Parenting Intentionally

     When you think of parenting how do you view it? Is it a job? Your duty? Or is it a little too messy to fit in those descriptors? Would you consider parenting a relationship with your child? No matter what word you choose we know that parenting cannot be done on autopilot. It is too beautiful and important for that. Our child needs and deserves more than that. The truth is parenting needs to be thought out, focused, and goal driven. Parenting, simply put, needs to be intentional.

     Sadly far too many of us are guilty of parenting by default. It isn't necessarily something we purposefully do and it isn't always bad. It is more like a parenting reflex. When we are faced with something new or unknown we tend to fall back on our instinctual default. And this reflex response (be it good or bad) is shaped by our personal history and how we were raised.

     So many things are influenced by our upbringing. Our work ethic, our budgeting, how we celebrate holidays, what we prioritize with our time, our attitudes and opinions all come back to how we were raised. Sometimes in parenting we seek to follow that model, other times improve it and sometimes (depending on how it went) we choose to move in direct opposition of that upbringing. And all of these decisions, conscious or not, will have a long lasting impact on the lives of our children.

     The truth is there are a million and one ways to do this parenting thing and multiple ways to do it right. That isn't the problem. But why leave our child's character and future up to chance? When we take the time to figure out what we desire for our child, what our families core beliefs, values, and priorities are going to be then we can take a step away from autopilot, set some goals, and start intentionally crushing this parenting thing. So this week we wanted to give you Warrior parents a simple action plan to evaluate your parenting and if need be give it a little more direction.

LAYING THE FOUNDATION: 

1) Look to someone you admire: This could be anyone, past or present, that has been a part of your life. We know that no one is perfect, but there are positive and effective bits of parenting to be learned and pulled from those around us. If these admired people are currently in your life talk to them. Ask questions. Figure out what works and what doesn't. Anytime we aren't learning we aren't growing. And our children need us to learn and grow right along with them. This is a partnership and there isn't an easy answer or path to follow. Don't be afraid to look outside of 'your box' for inspiration.

2) Evaluate your present and compare it to the past: Looking to the past is always an interesting experience no matter who you are. And no, we aren't asking you to focus on the highs and lows of your childhood. To do that is to view the past through the eyes of the child that you were. We want you to instead look at your childhood through the lens of the parent that you are now. How did they interact with you? What did they verbally teach you? What did their actions teach you? What stands out to you and why? Now look at yourself. Do you see a pattern to your interactions with your child? Do your words match your actions? What unspoken lessons are you teaching them? Is your parenting reflex going a direction you want to stick with? Is it successful or does it need to be modified?

BUILDING UP WITH PRACTICAL STEPS:

1) Write it down: A good introspection can be eye opening. But all that desire to change isn't going to get us anywhere if it is out of sight out of mind. So write down what you've realized. What are your parenting reflexes? Which do you like and dislike? Do you yell because that's what you were exposed to growing up? What do the people you admire do that you would like to try? What characteristics do you definitely want your child to develop? A goal without a plan is just a wish so take the time to write it down. Then communicate it with the individuals who are on your team, helping raise your child with you. Consistency and accountability is the key to crushing goals so hash it out with everyone and get on the same page.

2) Show what is important: Our actions speak so much louder than our words. We show our kids everyday what is most important to us just by living our lives. Like it or not, our children see when we choose our phone, our job, or our own sanity over them. They pick up on the unspoken things and learn to tread carefully when we are short on patience and time. It's okay for them to pick up on the fact that we are human, that is a reality of parenting. But even more there are so many other characteristics we want them to develop: like patience, respect, bravery, kindness, and self-discipline. We could talk about these traits until we're blue in the face, but the very best way to show a child is to simply embody them. Kids are smart. A child remembers the character traits (good and bad) that they see you regularly use. Don't let your actions betray your words. Show them daily what really matters and their strength of character will begin to move in that direction. 

3) Spend time on task: When life get's busy (and we all know it does) we tend to undervalue the things that should always remain our top priority. We all have good intentions to spend time with our children individually, but amongst a never ending to-do list sometimes one more game of Uno, one episode of a favorite show together, one more trip to the park just doesn't seem feasible. There is a balance here, however. The work will always remain, but our children are only little for so long. Dishes can wait. 10-15 minutes of daily focused attention doing something together shouldn't just be a goal of intentional parents; it should be non-negotionable. Our priorities show by what we spend time doing, more than what we say. So be intentional with your time. We are living in "the good ole days" right now. So take time to enjoy your children by participating in what they like, showing them how to act, and by above all being intentionally present and available.

     We hope this helps you reflects on where you are and where you want to be Warrior parents. And then that you use this to forage ahead, INTENTIONALLY, savoring the moments to come. You and your child are partners in this endeavor of growing up. And we can't wait to see where that journey takes you. As always if you need help, we are on your team and at your back. You've got this Warrior parents!

#RaiseAWarrior