A Formula for Empowered Children

     As parents nothing is more frustrating than when your child doesn't try hard enough to accomplish something you know they are perfectly capable of. It is especially worrisome if this behavior continues and starts to become the new norm. After all in today's competitive culture we know that a can-do attitude is essential. So how do we start empowering our children today to give them confidence in their abilities to succeed?

     The secret lies in goal setting. Goals are essential to progress. They are the benchmarks that give our life a sense of direction, fulfillment and hope for a better tomorrow. Without clearly defined goals it is simply too easy to begin existing from one day to the next. That's why every year our guilty conscience prompts us to make resolutions. We may have success for a month or two, but usually the average adult starts to slide back into habitual routines after that.

     As parents we want our children to be even stronger than we are. It's not enough that they do what we tell them or follow the rules because we said so. We need warrior children to see that goals have real value so this trait is internalized and a guiding light when we are no longer around. Our children need to believe in the power of goal setting and adopt a lifestyle of goals for themselves and it's our job to help them do that.

     Martial arts in and of itself is a clear demonstration of goal setting, both in a long term and short term sense. Your child is required to work short term to master techniques so that they might achieve more long term goals like a level up or even the coveted Black belt status. Even so we know that it takes more than a bit of mat time practice to make goal setting an integral part of your warrior's character.

     In class we talk about the value and importance of goal setting, but truly we are counting on y'all as parents to really bring this message home and make it a part of your every day life. The following article offers some insight on starting this process within your family. Bottom line we hope it encourages you and your warrior to begin modeling a lifestyle of goal setting on and off of the mat.

     Lastly we wanted to offer some quick tips to help assure your child's success while you and your warrior set new goals:

1. Make sure your warrior has the necessary skills and knowledge to achieve their goal. Kids have very active imaginations and it is up to us to foster their creativity while introducing a little bit of realistic expectations of their current, yet ever changing, abilities.
2. Take a look at whose help your warrior needs to achieve this goal. We are the spring board from which children leap from. It is up to us to make sure they have all the support they could possibly need. This requires us to have realistic expectations of our own time and availability during our warrior's new goal path.
3. See if your child has enough time to achieve this goal. Make sure the goals you are both setting aren't spreading your warrior too thin. It seems like our children have boundless energy, but when too many things are introduced to their plate too soon we might see a decline in other life areas (i.e. academics) that are also important to their success and future.
4. Most of all set some new goals yourself! Our kiddos emulate their heroes and that is us. We can't expect our children to crush goals when we aren't living what we preach. Prevent overwhelm and set yourself up for success by planning out every step required to succeed rather than just a resolution style statement. You'll be amazed at the difference it makes in your whole family's life. 

Happy goal setting! 

See you on the mat.

Help your Child Set Goals With these Steps

#RaiseAWarrior

Family: Building Up Our Most Important Team

Henry Ford is famous for saying “Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.” Now we all know good ole Mr. Ford was referring to building cars, but the truth is why should our families be any different? Families at their core are teams. In fact they are the first and most irrevocably pivotal team we are a part of. Each individual family member brings personality, strengths, and weaknesses to the group. As a family we have shared history and common goals we are all striving towards. We need our team, our families, to help us learn, live, and grow through the good, the bad, and the ugly. This is not a journey that can easily be mastered alone or without individuals who care for you and have your back.

As tiny future adults we know that our children need to be able to work effectively in a team. Good teamwork is an essential skill required to be successful in the work force, in all types of relationships, and in the founding of their own family units. Knowing this, it is easy for us to see how important it is to teach and practice good family teamwork within your home. Family members who work together help balance each other’s strengths and weaknesses out and the improved cohesion brings everyone closer together and makes weathering life’s storms that much easier. Families are meant to watch out for each other, to help and take care of one another.

So how do we ensure your Warrior is an awesome teammate? There are three integral interpersonal skills necessary for effective teamwork. They include the ability to communicate, collaborate, and compromise with others. Here are some quick ways to help strengthen these three C’s of teamwork in your home:

   

Communication:

• Unresolved conflict is one of the number one things that strains families. Most people fear conflict, but productive conflict is a part of every healthy relationship. Setting aside time to resolve conflict gives us an opportunity to debate and discuss in a positive way while learning from each other. It also prevents the building of insurmountable emotional walls that happens when we avoid our problems and allows us to address things while they are still ‘small’ and as they arise.
• Good communication and conflict resolution are learned behaviors. They are not natural attributes gifted to us; it requires hard work and a lot of it. This has to be a priority in your home for it to become a habit. Setting aside time throughout the day or week to air out hurts or misunderstood actions, it will be a healing balm and bring everyone closer together. Who knew that conflict could be so win-win?

