How Far Can A Child Go?

     I was watching a video the other day titled the Greatest Lesson for Parents. As someone who prides themselves in raising warriors and helping parents achieve this goal I was intrigued. In this video a well spoken woman was advocating for loving children and the celebration of being ordinary. At first glance, this video seemed a sentimental thought that I could get behind, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I fundamentally disagreed with her message. I mean yes, we should always love and celebrate our child in each stage of life. And no matter what they choose to do or be nothing can change that parental bond, that desire to be their cheerleader and encourage them. But one thing she said struck me as inherently wrong. I will love my children even if they are ordinary, but just because that is a fact doesn't mean I am willing to settle for that. I am not going to let my child be comfortable identifying as mundane or average. I am going to push them until they are their best self. And the truth is I have an obligation as a good parent to do so.

     Children are in a continual stage of learning and growth. They will not bathe regularly, eat healthy meals, or go to school unless we make them. So in answer to how far can a child go? That truly depends on us, their parents. We have to push our children consistently, we have to show them the way over and over again. That is the ONLY way for them to achieve their full potential. And this isn't a lesson they master by age 5 or 6. This is a lifetime journey and commitment for us as parents.


     With that being said why should you push your child to not quit sports, master an instrument, shoot for valedictorian, or become a Junior Black Belt? Why should we not settle for ordinary and push them on towards extraordinary? We've said before you don't get diamonds without a little pressure and the truth is children are the same way. So here are some reasons to push your child to be a Junior Black Belt, even though it is hard, intimidating, and a huge commitment.

Rite of Passage:

     Society has stepped away from rites of passage. It used to be the norm. A giant push that showed you were maturing and stepping away from the comforts of childhood. Now so few get to experience that emotional test of one's determination and heart. And today we live in a very competitive world. As parents, it is our job to help our children see that no matter the obstacle they can overcome. Working for and then testing for their Junior Black Belt shows a child they can go beyond what they initially thought was achievable. It is a rite of passage that shows them horizons can always be reached and broadened. And those lessons and that new found belief and pride in self is priceless in a competitive society. It forever changes them for the better.

Investment:

     Martial arts is more than another sports activity. It is an investment in healthier habits, our child's safety, and their future. We live in a dangerous world. It is sad, but true. You teach a child to swim not because you have an incessant fear of drowning, but because it is a useful skill set, makes them more capable, and so they can protect themselves if needed. Self defense goes the same way. A Black Belt does not guarantee they won't be bullied or picked on, but it gives them another skill set and a tool that they can utilize if needed. And it goes so far beyond that. Instilling healthy habits of exercise, discipline, hard work, and goal setting prepares your child for the road ahead. It truly is an investment in the quality of their character. And that alone is worth the work of encouraging your child to persevere, making them go to class when they don't want to, and working with them outside of class on that vocabulary and running.

Confidence:

     Martial arts is hard. Testing in front of a panel is intimidating. You finally master something and the bar is raised even higher. You're learning to be in healthy competition with your own worst enemy... yourself. Martial arts teaches you how to grow through wins and to handle life's frequent set backs. That first spin kick will have them land flat on their back. But that is okay, because they are learning that nothing can truly knock them down so long as they keep getting back up. There is a huge focus on leadership in class. You have to be prepared to be pulled up unexpectedly to demonstrate in front of the whole class, or having to assist your class mates with material they haven't quite mastered. All of this works together to foster a sense of capability and confidence in the face of trials. And this is such an important lesson to master before they leave the safety of our homes. Confidence is one of those things that can make or break you in the professional world, and Black Belts have that.

Discipline:

     Outside of school and some extracurriculars kids don't really have to sacrifice or prioritize their time. Free time is theirs to do whatever they wish with. And while school and other activities does require a modicum of discipline it is completely guided up through high school and due to an avoidance of unwanted consequences. To test for Jr Black Belt you have to do some work outside of class. You have to run, work on your push ups, study history, learn vocabulary, and attend as many classes as possible. This requires sacrifice. To play video games and watch Netflix or to take some time and study. To get ready to test requires self discipline. And self discipline is how we create good habits, set goals, crush them, and become successful. Because once a child has left the safety of home, no one will push them to do what is needed, it will be entirely up to them.

So how far can a child go?

     The answer is all the way!!!

     ...IF you are willing to help and guide them. A Junior Black Belt test is a rite of passage. It is so much more than just another belt. It's a raising of the bar and expectations. It is a test of skill, knowledge, and more importantly heart. It's being forced to push through hard days with the never ending goal of becoming more than they were yesterday. And it is a journey they cannot make alone. Because behind every Black Belt student there is a black belt parent who signed them up, pushed them, cheered for them, and didn't ever let them give up. So no matter where you and your Warrior are in your martial arts journey we are grateful for you and honored that you trust us to help them become the amazing young men and women we know they are going to be!

