A Warrior Parent's Guide to Handling Bullies

    

     When we sit down with our parents and students who struggle with bullies we realize that some important pillars of self defense are unknown or often overlooked by the well meaning adults in a child's life. We see courtesy and respect reports regularly that state "he won't hit back", or "she's afraid to defend herself." We do not want hitting to be your child's first response to bullying. We do not teach that. Unless someone is physically attacking you, most bullying situations can be resolved through these steps below. It takes a lot more courage to try these overlooked pillars of self defense than it does to get into a school yard scuffle. It also allows your Warrior to stand up for other bullied children without resorting to physical offense and the repercussions of the school system's zero tolerance stance that is guaranteed to follow. We've seen these steps do a lot of good in countless lives and we hope that by sharing this it will help all our Warrior families prevent bullying and handle it more effectively should they encounter it.

Be Assertive

     Bullies seek out an easy target they can intimidate. They are counting on the victim to say or do nothing about the bullying. Shutting down a bully can be as simple as telling them to "Stop!" or that you 'will tell an adult.' This cannot be done in a meek or timid voice. It cannot sound like a plea. The bully wants their victim to sound scared or beg. They want that power. So the first pillar of self defense is to 

(1) BE ASSERTIVE AND DON'T GIVE THE BULLY THE POWER THEY WANT

When a warrior speaks with confidence and the bully understands your child means business and will not easily be cowed, often that is enough. Why try and get a rise from a little warrior when there are easier children to pick on? So practice assertive and confident language. Utilize it in your home every chance you get. It is a skill who's benefits extend far beyond grade school self defense. 

Verbally De-escalate 

     Many bullies attack very real flaws that we are already aware of. We know if we are slow, fat, dumb, have pimples, if our Momma is fat, or if our parent's are getting a divorce. We know it. This isn't the first time we've heard or thought these things. The bully is trying to get an emotional response out of us so they feel powerful and in control. So the next pillar of self defense is to verbally de-escalate a bullying situation by

(2) MAKING A JOKE OR AGREEING WITH THE BULLY

For some of the funnier class clown types this response to bullying comes natural. But whether this comes naturally or is a little force it demonstrates a lot of confidence. You have to be confident and very secure in yourself to not be bothered when someone points out a flaw or weakness. You have to be a warrior and more in control of yourself and your emotions so you don't give into the easier knee jerk emotional response to a hurtful truth. When you can laugh or agree with a bully, it diffuses the power they thought they had. It can catch them off guard and makes their methods ineffective. 

Walk Away

     Bullies win when they gain a response from their victims or when they have an audience who makes them feel powerful. We all know how awful it is to be ignored or experience a cold shoulder. So our third self defense pillar is to 

(3) WALK AWAY WITH YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH

We need our kids to understand that walking away from pointless confrontation isn't cowardly, it's mature. A Warrior fights for things that are right and worth his (or her's) time. They do not stoop to the bully's level. So ignore them and proudly walk away. There is nothing that says you have to stay and listen to their garbage. And with no one to listen to them, or make them feel powerful a bully can quickly move on to other targets.

Use Physical Self Defense
     When all alternatives to physical confrontation have been exhausted, or if you are being physically harmed then it is important that a Little Warrior knows to trust and use their training. Sometimes you just can't avoid a fight. 

(4) YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO DEFEND YOURSELF AND STAND UP FOR WHAT IS RIGHT 

You can and should defend yourself physically if you are being attacked physically. But it is also important that your Warrior has a realistic expectation about the consequences that will follow. If your Warrior uses self defense, even if it is justified, there is a high probability that they will punished along with the bully. This is because of school's stand on bullying and fighting. It is very hard to prove to an outsider who the aggressor is when it comes to a school yard brawl. So be prepared for the 

                                              likelihood of some scholastic repercussions.

     Bottom line is that as parents we pray our little one is never faced with bullying or having to utilize their self defense skill. However, it never hurts to be prepared. Having an anti-bullying action plan in place before such a thing occurs goes a long way towards preventing it from becoming prolonged or going too far. 

#RaiseAWarrior