Parenting has never been black and white. And with so many different approaches to parenting it is only natural for parents (no matter the dynamic) to not always see eye to eye on how to best discipline your child. This is expected because you are different people who will naturally approach parenting differently at times. Unfortunately when we disagree on parenting it can quickly make an already difficult situation worse. And to argue about discipline in front of your child undermines your authority and shifts the focus from where it should be - your child's unacceptable behavior.
So no matter which side of the parenting fence you are on (gentler or more stern parenting methodologies) here are some reasons why it is essential to parent as a unified front and some basic rules for how to handle those sticky moments when you just don't agree on what to do next when parenting your child.
Why Consistent Parenting Is Key
- It Instills Good Moral Character And Is Easy To Follow: A lack of consistent discipline between parents causes uncertainty in children. It makes them unsure of the rules. Because they no longer know what matters, and what doesn't they cannot internalize the moral lesson that should be behind the discipline. This lack of understanding hinders growth and can also contribute to further behavioral issues in the future.
- It Prevents Your Child From Getting Out Of Consequences: Inconsistent parenting also teaches your child how to get around a parenting decision. Because when parents fight over discipline, the focus is no longer on the child or on their behavior. And kids are really smart. They see this as an opportunity to twist the situation in their favor. Either by playing on parent off the other, or by getting one of you to become their ally and take their side. In moments of confrontation the more unified argument typically wins so make sure the unified front is you two (or more) together as parents.
How To Blend Different Parenting Styles
- Have Each Other's Back: In front of your child you have to back each other up, even if you disagree about the methods or punishment. Focus on presenting yourselves as a unified team to your child to help improve your authority. You can always discuss alternate methods of handling things when you're more calm and out of earshot of your child.
- Explore Why You Disagree: The greatest influence on how we discipline is our own experience with our parents. Some of us seek to emulate their style and some of us want to do the exact opposite. So if you find a topic you are strongly disagreeing on consider where the other is coming from and whether that method of discipline was successful or if there is room to improve. Sometimes we can come up with a plan together through exploration and introspection. Other times we may need to increase our knowledge and seek outside opinions.
- Agree On Consequences Before They Are Needed: It is easy to disagree when you are parenting on the fly, so coming up with house rules and consequences before they are needed are key. Sometimes you may encounter something you didn't necessarily plan for so having a signal only your partner understands can help you both reconvene and come up with a solution in private.
