Helping Your Child Succeed During The School Year & Beyond

 

            Another school year has begun and while grades are a concern for future us we know how important it is for our children to do well academically. While bad grades aren’t necessarily a determinate of how your child’s future will shape out it does denote a certain lack of prioritizing, time management, self-discipline, dedication, and hard work. All of which are life changing skills that if mastered help your growing child be successful. This week we wanted to talk about positive ways you can help your child motivate themselves to do better in school rather than trying to force it.

Introducing the "When you" rule

            Sometimes we don’t have the necessary discipline to be self-starters, the same is true for our children especially when it comes to homework. The “when you” rule can help build that skill and it’s the sort of real-world consequences our child needs to recognize. For example for us the rule is when we work we get paid. Our actions in the beginning lead to positive consequences later. So how does that work in your home? Start saying things like “When your homework is completed, we can discuss you going to that sleep over” or “When you finish studying you are welcome to play video games, outside, with your friend, etc.” Then stick to your guns and do what you said. No video games until homework. No talking of birthday parties, ice cream, or sleep overs until that assignment is done. Your child must learn to delay gratification and do their work before they get to play and this is a great tip to help them do just that.

Create structure

            Your child’s homework and bad grades are not your responsibility after a certain age. It is their job, but you can help structure their day to help them succeed. This requires a little acknowledgement that each of our children are different. Some kids need a little down time to decompress before they focus again, for some that de-rails them and they will never be able to get back into work mode. Use who your child is help them create an After School schedule and routines. Do they need a snack first? Can they do it in a centralized area or is that too distracting? Does doing homework on their bed lead to a nap or endless scrolling? Do they need device free periods set aside to succeed? I mean if schools have no device times so can your home. Work with your child to find what works best for them within the bounds of what you can handle to enforce.

Break assignments into manageable pieces

            I am a pro-procrastinator unless I immediately break big projects into smaller pieces with little deadlines. That took a lot of trial and error to learn. Sometimes our kids take charge and can tackle big assignments with little aid but sometimes this isn’t a skill that comes naturally and they might need some help turning weaker traits of their personality into strengths. When they get new assignments talk to them about it. Communicate and see if your child feels they need help breaking an assignment into smaller pieces or if they want to try and manage it themselves. Then let it be. Once you decide on a plan see it through for better or worse. You are there to teach them not micromanage everything they do. Good grades aren’t truly their success if you had to plead and fight them every step of the way. Introduce them to various tools to help with this and discover what methods mesh with them and which ones do not for example I am a pen to paper always kind of person. Digital is good for reminders of things out of the norm like doctor’s appointment, but I do much better if everything else involves me writing it down and making a plan or lists of what I need to accomplish.

Don't over function for your child

            It is nerve wracking and frustrating to see your child struggle, not take something seriously and not fulfill their potential. You may feel pressure that your child’s lack of good grades reflects poorly on you as a parent. In response we go into overdrive to cope with our feelings of shame, embarrassment, and failure. Resist the temptation. Your anxiety and over functioning projected on your child doesn’t help them or you function better. In fact, it often causes things to go downhill even faster. Give your child a framework or model of successful structure and then let them do the work. They must bear the consequences, good or bad, to grow. You are a coach in the sidelines. You give direction and set the strategy, but you cannot make the play yourself. Failure is a natural part of growing up and learning. ‘Protecting’ your child from failure isn’t for their benefit, but rather our own feelings and insecurities.

Final thoughts don't obsess over the future

                It is easy for our fears and concerns about our child’s education to fast forward to the future. I don’t know about you, but my crystal ball isn’t working so I choose to ignore it and not play the what if game. Hyper focusing on the negative things your child is doing is tricky because it can cause us to lose sight of the positives and sets us both up for a long and difficult journey. One bad grade isn’t an indicator of your child’s entire future. If there are several it might be time to check in with them and their teacher as well as yourself and where your family is at. Often grades reflect what stressors are going on in life. We will all have our share of highs and lows. Being a good human isn’t academics or success so keep the big picture in mind. Is your child helpful, kind, hardworking, teachable? Those traits can propel them through the natural highs and lows of academics and life. Those traits are more important than a single B or not being Valedictorian. I literally failed college tennis, but it wasn’t a stumbling block for me just a blip. Breathe Warrior parents. You’ve got this and so does your growing Warrior.

 #RaiseAWarrior