Disciplining Your Child: A Labor of Love

     Are you familiar with word association exercises? For example if I said “ocean” the words “blue,” “big,” or “wet” might come to mind. But if I said “discipline” what do you think of first? Is it a positive association? What would your child associate discipline with? For the majority of us discipline has become negatively ingrained in our society. It has culturally become synonymous with punishment. It might be surprising when you consider history’s gruesome examples of punishment, but it wasn’t always this way. Discipline originates from Latin and actually its root word ‘disciplina’ means teaching. For some reason this meaning has been lost over time. And now discipline is viewed in a negative light rather than the positive role of teaching that it is truly meant to be. There could be many reasons for this switch; however our primary concern, as parents, is how it affects us while we are trying to raise a warrior. 

     Last week we talked about what happens when you become your child’s best friend. The truth is these parents truly are trying to love their children how they see as best, but they are also choosing to ignore a key aspect of the parent-child relationship: discipline. Because we love our children we should discipline them. Every opportunity for correction is also an opportunity for us to teach and for them to learn. We don’t want our children to obey because they fear consequences. If they only follow the rules because they don’t want to be in trouble we have truly let them down as a parent.

     Rules shouldn’t be followed blindly. We follow rules because we see them as align with our personal moral compass and because we see how our actions will affect us and others if we do not follow them. That is what truly makes a warrior, someone who can see beyond the rules to the how and the why of what makes it right for us and others. That strength of moral and conviction will spur our child to act when things are unjust and to stand up for themselves and what they believe in. As a parent what more could we ask for?

     So how do we make this shift towards a discipline that focuses more on teaching morality and obedience without losing our sanity? The article below has a great introduction on setting and maintaining those initial boundaries of right and wrong. When it comes to discipline that is centered around teaching your child to be strong of character we would also like to encourage you to focus on these 4 easy C’s of discipline. These 4 steps will keep your discipline method consistent and help you and your child reach understanding and closure after each episode. The 4 C’s of discipline are:

Communicate, Coach, Consequence and Connection

     One alone is not enough, but in conjunction we have found these little C’s pack a big punch when it comes to helping your Little Warriors truly understand why something is wrong with the added bonus of strengthening bonds in the midst of error. It definitely works better than telling them to stop a million and one times.

Here’s how to use them effectively in your home…

COMMUNICATE:

     Children don’t simply “know” how to behave or what to do in new situations. I mean think back; every new experience (even as adults) is coupled with learning or training phase where someone guides you into this new role. Looking at childhood this way we can see it’s important to not just punish a child for something they haven’t yet learned. We can communicate that their actions or choices were incorrect, but we can’t truly fault them for something not experienced. Children look up to us, to guide and train them through each new phase in life. Keeping this in mind, it’s easy to recognize that if we clearly express our expectations for behavior BEFORE we enter new situations or environments it will definitely avoid frustration from all in the future. Communicate, communicate, and communicate. It’s truly worth the extra step warrior parents!

COACH:

     Parents are like the ultimate life coach. You literally do this for 18+ years as you try to encourage, teach, and guide your warrior towards becoming independent members of society. A coach is great at explaining not only how to do something, but why it’s important we do this and what the benefits are. We have a wealth of experience in comparison to our children, so coach them through examples when needed. Ultimately they will start coming to these conclusions on their own, for now we just need to nudge them in the right direction. It does take time to start this process, but once you and your child get into this habit you can kiss spontaneous and empty “I’m sorry(s)” or “It was an accident” goodbye.

CONSEQUENCE:

     Be it positive or negative there is always something that follows after we act. It’s a simple fact of life. Your child learns this by constant repetition. And sadly that requires 24/7 follow through on our part. It’s so easy to let something slide when you’re tired, or busy, or stress. I get it Warrior parents. However, that lack of consistent consequence is confusing to the learning child and can lead to more behavioral setbacks than you could imagine. It also is a slippery slope that leads to unnecessary struggles during the already tumultuous and hormonal teenage years. If you take anything from this, consistency in consequence is key! Always! You'll thank us later for that, we promise. 

CONNECT:

     Even though you get disappointed in your child your love never wavers. It’s important that an opportunity for apologies and forgiveness is included in any disciplinary or counseling session so that your child feels a restored connection with you. Young children especially are overwhelmed by the emotions involved with these confrontations and giving them this chance to reconcile with you can truly reset the day and keep a bad moment from becoming a bad day or week.

     We hope this helps you change the way you look at discipline within your home and that these 4 C’s help you and your Little Warrior grow and mature together. Because after all, these moments of conflict 

are little tests of flight meant to get you both prepared for what’s to come.

How to Set Healthy Boundaries for Kids

#RaiseAWarrior

Loved the 4 C's of discipline and looking for more ways to focus on CONNECTING with your child?

Join us on the mat each month for Family Participation Days. 

(Upcoming family participation days are February4th & 5th) 

#FamilyTimeIsTheBestTime

Parent or BFFs?

