Raise a Warrior: The Preemptive Anti-Bully Plan

     Bullying is a hot topic and definitely more common than before. Some attribute this to the growing entitlement of newer generations. Some attribute it to social media and schools really pushing it and keeping it on everyone's radar. No matter the cause, we want to do best by our little one's and make sure to do our part. So how do we preemptively avoid being targeted by bullies or even the fake friends and "meanies" we touched on last week? The answer is within the ideal of raise a warrior. Warrior's are strong. They have a foundation of self worth and strong belief in what's right. They are growing into the leaders our future needs. And they are not an easy target. So here are some great things you can start practicing in your home that will help prevent your Little Warrior from being targeted by bullies:

Talk about Bullies:

     The thing about bullying is that children who aren't prepared to handle a bully often become targeted for this exact reason. And if children are unprepared to deal with or recognize the signs of bullying than it can extend for far too long before it is brought to an adult's attention. So talk about bullies. Talk to them about what bullying looks like and why it's wrong. Review it before the start of every new school year or grade change. Teach them the to recognize meanies, bullies, and the whole lot of unkind people that exist out there. 

We believe a child armed with knowledge of the reality of the world isn't scared, they're prepared.

Teach them their worth:

     We all know bullies target kids with low self esteem. And we see on your courtesy and respect sheets that the number one thing most Little Warrior's struggle with is confidence. So how does a Warrior parent combat that? The best thing we've found is to begin early and really focus on developing your child's innate sense of worth and confident body language. Having that firm foundation allows them to instantly recognize when something is not right and bring it to an adult. We have to model this love of self and confidence in our homes. Plus the confident posture and behavior marks them as a harder target and tends to keep bullies away in the first place. It's part of why things like eye contact, respectful assertiveness, and leadership are such huge factors in our program. 

Stay in a group:

     This one seems like a no-brainer to us adults, but you will be amazed at how many kiddos are surprised by this concept and it's results. The truth is that surrounding yourself with good people is always worthwhile. When others hold the same values as you they aren't likely to interact with or tolerate toxic people like bullies. So help them cultivate awesome friends! Teach them to seek out morale warriors, and to surround themselves with strong like minded leaders. Even one healthy friendship goes a long way towards being an anti-bully shield.

Have open communication always:

      A lot of bullying goes unreported. And it is heartbreaking to imagine our little ones going at it alone when bullying is likely to continue or escalate. The reason this happens is because bullies primarily work with fear. The threat of something worse or unknown is so much scarier than the tolerable place where a bully and a child are now. So the bullied suffer silently. They're afraid they'll let us down, that their friends will look differently at them, that they'll get in trouble with us or the schools. Some kids are even afraid that their martial arts instructors will be mad at them for 'fighting.' This couldn't be further from the truth. So check in often. Make sure your child see's you as a judgement free zone they can bounce ideas off of. It will save you both a lot of pain in the long run, because you don't have to fear that bullying is occurring in secret. 

We know these steps don't guarantee your child's scholastic experience will be bully free, but raising a warrior pays such priceless dividends in so many ways. So persevere Warrior parents! And if you're having problems with bullies, or meanies, or anything in between we're in your corner and have your back.

#RaiseAWarrior

Meanies Vs. Bullies: A Warrior's Guide

     Bullying is at the forefront of constant news stories today. We have become a culture of whistle blowers who proudly tout ourselves, along with the school system, as zero tolerance. And yet bullying continues to happen every day. We hear about it from you and your kiddos all the time. But when we look deeper into each of these situations a trend starts to become apparent. The term bullying is being used to liberally. Every little mean thing that happens in today’s school system has become bullying. But this watering down of bullying is not in fact addressing the underlying problem.

    So what is bullying truly? Well it definitely is not meanness. And this is an important distinction. Because we want our children to grow up and be strong. We want them to be able to recognize the meanness that people put out into the world and to be able to cope with it. And we want them to be able to recognize a true bully for what they are and stand up against them. This has to be our goal. Or else the real victims of bullying can never be helped. If the system is so backed up with every school yard meanie then the true bullies get to continue unchecked. We have to be the change. Stopping bullying begins in our homes. We are the first line of defense. And every character trait we impart to our Little Warriors starts that change and strengthens their ability to handle conflict and navigate relationships.

     Enter the classic meanie. Meanies are awful to deal with, but they are truly an opportunity for you child to grow. Overcoming meanies allows a child to learn how not to treat other people, to learn empathy, honesty, bravery, and to recognize true friendship. We don't want our kids to hurt, but life is tough and toxic relationships exist. We parents have a responsibility to prepare our kids for the real world. And meanness is a normal part of the real world. If we shield our child from every kid who calls them stupid, ostracizes them, hurts their feelings, spreads rumors, or is only a conditional friend; we are setting them up for failure. 

     So how do we help our child vanquish the meanies in their life? How do we help them recognize and navigate conditional or fake friends, frenemies, and the other forms of relational meanness that commonly occurs during early school years. Kids as young as 5 are constantly coming to us upset because 'little Billy is bullying them because they played during recess, but were ignored in favor of another friend at lunch.' These inconsistencies are perplexing, but not actually harmful in a lasting or physical sense. Because it 

isn't bullying. Friends come and go. It's a fact of life. It hurts when a friend isn't genuine or true, 

but these struggles continue even into adulthood. So if your child is feeling 'bullied' by the classic 

mean friend here are some tips on how to work through this and be there for your Little Warrior.

Be Confident: 

     Meanies make other's feel inferior. They reinforce the negative things we see and feel about ourselves. They're great at this because there was a time when they were nice and got to know us. This cycle of put down friendship continues far longer than it should because it reinforces the negative dialogue and insecurities we all struggle with, no matter the age. So reinforce all the positive traits your child has to offer a true friend. Combat this put-down meanie with an unbreakable armor of confidence. Your Warrior needs to know that no one deserves to be treated poorly. And as their confidence grows they will start to see this 'friend' for what they truly are... fake, mean, controlling, and not worth their time.

Find True Friends:

     Meanies are able to continue their behavior because they have a passive audience. As long as none of the friends in the group speak out and as long as your Warrior continues to endure and seek out friendship with the meanie this behavior will continue indefinitely. A Warrior has to show the meanie that their behavior is wrong and will not be tolerated. Once they've stood up for themselves and checked that behavior, they've done all they can. We have no say over what others say or do. All we have control over is our response. If a meanie chooses to continue that behavior they have that choice. But your Warrior also gets to choose if they are willing to settle for that kind of hurtful friendship. This lesson is hard, but so important to learn. It saves so much heartache in the long run. Childhood friendships are a relatively safe environment to learn when people around you are toxic. And mastery now, no matter how difficult it is, will help protect your child against toxic relationships and settling for inferior things in the future.

     Bottom line is that overcoming life's meanies is a normal part of growing up. Your Little Warrior will need your guidance during this painful transition. And although meanness is not the same as bullying, it can quickly get out of hand and escalate to such behavior. So keep an eye on it, have those difficult heart to hearts, and help remove the negativity from your child's life. You'll both be so much happier for it. And if you need, we'll be here... to back y'all up.

#RaiseAWarrior