#RaiseAWarrior: Disciplining Your Child: A Labor of Love

Are you familiar with word association exercises? For example if I said “ocean” the words “blue,” “big,” or “wet” might come to mind. But if I said “discipline” what do you think of first? Is it a positive association? What would your child associate discipline with? For the majority of us discipline has become negatively ingrained in our society. It has culturally become synonymous with punishment. It might be surprising when you consider history’s gruesome examples of punishment, but it wasn’t always this way. Discipline originates from Latin and actually its root word ‘disciplina’ means teaching. For some reason this meaning has been lost over time. And now discipline is viewed in a negative light rather than the positive role of teaching that it is truly meant to be. There could be many reasons for this switch; however our primary concern, as parents, is how it affects us while we are trying to raise a warrior.

Last week we talked about what happens when you become your child’s best friend. The truth is these parents truly are trying to love their children how they see as best, but they are also choosing to ignore a key aspect of the parent-child relationship: discipline. Because we love our children we should discipline them. Every opportunity for correction is also an opportunity for us to teach and for them to learn. We don’t want our children to obey because they fear consequences. If they only follow the rules because they don’t want to be in trouble we have truly let them down as a parent.

Rules shouldn’t be followed blindly. We follow rules because we see them as align with our personal moral compass and because we see how our actions will affect us and others if we do not follow them. That is what truly makes a warrior, someone who can see beyond the rules to the how and the why of what makes it right for us and others. That strength of moral and conviction will spur our child to act when things are unjust and to stand up for themselves and what they believe in. As a parent what more could we ask for?

So how do we make this shift towards a discipline that focuses more on teaching morality and obedience without losing our sanity? The article below has a great introduction on setting and maintaining those initial boundaries of right and wrong. When it comes to discipline that is centered around teaching your child to be strong of character we would also like to encourage you to focus on these 4 easy C’s of discipline. These 4 steps will keep your discipline method consistent and help you and your child reach understanding and closure after each episode. The 4 C’s of discipline are:

Communicate, Coach, Consequence and Connection

One alone is not enough, but in conjunction we have found these little C’s pack a big punch when it comes to helping your Little Warriors truly understand why something is wrong with the added bonus of strengthening bonds in the midst of error. It definitely works better than telling them to stop a million and one times.

Here’s how to use them effectively in your home…

COMMUNICATE:

Children don’t simply “know” how to behave or what to do in new situations. I mean think back; every new experience (even as adults) is coupled with learning or training phase where someone guides you into this new role. Looking at childhood this way we can see it’s important to not just punish a child for something they haven’t yet learned. We can communicate that their actions or choices were incorrect, but we can’t truly fault them for something not experienced. Children look up to us, to guide and train them through each new phase in life. Keeping this in mind, it’s easy to recognize that if we clearly express our expectations for behavior BEFORE we enter new situations or environments it will definitely avoid frustration from all in the future. Communicate, communicate, and communicate. It’s truly worth the extra step warrior parents!

COACH:

Parents are like the ultimate life coach. You literally do this for 18+ years as you try to encourage, teach, and guide your warrior towards becoming independent members of society. A coach is great at explaining not only how to do something, but why it’s important we do this and what the benefits are. We have a wealth of experience in comparison to our children, so coach them through examples when needed. Ultimately they will start coming to these conclusions on their own, for now we just need to nudge them in the right direction. It does take time to start this process, but once you and your child get into this habit you can kiss spontaneous and empty “I’m sorry(s)” or “It was an accident” goodbye.

CONSEQUENCE:

Be it positive or negative there is always something that follows after we act. It’s a simple fact of life. Your child learns this by constant repetition. And sadly that requires 24/7 follow through on our part. It’s so easy to let something slide when you’re tired, or busy, or stress. I get it Warrior parents. However, that lack of consistent consequence is confusing to the learning child and can lead to more behavioral setbacks than you could imagine. It also is a slippery slope that leads to unnecessary struggles during the already tumultuous and hormonal teenage years. If you take anything from this, consistency in consequence is key! Always! You'll thank us later for that, we promise.

CONNECT:

Even though you get disappointed in your child your love never wavers. It’s important that an opportunity for apologies and forgiveness is included in any disciplinary or counseling session so that your child feels a restored connection with you. Young children especially are overwhelmed by the emotions involved with these confrontations and giving them this chance to reconcile with you can truly reset the day and keep a bad moment from becoming a bad day or week.

We hope this helps you change the way you look at discipline within your home and that these 4 C’s help you and your Little Warrior grow and mature together. Because after all, these moments of conflict

are little tests of flight meant to get you both prepared for what’s to come.

How to Set Healthy Boundaries for Kids

#RaiseAWarrior