Collaborate:

• The easiest way to promote unity in the home by clearly defining individual’s roles within the home. Everyone has a job and a role to serve on a team. Even the littlest member can still be a huge help to the goals of the whole family. This can be taught by assigned household chores and by giving children opportunities to help out other family members. This can be as simple as helping carry the groceries in or having an older sibling mentor a younger and help them with their chores or by picking out an outfit. Praise group efforts frequently and celebrate the individual skill sets each child has that makes them excel in their assigned or assisted tasks.

Compromise:

• We all are guilty of being too focused within our own world to truly see other’s thoughts, feelings, and needs. For very young and naturally egocentric children it is even harder. Teach your Warrior the importance of compromise by respecting each other’s opinions and abilities no matter how great or small. This can be practiced by having an older child meet a younger’s needs by having them delay instant gratification to play with or help a sibling first, to cheer or praise the accomplishments of others in the family no matter how big or small, and to inquire about the best part of someone’s day before talking about their own. These are huge steps that will aid them in hearing other’s ideas and finding a happy medium that meets both individual’s needs mentally, emotionally, and physically.

     We hope that instilling these principles in your home, coupled with the month’s Warrior mat chats will help you see a huge difference in the atmosphere of your home. Teamwork isn’t something that happens overnight so don’t be discouraged. You may have some resistance at first, but as everyone learns their roles and puts in more effort everything will start to run a lot smoother. And don’t forget communication is the key! Whether it’s airing out hurt feelings or admitting we are struggling with completing assigned tasks, set aside time for your family to talk together. Sports teams meet, practice, and talk multiple times a week to be successful, so consider instilling a weekly family meeting to help everyone stay on track.

     As teamwork becomes more of a habit within your home we hope you start to reap the benefits of a stronger family unit. Working together makes everyone feel good whether you are the helper or the one being helped. And knowing that your family is open to different ideas and always safe to talk too will reap huge dividends in the tumultuous teenage years. Because the more we instill that team family is there to back you up in times of trouble the less stressful and potentially serious individual struggles are. You are the most important team in each other’s lives so go make each other stronger. Because after all… doesn’t your family deserve the best you can give them?

Happy Team Building Y’all! 

The Importance of Family Teamwork

#RaiseAWarrior

Looking for more ways to practice your teamwork? 

Step out of your element and let your Warrior show you a thing or two about martial arts

We'd love to see you on the mat!!! 

Join us on the mat each month for Family Participation Days. 

(Upcoming family participation days are September 25th and 26th) 

#FamilyTimeIsTheBestTime

Teaching Your Child To Choose Good Friends

      Friendships are an integral part of life for many of us. And whether those relationships have lasted a decade or are just newly begun we know that having friends takes a lot of work. For along with all of that fun, laughter, support, and memory making also comes the occasional conflict, hurt feelings, anger or sadness. Knowing the importance of relationships in our lives, it's important that we give our children the tools to find good friends, and become good friends themselves. Here's some good ways to start.

Start with Self Esteem

      The first step in teaching our children to be good friends is to teach them to be good to themselves. A child who is confident and comfortable with their own self worth is less like to fall into toxic relationships, to join in on bullying and to seek others to fill an emotional void within. So praise their handwork and successes. Take the time to highlight their best attributes regularly. By teaching them to be good to themselves you are also setting them up to be a great friend to others.

Model Good Friendships

      Our children are learning from us even when we feel like they aren't really paying attention. And the way we treat our peers sets the framework for how they will treat their friends. So take the time to check in, surround yourself with positive people, and invest time and energy into nurturing those meaningful friendships. They're likely to do the same.

Define A Good Friend

      There are many characteristics that make a good friend. Many of these like honesty, kindness, being a good listener are things we regularly teach our child at home. Keep up those strong character building lessons helps ensure they not only take those qualities into their interactions with the rest of the world but that they are also seeking them out. An easy way to check in is to ask your child how being around a certain friend made them feel. Do they feel built up, happy, supported and energized? Or does being around a certain person only tear them down. These questions can help your child discern whether the person they want to hang out with is a wise or poor choice. And this is such an important lesson since they will continue to choose their friends regardless of our input especially as they get older.

Exploring Common Interests

     In the beginning shared time or interest is what starts to bind budding friendships together. Maybe they're in the same class, play on the same street, are in martial arts class together, or are simply the same age. These seemingly mundane beginnings can be nurtured into the kind of friendships that keeps them joined at the hip. So help your child explore their interests and try new things. These new experiences and having things in common that they enjoy doing together can help foster many young friendships.

Appreciating the Differences

     Of course friends don't have to be alike to be successful. Every individual has special qualities they bring to the relationship. So teach your child to recognize others' unique gifts and celebrate each others differences. Point out to your child what admirable traits you notice about their friends. It will help them value and seek out those qualities in others. Plus friends who are different bring many opportunities to learn, grow and try new things. 

Teach Conflict Resolution

     Friends don't always agree or get along with each other perfectly. In order for them to be successful we have to teach our children to manage those little conflicts. Because helping our children learn how to accept responsibility for their actions, apologize and move forward are essential skills to all future relationships they will have. 

