your child. Apologize. Reconnect. And take the time to teach. Explain what got you so bothered and how they can do their part to help prevent this situation from repeating itself. 

    Bottom line is there is a never ending learning curve to parenting. We don't have the cure all solution for what you're struggling with, but we are here to help. Struggling with something in particular? Let us know and our instructors can cover it during our weekly instructor zoom chats. We're here for you during the shelter in place. Our goals and mission are the same. We want to help you and your child be the best you can be. Even ole 'rona can't change that. We've got this!

#RaiseAWarrior