#RaiseAWarrior 

Combating Social Media Peer Pressure

     Magazines, television shows, and advertising have long been criticized for the dangerously unrealistic standards they set for our youth. Today, however, these impossible standards are an issue much closer to home. Social media has allowed us to view not just celebrities and models in an unrealistic light, but also our classmates and friends. Social media allows us to share an in your face highlights reel of our life. There is no evidence of the struggles, efforts, or hum drum to do's of day to day life. Social media isn't meant for that. And so our children from the second they start to discover YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat etc are bombarded with only the best and most enviable moments from the lives of their peers. Toddlers watch videos of other's opening new toys for hours on end whilst our older children see the movie, Plex and shopping outings that their friends seem to go on weekly. With these skewed peeks into another's life it is easy to see where the pressure for perfectionism and appearances that is distressing so many of today's youth comes from. It is easy for us to see that Social media has allowed peer pressure and insecurity to take root in a whole new insidious way.


     Now does the thought of your young child being bombarded with and having to fend off the nagging pressure of social media make your heart sink just a little? Don't give up Warrior parents! This is an unavoidable part of growing up in today's generation. No matter how well meaning our restrictions and device rules are between school systems, video games, spending time with friends, etc they will be exposed to the seemingly picture perfect and successful lives of others. We cannot stop that. We can, however, get ahead of it and start acting today to prevent it from actually causing harm to our child's self esteem. 

Stop negative self talk:

     Our internal dialogue is so important to our day to day happiness. What we think determines how we feel and that in turn determines our response and actions. And once your inner critic has found it's voice it is so hard to consciously change it. So don't negatively talk about yourself in front of your child. Model a healthier response to life's inevitable setbacks and failure. Last week we talked about children being like mirrors and reflecting both our best and worst traits back at us. So shoot for only the best. Change the way you talk about yourself. It will do wonders for both you and your child. If your child's inner voice is negative than unrealistic social media pressure will make them feel more insecure and unhappy about their current situation. The healthier the internal dialogue, the stronger the sense of self worth. That strong foundation of confidence makes it that much harder for a little Insta picture or the number of Snapchat story views to affect them.

Cultivate an unshakable sense of belonging:

     One of the problems with today's technology raised generations is that they aren't as genuinely connected to others. The connection allowed us by Facebook and other platforms is an illusion, when in truth we are more isolated by technology than ever before. So how do you combat the loneliness and feelings of being dis-included that social media presents. In previous generations if you weren't invited to a kid's birthday party you didn't know or wouldn't find out until far after the fact. Now not being invited to an event is a very in your face experience because everyone is streaming, posting, and sharing their obvious joy at being there. So cultivate an unshakable sense of belonging in your home. Give your little warrior a place that is a refuge from the world where they always belong. It will go a long ways towards building memorable family experiences and combating the ever present
                                                                                                                    sense of exclusion that social media presents.

Use descriptive praise:

      We, as parents, primarily shape and promote our child's self esteem from a very young age. Our words have such a great impact on how a child feels about themselves. That is true power. So when you notice your child is doing something good, mention it to them. We are quick to express corrections and negative feelings, but for every single negative there should also be a positive to build them back up. This isn't to say praise emptily for the sake of it to make up for the fact that you were reprimanding their bad behavior not 5 minutes ago. But try to be more specific with your praise. Focus on a specific admirable trait that their actions represent rather than the stereotypical and inane "good job!". Children remember the positive and negative things we say to them. It is part of what shapes how they feel about themselves. If we refer to our child as 'stupid' because math homework is taking forever they will grow up believing it. Whereas if we praise their perseverance and hard work even when a subject is hard they will view themselves in a whole other light. So be a little choosier with your praise Warrior parents! It will go far towards aiding at all stages of childhood and those teenage years.

Stay in the know with current social media trends: 

     When you decide to make that leap and allow your child more freedom on social media and search engines do so with the expectation that you will be involved. For their safety and your sanity. Check in. Show interest. Ask about their newest apps, likes, etc. Create accounts and be their cyber friend and sideline protector. Have them share with you the most interesting thing they saw on the internet today. And always stay up to date on the newest trends. Snapchat seems cute and harmless enough, but did you know that it shares your location, down to the street name with fellow snap friends unless you disable this setting and put your child in ghost mode? Are you aware that adults are putting inappropriate content in the middle of uploaded kids shows and clips on Youtube? Have you researched the seemingly harmless karaoke apps like Musically and Smule? While it is advertised for children 9+ there is no way 
to have a private account and you can literally be contacted or connected to 
another 'live stream karaoke video' with any other user no matter the age or intent.

     The bottom line is that social media is ever changing how our children grow up and what they are exposed to. We have to change and adapt just as quickly. You want to hope that by the time your little one has their first social media account their sense of self worth is stable enough for them to objectively evaluate the things shared by peers and the pressure that peers can unknowingly put on them. You want to believe their communication skills, grasp of personal values and sense of right and wrong is enough. But parents, hope without a plan is just a wish. Don't just hope. Be confident in their upbringing and the courage of their convictions. That confidence comes from time on task and reps burned in preparation of the challenges to come. So start today! Don't let social media have any power or say in the type of person your child will be. You are in control. So raise strong warriors! And then you can step back, and relax knowing you've done all you could to prepare them for the challenges of living in this age and world.

