Say No To More Whining!

                I don’t know about you, but it seems there is less for us to do during the winter and the whining seems to increase. Maybe it’s because we spent too much money over the holidays and don’t have the extra funds, maybe we’re all just tired of the Texas weather that is beautiful one day and frigid the next. No matter the reason here are a few truths about whining and how to make it stop.

Truth #1) Whining is a learned behavior that occurs because it works

                We are creatures of habit no matter our age. And the tools we use the most are the ones and that we have learned and know will work most of the time. Your kiddo isn’t whining to annoy you, they’re whining because you’ve taught them it is a successful method of getting what they want. So the first step to ending whining in your household is to not let it work! Stop giving in. Let them know you won’t respond to whining and then follow through. These steps may seem small and practically insignificant but if you can manage it you’ll cut back dramatically on this annoying behavior.

Truth #2) Whining is a lack of a more positive means of getting our attention or their needs met

                Our kids want us to see them. They want to be the center of our world and sometimes they don’t care whether your focus is positive or negative they’re all about it. This is tricky because whining seems to trigger just that – our attention. To truly stomp out whining, like any bad behavior, we must replace it with a better way. And this doesn’t occur in the moment. You must set the stage for expected behavior beforehand. Let them know you will not respond to whining (after all we don’t negotiate with terrorists even tiny, adorable ones that make your heart glow 88% of the time). Let them know they are old enough that you expect good communication and model this behavior yourself. Let them know that sometimes they will be disappointed by the outcome of their requests and give them tools to manage those emotions.

Truth #3) Whining occurs most when children are feeling ignored or unacknowledged

                Most whining can be nipped in the bud with the right kind of attention. We as parents never mean for our children to feel ignored, but there are so many pulls on our attentions and our time it is easy to let some things slip. Taking time to positively connect with your child in a meaningful way can lessen whining exponentially. If whining is a big problem in your home looking at how much quality time you spend with other members of your home might be eye opening.

Truth #4) Whining won’t end overnight

                This is a negative and almost symbiotic habitual relationship pattern between you both. It will take practice for you to ignore your child’s whining and not respond in a way that fulfills their attention seeking. It will take practice and reminders from you for your child to begin expressing what they want or need in a more positive way. And it takes lots of opportunities to practice for our children to come to terms with life’s disappointments (big or small) and learn to manage their emotions and expectations in a healthy way.

                Whining doesn’t have to be a regular part of parenting. We have the power to show our children a better way! You’ve got this Warrior parents! We’re here to help you with this and other parenting hurdles. Just let us know. And don't worry Texas won't keep us in wild weather forever 

#RaiseAWarrior 

Instructor Spotlight: Mr. Stephen

 

Mr. Stephen IS AWESOME! 

He’s been a student of ours since he was 16 and has crushed some amazing goals and made a real difference in our community!

He is a Full Instructor here at Warrior’s Way who served as a local police officer and is now back with us and fighting hard to help you Raise A Warrior!

 

Mr. Stephen strives to teach our Little Warriors:

"To have good character and be caring people."

 

The kiddos love Mr. Stephen because:

He is high energy all the time

He is a kind friend to everyone he meets

He is passionate for the martial arts and loves sharing that fire with our students

He loves adding powerful striking like headbutts, knees and elbows to anything he can

 

A few of Mr. Stephen’s favorite things:

     Mr. Stephen is a surprisingly big Disney nerd. His favorite one is Tarzan and with a soundtrack by Phil Collins it’s no surprise. Mr. Stephen loves working out and improving his skills. When he isn’t working out or training to an awesome rock playlist, he can be found spending time with friends, taking his dogs to the park, or curling up for naps on the couch with his new puppy. His favorite movie is Tombstone, he has some super cool warrior and animal-based tattoos, loves Chick fil A, is usually hungry, and his favorite animal is a wolf.

A little bit more about Mr. Stephen:

     Mr. Stephen’s hero is Tuhon Harley. He says that Tuhon “has always been there to teach me not only how to become a great martial artist, but also a good man. He has qualities that I strive to be like every day.” We know that Mr. Stephen will excel and be a leader for good no matter what role he is in, and we are so grateful to have him back on our team helping raise Warriors once more!

Mr. Stephen we are so grateful to have you back on the mat helping Raise Warriors!!! Warrior's Way is capable of making a powerful difference because of our hardworking team!

  

#RaiseAWarrior 

Teaching Your Child Flexibility And Avoiding Melt Downs

 

    A day is a funny thing. It can be so hit or miss. I mean we parent’s know how it works, but the smaller members of our family really have a hard time coping with those kinds of unexpected or disappointing changes. Even the smallest derailment or delay can cause the most epic of meltdowns when plans or the day go awry. And I get it. Disappointment is hard no matter how old you are. But their response to these changes isn’t necessarily them misbehaving or acting out. The ability to emotionally regulate and think flexibly are skills that must be cultivated and developed. And it’s one of those life skills that is so essential just for day to day life. Because as much as we would like to, we can’t just spend every day acting out in frustration and be successful long term.

    So here are some ways to help your child practice cognitive flexibility and emotional regulation so they can improve their ability to adapt their behavior and thinking to the roadblocks that come when there is a disconnect between our expectations and reality.

Use a physical example (especially for the younger kiddos)

    Nature is full of examples of how you have to be soft and flexible to be resilient. Start this conversation using a flexible branch in the wind versus a dry and brittle twig or something as simple as a cooked vs uncooked spaghetti noodle. For those older kiddos share examples of where inflexible thinking resulted in harm or bad outcomes. Just peek in any history book, life is full of examples of fixed thinking and inflexibility making life difficult for countless of people.

Give them room to practice

    There are so many controlled opportunities we can give our kiddos to practice managing their emotions and actions in the face of roadblocks. I for one am a big fan of not letting kiddos win board or card games. Life won’t be so kind to them and it’s our job to raise kids who are more resilient and made of stronger stuff.

Teach Empathy

    Teach your kiddo to understand another’s perspective. Focus on raising a child who’s capable of looking beyond themselves and consider another’s feelings and perspective. This is an excellent form of cognitive and emotional flexibility. And day to day life offers plenty of opportunities to point this out and practice. Every conflict can be a learning opportunity if you give them opportunity to hear and consider how they made the other person thing and feel.

Use Frontloading

    Frontloading is a way of preparing your child ahead of time for something that is going to happen. This can be as simple as a little heads up or the lowdown on what they should expect and what is expected of them. Of course you can’t always due this thanks to life’s randomness, but it can alleviate a lot of meltdowns and discomfort if done properly. Plus every time you engage in the process of talking and thinking out a situation before entering it you are also giving your child the tools to self sooth when they’re om a sticky or new uncomfortable situation.

******Pssst Pro-parent tip: Frontloading is also extremely useful for warnings and countdowns. Telling your kiddo “Hey we have to leave in 10 minutes, you should get ready to turn off your game” gives them the grace to mentally begin transitioning before the next task and is 110% more successful then walking in and saying “Shut off your game, we have to leave now.” Trust me on this one.

    So there you have it. Some ways to help your kiddos face frustration and improve their coping skills. Of course it’s not a complete list but helping your kiddo develop the tools to handle life’s ups and down is better for you and for them. You’ve got this! Happy Parenting Warriors.

  #RaiseAWarrior