     Has your child ever asked you if you were their friend? How did you respond? Do you want your child to see you as a friend? Think back on your own parents… did they readily accept that role during your youth? Or is that something that developed and matured, as you did, once in adulthood? Looking around our personal lives we can see examples of both and the results that stem from that. So which way do you think it should be, parent only or BFFs for life while your child is growing up? Working with children every day we’ve seen a pretty heavy mix of both styles and since our children are too precious to just blindly forage ahead with no pre-thought we wanted to share some musings on the subject today. 

      Many people view being their child’s best friend as a guarantee that you will always be their number one confidant and your child will now come to them, when in need, no matter the topic. They think that being a “cool parent” who sets few rules, isn’t overprotective, and stays up to date with all the hip new trends and electronics buys them this confidence. Looking at this list of what it takes to be a “cool parent” I don’t think I have it in me. It seems like it comes at much too high a cost for far too little guarantee. Cool parents may be held in high esteem with the youth, but who’s truly running that house? Parenting isn’t a contest our children get to judge us on. Parenting is an irreplaceable and priceless role that cannot be abandoned without grave costs. When you loosen up on your responsibilities of setting the rules and enforcing standards you truly are setting yourself up for a harder time during the teenage years. A child used to such a relaxed parenting style won’t suddenly want to give that freedom up just because you, as a parent, suddenly decide it’s gone too far or gotten too dangerous.

      A few decades ago, whether a parent should be a friend to their child or not was unheard of. But parenting has changes a lot since the time when children were seen and not heard. Now the average parent is so focused on their child and their activities that they don’t have a spare moment to themselves. Our whole culture has shifted towards this child first initiative and now parents are caught straddling the gray line between parent and friend as they try to meet this newest trend of attachment parenting. This new parenting style is seeking good things, but the bottom line is that this new focus on utmost parental responsiveness to the child’s every need and emotion does not ensure your child will never feel insecure or anxious. And it is not the sole factor that ensures better ‘attachment.’

      Friends are considered equals. They equally get to decide on anything and everything. No one has more power than the other and no one sets the rules. But we are parents. A child is never our equal during childhood, because that’s a time for learning. Parents have to be able to discipline their child and set the limits. We do this for their safety, and so they can learn and grow. And it is OK if your child doesn’t like you for making those tough decisions. There will be times when they won’t. However, we know our job as parents is to prepare our children for life on their own; it isn’t a popularity contest. We have to teach those hard lessons and those life skills so that when they go out on their own we are confident in their ability to make smart and safe choices, to be the kind of leader who stands up for what’s right even when it is hard. We have to teach them to brush their teeth, not stay up all night, and get their responsibilities done. “Friends” don’t have that role, active parents do.

      So what do you think? Can you be best friends and parent your child simultaneously? Is it worth it? Don’t forget, your child will have many friends over their life. But they only have one you and we only get to do this once so when it comes to raising your warrior make it count! 

Be Your Child's Parent, Not Their BFF

#RaiseAWarrior

Courtesy, More than Mere Politeness

     Today’s generation places a huge emphasis on confidence, independence, and a strong sense of self-esteem. These characteristics are ones we value as a society because we see them as essentially useful for succeed in this highly competitive age. As parents, we want our children to know themselves so they can speak their mind, stand up for what they believe in, and reach their dreams. But all this emphasis of valuing self has come with an unexpected cost, the cost of devaluing others.

     We see evidence of this all around in our day to day lives. We see this lack of courtesy in children who don’t acknowledge when someone enters the room, teens or young adults who still haven’t mastered the art of not interrupting or turning off their devices to actually have a real conversation, and children who can’t resolve the simplest of disputes because they’re so wrapped up in THEIR thoughts, THEIR feelings, and THEIR emotions. 

     So how do we start this process of teaching our Little Warrior’s courtesy? First we have to take a look at what courtesy truly is and should be. The core of courtesy is much deeper than mere politeness. It stems from the knowledge that other’s have just as much worth and a right to dignity as you. It is an inherent belief that intentionally harming others or their property is inherently wrong. Courtesy is the lens of compassion and respect that we view others through and it helps us channel even our strongest emotions when interacting with others. And sadly, courtesy appears to be rapidly going out of style. 

     The good news it is never too late to start focusing on these Warrior virtues in your home and with your child. We don’t have finishing schools anymore, but you’ve got us and both on the mat and off it. The following article has some common courtesies, which are no longer common, to begin instilling in your home. Uncommon common courtesies include how to write a thank you note, how to change a conversation politely and with consideration of others, having empathy for people’s feelings, how to be a good house guest or play date, how to hold a good dinner conversation, etc.

     The truth is courtesy impacts too many aspects of our lives for us to overlook this life changing lesson when it comes to the business of raising our children. The rest of the world has plenty of influence on our growing child as is. And they definitely don’t have our child’s best interest at hearts. So take that extra time to redirect the moral compass of your home and don’t just settle for politeness. We know that if you make this the monthly focus of your home you will begin to notice a positive change in the ambiance of your home and the dividends these lessons will play in your child’s future truly are priceless.

Enjoy leveling up your home life, Black Belt parents!

Teaching Children More than Good Etiquette and Manners

#RaiseAWarrior

Instructor Spotlight: Mr. Stephen

Mr. Stephen is AWESOME! 

