A Resolution Against Procrastination

                New Years is our go to time to view the highs and lows of the past year, set goals, and ultimately discard them by mid to late February. The truth is this shouldn’t be a once-a-year reflection. We should be taking the time to reflect daily, weekly, and even monthly to check in and see if our life is headed in the direction we are wanting. That isn’t to say we won’t meet roadblocks or become derailed from time to time. It is a part of life, but it is one we should be learning from and growing through rather than just accepting as human nature shrugging and allowing it to continue. So wherever you are in your day here’s some Warrior food for thought

Two Natures

                Many of us our familiar with the Native American story of two wolves within us. In this tale a grandfather is imparting wisdom to his grandson about the two natures or driving forces that battle within him daily like wolves. One is positive (full of joy, peace, love, compassion, hope, and faith) while the other is negative (full of anger, regret, envy, greed, arrogance, self-pity, etc). The grandson reflects on this before asking his grandfather which will win? His grandfather solemnly replies – “the one you feed.”

                This is a short, but powerful reminder of the daily fight every single one of us must face. Every day our thoughts, our words, and our deeds either feed a positive mentality or a more negative one. And it’s an empowering reminder that we are more in charge of our own happiness than we often believe. When it comes to struggling with goals it is simpler to view these two forces at war within us as our rational decision maker vs our desires for instant gratification.

The Dangers of Procrastination

                Most of us given the opportunity and no consequences would be happy whiling away our time in the instant gratification realm. It just feels good and is often easier. Unfortunately, as parents this is not something we can or should be doing. Our children are counting on us to lead and guide them. And so, we should be rationally foraging on and making decisions to prioritize our time. Usually having deadlines helps keep us on track.

But what about all the parts of life that don’t truly have a deadline? What about those more long-term things or abstract ideas that we hope to achieve but will never truly have a deadline unless we prioritize and make it so. Get healthier, lose weight, be a better parent, become more financially secure. These are often the things that become our New Years Resolution, but even that isn’t enough for sustainable growth. And then another year goes by and we have some regret, because it feels like we let it slip through our fingers.

Our Goal For This New Year

This life isn’t meant to be lived one new year’s resolution to another. We should not look at the past year and see more failures than successes, or merely wish we had done better. As parents we cannot afford to feel a spectator in our own life. Our time as a parent is so infinitely precious, and short. And our children learn so much more from what we do than what we say.

This year we hope you don’t just set New Year’s resolutions. We hope you realistically look at the time you hope to have and set deadlines and prioritize this growth, in whatever area of your life it may be. Take time to set manageable steps that can be achieved and then review your progress daily, weekly, and monthly. This is the year we stop wishing our time away on abstract goals and rather make some concrete changes that we can reflect on and measurably see a difference.

You’ve got this Warrior parents!

  #RaiseAWarrior 

The Giving Tree: A Lesson for Parents

 

                Do you ever revisit a part of your youth and find it too not be the same? We recently encountered that while reading “The Giving Tree” by Shel Silverstein. Who remembers this fondly as a heartwarming story? If you read it again you might be surprised about how dark it gets. At it’s core this is a story about a little boy who takes, and takes, and takes and a tree who gives and gives until there is nothing left. At first glance the tree’s acts of sacrifice seem noble, but we can also see that it leads to a very spoiled child who takes selfishly without consideration of the cost. There are several lessons for parents in this tale

It's Not Okay To Give For Another Until It Hurts

                As parents we love our children unconditionally. No matter what they do, they will always be ours and we will always want what’s best for them. What’s best for them, however, should not come above all else. Our relationship dynamic with our children are the first model of what relationships look like. We are building the foundation for the rest of their lives, so it is imperative we model a healthy one. Do we want our children to grow up and be the giver who has no limits or boundaries? Do we want them to view a taker who doesn’t contribute and always asks for more as a suitable relationship? Neither of these seem like the goal when it comes to our child’s future meaningful relationships. As parents we must show them that our giving isn’t endless and that it doesn’t come at the cost of oneself. Self-sacrifice can be good intermittently, but it is not sustainable long term in any relationship dynamic.

Taking Care Of Your Own Needs Allows You To Give More

                As parents there are constant pulls on us no matter where we are in the day. Pulls from work, school, the kids, your spouse, your family, the demands are never ending. If we aren’t carefully attuned to our own needs all these demands can quickly deplete our energy and resolve. We become irritable, easily frustrated, less patient, less compassionate, and unwilling to look outside of ourself and our own feelings. These emotional lows when we aren’t meeting our own needs are actually the times we parent the worst. It's kind of like when the flight attendants tell you “Please put your oxygen mask on before helping others.” The same is true for us parents. If we are pushing all our wants, thoughts, needs, and desires to the wayside to benefit our children we aren’t truly putting ourselves in a position to help them. A little maintenance or fuel into our sense of wellbeing allows us to maintain our parenting goals and be the parent we are striving to be.