#RaiseAWarrior

Our Children Are Mirrors

      If someone were to describe you what traits would you be recognized for? I mean truly what would your co-workers say about you? Your friends and family? Who do they see you as? If we then had someone describe your child this same way what words would be used? Would your child's teacher praise them as kind and caring? A dependable leader? Or would the words strong willed or class clown more adequately be used? It's true they are still young and growing so that can change, but who they are right now turns into the adult they will become. That's powerful. That shapes there entire future so it makes you wonder is there a link between who you are and who they are becoming?

     The truth is our children are mirrors. They don't just share our genetics, they reflect our gestures, our language, our point of view, and our strong character traits. The fact that modeling is such an effective teacher can be great news for us as parents. It means that our child will learn simply by observing. They will see how you carry yourself in the world and they will try to emulate that. But modeling can also be a very unforgiving teacher. For it teaches a child your best and worst behaviors indiscriminately, the ones you carefully practice and the one's you're barely aware of. These behaviors and habits then become a part of the foundation that carries them into adulthood. 

     If we view parenting in this light it is easy to see that the problem and the solution lies within us. So how do we ensure we are modeling the best traits we can for our children? I mean we all know we have to prepare our child to face the increasing responsibilities that accompany adulthood. But how do we make that leap? 

     The secret lies in teaching them to be dependable through our words, actions, and deeds. Dependability, whether it is at work, home, school, or on the football field, quickly makes you one of the most valuable team members in a group. It makes you stand out above the rest and leads to positive recognition that can push you forward in every aspect of your life. And it definitely doesn't happen overnight. Raising dependable little warriors takes time. It is a lesson that will require a whole lot of patience, persistence, and most importantly a great example from you. And it is pivotal to their future success. So here are some great ways to foster dependability in your home...

Nurture their willingness to help:

     Kids (especially the younger ones) love to help! We are their heroes and they want to be just like us. So let them help (even if it adds time to your daily tasks) because they are trying to be like you. And that can be an amazing thing. They may not master the task immediately, but it is an excellent exercise in initiative and with encouragement they will begin to take pride in their ability to help others. That sense of pride in a job well done then in turn becomes a pride in being reliable and counted upon (i.e. dependability!)

Everyone does chores:

     Chores are great because they foster a culture of responsibility. They help make dependability the normal atmosphere of the home. Those norms then become ingrained in your child's character and guides them as they head out into the world as adults. So start with something small. Give chores a chance to teach that we all depend on each other in a family unit and that everyone (no matter their capabilities) has a role to play and is valuable. As the child masters these smaller obligations, their capability and belief in their ability to manage greater tasks increases and is regularly exercised. 

Model dependability in everything you do:

     This is the hardest one Warrior parents. Because modeling is how our little ones learn the commonly touted "do as I say, not as I do" won't be enough when it comes to raising a Warrior. So if you want these things to be important to your child, you have to live up to the same standard. To nurture their willingness to help, we have to be an example of that selfless willingness to aid others. We have to follow through on the commitments we make, no matter how big or small. Even if unexpected inconvenience or sacrifice is now required. It is the only way for our children to recognize the importance of being dependable and keeping the promises they make.

     Raising a warrior begins and ends with us Warrior parents. So if you don't love the 'reflection' you see in your little one, take a peek at yourself and those consistently around them. Odds are they're modeling these behaviors from one of us, so be careful.

#RaiseAWarrior 

Instructor Spotlight: Mr. Paul

Mr. Paul is AWESOME! 

He may be one of our newer instructors, but his big heart and easy smile 

make him an amazing member of our team!

Mr. Paul strives to teach our Little Warriors:

"To be themselves and always strive to work hard! 

They may not pursue martial arts as a career path, 

but these lessons will take them far in life."

The kiddos love Mr. Paul because:

He is always ready to offer a fist bump of encouragement

He has the greatest attitude and energy, he is literally upbeat 24/7

He does whatever he can to make everyone feel special

A few of Mr. Paul's favorite things:

Wolves, homemade ravioli, listening to and making music, the color gray, and MARTIAL ARTS!

A little bit more about Mr. Paul:

Mr. Paul can't make up his mind on a favorite martial arts technique because his goal is to "be the best he can at everything." We love how he is always striving to do and be more as an individual, a martial artist, a friend, and an instructor. Mr. Paul said his favorite Warrior virtue is honor and we loved his simple reasoning behind it: "without honor to our family and our blessings what else do we have?" Mr. Paul has been a light of joy and gratitude since joining us here at Warrior's Way and we count ourselves lucky to have him. He truly wants to be the best leader for our students that he can be and he is definitely on mission when it comes to raising warriors

Mr. Paul you're a rock star!

#RaiseAWarrior