(FOR OLDER KIDS) Look at Quantity vs Quality

      As our children get older and begin to navigate the social circles of middle and high school their view of friendship can start to shift. The "in" thing becomes more about popularity than creating deep and meaningful bonds. So help your child understand the difference in quantity vs quality of friends. And encourage them to seek out the latter because it is much more valuable and worthwhile friend to have.

     Bottom line is we cannot choose our child's friends for them their whole life. I mean you can try, but that historically never goes well. So whether you like your child's friends or are concerned about them focus on being a positive influence. And remember you can start instilling this friendship framework and mentality no matter where you are in your journey. So open a dialogue with your child on what makes a good friend. Check in with them on how they feel after spending time with someone. And always embody the values you want your child to seek out. Just by your family living your life and having their friends over (even if they aren't your favorite) you can be an influence for good.

#RaiseAWarrior 

 

A Warrior Parent's Guide to Handling Bullies

    

     When we sit down with our parents and students who struggle with bullies we realize that some important pillars of self defense are unknown or often overlooked by the well meaning adults in a child's life. We see courtesy and respect reports regularly that state "he won't hit back", or "she's afraid to defend herself." We do not want hitting to be your child's first response to bullying. We do not teach that. Unless someone is physically attacking you, most bullying situations can be resolved through these steps below. It takes a lot more courage to try these overlooked pillars of self defense than it does to get into a school yard scuffle. It also allows your Warrior to stand up for other bullied children without resorting to physical offense and the repercussions of the school system's zero tolerance stance that is guaranteed to follow. We've seen these steps do a lot of good in countless lives and we hope that by sharing this it will help all our Warrior families prevent bullying and handle it more effectively should they encounter it.

Be Assertive

     Bullies seek out an easy target they can intimidate. They are counting on the victim to say or do nothing about the bullying. Shutting down a bully can be as simple as telling them to "Stop!" or that you 'will tell an adult.' This cannot be done in a meek or timid voice. It cannot sound like a plea. The bully wants their victim to sound scared or beg. They want that power. So the first pillar of self defense is to 

(1) BE ASSERTIVE AND DON'T GIVE THE BULLY THE POWER THEY WANT

When a warrior speaks with confidence and the bully understands your child means business and will not easily be cowed, often that is enough. Why try and get a rise from a little warrior when there are easier children to pick on? So practice assertive and confident language. Utilize it in your home every chance you get. It is a skill who's benefits extend far beyond grade school self defense. 

Verbally De-escalate 

     Many bullies attack very real flaws that we are already aware of. We know if we are slow, fat, dumb, have pimples, if our Momma is fat, or if our parent's are getting a divorce. We know it. This isn't the first time we've heard or thought these things. The bully is trying to get an emotional response out of us so they feel powerful and in control. So the next pillar of self defense is to verbally de-escalate a bullying situation by

(2) MAKING A JOKE OR AGREEING WITH THE BULLY

For some of the funnier class clown types this response to bullying comes natural. But whether this comes naturally or is a little force it demonstrates a lot of confidence. You have to be confident and very secure in yourself to not be bothered when someone points out a flaw or weakness. You have to be a warrior and more in control of yourself and your emotions so you don't give into the easier knee jerk emotional response to a hurtful truth. When you can laugh or agree with a bully, it diffuses the power they thought they had. It can catch them off guard and makes their methods ineffective. 

Walk Away

     Bullies win when they gain a response from their victims or when they have an audience who makes them feel powerful. We all know how awful it is to be ignored or experience a cold shoulder. So our third self defense pillar is to 

(3) WALK AWAY WITH YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH

We need our kids to understand that walking away from pointless confrontation isn't cowardly, it's mature. A Warrior fights for things that are right and worth his (or her's) time. They do not stoop to the bully's level. So ignore them and proudly walk away. There is nothing that says you have to stay and listen to their garbage. And with no one to listen to them, or make them feel powerful a bully can quickly move on to other targets.

Use Physical Self Defense
     When all alternatives to physical confrontation have been exhausted, or if you are being physically harmed then it is important that a Little Warrior knows to trust and use their training. Sometimes you just can't avoid a fight. 

(4) YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO DEFEND YOURSELF AND STAND UP FOR WHAT IS RIGHT 

You can and should defend yourself physically if you are being attacked physically. But it is also important that your Warrior has a realistic expectation about the consequences that will follow. If your Warrior uses self defense, even if it is justified, there is a high probability that they will punished along with the bully. This is because of school's stand on bullying and fighting. It is very hard to prove to an outsider who the aggressor is when it comes to a school yard brawl. So be prepared for the 

                                              likelihood of some scholastic repercussions.

     Bottom line is that as parents we pray our little one is never faced with bullying or having to utilize their self defense skill. However, it never hurts to be prepared. Having an anti-bullying action plan in place before such a thing occurs goes a long way towards preventing it from becoming prolonged or going too far. 

#RaiseAWarrior