Generosity is better than self-sacrifice

                The Giving Tree is the very emblem of self-sacrifice, and it also represents a common mentality of parenting. Our present generation is working so hard to ensure our children have the very best of everything, and ensure it is different from our childhood that we might be missing the mark and swinging too far the other way. Giving without abandon to every want and demand of the boy didn’t make the boy a better human, or truly help him achieve much. Rather it created a continuous cycle of selfishness where the boy had no shame in always asking for more and had no thought on it’s impact to anyone other than himself. Showing generosity towards our children is a parenting formula with a different outcome. It puts the focus on helping others to bring joy to yourself. There is a willingness to stop and serve, but also a healthy boundary that prioritizes your needs right along with theirs. It is an attitude that strives not just to give always, but also to help nurture that trait in others. It changes from trying to move heaven and earth for a single individual, to taking care of yourself so you can teach another how to be the change for good in the world so that flow of positivity can occur long after we have become a memory. Generosity would have been the tree sharing its apples, but also teaching the little boy to plant the seeds so he could take care of himself in the future, but also so others could benefit from it. It would have involved lessons of consideration and compassion towards others and that would have stuck with the boy long after the tree had no more to give. Generosity would have made a lasting difference and the world a better place. 

                Are you a generous parent or a self-sacrificing one? Do you take care of yourself so you can be the very best parent you can be? If not there is always room to grow! You’ve got this Warrior parents. 

  #RaiseAWarrior 

 

Parenting And Your Child’s Temperament

 

                Our goal is to help make parenting easier. Note the word choice there; easier and not easy. Parenting is, and always will be a difficult task. This is because no one parenting style or method fit’s every family’s individual needs. This happens because every family is different, and each member of the family is a unique individual who responds to the world differently. We all naturally are born with character traits or a temperament of sorts. This isn’t new knowledge. However, when we view this from a parenting lens we see that perhaps there is room to grow. Perhaps we should take into consideration the different temperaments in our home. Does one child need something that the other doesn’t? Is it within our power to meet those individual temperaments as well as their unique strengths and weaknesses? Should we meet them? Read on below to start deciding for yourself-

Reactive Temperaments

Reactivity revolves around how our child responds to things in the world around them. These children have big emotions and they need help learning to work through them.

The reactive child can be a lot of fun and energetic so long as thing are going well. They are loud, physically active, and keep you on your toes. But when things start to go wrong all that reactivity tends to show in some negative ways. If your child is a spit-fire they need help expressing their emotions appropriately (especially when it comes to anger or frustration), as well as finding positive routes to get out all of that energy. This child will need help establishing some routines to help them wind down or transition from moment to moment.

The less reactive child however is a total sweetheart. They are gentle natured, kind, easy to get along with and everyone loves them. Their weakness is they aren’t always assertive, can be extremely sensitive, and need help learning how to stand up for themselves. These kids tend to have a lower or laid-back energy level and might need some encouragement to help build healthy habits when it comes to movement and physical activity.

Regulated Temperaments

How we control our behavior and show our feelings is something that we naturally also have a predilection too. No matter the temperament, however, we can always help our child cope with their natural strengths and weaknesses as well as improve upon them.

The self-regulated child kind of has things together. They are not overly impulsive; they can manage their emotions longer in all kinds of emotions and are capable of working through those emotions positively in a quicker manner. These kids are naturally great at coping with setbacks and knocking out goals. This child can become a bit of a perfectionist, however, so it’s important to let them know mistakes are okay and used as a learning point.

The un-regulated child is quite the opposite. Their attention, focus, and emotions are all over the place, sometimes in a positive manner and sometimes not. This child can easily switch from one activity to the next, but will need to be equipped with resources to help them focus and follow through so they can learn how to achieve those longer, and more difficult tasks.

Sociable Temperaments

This concept is more familiar to most of us. We all know introverts and we all know extroverts. How we respond to others is something that is innately a part of our character. Both have strengths, but also weaknesses and parents can help their child by uniquely meeting their needs and helping them grow through and adapt to their initial nature.

The Social Child – These kids can feel easy sometimes. Take them anywhere and they will talk up a storm and make at least 3 new friends. They handle things on the fly with a smile and a mostly good attitude. The downside is these children often struggle to occupy themselves and demand a lot of attention. These kids crave that one on one time with you, but also need to learn to be happy spending time with themselves.

The Introvert – This kid is awesome at playing by themselves quietly. It feels like a blessing in the early stages as it opens up more time for yourself. It can become a hardship, however, if your child doesn’t learn how to make friends or be comfortable in groups. This child struggles with being adaptable and craves a routine. Routines are great learning tools, but your child will find life hard without some coping strategies to help them be more adaptable.

Looking at this list your probably see your child in one of each of these categories. Take a moment to compare their natural state to your own. When you sync up it is easier to understand their needs, concerns, fears, etc. which in fact makes it easier to parent. It is when you guys don’t have similar temperaments that it can be harder to parent and meet your child’s needs. Not just the needs of their temperament, but also their growth needs so that their temperament does not hold them back. It will be a learning curve for everyone involved (especially if your temperaments don’t sync up), but we know it can make your parenting and home life better. You’ve got this Warriors!

 #RaiseAWarrior