He's been teaching our Little Warriors for over four years! 

He is also one of our youngest adult Full Instructor's (aka adult Black belt in not one, but four martial art styles). 

The kiddos love Mr. Stephen because: 

He isn't afraid to be a goofball to make their day brighter

He is high energy literally ALL the time

He loves to do jumping techniques and combat rolls

He is like their number one fan and takes time to cheer everyone on

A few of Mr. Stephen's favorite things:

Mr. Stephen clearly loves training, but he also likes to have fun. His free time usually includes "eating all the food with friends," spending time with his girlfriend or playing with his dog, and watching movies. Mr. Stephen can usually be found quoting Disney movies, humming whatever song is in his head, or flexing his muscles. He really wants to go skydiving and if he could have any super power in the world he would wish for super speed so he could "do all the things."

A little bit more about Mr. Stephen:

Mr. Stephen (aka Hollywood or Stewie according to fellow employees) grew up in the DFW area, but his love for Warrior's Way has kept him local here with us and we are so grateful for that. He currently is working hard to get into the Wichita Falls Police Academy this year and we should find out the good news soon. We truly can't wait to see what is in store for him. All of our Warrior's go onto be leaders in all sorts of fields and we truly are so proud of the example they set no matter where life takes them. 

Mr. Stephen you truly are a hero in our eyes!

Fun fact: Mr. Stephen used to take Tae Kwon Do when he was little pre-moving to Wichita Falls and these pics are adorable!!!

#RaiseAWarrior and see how far they go!

How to Not Raise a Quitter

     Winter Break is officially over and we are back and ready to kick 2019’s butt! If you’re anything like us you are still adjusting back into the busy bustle of your hectic daily schedule after a brief reprieve. This adjustment is hard on the kiddos too. They’ve been out of school, out of martial arts class and obligation free for over a week now. Fortnight, Minecraft, or their newly gifted phone or tablet has been their primary devotion with this excess free time, but now that time has drawn to a close. School will be starting again and martial arts class and other obligations are calling.

     Some kids readily jump back into these routines, excited to see friends and favorite teachers again. But for other’s the idea of giving up their free time, turning off their games and getting off the couch to return to the real world is just too much. Your normally happy Little Warrior suddenly becomes an angry tyrant full of objections and excuses. Now getting their once treasured belt on and getting to the car in a timely manner has become a chore-like battle. We’ve heard the stories and we’ve had you nudge your usually happy little one onto the mat and shut the door hoping our instructors can reason with them and remind them of all the reasons they love martial arts class. No worries, it happens to the best of us. Regardless of when this sudden attitude change occurs, there will always come a point when a child suddenly digs their heels in and begins that descent towards quitting. Sometimes it’s a gradual change. At first it’s an occasional “I’m too tired to go to class today” or “Can we please skip, just this once?” But sometimes a long break in routine can trigger the dreaded words “I want to quit.”So what do we do? Do we give in because we are already stretched thin as is or do we take this moment and turn it into a life lesson?

     The truth is our children need to be pushed. Children will not brush their teeth, eat regular meals, or go to school unless adults make them. We, as parents, have to push and shape our Little Warriors until one day they realize the wisdom (and necessity) of follow through and not quitting. Only then are they able to venture out into the world on their own, fully equipped for the challenges of adulthood that lie ahead. You don’t get a diamond without a little pressure and the same goes with children. The only way for them to achieve their full potential is for us to show them that this lofty goal is what they should be pushing and striving towards.  

      Now there are plenty of valid reasons to quit an activity or sport. Your child might be stretched too thin and feel like they can’t meet any goals in any activity because there are simply too many to achieve at once. Maybe the activity is more your passion than theirs? Perhaps the team or coach is not a good fit for your child’s individual needs or learning style. Maybe they’re unable to keep up at this level and are now feeling left out or bullied. It happens. But every desire to give up or quit has to be carefully examined and reviewed with the child in context or else quitting when things get hard can quickly become a bad habit that turns into a lifelong problem.

      But being anxious about returning to class after a break or a little nervous that they’re out of practice is never a valid reason to quit an activity. Not when sticking with it offers so much room for growth and character building. Managing distress is a skill set that is severely lacking in our newest generation of adults. If this seems to be the reason your child wants to quit encourage them to face those doubts and provide them with the needed extra support as they do so. Every stressful situation conquered bolsters the strength and resiliency your child will have in the future. Strength, resiliency- those sound like Warrior worthy characteristics to us. Remember every diamond is just a lump of coal without the pressure it needs to form. Your little ones greatest potential is the same way.

     Whatever the reason and whenever the season of life, we hope these musings and the linked list of 10 things to consider first helps you decide whether quitting martial arts, a sports team, or musical lessons is right for you and your family. Over all we are excited to see everyone back on the mat and all of the potential we can unlock together as we crush our goals in 2019. Even if it’s a little rocky getting back into the swing of things we’re excited to be back at it and grateful for the challenges ahead. Because we know it is those challenging experiences that build the strongest character and we want to help you make your Little Warrior the strongest ‘diamond’ around.

10 Things to Consider Before Letting Your Child Quit

#RaiseAWarrior