A More Positive Way to Discipline

Ever wished your kiddo came with a remote control? Volume off button? Or a user manual? Trust me we've all been there. Sometimes you just have to escape reality for a moment with these kind of impossible day dreams. Because being a parent and Raising a Warrior is hard. I get it. We give them so much of our time, our day, our life and they push and push us until we just blow. Sometimes we yell. We always regret it, but we don't really have another tool that works when things get hot and tempers flare. 

But the truth is we know that yelling isn't okay to use for disciplining our child regularly. Yelling teaches a child that it's okay to use aggression to manage their issues with others. And I don't know about you, but that is definitely not the kind of trait we are trying to permanently instill. So this week's blog offers a more positive way to discipline. You don't have to yell. There is hope and a better way to keep things from getting to that point. So here are some excellent positive disciplining tools that we try to use in the Academy every day.

Offer choices:

Ever given your child a command and got a "no" as a response? It just makes your blood boil doesn't it? Rather than delve into this messy and dissatisfying power struggle realize there is a better way. Children have very little control of their life. They don't get to choose their food, what the schedule will be like, when they go to bed, or much of anything. So when bluntly ordered about they take a stand and try to show some autonomy. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can be very trying for us as parents. So instead of matching wills with your child offer them a choice. Even something as simple as "would you like to put your jammies on first or brush your teeth" allows them to exert some control in their life. We use it with punishments all the time. "Would you like to take a nap or write sentences?" It is very effective. Just make sure you can live with both decisions regardless of what they choose. And here's to less defiance in the future.

Create a yes environment:

How many times do you say "no" to your child throughout the day? Now consider how many times you say yes... there's a big difference between the two. The more we say "no" to our child in our day to day lives the less meaning it has and the more likely they are to ignore it. So work to make your home a "yes" environment. I'm not saying let them run the roost. But it is beneficial to give them a chance to try things and express their individuality within safe limits. Rather than saying "no" to a child who wants to spend the night at a friends, create a sleep over guideline, and if they violate that agreement and don't respect the boundaries it's buh-bye sleepover fun. This same plan works when teens want to drive, youth who want to go to the mall alone, etc. The less you automatically say "no" in day to day the more likely they are to pay attention when you do say it. 

Focus on how to set it right:

We often respond negatively to our child's mistakes. It's kind of our knee jerk parenting reaction. We say "No hitting," "Don't name call," "No pushing." But all of these "no's" don't teach our child the solution that should replace their behavior. It's okay to say "we don't hit" or "no hitting" you just have to follow it up with the solution as well, like "we use our words instead." This formula of correction clearly sets the boundaries and expectations for your child. And it also gives them a formula for success in the future. It's not guaranteed that you won't have to say "no" several times to get it to sink in, but you definitely won't be saying it for the rest of eternity. 

Check how you view mistakes:

Have you ever been around those parent's who call their child "bad" or "mean." This is such a terrible thing to say to a child. Even in moments of anger, the words we use to describe our child are fundamental in how they begin to view themselves. They aren't "bad." It is their behavior that is unacceptable, not them. And you cannot stress this enough during these formative years. So make sure, even in anger, you keep these goals in mind. It will go a long way towards helping your Little Warrior be confident and to continually keep building positive relationships with your little.

Be consistent:

Consistency is key when it comes to discipline. And it helps your child understand and learn what is and isn't acceptable. Without a consistent message from us, their parents, how can they know how to behave? We learn from our mistakes and we move past them. A kid with inconsistent consequences won't be able to do this. So set them up for success and be consistent in your discipline. Even when you're busy, or tired, or frustrated. It matters more than the rest of these all combined.

We've seen these changes to discipline work wonders for us and we hope they help your home life too! Keep it up parenting warriors! You're awesome!

#RaiseAWarrior